I love a girl, but shes 'already' with someone!

[Meyfei]

http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif she said im already seeing someone.
in my opinion that isnt so bad!

Being IF they dont seem to be those 2 peas in a pod, I could be the one for her.

So, im comforting her during sad times, and talking to her normally, http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif i have her phone number also. (curse those long distance charges!)

http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif Just because someones seeing someone dosent necessarily mean, "no".
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I'm more into personality and kindness, and she has both, just talking to her makes me happy.

I also said I have her phone number, the thing is I cant call cuz my dad pays the cell phone I use, and I cant pay him back for the long distance charges.

she's 21, I'm 17 http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif she has a child who is 4 months old, she lives in America.

;_; i just wanna be with her, hold her tightly in my arms , make her happy when she's sad, and be there for her when she needs someone to talk to.

Anyone have advice? or tips/warnings?



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Meyfei on 2007-11-09 18:14 ]</font>

[Zorafim]

I thoughted you was a girl?!

[Meyfei]

... nope im a male, just hideing personal information. Now its out ... nothing can be done http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif

[DarthRuin]

Enjoy your loneliness.

[Sinue_v2]

So, im comforting her during sad times, and talking to her normally

Ok, first off - Long Distance relationships are a no-no as a general rule. Unless you're totally prepared and have the resolve to leave everything you have where you're at - don't even bother. Secondly, online relationships don't exactly scream "Stability", which - with a young child and coupled with your age, is going to be a concern of hers.

I quoted that line, because it sounds like you're fitting into that "good friend" role. That's fine, but don't get your hopes up - as they'll likely be crushed. You run a very high risk of (as Sam Kinison used to put it) becoming her emotional tampon which she turns to a few times a month when nobody else will take her shit. Easily disposable, as well.

I don't mean to be harsh and negative, but that's pretty much how things work out. Nobody could really give you spot-on accurate advice without knowing both you and her and the dynamics of your relationship/friendship. We're only getting one side of the story here, after all. And of course, to quote Ulysses McGill, "Only a fool looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

Ultimately, the choice is yours whether or not to persue - but it may end up being far more than you're bargaining for. And that's even before you even really meet or have to live together for an extended period of time. You're 17 and you haven't even really found yourself yet.

Just be cautious and realistic.

[AlexCraig]

In my opinion, which I could give a rat's ass if anyone else adheres to it or not, long distance relationships CAN work. Not always, and they are very difficult. But, as Sinue said, if you are willing to go beyond the limit, go for it.

I will admit, though, that you are looking more towards the "good friend". However, this will also depend on her outlook of you, not the views of a forum. If she sees you as her kind of man, then, hell, you do what you must.

[ABDUR101]

Sinue hit it really, you're just filling the 'good friend' role. Her saying she's seeing someone might not be a solid 'no', but thats prolly what she was going for. You being on a leash keeps you interested and on-hand should she need, as good ol Sam put it, the 'emotional tampon'.

I suggest you back your emotional investment and the load of 'hopes' you have up abit. Sounds to me like you're getting far too ahead of yourself. I personally would'nt get involved with someone who's 21 and already has a kid. Where's that childs father, how is her relationship with him? If she's on bad relations with the father, and she's with a different guy right now, to me that screams something bad; that she can't stay steady and commit. To me, if you're that age, with a kid and dating someone who isn't the father; your priorities are out.

I have a 21 year old neice, she also has a child around that age. The father is long gone, and she messes around with other guys. Basic slut behavior if you ask me, and I tell her that. She's a mother, she needs to be dedicating her time to her child, not a relationship.

Priority: Motherhood > Having a boyfriend

And to compound things for you, you're not even in the same country. My honest opinion? Bundle those emotions up and any future 'plans' you may be having, such as wishing you could cuddle her and all that; and acknowledge the facts. The sooner you look at things logically, the better it will be for you to accept the reality of the situation and pull away from the fantasy land you have planned in your head.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ABDUR101 on 2007-11-10 13:47 ]</font>

[Solstis]

If she's with the father right now, it seems pretty sketch to want to get close to her in order to pick up the pieces.

