imfanboy
Apr 24, 2007, 03:57 AM
http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i225/iamfanboy/fanboysharempsuromanmedy.jpg
Why does this always, like, happen? Champagne sighed inwardly as she scratched behind one of her auburn-furred ears. HOW does this always happen? Why does love have to be so totally complicated? I should never have left Moatoob, never mind become a Guardian.
"Oi, Champ, getcher arse in gear!" Steyr stood on the slight hill with her hands on her waist, her tanned brow furrowed in a frown. "We ain't gots all day, yez knows." The guntecher's pure white mohawk waved in the air as Steyr turned around and reached into her nano transformer to ready a crossbow and wand.
"Do not mind her, Champagne," Jedi Febreeze stated levelly as she stepped past the beastfemme, a blonde braid dancing in time to her long strides. "She simply feels frustrated at our lack of success, and not only that, she does not desire our companionship."
"Who wouldn't feel the same?" The Atma Weapon snapped testily from behind Champagne, the diminutive caseal sounding even more angry than usual. "Damned rappies never show up when you're looking for them." She paused for a moment. "Remind me why we're triapsing through the Mizuraki Reserve looking for them?"
Champagne sighed. "I already, like, explained. The rappy packs on Neudaiz are sooo much bigger than the packs on other planets, and if we want to make sure that at least one of us gets the BT Lovers..."
Atma's unnaturally pale face, rarely cheerful, now looked postively vexed under her close-cropped black cap of hair. "And so, we quest forth, and for what? A Talenvine's-"
"Valentine's," Champagne and Jedi corrected at the same time.
"Whatever," Atma replied, dismissing the proper pronunciation with a wave of her hand. "A gift for," the harshness of her expression softened almost imperceptibly, "Fanboy."
"Have you no romance?" Champagne demanded dramatically, her hands clasped together. "It's widely known that giving one to your beloved when Parum rises in the sky means that you'll be bonded forever!"
Her eyes shining with a sudden hunger, Atma asked, "F-forever?" A bloodless tongue licked at faux-flesh lips. Then, she clamped back down on her emotions. "Fine, fine. I'll keep following you - for now. But what if only one Rappy gives up the Lovers?"
"Then," Jedi said, her voice serene as a placid lake, "that person is the lucky winner."
"What if more than one drops it?"
"Then," Jedi said, her voice still serene as a placid lake, "I kill the rest of you and give them all to Fanboy myself."
A moment of pure silence passed as Champagne and Atma stared at the tall wartecher before Jedi added, her voice still serene, "Just kidding."
The team communicator crackled into all their ears at the same time. Steyr shouted, "Shake yer arses up 'ere, ladies, afore I goez back there an' kicks yer arses up 'ere meself! We gots trouble."
The three of them looked at each other and frowned as they sprinted upwards, readying weapons. What could the veteran guntecher possibly be having trouble with, this early in the exploration?
Even before Champagne got close, she spotted several other humanoid figures standing near Steyr. None of them had weapons ready, but as Champagne got closer she saw that the other newmans were wearing Convocation of Gurhal military uniforms and despite their all-concealing masks, they seemed very angry, far more than was the newman norm to show.
Probably, they were provoked into losing their newman reserve from Steyr's constant belligerence. The short guntecher gestured angrily and said, "We gots every right ta look through 'ere! We're Guardians on a special mission fer th'research labs-" Not really a lie, Champagne thought, because Fanboy works in the labs, "-an' yez ain't gots th'clearance ta block us."
The leader of the COG patrol shook his head. "I'm sorry, but we cannot allow you to proceed this way. There is a dangerous situation, and we're taking care of it. Turn back now. That path," he pointed to the left, "is clear to Guardians."
Steyr brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "Foine." She pulled out the crossbow again and looked behind her. "Well, let's get started, ladies."
They walked along the path for about a hundred meters from the COG patrol before Steyr grumbled out loud, "Damn pointy-ears."
Champagne laughed. "But you ARE a pointy-ear!"
"Yeh, I is - don't remind me. Why d'yez fink I live on Clyez 'stead o' on Neudaiz?" She kicked at the ground, her accent getting thicker as she got angrier. "Arrogant bastiches. Always fink they're better'n'verybody else."
* * * *
Champagne smashed the gohmon to the ground, her ank pikor's photon blade steaming from the beast's ichor. She whirled around, ready to deal with the gohmon's brother, but found Atma standing over its corpse, a flame-red bone dance clenched in her fists.
Letting the axe slam into the ground, Champagne pointed at the bone dance. "I can't believe any self-respecting warrior would swing around those boat paddles." She put in a teasing note to take any sting out of the comment about the double saber's design, but Atma still glared as if she'd kicked the caseal's robo-puppy.
"I can hit a hell of a lot faster than you can with your big, slow axes. Only a beast would be stretched so loose that she'd think size is all that matters."
It took Champagne a second to realize what Atma had meant, and she felt her fair cheeks heat up to a red that almost matched her hair. No matter how embarrassed she was, the fortefighter tried to return gamely with, "And what would a cast know about... that kind of thing?"
"Hell of a lot more than you, apparently," Atma leered. "I'm fully functional, even if I have no urge to damage my equipment in the same way as yours has been."
"Shut it, th'both of yez," Steyr ordered tiredly. "We ain't got time ta muck about 'ere fightin' each uvver. 'Sides," she added with a bit of a grin, "Everybudy knows th'best endowed men are newmen. Whut d'you think th'humans wanted ta improve th'most when they made us?"
Before either of the women could turn on Steyr, Jedi strode between them, a crozier dangling from her hand. "Wait," she said. "I sense that something is about to-"
Steyr put one hand up to her ear. "Yeh?" A pause. "'Old on a tick, mate, I'll put yez on th'team comms."
"Hello? Is this everyone?" Reyna said, the background noise of the Neudaiz GUARDIANS office filtering in through the comm. "You're in the Mizuraki Preserve, near the southeast end, right?"
