Particle
Sep 4, 2007, 10:33 PM
If you are not prepared to read a good few paragraphs of writing, leave now, and do not waste your time.
Forward, ain't it?
I've been toying with the idea of posting my fan-fic here for quite a while now. Of course, when you consider that its creation was my very reason for joining, you'd be forgiven in thinking this odd.
To be straight with you, I'm posting this for critiques. See what Dezo has done? That's perfect; that's the kind of no-nonsense I'd like to see.
You don't need to do that, obviously, but you'd garner maximum respect if you did. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif
Removed pointless grabage...
So, with that out of the way, enjoy reading; I certainly enjoyed writing it. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ______
Enjinn
Prologue
The Dome stood quiet, silent as a grave. Covered in a years worth of moss, and a years worth of damage from the ever active and violent native species of Ragol. Only the constant hammering of the relentless rain storm that lingered in the skies above brought atmosphere to the surrounding forest and indeed to the Dome itself.
The decrepit and unused perimeter wall surrounding much of the Dome area was in a similar state of disrepair, if not worse. Many of the 10-inch thick metal security gates that lined key areas of the wall were either damaged beyond repair or simply stuck permanently ajar. The wall itself was thrown cruelly at the mercy of nature; obscure plant life seemed to either wrap itself slowly around the wall or grow straight through it - destroying the walls innards and severing any power that the wall may have once had.
Beyond the wall lay the unchanged rainforest of Pheril, home to some of the worst rainstorms and most violent creatures on the Sus continent.
Through the almost deafening sounds of the storm and the distant roars of warring beasts, one of these creatures was alone, injured and searching in vain for food. It was a strange creature, at best description; a kind of damned spawn of a lizard and a wolf, standing roughly 4-feet high on all fours and about 7-feet from head to tail. It’s back, tail, skull and paws were protected with hard, scale-like hairs, often pale green or blue in colour, and the rest of it’s once sleek frame was covered with a fine tan fur.
All along it’s body, many of the protective scales had been torn off, and large areas of it’s once spotless tan fur had been bloodied and clawed.
The wolf limped wearily out of it’s natural home, the Pheril, and approached one of the many broken down security gates very near the Dome itself. The gate had been savagely pried open by a massive root, belonging to a gargantuan tree located a good few meters back on the edge of the forest. The once cautious predator summoned the last of it’s dying strength and trudged through the security gate into the Central Dome’s perimeter industrial area.
The wolf’s whole body was sagged from exhaustion and, add to that, it was half blinded from a day old scar across it’s right eye. It’s single minded brain was focusing furiously on the strong smell of a fresh kill just ahead.
Focusing so hard in fact, that it just barely realised that there was a 7-foot-tall android standing just in front of it; and behind it, slumped at the base of a ramp, was a toppled Hildebear, spilling scarlet blood onto the overgrown grass.
The wolf struggled to raise it’s head, looking up and into the android’s yellow, soulless eyes, and then struggled even more before releasing a final pitiful growl that would be incapable of striking fear into an infant. The wolf slumped again and swayed for a second, then, before it’s little mind had time to realise the finality of it’s death, a white bolt of super-cooled photon smashed into the side of it’s head - effortlessly piercing through it’s skull while simultaneously flash freezing the skin and bone into a brittle solid. The front end of the creature’s body was flung violently out to the side, causing it to spiral away from the spot it had been standing in barely half a second ago.
It’s lifeless body landed in a crumpled heap, minus most of the head.
The android said nothing for a moment then peered over at his team mate slowly. ‘What did you do that for?’ His voice was cold and critical and had a soft spoken accent to it. ‘The thing was near dead, there was no need to waste charge on it.’
The android - a Cast, as they are known - was sleek looking and lean, yet still retained a sense of power, and was humanoid only in shape. It’s armoured body was dark purple and matt black in colour, and, coupled with thin, piercing, lifeless eyes, looked less human than most would agree to.
The Cast’s team mate was another android, but this time much bulkier and even less humanoid than it’s former. And, most notably, it was armed with a long, metallic, grey rifle - too big for any human to fire, let alone carry - still trained on the spot where the wolf had been.
