Prohibition in 2007....

[xxTrystanxx]

OK, so I just felt the need to vent here...

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<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: xxTrystanxx on 2007-01-11 15:47 ]</font>

[Reiichi]

He can't prevent you from drinking. You respect his decision to not drink and you don't try to push alcohol on him. He should do the same by respecting your decision to drink responsibly. As long as it doesn't become a problem with you beating your future kids or over partying then I don't see it as a problem. You shouldn't have to hide your beer =p

[Jehosaphaty]

If he still thinks that one drink will turn him into a raging alcoholic, then he needs a good solid smack across the face. Rule of thumb; if you buy the beer then it's hands off folks.

[medusae]

Eh, I can see both sides of the argument.
It's ridiculous that he decided to take and hide something that was your property.
However, he probably doesn't feel too great about the fact that you intentionally hid something from him.

The only advice that I can really give is that you two need to have an adult conversation about the topic and come to a decision that doesn't offend either of you.

[Cav]

Tell it like it is, let him know that he should not be trying to prevent you from drinking since it is your choice and not his, but try to do it in a way that makes him feel comfortable and not like you'd love alcohol more than him. (which from the father story it sounds like this could be one of the causes) Getting men to talk about their feelings is rather difficult, but talking it out is always the best way.

[ABDUR101]

Furthermore, why are you ACTING like a child about it? Why are you hiding the shit? You like an occasional drink, so what, tell him to deal with it since you're not forcing him to drink with you.

The only problem I see is your inability to react to the situation as an adult, confront him about it in a good manner, and go from there. You hiding your beer in the kitchen and buying it with cash, how pathetic is that? If anything you're showing extremes of what alcoholics WILL go just to get a drink.

Ever hear about extremes crack addicts will goto just to get a fix? Sexual favors, etc? You sneaking alcohol is childish and only feeding his worry. Grow up and be adults, COMMUNICATE with each other.

[HUnewearl_Meira]

This is really something you've got to work out between the two of you. If he continues hiding these occasional beers from you, then that's going to become a grating point between the two of you, particularly from your side. On the other hand, you can't be hiding alcohol from him, so you can drink it in secrecy. He wouldn't have hid it from you if it didn't bother him. That's another grating point, from his side. The two behaviors can only result in arguments between the two of you.

Now, I'm not telling you to give up the beer. God forbid. I like to have a few beers from time to time, myself, and I'd be rather annoyed if my wife did what your fiance is doing (thankfully, between my family all being drinkers and her own bent to rebel from her mother, she's become an "occasional drinker" as well).

What it comes down to, is that you two need to agree that he won't hide the beer from you, as long as you don't hide the beer from him. The problem is simply that you're fine with the occasional ousting of sobriety, and he isn't. You're fine with his stance, but if he can't be fine with yours, then there's going to be problems later on.

Alcohol consumption tends to be a fairly important subject in a relationship-- it's one of a few subjects that is such that it really helps if you both agree it. It's a subject that some parts of our culture has very strong feelings one way or another about; in that respect, it's not unlike religion and various political issues. Marriages with this sort of problem can succeed, but they take a lot of work to make sure that there are plenty of other things to overshadow the problematic issue.

This is definitely the sort of thing you want to sort out prior to getting married. At this point, you at least still have time to change your mind, if need be.

[hollowtip]

On 2007-01-10 12:00, Reiichi wrote:
He can't prevent you from drinking. You respect his decision to not drink and you don't try to push alcohol on him. He should do the same by respecting your decision to drink responsibly. As long as it doesn't become a problem with you beating your future kids or over partying then I don't see it as a problem. You shouldn't have to hide your beer =p



You're absolutely right, but the problem is that they are operating under the same income, thus he does have the right to plead his case.

I suggest you guys have a long talk about this issue. In the end, he should respect your beliefs.

[Banish]

Yeah, you can do anything you want, as long as its not stupid.
My advice would be to NOT drink in front of him, it will make him feel better.

[medusae]

Yeah, you can do anything you want, as long as its not stupid.
My advice would be to NOT drink in front of him, it will make him feel better.

Bad idea. In a healthy relationship, neither partner should have to modify their behaviors around the other just because the other one disapproves.

[Kent]

On 2007-01-10 17:34, medusae wrote:

Yeah, you can do anything you want, as long as its not stupid.
My advice would be to NOT drink in front of him, it will make him feel better.

Bad idea. In a healthy relationship, neither partner should have to modify their behaviors around the other just because the other one disapproves.



Nor should either partner ever hide anything, or have anything to hide, from the other.

It does kinda seem to me, that there are maturity issues on both sides of the problem. One in sneaking away beers, and one in taking them away and leaving the case.

I guess one could say, immaturity begets immaturity. He has every right to show his disgust in drinking - hell, I do it all the time, same with smoking - and you, conversely, have every right to ignore it... Because ignoring the other people, is the most constructive thing you can do in a relationship.