"Yeh, we is."
"Well, there's a mission if you want to accept it. Seems a COG patrol ran into some trouble near your area, trying to clear out a young onmagoug before it settled into the territory too deeply."
"Whut?" Steyr looked surprised. "I thought 'at newmans were gen'rally inclined ta 'andle this themselves."
"They lost contact with the patrol. Onmagougs mature rapidly, so it has to be done quickly, before it gathers a pack of tengouhg followers."
Champagne, expecting Steyr to say something along the lines of Screw those bastards, was surprised to see her nod. "Foine, we'll 'elp 'em. But th'reward 'ad better be nice." She snapped the communicator off and shrugged. "Let's 'ead back, ladies."
Returning was, of course, much faster, and before long the four ladies once again stood at the crossroads where the COG patrol had told them off. It was creeping up on dusk, and somehow the forest seemed more sinister to Champagne: empty of monsters, empty of animals, empty of everything but the four of them. "Brrrr, this is creepy..."
A stick cracked behind her, and Champagne jumped and squeaked, her face flushing again as she realized that no doubt Atma had done it purposely just to frighten her. When she whirled around with a scowl, she was surprised to see Atma was doing just the same as she, and was glaring just as hard at Jedi.
"Sorry," Jedi offered, sounding genuinely apologetic for a change. "Didn't see it."
Steyr stated, "I's callin' fer backup." Within seconds, her Partner Machinery appeared beside her, the model 410's confectionary sugar-pink outfit bringing a smile to Champagne's face. "Hi, I'm Kandiraver!" she gushed. "Oh, I've met you all before haven't I?"
Steyr patted the PM on her head. "Yeh, yez 'ave. We're goin' in ta a dangerous area, Kandi; I wantchez ta keep close ta me."
"You got it!"
* * * *
Jedi knelt beside a COG patrol member who'd managed to crawl into the shelter of a small cave and held one hand over him. "He's barely alive; that makes him the only survivor."
"Do you think it was... tengouhgs?" Atma swung her bone dance back and forth as if expecting a pack to swoop down on all of them this second.
Steyr responded grimly, "They should've been able ta fight off one or two tengouhgs. The only thing that could've taken 'em all is a... big pack." She paused. "A REALLY big pack."
"I'm going to need a bit of help with resta in order to heal him," Jedi said absently. "Come over here, Steyr." The guntecher shrugged and stepped forward, her PM keeping close, and cast resta in tandem with Jedi.
If Atma hadn't been ready, they all would have died in the next ten seconds.
Tengouhgs stooped out of the trees and cliffs around them, dive-bombing the four Guardians. One smashed into Champagne and sent her flying, and two more descended upon Jedi and Steyr, catching them unawares in the midst of a resta teching.
Three came for Atma, but she tumbled out of their way, leaving behind an ice trap that froze them solid in mid-dive. Her combat-implants kicked into high gear, filling her with a vicious glee as she contemplated the suddenly slow motion of her enemies. A sadistic grin split her face as she joyously shouted, "You're all... going to... DIE!"
Knowing that she was outnumbered and needed to draw the tengouhgs away from her teammates, she flipped another ice trap at the two who were making a mockery of Champagne's attempts to put up a defense, then readied her dual handguns - Evil Twins, her favorite brand. She sent bullets hammering into the pair who'd attacked Jedi and Steyr, making one cry out in pain as charged photons ripped through its left wing. It whirled around and came on in a lumbering charge, while its companion reared up and spat a fireball at Atma.
Sensing more than knowing that the tengouhgs behind her had unfrozen, Atma dropped a confuse trap and spun out of the way again, letting the charging tengouhg collide with one of its companions. Seeing that there were five of them together, in close quarters, another grin split her face as she hit the confuse trap's trigger.
She stood there for a second as evil laughter bubbled up at the sight of the stupid, oversized lizardbirds setting each other on fire, smashing their friends to the ground, and hopping back and forth randomly. "Ah," she said, wiping a bit of lubricating fluid from the corner of her optical receptor, "it's good to be wicked."
Then the first of them died, and Atma drew its essence, its photon energy, in with a sharp intake of breath. It wasn't much of a meal, but it was better than nothing, and she felt the Apotheosis Engine deep inside her tick over just a bit at the addition. Having it made her unique; a one-of-a-kind model, the prototype for an apocalyptic machine that could do anything - even destroy planets.
Sometimes, she felt sorrow for the necessity of destroying the lab that had created her and ensuring that no sister models, no better models, would ever be created... but not often. After all, her 'father', Professor Jacoben, had been her first meal, and he had been -
Delicious.
Some nights, she could still hear him screaming inside her...
"Oi, Atma!"
The caseal shook her head, a bit frustrated that her memory module had overwhelmed her again. I must get that examined after this mission, it could be dangerous. She blasted more shots at the tengouhgs, drawing their attention away from Champagne, who was smashing them with axes, and from Jedi and Steyr, who were raining bow shots into their flanks.
The remaining tengouhgs tumbled to the ground in short order, and Champagne wiped her brow. "Whew! Glad that's over!"
"They wuz waitin' fer us," Steyr said grimly. "They ain't that smart unless they gots a onmagoug leadin' 'em."
"That was one hell of an ambush," Atma added. "I don't think I could have planned it better myself." And I saved your bacon AGAIN.
Jedi asked, "Should we turn back?" Her question held no fear; instead, it was only the calculated judgement of a professional trying to decide whether or not the job was within her capabilities.
After a short pause for consideration, Steyr shook her head. "Naw... if we wait fer backup, the onmagoug might gather more tengouhgs. We needs ta ice it NOW, before it gets fullsize."
"What should be do about the COG survivor?" Champagne pointed to the newman who'd been the bait for this trap.
He answered that for himself by sitting up, his every motion slow and painful. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Go on, finish the job."
* * * *
"They're all heading that way," Jedi whispered.