Now, this android’s body was a different story altogether - in fact, it looked more closely related to a battleship rather than anything else. It was a militaristic olive colour - scuffed and worn - and was coated in layers of gunmetal armour. Frankly, the whole android looked like a walking battle tank. The head - if it could be called such a thing - consisted of a single eyed orb encompassed by an armoured ‘skull’, and was comparatively small in proportion to the body.
The mammoth Cast lowered it’s weapon.
‘Forgive me, Nive,’ the large Cast said, it‘s male voice strangely calm and quiet. ‘I was informed to protect both you and I at all costs - from danger and disruption.’ The orb within the armour on the head darted about wildly, its lone eye apparently scanning the area as it talked. ‘The creature may have alerted it’s kin of our presence before eventual death, which would have slowed our progress.’
The smaller framed Cast, Nive, eased the safety on for the small pistol at his side. The larger android did the same with it’s rifle.
‘I’m aware of that, Bishop,’ Nive said, waving his free hand dismissively. ‘But there are quieter ways of dealing with these creatures. Please remember that for the future.’
The Cast, Bishop, was silent for a beat, as if pondering to himself.
‘I shall, Nive.’
The rainstorm in the heavens above mercilessly strengthened, producing gale force winds that were causing the rain to travel in an almost horizontal fashion. Nive marched, unhindered by the gale, over to the body of the Hildebear. The massive, horned ape-like animal was still emptying blood onto the yellow-green grass. He stood next to the corpse for a second, eyeing it, then clambered up and over the carcass and onto the metal rain drenched ramp on the other side. He strode up the walkway and observed the main working area at the Domes rear.
Old lifting machinery and empty supply crates were scattered about the place thinly; all of the still working or repairable equipment had been scavenged by the Pioneer 2 government not long ago, in a mission that had ended spectacularly with the death of a contract Hunter and the injury of three others.
The bigger of the two androids remained beside the Hildebear corpse, inspecting the creature with an intelligence entirely unfitting of his battle scarred exterior. Bishop couched low beside the bleeding husk - his eye skimming over the body at speed, in taking as much anatomical information as possible. He would have taken a physical sample if he could have, and he so wanted to, but the cumbersome body his artificial intelligence had been inserted into made it impossible to do so with any dexterity. With effort he could have, yes, but not discreetly. Not without one Arkner Nive catching wind of it. And that was something that - for the time being at least - Bishop would have to avoid.
‘Bishop,’ Nive called down to the inquisitive android from the edge of the working floor just above him. ‘The Dome’s back door is just up ahead; get up here before the smell of those bodies attracts some other god-forsaken animal.’ Nive wandered out of sight of his team mate and called back at him. ‘And hurry up, we’re on limited time here. I’m not having money subtracted from me again because I’m late from hunting.’
Bishop considered the option of taking a physical sample one last time, but just as quickly dismissed the thought. It really would take too long in this cursed chassis. And, as Nive said, these bodies would prove ample meals for any predators or scavengers nearby, and the smell would light up the carcasses like a flame in the dark. Further hostile interaction with any fauna would be less than ideal for the mission time, so Bishop did as he was told. The Cast stood and almost effortlessly shifted the great Hildebear corpse with his free hand, clearing the base of the now bloodstained ramp from obstruction. With one final cautious glance behind him, Bishop followed after Nive over the crest of the access ramp.
This would be the last time the gargantuan Cast would get a chance at harvesting one of his precious samples.
Part One, End
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ______
Some notes for those who care: as you may have noticed, certain things have been changed/named/re-named/designed/re-designed from what you remember. Certain things are even original to this story. This was mainly to make it more interesting for me to write, and also to distance it from the swathe of by-the-book fan-fics that might describe an android as 'a RAcast', if you get what I mean... oh, and it was also to make it 'noob' friendly - 'cause I know there are some who have only played PSU, or not played a Phantasy Star game at all. Not here per se, but elsewhere.