I mean, you're hoping that she loses what she has now for an equally uncertain future.

[Zantra]

Your relationship is illegal in America, if she had sex with you, she'd go to jail.

[TetsuyaHikari]

Why does so many people seem to think, "Oh noes! Relationship time! They're gonna have sex http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_eek.gif!" ?

I've never quite understood that. Anyway, putting that aside..I've been through seven long distance relationships and none of them worked out for me. I'll go into detail, so you can have a better view of what's in front of you.

First, things can be said about you behind your back and you'd never know. Now granted, the same thing can occur in a close range relationship, however..if you're living under the same roof, it's a bit harder to do so, not to mention..if you know your lover's friends, you may be able to get some information out of them as well if they lived close, as opposed to..2,000 miles away >.>

Secondly, calling can get quite expensive after a while. I remember during one of my relationships, my girlfriend was going through some really rough times and by the end of the month, I got a $400+ phone bill in the mail and a lecture from my father.

Listening to the voice of the person you care so much about is much better than sending letters back and forth to each other. One is instantaneous and grants you emotion, through tone. The other is written out and will be treasured anyway, but will take longer to receive and can be hard to figure out emotions through lettering.

What else..ah, right! One of my girlfriends broke up with me because she believed I was cheating on her. Now..I would NEVER do such a thing, because I don't believe in cheating on someone. I never have, probably never will.

However, there was a misunderstanding. She asked if I could call her every night at 10:00 P.M., so I agreed to it, since there wasn't really any problem with it. This was after I moved from my father's home to live with my grandparents who had "free" long distance (you had to pay like..$15 a month for it, but it didn't charge you per call and length, which was nice).

So, one day..a friend of mine came over, which I hadn't seen in over six or seven months and naturally, we got to talking about all sorts of things, then all of the sudden..I realized, "It's after 10:00!".

I asked my friend to occupy himself in some way for about 20-30 minutes, so I could make a phone call to my girlfriend. I called her at about 10:15 or so. She picked up and said, "Why are you late? I thought you said you'd call me at 10:00." and so, I tried to explain to her that I was hanging out with my friend (who I SPECIFICALLY stated was a guy, so she wouldn't get jealous or freak out and think I was cheating on her =/) and she said, "Ohhhh..I get it. So your friends are more important than me? I see how it is. First, it's going to be fifteen minutes late..then twenty, thirty, fourty-five, then you're just not going to call anymore. Well, before that happens..we should just break up".

My response to that was, "Well, I'm not going to make a decision between you or my friends, so..if this is what you want..", then she hung up. Relationships can be a very difficult thing to manage. Like that example I just gave you. I had been doing everything right the whole time and I slipped up ONCE...just..ONCE...and she broke up with me.

Also, you have to put yourself in the other person's shoes as well, in this type of situation. This happened during my first relationship, actually. The reason why my first girlfriend broke up with me was because, basically..she found someone who lives close to her who could give her all the things I could, plus more.

So..that's another reason why long distance relationships don't work. If you and your girlfriend are going out for a while, but..if she meets someone in her local area who has everything YOU have, plus..can give her that physical interaction she wants (i.e. hugging, holding hands, kissing, etc), then she may dump you, since a close relationship would be much more beneficial.

There are a few downsides to a long distance relationship. One of the biggest ones I ever noticed during my long distance relationships was this:

If your girlfriend is upset and she's crying on the phone, and you've been talking with her for the past 3-4 hours and she's calmed down a little bit, but still crying from time to time, your words will only have so much affect on her.

You can comfort her with your words till you turn blue in the face, but you have to realize something..ONE...just ONE..hug can be more powerful than 1,000 words that you've told her over the phone. It's that sort of physical contact she desires which can make her depressed..knowing she can't rest her head on your chest and cry on your shoulder..that she can't wrap her arms around you or fall asleep in your lap. You would be surprised at how that can just tear someone apart in a relationship..and may even break up the relationship, because they don't want to continuously go through that pain.