"'At's where th'onma will be, all roight," Steyr whispered back. "Let's keep followin' 'em."
The four crept through the rapidly darkening forest, trying not to draw the attention of the occassional tengouhg flying overhead. Champagne hissed suddenly. "What's that?" She pointed upwards.
Steyr looked upwards, squinted for a moment, then gasped. I dinna believe it! "'at's a... rappy! Bloody 'ell, it's a pack of 'em!"
"The onmagougs tend to call all sorts of flying things, don't they?" Atma commented. "Well, that means once we get there, we can slaughter two goals with a single stroke."
"Two birds wif one stone, yez means?" The other three laughed, for reasons which Atma didn't understand from her sour expression.
Stalking closer to the nest took the better part of an hour. By that time, night had firmly fallen over the Mizuraki Preserve. Steyr watched Jedi closely, wondering if the human would have any trouble in the darkness, but the wartecher strode confidently without a single misstep.
Jedi was the one who whispered urgently, "Get down!" and suited action to her words moments before a massive rush of wings overhead signaled a horde of tengouhgs flying past. Belatedly, the other three members of the party hit the ground, hoping that none of the monsters flying overhead would notice them.
Once they were past, Steyr whispered, "How d'yez do that?"
"Do what?" Jedi's expression suggested innocence.
"Know whut's gonna 'appen 'fore it does?" Even if it's not LONG 'fore it 'appens...
She shrugged. "I just do." Jedi said nothing more and kept moving forward, and the rest of them followed, not wanting to be left behind.
It wasn't too much farther until Steyr started hearing the cry of an onmagoug, and seeing trees torn apart as was the onmagoug's habit. It was much higher than she remembered, but she expected that - a littler monster would have a squeakier voice.
A sly grin on her face, Steyr poked Atma in the side to see if SHE had a squeaky voice - after all, Atma was the littlest monster she knew.
Slowly, the caseal turned to regard Steyr. "What," she said levelly - not a question, just a statement: if you did that to mess with me, I'll have to mess with you, and you don't want that.
Quickly, Steyr cast about for an excuse to have called Atma's attention. "'Ow many traps do yez 'ave left?" she whispered.
"Two burns and two confuses."
"'Ere." Steyr handed three more burn traps to Atma and looked around at all of the members of her team. "None of yez underestimate an onmagoug, just 'cause it's a kiddie. Th'little ones'r'nasty an' quick from whut I's 'eard. They cast spells at th'drop of a hat an' 'ave a fondness fer tearin' faces off wif claws - plus, th'big ones ignore us as a meal 'cause we're too small, but the little 'uns... well, they likes the taste of newman, or human fer that matter." She frowned. "Plus, they ain't got th'pride th'big 'uns do. They'll call in packs of tengouhgs if things ain't lookin' up fer 'em and try to escape."
The rest of them nodded - they were all experienced, and none of them seemed inclined to take this less than lightly. Steyr nodded herself. "All roight. Let's do this."
The four of them, plus Kandiraver, charged.
* * * *
From the start, Jedi Febreeze had known that she would be facing the child onmagoug in hand-to-hand combat alone.
What she hadn't suspected was how quickly it would come to that.
The four of them had faced several full-sized onmagougs in the course of their career as GUARDIANS - the COG, with their focus on technics, often had trouble dealing with the monsters when they went berserk - and from the start, it had gone as they'd expected.
The omnagoug, enraged that anyone had dared invade its lair, had risen into the air and flung fire at them, but they divided into pairs - Champagne and Steyr on one side, Atma and Jedi on the other - and pounded the onmagoug's wings from either side. It had gone crashing to the ground in short order, its wings in tatters...
And then everything had gone to hell.
Unlike full-sized onmagougs, half grown ones felt no shame in calling upon their tengouhg servants to assist them, and the onmagoug let out a wail which summoned a flock of tengouhgs that darkened the brilliantly shining stars with their wings. They swooped down on the battlefield, screaming shrilly.
Atma and Steyr split off to deal with those, while Jedi and Champagne closed to melee with the onmagoug. As Steyr had warned, the child was vicious close in - unlike most onmagougs, whose movements on the ground were ponderous and easily avoidable, their opponent moved with speed and power that put a carriguine to shame.
Champagne smashed into it with an ank pikor and jumped back barely in time to avoid a backhanded swipe that could have torn off her face had she not been wearing a lineshield. Jedi, seeing where the onma had left itself open, slid in on the other side, stabbing her paired death dancers deep into the exposed flesh below its muscled arm.
Screaming its rage once more, the onmagoug leapt backwards, almost tearing the death dancers from Jedi's hands. It lashed out with a taloned hand that Jedi flowed underneath. She slashed upwards with both blades, cutting a deep X into the underside of the beast's arm.
It shrieked and brought the arm smashing downward, but Jedi rolled away. The onmagoug might have caught her then, but Champagne chose that moment to rip into the monster's rear with a series of axe strikes that sent the onmagoug staggering forward.
Jedi glanced briefly over at Atma and Steyr, but they seemed to have their side of the fight well in hand- the tengouhgs were almost all ablaze, and she could hear Atma's laughter, a sound more chilling than any battle cry, echoing over the battlefield.
Jedi turned her attention back to her own battle, only to see the onmagoug concentrating fiercely, all its muscles bunched and knotted. Fearing that it was about to regenerate its wings and take to the air once more, Jedi put the twin sabers back into her nano transformer and readied her alteric. But instead of that, it raised its hands and then brought them together with a thunderclap that was all too familiar to Jedi's ears. Without bothering to replace the alteric back inside her transformer, Jedi sprinted to her left to avoid a lightning bolt that would have left her stretched on the ground, then rolled forward out of the way of yet another.
Champagne, Jedi saw, had not been so alert or so lucky. The first lightning bolt had smashed her down, and the next few had torn the life from her body. Her ank pikor dangled limply from one hand, and glassy green eyes stared at Jedi reproachfully.