Feel free to ask questions, and I want to see criticisms people! http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Particle on 2007-09-05 17:15 ]</font>
Forward, ain't it?
I've been toying with the idea of posting my fan-fic here for quite a while now. Of course, when you consider that its creation was my very reason for joining, you'd be forgiven in thinking this odd.
To be straight with you, I'm posting this for critiques. See what Dezo has done? That's perfect; that's the kind of no-nonsense I'd like to see.
You don't need to do that, obviously, but you'd garner maximum respect if you did. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif
Removed pointless grabage...
So, with that out of the way, enjoy reading; I certainly enjoyed writing it. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ______
Enjinn
Prologue
The Dome stood quiet, silent as a grave. Covered in a years worth of moss, and a years worth of damage from the ever active and violent native species of Ragol. Only the constant hammering of the relentless rain storm that lingered in the skies above brought atmosphere to the surrounding forest and indeed to the Dome itself.
The decrepit and unused perimeter wall surrounding much of the Dome area was in a similar state of disrepair, if not worse. Many of the 10-inch thick metal security gates that lined key areas of the wall were either damaged beyond repair or simply stuck permanently ajar. The wall itself was thrown cruelly at the mercy of nature; obscure plant life seemed to either wrap itself slowly around the wall or grow straight through it - destroying the walls innards and severing any power that the wall may have once had.
Beyond the wall lay the unchanged rainforest of Pheril, home to some of the worst rainstorms and most violent creatures on the Sus continent.
Through the almost deafening sounds of the storm and the distant roars of warring beasts, one of these creatures was alone, injured and searching in vain for food. It was a strange creature, at best description; a kind of damned spawn of a lizard and a wolf, standing roughly 4-feet high on all fours and about 7-feet from head to tail. It’s back, tail, skull and paws were protected with hard, scale-like hairs, often pale green or blue in colour, and the rest of it’s once sleek frame was covered with a fine tan fur.
All along it’s body, many of the protective scales had been torn off, and large areas of it’s once spotless tan fur had been bloodied and clawed.
The wolf limped wearily out of it’s natural home, the Pheril, and approached one of the many broken down security gates very near the Dome itself. The gate had been savagely pried open by a massive root, belonging to a gargantuan tree located a good few meters back on the edge of the forest. The once cautious predator summoned the last of it’s dying strength and trudged through the security gate into the Central Dome’s perimeter industrial area.
The wolf’s whole body was sagged from exhaustion and, add to that, it was half blinded from a day old scar across it’s right eye. It’s single minded brain was focusing furiously on the strong smell of a fresh kill just ahead.
Focusing so hard in fact, that it just barely realised that there was a 7-foot-tall android standing just in front of it; and behind it, slumped at the base of a ramp, was a toppled Hildebear, spilling scarlet blood onto the overgrown grass.
The wolf struggled to raise it’s head, looking up and into the android’s yellow, soulless eyes, and then struggled even more before releasing a final pitiful growl that would be incapable of striking fear into an infant. The wolf slumped again and swayed for a second, then, before it’s little mind had time to realise the finality of it’s death, a white bolt of super-cooled photon smashed into the side of it’s head - effortlessly piercing through it’s skull while simultaneously flash freezing the skin and bone into a brittle solid. The front end of the creature’s body was flung violently out to the side, causing it to spiral away from the spot it had been standing in barely half a second ago.
It’s lifeless body landed in a crumpled heap, minus most of the head.
The android said nothing for a moment then peered over at his team mate slowly. ‘What did you do that for?’ His voice was cold and critical and had a soft spoken accent to it. ‘The thing was near dead, there was no need to waste charge on it.’
The android - a Cast, as they are known - was sleek looking and lean, yet still retained a sense of power, and was humanoid only in shape. It’s armoured body was dark purple and matt black in colour, and, coupled with thin, piercing, lifeless eyes, looked less human than most would agree to.
The Cast’s team mate was another android, but this time much bulkier and even less humanoid than it’s former. And, most notably, it was armed with a long, metallic, grey rifle - too big for any human to fire, let alone carry - still trained on the spot where the wolf had been.