I was often depressed during my relationships, because I felt powerless. I was doing EVERYTHING within my power to make my girlfriend happy, but even then..I would still have to listen to her cry during some nights, because I couldn't hold her or kiss the top of her head and wipe her tears away with my thumb and tell her everything would be alright. I couldn't do any of that.

So, even though I was the one comforting her, I would often hang up and cry myself..because it was just so upsetting that I couldn't do anything more outside of calling her and talking with her, since she lived 700 miles away or so.

Now, with all of that being said..maybe you will have a better idea of what you will be getting yourself into. As I stated before, I've been through seven of these and none of them were pretty. I was broken up with for a different reason every time, but they were all due to it being long distance.

It's not because I was a terrible boyfriend or I mistreated my girlfriend, it was because close relationships are easier to resolve rather than long distance. If it's long distance, all the girl has to do is hang up, block your e-mail, block your phone number, send your letters back, change her screen name, etc.

See, when it's a close relationship and you're face-to-face, she can't do that. You have a chance to work things out. I've gained some experience over the years due to these past relationships. They may not have been good, but..it helped me learn a thing or two, so hopefully some of my background will help you as well.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif

Edit1: Spellcheck
Edit2: Spellcheck
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Kikumaru on 2007-11-10 00:28 ]</font>

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Kikumaru on 2007-11-10 00:35 ]</font>

[Kendrik]

I actually get to a fair extent what you're talking about here, Meyfel. That being said, I tend to agree with most people here (having done long-distance before, as well).

First and foremost, if you love her, you've got to look beyond your feelings and look for what is truly best for her. I'm not going to even approach the issue of age (though it definitely is significant), but I think you'll understand this issue. She's got a kid, and the kid seriously has to come first.

The role of supporting friend is going to kill you; I've been there, too. The reality is that you're going to want to make things better for her and still be powerless to do so. You can make a difference, but you certainly won't be able to fix anything on your own power. I do truly think it is a good thing for you to want to help and be there for her, so I would definitely say that you should stick to doing that. All the same, the kind of relationship you want is definitely not plausible, and, based on my experience, pushing for it could very well backfire considerably on you.

Seriously, the place you're in is not an easy one, but try not to make it harder on yourself than you have to. The emotions you've described definitely can be fitting of a significant friendship without romantic attachment. In this scenario, that's the direction I would definitely recommend going in.

I really don't want to crush your hopes in any way; I'm just speaking from experience and observation of others. Ultimately, this is your life and your decisions, but consider carefully the thoughts of those who have experienced what you've found yourself in.

[Meyfei]

Sex is the last thing on my mind!

The distance isnt TO far, actualy http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif just a 13-14 hour drive from Saint john to Maryland.

And the child, If i do end up with her, (mayby even moveing to her town or with her), i will help with the child.

I'm not just gonna sit here and love her, if she loves me back, I been in my town so long im getting sick and tired of it, i just wanna find someone to love and be with and get outta here and be with them.

[astuarlen]

On 2007-11-10 05:12, Meyfei wrote:
I'm not just gonna sit here and love her, if she loves me back, I been in my town so long im getting sick and tired of it, i just wanna find someone to love and be with and get outta here and be with them.


We've already covered how extraordinarily unlikely this relationship is. On top of that, you need to slow down and think about taking care of your own life. Seriously. You are 17. Have you even graduated from high school yet? Are you going to college/university or learning a trade? Do you have career plans? Do you have goals and aspirations? Do you even have a solid understanding of who you are at this point?
I mean, really.

[Sekani]

Unless this woman says flat out that she loves you, wants to be with you, and wants to start a new life with you, you are a fucking idiot for even considering what you're doing.

Love doesn't work when it's one-sided... that's called obsession, and it's not healthy or natural.