Readying a moon atomizer, Jedi ran towards her partner's corpse.
That was her mistake.
A lightning bolt caught her left arm and flung her through the air, almost sending her spinning off one of the cliff edges that bordered so much of the Mizuraki preserve. She bounced three times before coming to a halt, her alteric spinning free from her hands and disappearing back into her nano transformer.
Jedi got back to her feet and pulled out her death dancers, moving out of the way of the onma's bullrush with a grace and elan that belied her trembling, weakened limbs and took nearly all of her remaining energy.
All of her remaining energy...
Fumbling a trimate out of her nano transformer was the work of but a moment. Jedi took it and felt strength fill her body once more. The monster screamed again and charged, leading with an outstretched right paw as though to snatch her up and devour her. A sudden feeling of rage that the monster would think her prey so quickly suffused her entire body.
Jedi whipped out a mukfet, its cerulean blade glistening with an icy fury that matched her own, and batted the outstretched arm aside. She whirled the spear down in time to plunge almost to its crossbars in the onmagoug's belly. The beast hunched over the injury until its face was bare inches from her own; so close that she could see the surge of fear replace the hatred in its monstrous eyes.
In almost a whisper, Jedi pronounced, "I have seen the future... and you're not in it." With a twist, Jedi pulled the mukfet's blade free, tearing out the monster's left side.
As she'd seen before, even when dealt a mortal wound, onmagougs died reluctantly. It wailed, clawed at its belly and the ground, staggered about, and finally screeched out what sounded like a command, a final summons...
And they came, writhing upward from where the onmagoug crashed to the earth for the last time.
Rappies!
* * * *
The graceful bridges and delicate buildings of Ohtoku city were brilliantly shining with evening lights to greet the foursome after they stepped out of the flyer station and strode towards the GUARDIANS branch.
The grin on Champagne's face simply didn't want to diminish, despite the subtle glares that Steyr sent her way, and the obvious one that rode Atma's face constantly as she looked backwards at the beastess. Jedi, as usual, seemed imperturbable most of the time, but Champagne had caught the occasional regretful look on her face when she thought no one else was looking.
"Lucky," Steyr grumbled. "Gettin' th'only BT Lovers..."
"I guess I'm the luckiest just like I'm the cutest!" Champagne couldn't help but giggle joyfully.
Atma whirled around and gestured angrily. "Don't get cocky! You spent most of the battle on the ground, not on your feet!"
"Hey, that was just bad luck!" Champagne snapped back, her good mood suddenly vanished.
"Or it was just more of your 'good luck', you dirty..." Atma swallowed a word, but looked no less angry.
Champagne, knowing the caseal's temper, readied herself for a rush - weapons being forbidden in town, she doubted the caseal would pull out a blade, but fistfights were known to happen, even between Guardians. Then Atma looked behind Champagne, her eyes widening in surprise.
Champagne sneered. "Do you really expect me to fall for-"
"Hey, how are you girls doing?"
Champagne whirled herself, her hand of itself flying upwards to her hair to make sure that the second set of ears, The fake ones he'd said looked cute she thought to herself, were still in place. "Fanboy! Hiiii!"
It was strange how little Fanboy had changed in the year since the four of them had met him. They'd been probationary Guardians, and Fanboy had been chosen as their field trainer. His tousled brown hair always seemed to be the same length - too long to be neat by itself, too short to be brushed into obedience - with an abstracted look on his face that belied the sharp mind behind it.
Champagne had never had the courage to ask him why he'd chosen 'Fanboy' as a new name when joining the Guardians; so many of the nicknames and ekenames that individual Guardians used were sharply private matters.
In fact, she barely had the courage to step forward and stammer, "H-here, I f-f-found something th-that I want you to have..." She jerked the hand holding the miniature BT Lovers forward and blushed, her freckles vanishing as blood rushed to her cheeks.
"What's this?" Fanboy stared curiously, lifting one eyebrow. "It's kind of tacky, don't you think?" he added.
The flush drained from Champagne's cheeks as suddenly as it had appeared, leaving the momentarily-hidden freckles standing out in sharp relief against her bloodless flesh. "What?" she whispered.
"I mean, it's just really... ugly. Pink? Pink is one of the worst- wait. What are you DOI-"
* * * *
Jedi, perched on the railing of an Ohtoku City bridge, stared up at Parum rising for a moment in lieu of staring at Fanboy, stretched unconscious on the bridge's transparent surface. The fool, she thought fondly to herself. It really is a good thing that he doesn't realize the four of us are chasing him...
A sudden thought almost made her fall over backwards into the river. She barely caught herself by scrabbling at the rail, and managed to haul herself upright after several seconds of struggling. Or has he known it all along, and he's afraid that if he chooses one of us, the rest of us will be angry?
Jedi shook her head. No. No way. He wouldn't be THAT stupidly clever. I mean... he's stupid and clever at the same time... but...
Fanboy stirred and groaned. "What hit me...?"
"A BT Lovers, swung like an axe."
"Why did it..."
"Because you were an idiot." Jedi hopped off the rail and offered her hand to Fanboy, which he took. He slowly pulled himself up, and Jedi suppressed a smile at the look of bemusement on his face.
"I really... just said what I thought." He blinked in confusion. "I didn't mean to hurt her feelings."
On impulse, she bent forward and brushed her lips across his cheek just as the sun broke over the horizon and cast the first light of morning across Ohtoku city. "And that's what makes you cute... in a way." Jedi patted his shoulder and walked past him, tossing over her shoulder, "Just don't push it, okay?"
AUTHOR'S NOTE
No, I don't take this seriously in any way.
But a long time ago, when someone noticed that all I have are female characters, they asked if they were my harem - and I said yes. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif This story arose in part from that joke.
In fact, I just subscribe to my father's philosophy: If I'm going to be staring at someone's ass for hours on end as I play a game, I'd rather it be a shapely female ass, not a homely male butt.
