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W0LB0T
May 26, 2007, 01:20 AM
This post will be long and grueling. Don’t tell me you haven’t been warned. Any road rules mentioned in this post apply to south Australian roads.

Glossary: read first to understand my terms.
K`s = kilometers per hour
Commodore = a very common Australian made sedan
Indicator = the flashing lights on the car that indicate your turning direction
Hoon = a hoon has one or more of these properties: likes to exceed the speed limit, drives recklessly, has a loud exhaust system, subwoofer at max volume (oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz chicks chicks chicks chicks chicks oontz oontz oontz oontz fully sick fully sick oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz ……), has windows open, commonly found at McDonalds, car is often modified and looks uglier than it was orignaly.
4wd = four wheel drive. Referred to in the US as a SUV
Tradie = some one who works in a trade e.g.: construction, plumbing etc….
Semi = a large truck with one or more trailers
Tow bar = a large meatl bracket fixed to the rear of the car for attaching trailers
Caravan = a portable home on a trailer. Commonly used by retirees to holiday in.

Changing lanes:
I believe that there are some people out there that get some kind of perverse pleasure from changing lanes. I mean why the hell do you need to change lanes so often. There is nothing wrong with doing it if you need to, but every not 10 seconds. I mean come on there was no point and now your struck behind some slow old guy. But don’t worry they will be back. This property in often found in 4wd`ers and commodore owners. And they never use the indicator. Ever.

Mobile phones:
What the f&$k is so important that you need to be on the phone while driving. If you’re a tradie or business man you often get phone calls so you have an excuse. But you should be using a hands free kit while driving. There is a very harsh fine if the cops see you talking on the phone while driving. I hope to high hell that you get caught. But every one sent to tempt fate. If some one calls you PULL THE F$#K OVER. Now text messaging while driving if F!#$%`n more moronic. That’s about as smart as trying to eat an oncoming freight train.

Roundabouts and other unsignaled intersections:
GIVE WAY TO YOUR RIGHT FOR F#$K SAKE. Especially you in the 4wd.

Multi laned right hand turns:
When making a turn in one, stay in your lane. There is a F!#$%`n line on the road to tell you where to go. When a semi goes in to one of these corners do not get on the out side of them. The trailers swing out into the other lane. This is written on the back of semis so don’t say you didn’t know.

Tailgating:
Why is it necessary to be so close to the car in front. Are you trying to slipstream to save fuel, or make a slingshot pass on them. Your tailgating will not speed up the front car, neither will wiggling the car in the lane will either, but it will look funny. If they person in front of a tailgater brakes suddenly, they tailgater is in a world of hurt. The rear of the front car will have a small dent; the tailgater will often end up with a punctured radiator. That will learn ya. Common offenders are commodore drivers and hoons.

50`ks
the speed limit is 50k`s in the backstreets. Not 60. this law has been in place for many years. But the speed limit is usually 60k`s on main roads (those big ones with multiple lanes you old bastard).

Hair and speed:
My brother and I came up with a theory. The grayer the hair the slower you drive.
Combine this with a caravan and a 4wd. You might as well walk.

No wonder there is so much road rage.

thats all for now. ill probaly come up with more later while driving to work.

Blitzkommando
May 26, 2007, 01:53 AM
Glory be, I think you'd know just what it's like here in the US.

To add to that list I hate those damned morons who cut you off after deciding to change lanes and turn in front of you.

What I also hate are the young girls in their little sporty cars that lean way forward and look between the steering wheel and the dash to see the road while going around 90mph on a road with a limit of 65mph (in Ohio the highest you get is 65). On the flip side I see old grannies in their giant SUVs that plow through traffic as if they were a salt truck through snow.

For the men I tend to see them smoking or drinking (non-alcoholic usually) and generally just making asses of themselves but not speeding. Of course, they like to change lanes like they're on the Indy 500 or something.

And finally, bicyclists. Seriously, don't ride your fucking bike on the highway. That should be common sense, and apparently it is except for those select few that ride on the roads with no shoulder and create a general mess of traffic.

I'll end this with a little blurb about something I saw years ago while in a bus on a fieldtrip. We were on the interstate going a good 70mph when I noticed across the median a guy drinking while driving. While that's normally not very eventful, this man had true talent. He was using his man-tits to prop a 2 LITER BOTTLE of Big K on the steering wheel and drive with his elbows, all the while passing people at breakneck speed. That, thus far, has been the major stupid driving memory I've had the misfortune of seeing occur.

Uncle_bob
May 26, 2007, 01:58 AM
Tailgaters need to go drink a gallon of bleach and rot in hell.

W0LB0T
May 26, 2007, 09:05 AM
the saga continues......

Late night parking:
just because the shops are closed dosent give mean you can park anywhere. parking across 5 handicap spaces with your trailer, thats kind of dumb. but the award for most idiotic park goes to some guy who parked his car in the exit of the shopping center. WHAT THE F@#K, THAT IS NOT A PARK YOU F@#K`n F$%K.

Day time parking:
waiting for 5 minutes for some one to pull out of a park is F@#k`n annoying. theres another park just up ahead. why dont you park there. no wait they where just putting their shopping in the car and heading back to the mall, time well spent you dumb F@!k. if someone is camping for your park, take your time just to piss them off.

Caravans:
the menace of the country road and possibaly the cause of many deaths. they are often found at below the speed of 80k`s in a 110k road. if you get stuck behind one of these walls on wheels expect to lose plenty of time. now this is the fatial part, trying to pass one of these things involves driving into oncoming traffic and if your in the hills (Mount Lofty Ranges) there will be almost no straight road to see any on coming cars. its like russian roulette on the roads.

Frolowers (front folowers):
a Frolower is some one who you get stuck behind backstreets and always going slower that the speed limit. just when you indicate to turn into another road, they turn down the same road as you. its almost like they are trying to see how long you stay in their mirrors.

im sure i got plenty more. i should hit the roads to do some research. if i make it back alive and sane ill definantly have many more road related retardedness to post about.