[AlexCraig]

On 2007-11-10 07:51, Sekani wrote:
Unless this woman says flat out that she loves you, wants to be with you, and wants to start a new life with you, you are a fucking idiot for even considering what you're doing.


Whoa whoa whoa! Let's not start the flames yet, folks. You know better. He asked for advice. Not insults.

[DizzyDi]

I'd say thats good advice. A bit blunt but its true nonetheless.
Meyfei you already know my feelings on the matter and I agree with pretty much every post in this thread.
Fairy tale love doesn't exist, the sooner you realize that the better off you'll be.

[Scejntjynahl]

My advice. Don't do it.

[Sekani]

My bad. That wasn't intended to be an insult, just blunt honesty. Looks like he needs it.

[Broodstar1337]

"Hi, does this smell like chloroform to you?"

[XCOPY]

Well, the fact that she has a kid already at 21 should be an immediate disqualification....especially from the perspective of a 17 year old. The LAST thing I would've wanted at that age is to suddenly be placed in the role of "father figure" to anyone that's not really mine. Even now, when I find out the woman has a kid already, the Price is Right loser theme instantly goes off in my mind for her. I have very little hope in long-distance relationships working as well....this is basically a lose-lose scenario, imo. No good can come of any involvement with her. Sever the ties and never look back, because it will tear your very soul up to even just be close and interacting with someone you love that doesn't love you....that's why FriendZone is such a hellish place.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: XCOPY on 2007-11-10 12:44 ]</font>

[CrimsomWolf]

Almost every girl I "liked" already had boyfriends. And in the end, many of them (girls) turned out to be not worth all the hassle i.e beign drunk, somking cigarettes 24/7. Well life is... brutal, tought ect,ect,ect


That's unfortunate truth.


But you have to choose your own path.

I also think that everyone should remember that it's very BAD to pursue something for someone against their will (i.e they tell you about it, and you aren't stopping because YOU think that it's right.) It ends bad in most cases.

[AlexCraig]

On 2007-11-10 12:50, CrimsomWolf wrote:

But you have to choose your own path.

I also think that everyone should remember that it's very BAD to pursue something for someone against their will (i.e they tell you about it, and you aren't stopping because YOU think that it's right.) It ends bad in most cases.


Quoted for truth. I have seen way too many relationships end due to this.

[AlexCraig]

Arguement over. He has learned that the woman he liked is with another friend of him and has been for about a year or so. He is glad that he knows she is with someone nice.

[mizukage]

On 2007-11-10 12:42, XCOPY wrote:
Well, the fact that she has a kid already at 21 should be an immediate disqualification....especially from the perspective of a 17 year old.



http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif

[EphekZ]

On 2007-11-10 17:25, AlexCraig wrote:
Arguement over. He has learned that the woman he liked is with another friend of him and has been for about a year or so. He is glad that he knows she is with someone nice.



Indeed, but I'll put in my two cents anyways. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif
If she already has the child, and is living with the father, do not try and separate the child from its Father. That is the worst thing to do, who cares about the mother, in this case. The child is the first priority, I think Sinue said that already anyways. You could never replace the father, especially at your age. Hell, you probably couldn't raise a possum.

Also, go to school and all that jazz. No need to throw away your life and randomly take the task of father for a child whom isn't yours and you're way too young for.

The best thing you can do is stay as that good friend who can comfort her, but if you continue that, don't make any more "moves" on her. The fact that she said she's already seeing someone is your que to give up and move on. Besides, friends last longer.

Also, long distance relationships suck. Get a "real" chick not some shady girl you met on the interwebs.

Peace.

edit: is this your first potential relationship? Seems like it, I can tell you this right now. You don't love her. You barely know her, you don't know if you love someone 'till you've been dating said person for a while, not the second day after you've said "HAY LETS GET A MOVIE!"