So, did I manage to entertain anyone?
Why does this always, like, happen? Champagne sighed inwardly as she scratched behind one of her auburn-furred ears. HOW does this always happen? Why does love have to be so totally complicated? I should never have left Moatoob, never mind become a Guardian.
"Oi, Champ, getcher arse in gear!" Steyr stood on the slight hill with her hands on her waist, her tanned brow furrowed in a frown. "We ain't gots all day, yez knows." The guntecher's pure white mohawk waved in the air as Steyr turned around and reached into her nano transformer to ready a crossbow and wand.
"Do not mind her, Champagne," Jedi Febreeze stated levelly as she stepped past the beastfemme, a blonde braid dancing in time to her long strides. "She simply feels frustrated at our lack of success, and not only that, she does not desire our companionship."
"Who wouldn't feel the same?" The Atma Weapon snapped testily from behind Champagne, the diminutive caseal sounding even more angry than usual. "Damned rappies never show up when you're looking for them." She paused for a moment. "Remind me why we're triapsing through the Mizuraki Reserve looking for them?"
Champagne sighed. "I already, like, explained. The rappy packs on Neudaiz are sooo much bigger than the packs on other planets, and if we want to make sure that at least one of us gets the BT Lovers..."
Atma's unnaturally pale face, rarely cheerful, now looked postively vexed under her close-cropped black cap of hair. "And so, we quest forth, and for what? A Talenvine's-"
"Valentine's," Champagne and Jedi corrected at the same time.
"Whatever," Atma replied, dismissing the proper pronunciation with a wave of her hand. "A gift for," the harshness of her expression softened almost imperceptibly, "Fanboy."
"Have you no romance?" Champagne demanded dramatically, her hands clasped together. "It's widely known that giving one to your beloved when Parum rises in the sky means that you'll be bonded forever!"
Her eyes shining with a sudden hunger, Atma asked, "F-forever?" A bloodless tongue licked at faux-flesh lips. Then, she clamped back down on her emotions. "Fine, fine. I'll keep following you - for now. But what if only one Rappy gives up the Lovers?"
"Then," Jedi said, her voice serene as a placid lake, "that person is the lucky winner."
"What if more than one drops it?"
"Then," Jedi said, her voice still serene as a placid lake, "I kill the rest of you and give them all to Fanboy myself."
A moment of pure silence passed as Champagne and Atma stared at the tall wartecher before Jedi added, her voice still serene, "Just kidding."
The team communicator crackled into all their ears at the same time. Steyr shouted, "Shake yer arses up 'ere, ladies, afore I goez back there an' kicks yer arses up 'ere meself! We gots trouble."
The three of them looked at each other and frowned as they sprinted upwards, readying weapons. What could the veteran guntecher possibly be having trouble with, this early in the exploration?
Even before Champagne got close, she spotted several other humanoid figures standing near Steyr. None of them had weapons ready, but as Champagne got closer she saw that the other newmans were wearing Convocation of Gurhal military uniforms and despite their all-concealing masks, they seemed very angry, far more than was the newman norm to show.
Probably, they were provoked into losing their newman reserve from Steyr's constant belligerence. The short guntecher gestured angrily and said, "We gots every right ta look through 'ere! We're Guardians on a special mission fer th'research labs-" Not really a lie, Champagne thought, because Fanboy works in the labs, "-an' yez ain't gots th'clearance ta block us."
The leader of the COG patrol shook his head. "I'm sorry, but we cannot allow you to proceed this way. There is a dangerous situation, and we're taking care of it. Turn back now. That path," he pointed to the left, "is clear to Guardians."
Steyr brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "Foine." She pulled out the crossbow again and looked behind her. "Well, let's get started, ladies."
They walked along the path for about a hundred meters from the COG patrol before Steyr grumbled out loud, "Damn pointy-ears."
Champagne laughed. "But you ARE a pointy-ear!"
"Yeh, I is - don't remind me. Why d'yez fink I live on Clyez 'stead o' on Neudaiz?" She kicked at the ground, her accent getting thicker as she got angrier. "Arrogant bastiches. Always fink they're better'n'verybody else."
* * * *
Champagne smashed the gohmon to the ground, her ank pikor's photon blade steaming from the beast's ichor. She whirled around, ready to deal with the gohmon's brother, but found Atma standing over its corpse, a flame-red bone dance clenched in her fists.
Letting the axe slam into the ground, Champagne pointed at the bone dance. "I can't believe any self-respecting warrior would swing around those boat paddles." She put in a teasing note to take any sting out of the comment about the double saber's design, but Atma still glared as if she'd kicked the caseal's robo-puppy.
"I can hit a hell of a lot faster than you can with your big, slow axes. Only a beast would be stretched so loose that she'd think size is all that matters."
It took Champagne a second to realize what Atma had meant, and she felt her fair cheeks heat up to a red that almost matched her hair. No matter how embarrassed she was, the fortefighter tried to return gamely with, "And what would a cast know about... that kind of thing?"
"Hell of a lot more than you, apparently," Atma leered. "I'm fully functional, even if I have no urge to damage my equipment in the same way as yours has been."
"Shut it, th'both of yez," Steyr ordered tiredly. "We ain't got time ta muck about 'ere fightin' each uvver. 'Sides," she added with a bit of a grin, "Everybudy knows th'best endowed men are newmen. Whut d'you think th'humans wanted ta improve th'most when they made us?"
Before either of the women could turn on Steyr, Jedi strode between them, a crozier dangling from her hand. "Wait," she said. "I sense that something is about to-"
Steyr put one hand up to her ear. "Yeh?" A pause. "'Old on a tick, mate, I'll put yez on th'team comms."
"Hello? Is this everyone?" Reyna said, the background noise of the Neudaiz GUARDIANS office filtering in through the comm. "You're in the Mizuraki Preserve, near the southeast end, right?"
"Yeh, we is."
