This is PJ Rambling

[PJ]

This is me, thinking, and being retarded, cause I took the time to think. I don't know if it makes sense or anything, it's a conversation afterall

PJ says:
I'm just not in a good mood right now

Snickerman says:
I knows it

PJ says:
I realised how much of a hypocrite and a loser I am
And fuck all

Snickerman says:
<_>
Wheres this coming from?

PJ says:
I expect good things to come to me, simply cause I'm a nice person, but if I don't work for it, nothing will come to me, right?
I don't deserve what I don't work for, but I've been thinking to myself for the longest time that being nice WAS something to account for
No, being nice is just me being me. And I LIKE being me and nice
But I can't expect to get everything I want out of it
And the hypocrite part... I was just thinking
How part of why I hate Steph the whore, not only for being a whore, but
She was like, attention whoring, and wanting attention and for people to feel sorry for her
And I HATE her for that
But in reality
Don't we ALL want someone to pity us? Not in a condensending (spelling) way, but in like, a caring way
So in a sense, we just want someone to CARE for us, 24/7
And to be like, thinking of us ALWAYS
But that's selfish
And that makes me a hypocrite
I'm selfish

Snickerman says:
Do you think of someone 24/7?

PJ says:
That's exactly the thing
I DON'T
I think of a lot of people a lot
But not everyone 24/7
So for me to expect so much
Is very selfish
Right?

Snickerman says:
Well
If two people care about you 12/7
Then you have your whole 24/7
Laura, me, Jason, thats three people who think about you lots

PJ says:
Oh yeah
I was with Tina on Wednesday

Snickerman says:
I mean, I admit, I don't think about you a lot when I'm not talking to you, cause you're just...not a HUGE part of my life(You know what I mean)
Jason told me http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

PJ says:
I didn't want to tell you, and it was stupid of me, cause I KNOW you know we're not going out

Snickerman says:
Well

PJ says:
Like, you and Jason are part of the very few who understand where I am

Snickerman says:
I'm just worried about you possibly getting hurt again is all

PJ says:
Well, Jason thinks it's weird she's my prom date, but I'm not going out with her
But I figure
I just really don't want to

*snip*

Snickerman says:
Well, yeah, only real problem is same day
Well
Its hard for me to really say
I know I'm not going to my prom
ust cause
I don't see the big deal
I really didn't make any friends in highschool
It was just...a random 2 and a half years thusfar of random encounters
Theres tons of people I haven't seen in 2 years
and its just
Weird
It occurs to me
We've known each other for 2 years...soon
or whenever

PJ says:
It probably has been 2 years

Snickerman says:
I just know we met around March two years ago XD
Its weird
a lot has happened in two years
I sometimes think about
What would it be like to go back a few years, and know huge events and shit thats gonna happen
It'd be so weird
But yeah
I'm trying to
Walk around
the fact that
I think Laura cares about you more than anyone else, and well, I dunno if she thinks about you 24/7, but no one else could get closer to that
And I mean
When you have an awesome friend like that
Setting the bar high is normal?

PJ says:
Eh
I just mean
Still
Like I said, I'm a hypocrite

Snickerman says:
Everyone is though

PJ says:
We say things like, "Now, I'm not looking for sympathy," but we ALL know that's what we're doing
I mean
In the one Xanga post, I did that, and you made the comment, "Cry me a River"
That was you being smart C:
But just

Snickerman says:
I don't remember that, but go on XD

PJ says:
Clusterfuck

Snickerman says:
Well, see
You just
Have these days where you're all
Just
Having tons of time to just think

PJ says:
I KNOW
Those are TERRIBLE days
XD
I should stop thinking

Snickerman says:
I do too, but I usually just...I dunno, I think LOTS but I sorta push away hypothetical situations and questions about my life and people I know
If theres one thing I've learned

PJ says:
My problem is
I just... don't
I DON'T push those hypothetical situations out

Snickerman says:
Its that you shouldn't let not reality effect your reality

PJ says:
I just keep thinking them
And I keep going
And I just think terrible things

Snickerman says:
I dunno if I told you about it

PJ says:
Based off of fucking NOTHING

[hollowtip]

Im sorry PJ

[Orange_Coconut]

I tend to link a lot of my thoughts together as well, which can be a big problem. It actually shows a lot of anxiety, because as your friend said you're worrying about something that isn't necessarily going to happen. All those hypothetical situations that pop into your mind, then break of into many more hypothetical situations and reactions. I hope you don't get panic attacks, I'm only basing that off of what I had experienced from it at such a young age for that sort of thing. But you're surely right about one thing -- we are selfish creatures. You shouldn't feel horrible that you feel you deserve something for being who you are, every now and again people have the whole "Why me?" attitude when a lot of shit comes their way.

Putting yourself down is never going to help things. Seriously, there's no need to feel that way. Just because you're human (where the hypocrisy comes in) doesn't mean that you're a loser or a fuckall or anything really. You try your best and if you live among certain morals then just be proud that you've been able to keep them. So many people have fallen victim to the clones that our society creates.