Just because someones seeing someone dosent necessarily mean, "no".

er, yes it does. If it doesn't then you don't want this person anyways. She'll create trouble, don't think you're special; if she did it to you she'll do it to the next person that comes into her life that's more "available" than you. It's a vicious cycle.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: EphekZ on 2007-11-11 00:19 ]</font>

[TetsuyaHikari]

I'd like to add a couple of more thoughts on this matter which weren't included in my last post. If there's anything I've learned over the years, it's NOT to rush things.

In the beginning, I was like, "Yeah! I'm going to find a girl and fall in love, then we're going to call each other, write letters to one another, give gifts to one another, man! It will be great! I can't wait any longer!", but that impatience can really tear you apart in the long run.

Don't get me wrong, it feels great in the beginning, but..you need to just slooooooooooooow down. Like my grandmother used to tell me when I was really young, like..14 or so. "You don't have to pounce the first girl you see".

It's true too. Just take your time. There may be more to it than you think. Not to mention..you're 17. MOST relationships at your current age are nothing more than just "Puppy Love", honestly.

You'll need a few more years before you can start understanding a bit more about this field. There's more to relationships than just liking someone. It's something you will have to learn on your own. It's something that none of us here can tell you.

I've been through it and learned a lot of things I had NO idea about during my first relationship, so..just give it some time, cause honestly..this may not be all it's cracked up to be.

Besides..a 12 to 13 hour drive really isn't short, you know. I know you like this girl and all, but let's be realistic here. You're 17, I don't know what your source of income is at the moment, but I'm sure at your current age, you may have enough to buy gas for your car, but certainly not enough to take care of this girl you like AND a baby, no less.

Is a 12 to 13 hour drive really something you want to do every time you want to see her? This may sound kind of rude, but..I know I, personally, wouldn't take a 12 to 13 hour drive every two or three days to visit a girl. No sir.

Don't let love blind you. You need to still think about things realistically while being in love. As much as I would like to tell you, "Love will conquer all", that's not quite the case.

Love doesn't put food on the table. Love doesn't provide a roof over your head. Love isn't going to be what will take care of that girl or her baby. You'll need money to do all of those things.

That's just the way of the world. So, with that being said..I'll tell you this last piece of advice.

You've got your WHOLE life ahead of you. There's no need to rush yourself and be like, "I need to fall in love! I'm tired of waiting!". Love isn't something you should force. Let it come to you. Don't rush into something like this. This is something which can drastically change your life.

Just a few things to think about http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[AlexCraig]

Well, like I said before, he now has better knowledge of the situation. He knows he will be nothing more than a friend and knows that he will have to find love elsewhere. He is still hoping to move to America because he has more friends here, there is no future for him in St. John, and he wants to see more of the world.

[PIT]

ummm... >.>
did this get out of FKL?
that's quite a... rare thing...

[Solstis]

On 2007-11-11 10:55, PIT wrote:
ummm... >.>
did this get out of FKL?
that's quite a... rare thing...



I believe that this was a separate topic that was moved from Off-Topic. The FKL topic was locked by Hayabu-sa-sa-sa.

Glad to hear that things are turning out for the better. I kind-of know how it feels to believe that you're in a dead-end situation and all that. In that case, you've either got to take a lot of risks (and maybe end up in a ditch) or wait things out.

[Meyfei]

these recent posts have been quite ... "acceptable" to responses i'v been looking for and i thank you for shareing your thoughts and might as well keep them comeing ^_^. ill keep checking in.

[Jaspaller]

More or less sounds like you were friendzOWNED

[Meyfei]

i showed her this thread, as being a friend and being honest, she got depressed, not from what i said but from the replies.

Her major fear is her child not haveing a father to grow up with, as both me and her boyfriend agree either one of us would do anything for her and her child.

Side note: shes 20 ;_; typos


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Meyfei on 2007-11-12 13:35 ]</font>

[TetsuyaHikari]

On 2007-11-12 13:34, Meyfei wrote:
i showed her this thread, as being a friend and being honest, she got depressed, not from what i said but from the replies.


What she doesn't know, won't hurt her?