"Well, there's a mission if you want to accept it. Seems a COG patrol ran into some trouble near your area, trying to clear out a young onmagoug before it settled into the territory too deeply."
"Whut?" Steyr looked surprised. "I thought 'at newmans were gen'rally inclined ta 'andle this themselves."
"They lost contact with the patrol. Onmagougs mature rapidly, so it has to be done quickly, before it gathers a pack of tengouhg followers."
Champagne, expecting Steyr to say something along the lines of Screw those bastards, was surprised to see her nod. "Foine, we'll 'elp 'em. But th'reward 'ad better be nice." She snapped the communicator off and shrugged. "Let's 'ead back, ladies."
Returning was, of course, much faster, and before long the four ladies once again stood at the crossroads where the COG patrol had told them off. It was creeping up on dusk, and somehow the forest seemed more sinister to Champagne: empty of monsters, empty of animals, empty of everything but the four of them. "Brrrr, this is creepy..."
A stick cracked behind her, and Champagne jumped and squeaked, her face flushing again as she realized that no doubt Atma had done it purposely just to frighten her. When she whirled around with a scowl, she was surprised to see Atma was doing just the same as she, and was glaring just as hard at Jedi.
"Sorry," Jedi offered, sounding genuinely apologetic for a change. "Didn't see it."
Steyr stated, "I's callin' fer backup." Within seconds, her Partner Machinery appeared beside her, the model 410's confectionary sugar-pink outfit bringing a smile to Champagne's face. "Hi, I'm Kandiraver!" she gushed. "Oh, I've met you all before haven't I?"
Steyr patted the PM on her head. "Yeh, yez 'ave. We're goin' in ta a dangerous area, Kandi; I wantchez ta keep close ta me."
"You got it!"
* * * *
Jedi knelt beside a COG patrol member who'd managed to crawl into the shelter of a small cave and held one hand over him. "He's barely alive; that makes him the only survivor."
"Do you think it was... tengouhgs?" Atma swung her bone dance back and forth as if expecting a pack to swoop down on all of them this second.
Steyr responded grimly, "They should've been able ta fight off one or two tengouhgs. The only thing that could've taken 'em all is a... big pack." She paused. "A REALLY big pack."
"I'm going to need a bit of help with resta in order to heal him," Jedi said absently. "Come over here, Steyr." The guntecher shrugged and stepped forward, her PM keeping close, and cast resta in tandem with Jedi.
If Atma hadn't been ready, they all would have died in the next ten seconds.
Tengouhgs stooped out of the trees and cliffs around them, dive-bombing the four Guardians. One smashed into Champagne and sent her flying, and two more descended upon Jedi and Steyr, catching them unawares in the midst of a resta teching.
Three came for Atma, but she tumbled out of their way, leaving behind an ice trap that froze them solid in mid-dive. Her combat-implants kicked into high gear, filling her with a vicious glee as she contemplated the suddenly slow motion of her enemies. A sadistic grin split her face as she joyously shouted, "You're all... going to... DIE!"
Knowing that she was outnumbered and needed to draw the tengouhgs away from her teammates, she flipped another ice trap at the two who were making a mockery of Champagne's attempts to put up a defense, then readied her dual handguns - Evil Twins, her favorite brand. She sent bullets hammering into the pair who'd attacked Jedi and Steyr, making one cry out in pain as charged photons ripped through its left wing. It whirled around and came on in a lumbering charge, while its companion reared up and spat a fireball at Atma.
Sensing more than knowing that the tengouhgs behind her had unfrozen, Atma dropped a confuse trap and spun out of the way again, letting the charging tengouhg collide with one of its companions. Seeing that there were five of them together, in close quarters, another grin split her face as she hit the confuse trap's trigger.
She stood there for a second as evil laughter bubbled up at the sight of the stupid, oversized lizardbirds setting each other on fire, smashing their friends to the ground, and hopping back and forth randomly. "Ah," she said, wiping a bit of lubricating fluid from the corner of her optical receptor, "it's good to be wicked."
Then the first of them died, and Atma drew its essence, its photon energy, in with a sharp intake of breath. It wasn't much of a meal, but it was better than nothing, and she felt the Apotheosis Engine deep inside her tick over just a bit at the addition. Having it made her unique; a one-of-a-kind model, the prototype for an apocalyptic machine that could do anything - even destroy planets.
Sometimes, she felt sorrow for the necessity of destroying the lab that had created her and ensuring that no sister models, no better models, would ever be created... but not often. After all, her 'father', Professor Jacoben, had been her first meal, and he had been -
Delicious.
Some nights, she could still hear him screaming inside her...
"Oi, Atma!"
The caseal shook her head, a bit frustrated that her memory module had overwhelmed her again. I must get that examined after this mission, it could be dangerous. She blasted more shots at the tengouhgs, drawing their attention away from Champagne, who was smashing them with axes, and from Jedi and Steyr, who were raining bow shots into their flanks.
The remaining tengouhgs tumbled to the ground in short order, and Champagne wiped her brow. "Whew! Glad that's over!"
"They wuz waitin' fer us," Steyr said grimly. "They ain't that smart unless they gots a onmagoug leadin' 'em."
"That was one hell of an ambush," Atma added. "I don't think I could have planned it better myself." And I saved your bacon AGAIN.
Jedi asked, "Should we turn back?" Her question held no fear; instead, it was only the calculated judgement of a professional trying to decide whether or not the job was within her capabilities.
After a short pause for consideration, Steyr shook her head. "Naw... if we wait fer backup, the onmagoug might gather more tengouhgs. We needs ta ice it NOW, before it gets fullsize."
"What should be do about the COG survivor?" Champagne pointed to the newman who'd been the bait for this trap.
He answered that for himself by sitting up, his every motion slow and painful. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Go on, finish the job."
* * * *
"They're all heading that way," Jedi whispered.
"'At's where th'onma will be, all roight," Steyr whispered back. "Let's keep followin' 'em."