[DraginHikari]

The problem in this situation is with him, Alcholic tends to bring about some rather unpleasant feelings even if the situation isn't the same. Sometimes it's not exactly that easy to erase a feeling. Unless you talk about it clearly and gain an understanding it will only get worse.

[Skuda]

You shouldn't be in a spot where you need to hide something like the occasional beer for fear of him taking it away. You need to have an open relationship, or small things like that may grow into something a lot more serious.

You guys should really talk about it. Express your feelings, and come to a comprimise. You shouldn't have to give up something you like doing, and he doesn't have to drink if he doesn't want to.

[xxTrystanxx]

We talked about it, and I explained to him that the only reason I was hiding them from him, because we have already had this type of discussion before, and I didn't want to get into another argument over it.

He didn't appear to want to hear any of it, LOL. He just sees it as a waste of money and doesn't understand why I enjoy it.

We did eventually agree that I shouldn't be hiding things from him, and that he shouldn't get so uptight over it, but I don't really think it made him feel any better.

I guess maybe I should just give it up anyway, I mean, this is the only thing we seem to butt heads over and I don't want to throw away a relationship over a beer. Earlier in the year I quit smoking because of the financial problems/health concerns it was causing him, so I guess it shouldn't be too hard.

[ABDUR101]

Drinking is a priveledge, a bonus. If your smoking caused HIM financial problems, and your drinking was too, of course he'd be mad, hell I would have been too. You completely left that part out if thats the case. No wonder he was checking over the finances like a hawk then and counting pennies. >=

You guys need to talk more to each other and less to people on the internet.

[trypticon]

On 2007-01-11 14:45, ABDUR101 wrote:

You guys need to talk more to each other and less to people on the internet.



Probably the best advice ever given at the drama-filled forums of PSOworld. Get off the computer and deal with real people, especially the people you're having the problem with. Getting third party support from a worldwide audience that has no idea what is going on is useless. It might make you feel good, but it has also incorrectly bolstered people to make incredibly stupid decisions about things.

[xxTrystanxx]

Meh. What am I doing? I'm just wasting everyone's time when they could be bitching about PSU.

[xxTrystanxx]

I was stupid and childish. I apologize for using the internet to vent. I just didn't have anyone else to talk to at the time.

Y'all can go back to complaining about how much PSU sucks.

[Cav]

It's ok, we're from the internets. (with a possibility of clogging tubes)

[trypticon]

Believe me, I'm sure they will.

On a more related note to you though, I was the same way with my wife when we were together. I didn't drink, and she loved drinking. It led her to sneak around behind my back in order to do so. It was a problem for me, because of the secrecy. I wouldn't have minded even having a few with her, had she invited me. The problem was, she respected that I didn't drink, and didn't force it upon me.

While that sounds partially good, the problem with the secrecy grew out of control. She would sneak away nights to do so, getting her involved with bad influences outside of the home, and that only helped lead her astray even further. Eventually, the sneaking out to get drunk led to her partying like a rockstar, which led to that type of behavior. It wasn't long before she was sleeping around with other men and women behind my back, and that destroyed the marriage.

As you have done here, when faced with a problem in the marriage, she turned not to me to work things out, but to her friends and family. She explained only her side of the story, and the drama she was experiencing. I had no say in it at all, which hurt. The lack of communication led to the breakdown, and eventual end of the marriage. It was great that she had a ton of support from everyone she talked to, but they didn't understand the situation, because they were only being given a portion of it to work with. While I had high hopes that the two of us would reconcile, and stay together, that our love would be able to prove stronger than the temptation of the secrecy, in the end I was destroyed. In the end, the love wasn't enough.

If you care about your husband, and the union you share with him, you may want to take that into account. Love is something special. You can buy drinks cheaply at just about any time. Which do you think is the more sacred of the two?

Another thing, for future posts: some of us were only responding to help you out here. Just because we didn't jump to your side of the story didn't mean we were being an ass to you. Lashing out as you did in the end does not help your case at all.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: trypticon on 2007-01-11 16:06 ]</font>

[ABDUR101]

On 2007-01-11 16:02, trypticon wrote:
Another thing, for future posts: some of us were only responding to help you out here. Just because we didn't jump to your side of the story didn't mean we were being an ass to you. Lashing out as you did in the end does not help your case at all.


Yeah, just because it's all not 'pat on the backs' and 'you're right' doesn't mean it's not good advice. You know, you CAN be wrong, and atleast we're decent enough to tell you that. I still don't give a shit what happens, but I'll atleast be straight with what I think.

Instead of trying to garner points on your own view of things, as said, talk to your husband and sort it out. All the "You go girl!"'s on the internet mean shit when your husband eventually says "Yeah, thats right, GTFO".

[Maridia]

Don't be silly, you can vent all you want, but.. Just realize that sneaking stuff will blow up in your face eventually. It's cliche but relationships really demand full communication and understanding. From BOTH parties. I hope you two work it out. There is always ALWAYS a compromise somewhere.