Now, this android’s body was a different story altogether - in fact, it looked more closely related to a battleship rather than anything else. It was a militaristic olive colour - scuffed and worn - and was coated in layers of gunmetal armour. Frankly, the whole android looked like a walking battle tank. The head - if it could be called such a thing - consisted of a single eyed orb encompassed by an armoured ‘skull’, and was comparatively small in proportion to the body.
The mammoth Cast lowered it’s weapon.
‘Forgive me, Nive,’ the large Cast said, it‘s male voice strangely calm and quiet. ‘I was informed to protect both you and I at all costs - from danger and disruption.’ The orb within the armour on the head darted about wildly, its lone eye apparently scanning the area as it talked. ‘The creature may have alerted it’s kin of our presence before eventual death, which would have slowed our progress.’
The smaller framed Cast, Nive, eased the safety on for the small pistol at his side. The larger android did the same with it’s rifle.
‘I’m aware of that, Bishop,’ Nive said, waving his free hand dismissively. ‘But there are quieter ways of dealing with these creatures. Please remember that for the future.’
The Cast, Bishop, was silent for a beat, as if pondering to himself.
‘I shall, Nive.’
The rainstorm in the heavens above mercilessly strengthened, producing gale force winds that were causing the rain to travel in an almost horizontal fashion. Nive marched, unhindered by the gale, over to the body of the Hildebear. The massive, horned ape-like animal was still emptying blood onto the yellow-green grass. He stood next to the corpse for a second, eyeing it, then clambered up and over the carcass and onto the metal rain drenched ramp on the other side. He strode up the walkway and observed the main working area at the Domes rear.
Old lifting machinery and empty supply crates were scattered about the place thinly; all of the still working or repairable equipment had been scavenged by the Pioneer 2 government not long ago, in a mission that had ended spectacularly with the death of a contract Hunter and the injury of three others.
The bigger of the two androids remained beside the Hildebear corpse, inspecting the creature with an intelligence entirely unfitting of his battle scarred exterior. Bishop couched low beside the bleeding husk - his eye skimming over the body at speed, in taking as much anatomical information as possible. He would have taken a physical sample if he could have, and he so wanted to, but the cumbersome body his artificial intelligence had been inserted into made it impossible to do so with any dexterity. With effort he could have, yes, but not discreetly. Not without one Arkner Nive catching wind of it. And that was something that - for the time being at least - Bishop would have to avoid.
‘Bishop,’ Nive called down to the inquisitive android from the edge of the working floor just above him. ‘The Dome’s back door is just up ahead; get up here before the smell of those bodies attracts some other god-forsaken animal.’ Nive wandered out of sight of his team mate and called back at him. ‘And hurry up, we’re on limited time here. I’m not having money subtracted from me again because I’m late from hunting.’
Bishop considered the option of taking a physical sample one last time, but just as quickly dismissed the thought. It really would take too long in this cursed chassis. And, as Nive said, these bodies would prove ample meals for any predators or scavengers nearby, and the smell would light up the carcasses like a flame in the dark. Further hostile interaction with any fauna would be less than ideal for the mission time, so Bishop did as he was told. The Cast stood and almost effortlessly shifted the great Hildebear corpse with his free hand, clearing the base of the now bloodstained ramp from obstruction. With one final cautious glance behind him, Bishop followed after Nive over the crest of the access ramp.
This would be the last time the gargantuan Cast would get a chance at harvesting one of his precious samples.
Part One, End
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ______
Some notes for those who care: as you may have noticed, certain things have been changed/named/re-named/designed/re-designed from what you remember. Certain things are even original to this story. This was mainly to make it more interesting for me to write, and also to distance it from the swathe of by-the-book fan-fics that might describe an android as 'a RAcast', if you get what I mean... oh, and it was also to make it 'noob' friendly - 'cause I know there are some who have only played PSU, or not played a Phantasy Star game at all. Not here per se, but elsewhere.
Feel free to ask questions, and I want to see criticisms people! http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Particle on 2007-09-05 17:15 ]</font>