The four crept through the rapidly darkening forest, trying not to draw the attention of the occassional tengouhg flying overhead. Champagne hissed suddenly. "What's that?" She pointed upwards.
Steyr looked upwards, squinted for a moment, then gasped. I dinna believe it! "'at's a... rappy! Bloody 'ell, it's a pack of 'em!"
"The onmagougs tend to call all sorts of flying things, don't they?" Atma commented. "Well, that means once we get there, we can slaughter two goals with a single stroke."
"Two birds wif one stone, yez means?" The other three laughed, for reasons which Atma didn't understand from her sour expression.
Stalking closer to the nest took the better part of an hour. By that time, night had firmly fallen over the Mizuraki Preserve. Steyr watched Jedi closely, wondering if the human would have any trouble in the darkness, but the wartecher strode confidently without a single misstep.
Jedi was the one who whispered urgently, "Get down!" and suited action to her words moments before a massive rush of wings overhead signaled a horde of tengouhgs flying past. Belatedly, the other three members of the party hit the ground, hoping that none of the monsters flying overhead would notice them.
Once they were past, Steyr whispered, "How d'yez do that?"
"Do what?" Jedi's expression suggested innocence.
"Know whut's gonna 'appen 'fore it does?" Even if it's not LONG 'fore it 'appens...
She shrugged. "I just do." Jedi said nothing more and kept moving forward, and the rest of them followed, not wanting to be left behind.
It wasn't too much farther until Steyr started hearing the cry of an onmagoug, and seeing trees torn apart as was the onmagoug's habit. It was much higher than she remembered, but she expected that - a littler monster would have a squeakier voice.
A sly grin on her face, Steyr poked Atma in the side to see if SHE had a squeaky voice - after all, Atma was the littlest monster she knew.
Slowly, the caseal turned to regard Steyr. "What," she said levelly - not a question, just a statement: if you did that to mess with me, I'll have to mess with you, and you don't want that.
Quickly, Steyr cast about for an excuse to have called Atma's attention. "'Ow many traps do yez 'ave left?" she whispered.
"Two burns and two confuses."
"'Ere." Steyr handed three more burn traps to Atma and looked around at all of the members of her team. "None of yez underestimate an onmagoug, just 'cause it's a kiddie. Th'little ones'r'nasty an' quick from whut I's 'eard. They cast spells at th'drop of a hat an' 'ave a fondness fer tearin' faces off wif claws - plus, th'big ones ignore us as a meal 'cause we're too small, but the little 'uns... well, they likes the taste of newman, or human fer that matter." She frowned. "Plus, they ain't got th'pride th'big 'uns do. They'll call in packs of tengouhgs if things ain't lookin' up fer 'em and try to escape."
The rest of them nodded - they were all experienced, and none of them seemed inclined to take this less than lightly. Steyr nodded herself. "All roight. Let's do this."
The four of them, plus Kandiraver, charged.
* * * *
From the start, Jedi Febreeze had known that she would be facing the child onmagoug in hand-to-hand combat alone.
What she hadn't suspected was how quickly it would come to that.
The four of them had faced several full-sized onmagougs in the course of their career as GUARDIANS - the COG, with their focus on technics, often had trouble dealing with the monsters when they went berserk - and from the start, it had gone as they'd expected.
The omnagoug, enraged that anyone had dared invade its lair, had risen into the air and flung fire at them, but they divided into pairs - Champagne and Steyr on one side, Atma and Jedi on the other - and pounded the onmagoug's wings from either side. It had gone crashing to the ground in short order, its wings in tatters...
And then everything had gone to hell.
Unlike full-sized onmagougs, half grown ones felt no shame in calling upon their tengouhg servants to assist them, and the onmagoug let out a wail which summoned a flock of tengouhgs that darkened the brilliantly shining stars with their wings. They swooped down on the battlefield, screaming shrilly.
Atma and Steyr split off to deal with those, while Jedi and Champagne closed to melee with the onmagoug. As Steyr had warned, the child was vicious close in - unlike most onmagougs, whose movements on the ground were ponderous and easily avoidable, their opponent moved with speed and power that put a carriguine to shame.
Champagne smashed into it with an ank pikor and jumped back barely in time to avoid a backhanded swipe that could have torn off her face had she not been wearing a lineshield. Jedi, seeing where the onma had left itself open, slid in on the other side, stabbing her paired death dancers deep into the exposed flesh below its muscled arm.
Screaming its rage once more, the onmagoug leapt backwards, almost tearing the death dancers from Jedi's hands. It lashed out with a taloned hand that Jedi flowed underneath. She slashed upwards with both blades, cutting a deep X into the underside of the beast's arm.
It shrieked and brought the arm smashing downward, but Jedi rolled away. The onmagoug might have caught her then, but Champagne chose that moment to rip into the monster's rear with a series of axe strikes that sent the onmagoug staggering forward.
Jedi glanced briefly over at Atma and Steyr, but they seemed to have their side of the fight well in hand- the tengouhgs were almost all ablaze, and she could hear Atma's laughter, a sound more chilling than any battle cry, echoing over the battlefield.
Jedi turned her attention back to her own battle, only to see the onmagoug concentrating fiercely, all its muscles bunched and knotted. Fearing that it was about to regenerate its wings and take to the air once more, Jedi put the twin sabers back into her nano transformer and readied her alteric. But instead of that, it raised its hands and then brought them together with a thunderclap that was all too familiar to Jedi's ears. Without bothering to replace the alteric back inside her transformer, Jedi sprinted to her left to avoid a lightning bolt that would have left her stretched on the ground, then rolled forward out of the way of yet another.
Champagne, Jedi saw, had not been so alert or so lucky. The first lightning bolt had smashed her down, and the next few had torn the life from her body. Her ank pikor dangled limply from one hand, and glassy green eyes stared at Jedi reproachfully.
