Sord
Jul 10, 2007, 07:30 PM
I'm standing on the cliff again, staring out into the sun. As usual it's setting on the horizon, giving off a beautiful light red hue that crosses the sky. It's a lighter color then blood, but so much more intense, fading to orange as it reaches across the sky to me.
She's sitting there, on the edge, the closest thing to the personification of my other self. Her scarlet red hair hanging down, wrapping around her side to fall in her lap. She has on the usual black dress, all billowy and frilly like a gothic lolita. To busy and patterned for my tastes.
Walking up to her I sigh, parts of my self being so foreign I can't help but do so. I sit beside her and we stare at the sun for awhile. It never moves in this world, and it never blinds me. I don't really understand what goes on in my head at times.
Finally she turns and looks at me, her face containing all the innocences of a child. She asks me her question in her light little voice, all fluttery and high like the tinkling of bells. And the innocence, always sounding so damn innocent.
“Why do you like to kill?”
“Because it's fun, why else.”
“Surely there is a reason why it's fun?”
“I don't know exactly. I just don't like people.”
“What, so you're just going to destroy what you don't like?”
“Yeah, it makes sense to me. If you don't like something, get rid of it. Besides, it's human nature, we're all so wretched. Pathetic meat bags walking the Earth. We're most likely going to kill ourselves anyways, probably drag the whole planet with us.”
“So shouldn't you be trying to prevent that? You're only moving it closer! And you enjoy it to much, you're not even using it as a distraction from the horrors of the world.”
“Of course it's not a distraction, I'm a horror in my own right. Unlike you, I accepted a long time ago that humanity isn't worth much. Our lives are short and fleeting, punctured with instances of happiness that make the rest of the days bearable. Yet without that sadness, happiness can't even exist. So ironically my actions give humanity even more reason to treasure their happiness.”
“You're just twisting your actions to appear as the hero.”
“No, not the hero part anyways, but it does look like it doesn't it? I'm no hero, but I enjoy the irony of twisted half-truths. The fact that it's half right in the first place, that humans take their happiness for granted. It's funny.”
“How is that funny!?”
“Because I kill them, like the animals they are. They aren't happy, and they can't be happy, so I just kill them. I'm doing them a favor.”
“What you're doing is twisting reality. That statement isn't even linked to your last statement either.”
“Who says the statement has to be?”
“I do!”
“You mean me?”
“Yes!”
“Why should I bother listening to that form of reason, your reason just brings about useless crap.”
“Feelings of sad or worriesom emotions, of pain, of moral judgment and justification, even small moments of weakness are import-”
“Fun is it's own justification.”
“No it's not! Why won't you listen to me!? I'm you, why can't I ever get it through. Just accept it, you have the potential for what I am.”
“Yes, I know I can have what you are, but I don't want you.”
Once again I find myself standing behind her. She's crying, fearful, sobbing, choking on her grief. I raise my foot and kick her off the edge. I don't just shove her, I actually kick her full force, causing her to buckle and tumble as she falls. I watch her fall, screaming. It's funny, people always have falling dreams, but none like this I think. Though I usually wake up when she hits, sometimes I don't.
I can't help but smile. I'm hatred, I'm spiteful, I'm darkness, I'm cruelty, I'm fearless, I'm strength, I'm wit, I'm smart, I'm unsympathetic, I'm a murderer, I'm a cheat, I'm a liar, but above all, I'm happy. I guess that makes me insane, but at least I'm sane enough to know it. It's satisfying to know that, just like it is to hear the sound of her hitting the ground as I wake up.
I think today is going to be a great day. Even if I have this dream again, and she comes through me every now and then, I always seem to win in the end. I'm not worried, I have a fresh batch of victims, I'm evil, I'm happy.
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this is just some fleshing out of my FKL persona I decided to do since I got bored
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sord on 2007-07-10 17:31 ]</font>
She's sitting there, on the edge, the closest thing to the personification of my other self. Her scarlet red hair hanging down, wrapping around her side to fall in her lap. She has on the usual black dress, all billowy and frilly like a gothic lolita. To busy and patterned for my tastes.
Walking up to her I sigh, parts of my self being so foreign I can't help but do so. I sit beside her and we stare at the sun for awhile. It never moves in this world, and it never blinds me. I don't really understand what goes on in my head at times.
Finally she turns and looks at me, her face containing all the innocences of a child. She asks me her question in her light little voice, all fluttery and high like the tinkling of bells. And the innocence, always sounding so damn innocent.
“Why do you like to kill?”
“Because it's fun, why else.”
“Surely there is a reason why it's fun?”
“I don't know exactly. I just don't like people.”
“What, so you're just going to destroy what you don't like?”
“Yeah, it makes sense to me. If you don't like something, get rid of it. Besides, it's human nature, we're all so wretched. Pathetic meat bags walking the Earth. We're most likely going to kill ourselves anyways, probably drag the whole planet with us.”
“So shouldn't you be trying to prevent that? You're only moving it closer! And you enjoy it to much, you're not even using it as a distraction from the horrors of the world.”
“Of course it's not a distraction, I'm a horror in my own right. Unlike you, I accepted a long time ago that humanity isn't worth much. Our lives are short and fleeting, punctured with instances of happiness that make the rest of the days bearable. Yet without that sadness, happiness can't even exist. So ironically my actions give humanity even more reason to treasure their happiness.”
“You're just twisting your actions to appear as the hero.”
“No, not the hero part anyways, but it does look like it doesn't it? I'm no hero, but I enjoy the irony of twisted half-truths. The fact that it's half right in the first place, that humans take their happiness for granted. It's funny.”
“How is that funny!?”
“Because I kill them, like the animals they are. They aren't happy, and they can't be happy, so I just kill them. I'm doing them a favor.”
“What you're doing is twisting reality. That statement isn't even linked to your last statement either.”
“Who says the statement has to be?”
“I do!”
“You mean me?”
“Yes!”
“Why should I bother listening to that form of reason, your reason just brings about useless crap.”
“Feelings of sad or worriesom emotions, of pain, of moral judgment and justification, even small moments of weakness are import-”
“Fun is it's own justification.”
“No it's not! Why won't you listen to me!? I'm you, why can't I ever get it through. Just accept it, you have the potential for what I am.”
“Yes, I know I can have what you are, but I don't want you.”
Once again I find myself standing behind her. She's crying, fearful, sobbing, choking on her grief. I raise my foot and kick her off the edge. I don't just shove her, I actually kick her full force, causing her to buckle and tumble as she falls. I watch her fall, screaming. It's funny, people always have falling dreams, but none like this I think. Though I usually wake up when she hits, sometimes I don't.
I can't help but smile. I'm hatred, I'm spiteful, I'm darkness, I'm cruelty, I'm fearless, I'm strength, I'm wit, I'm smart, I'm unsympathetic, I'm a murderer, I'm a cheat, I'm a liar, but above all, I'm happy. I guess that makes me insane, but at least I'm sane enough to know it. It's satisfying to know that, just like it is to hear the sound of her hitting the ground as I wake up.
I think today is going to be a great day. Even if I have this dream again, and she comes through me every now and then, I always seem to win in the end. I'm not worried, I have a fresh batch of victims, I'm evil, I'm happy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this is just some fleshing out of my FKL persona I decided to do since I got bored
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sord on 2007-07-10 17:31 ]</font>