Readying a moon atomizer, Jedi ran towards her partner's corpse.
That was her mistake.
A lightning bolt caught her left arm and flung her through the air, almost sending her spinning off one of the cliff edges that bordered so much of the Mizuraki preserve. She bounced three times before coming to a halt, her alteric spinning free from her hands and disappearing back into her nano transformer.
Jedi got back to her feet and pulled out her death dancers, moving out of the way of the onma's bullrush with a grace and elan that belied her trembling, weakened limbs and took nearly all of her remaining energy.
All of her remaining energy...
Fumbling a trimate out of her nano transformer was the work of but a moment. Jedi took it and felt strength fill her body once more. The monster screamed again and charged, leading with an outstretched right paw as though to snatch her up and devour her. A sudden feeling of rage that the monster would think her prey so quickly suffused her entire body.
Jedi whipped out a mukfet, its cerulean blade glistening with an icy fury that matched her own, and batted the outstretched arm aside. She whirled the spear down in time to plunge almost to its crossbars in the onmagoug's belly. The beast hunched over the injury until its face was bare inches from her own; so close that she could see the surge of fear replace the hatred in its monstrous eyes.
In almost a whisper, Jedi pronounced, "I have seen the future... and you're not in it." With a twist, Jedi pulled the mukfet's blade free, tearing out the monster's left side.
As she'd seen before, even when dealt a mortal wound, onmagougs died reluctantly. It wailed, clawed at its belly and the ground, staggered about, and finally screeched out what sounded like a command, a final summons...
And they came, writhing upward from where the onmagoug crashed to the earth for the last time.
Rappies!
* * * *
The graceful bridges and delicate buildings of Ohtoku city were brilliantly shining with evening lights to greet the foursome after they stepped out of the flyer station and strode towards the GUARDIANS branch.
The grin on Champagne's face simply didn't want to diminish, despite the subtle glares that Steyr sent her way, and the obvious one that rode Atma's face constantly as she looked backwards at the beastess. Jedi, as usual, seemed imperturbable most of the time, but Champagne had caught the occasional regretful look on her face when she thought no one else was looking.
"Lucky," Steyr grumbled. "Gettin' th'only BT Lovers..."
"I guess I'm the luckiest just like I'm the cutest!" Champagne couldn't help but giggle joyfully.
Atma whirled around and gestured angrily. "Don't get cocky! You spent most of the battle on the ground, not on your feet!"
"Hey, that was just bad luck!" Champagne snapped back, her good mood suddenly vanished.
"Or it was just more of your 'good luck', you dirty..." Atma swallowed a word, but looked no less angry.
Champagne, knowing the caseal's temper, readied herself for a rush - weapons being forbidden in town, she doubted the caseal would pull out a blade, but fistfights were known to happen, even between Guardians. Then Atma looked behind Champagne, her eyes widening in surprise.
Champagne sneered. "Do you really expect me to fall for-"
"Hey, how are you girls doing?"
Champagne whirled herself, her hand of itself flying upwards to her hair to make sure that the second set of ears, The fake ones he'd said looked cute she thought to herself, were still in place. "Fanboy! Hiiii!"
It was strange how little Fanboy had changed in the year since the four of them had met him. They'd been probationary Guardians, and Fanboy had been chosen as their field trainer. His tousled brown hair always seemed to be the same length - too long to be neat by itself, too short to be brushed into obedience - with an abstracted look on his face that belied the sharp mind behind it.
Champagne had never had the courage to ask him why he'd chosen 'Fanboy' as a new name when joining the Guardians; so many of the nicknames and ekenames that individual Guardians used were sharply private matters.
In fact, she barely had the courage to step forward and stammer, "H-here, I f-f-found something th-that I want you to have..." She jerked the hand holding the miniature BT Lovers forward and blushed, her freckles vanishing as blood rushed to her cheeks.
"What's this?" Fanboy stared curiously, lifting one eyebrow. "It's kind of tacky, don't you think?" he added.
The flush drained from Champagne's cheeks as suddenly as it had appeared, leaving the momentarily-hidden freckles standing out in sharp relief against her bloodless flesh. "What?" she whispered.
"I mean, it's just really... ugly. Pink? Pink is one of the worst- wait. What are you DOI-"
* * * *
Jedi, perched on the railing of an Ohtoku City bridge, stared up at Parum rising for a moment in lieu of staring at Fanboy, stretched unconscious on the bridge's transparent surface. The fool, she thought fondly to herself. It really is a good thing that he doesn't realize the four of us are chasing him...
A sudden thought almost made her fall over backwards into the river. She barely caught herself by scrabbling at the rail, and managed to haul herself upright after several seconds of struggling. Or has he known it all along, and he's afraid that if he chooses one of us, the rest of us will be angry?
Jedi shook her head. No. No way. He wouldn't be THAT stupidly clever. I mean... he's stupid and clever at the same time... but...
Fanboy stirred and groaned. "What hit me...?"
"A BT Lovers, swung like an axe."
"Why did it..."
"Because you were an idiot." Jedi hopped off the rail and offered her hand to Fanboy, which he took. He slowly pulled himself up, and Jedi suppressed a smile at the look of bemusement on his face.
"I really... just said what I thought." He blinked in confusion. "I didn't mean to hurt her feelings."
On impulse, she bent forward and brushed her lips across his cheek just as the sun broke over the horizon and cast the first light of morning across Ohtoku city. "And that's what makes you cute... in a way." Jedi patted his shoulder and walked past him, tossing over her shoulder, "Just don't push it, okay?"
AUTHOR'S NOTE
No, I don't take this seriously in any way.
But a long time ago, when someone noticed that all I have are female characters, they asked if they were my harem - and I said yes. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif This story arose in part from that joke.
In fact, I just subscribe to my father's philosophy: If I'm going to be staring at someone's ass for hours on end as I play a game, I'd rather it be a shapely female ass, not a homely male butt.
So, did I manage to entertain anyone?