*shrugs*

You could have still been honest without showing her what we had to say. If you was going to show her what we had to say about it, why did you ask for our advice on the matter?

Not that I mind, really..but...if you're this honest with her, why didn't you just talk with her about it instead of showing replies from people on the internets and get her all depressed like that?

=/

[ABDUR101]

Fuck if I care what she thinks. Every word of my opinion still stands. I don't know her, so she can go be weepy. She needs to concentrate on being a good mother rather than the thought that her child needs a father; it HAS a father, whether she's with him or if he's available is another matter. That is none of our concern, thats for her to deal with.

Yet again, we all deal with the consequences of our actions, and so do those who get caught in the wake. If the father of the child isn't 'father material', then she should have thought of that when she was with him. If he's not around due to other reasons(dead, as example), then thats too bad, but don't expect other people to step up and be a father to a kid who isn't theirs. Guys who do that are awesome, and they get my utmost respect, but they are very few and far between without having ulterior motives.

Her problem anyway, and I'm being honest, so if that depresses her; oh well.

[AlexCraig]

However, single mothers have a hard time, you know. They have to balance their duties to the child with their duties to themselves. It is hard to be single, have a child, and have a job. So having a boyfriend or a husband is more than helpful. People like Meyfei also help because they are willing to support the single mother.

Also, bear in mind that sometimes things happen against the will of the party of the first part. Things they don't want to have happen, but do happen. What are they supposed to do? Live on their own, supporting their child through college, while letting every opportunity to have a happy family slip through their fingers? Fuck no! They find people they can trust, like her boyfriend (whom I know) and Meyfei to help them through these hard times.

[ABDUR101]

You don't need to point that out, it's an obvious factor. However my youngest sister has a 17 year old and twin 12 year olds. She's wasted time, energy and money on a husband that left her, and on numerous boyfriends afterward in an effort to find someone who would be willing to 'man up'. The last boyfriend she had, was also at the end of a divorce and has three kids of his own; but he's still been nothing but an expense. Trust me, I know that single mothers have a hard time; but if my sister can do it with three kids and everything that goes into maintaining a household, this girl can do it with one.

If this girl has someone decent; good, case-closed, it's a non-issue. I was directing my points that she needs to concentrate on herself and her child, not on worrying about her child not having a father figure. For the most part, this topic is done. She's with someone decent, so whats it matter?

Better things to be depressed about than the replies in this thread, and it was real slick pointing her here. Did you expect her to be happy, or was it more to get bonus points with her on how you felt? Oh well!

[AlexCraig]

On 2007-11-12 15:55, ABDUR101 wrote:
You don't need to point that out, it's an obvious factor. However my youngest sister has a 17 year old and twin 12 year olds. She's wasted time, energy and money on a husband that left her, and on numerous boyfriends afterward in an effort to find someone who would be willing to 'man up'. The last boyfriend she had, was also at the end of a divorce and has three kids of his own; but he's still been nothing but an expense. Trust me, I know that single mothers have a hard time; but if my sister can do it with three kids and everything that goes into maintaining a household, this girl can do it with one.

Yet things could be different for this girl. Different people have different stress factors. And what your sister could do with 3 kids might not be possible with this girl and her 1.



If this girl has someone decent; good, case-closed, it's a non-issue. I was directing my points that she needs to concentrate on herself and her child, not on worrying about her child not having a father figure. For the most part, this topic is done. She's with someone decent, so whats it matter?

I agree, this topic is done. I tried to end it earlier, but apparently that did not happen. In a nutshell, she is with someone great and has a friend that is willing to help them out in the long run.

[TetsuyaHikari]

Yeah, I really don't understand why he directed her to this thread, lol. My opinions and thoughts don't change because of this, but I'm still curious as to why he would do such a thing http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_confused.gif

Anyway, I don't really have much else to say, since ABDUR pretty much covered everything that came to mind for me as well. I do however have one last statement to add.

If you really want to be her friend and you want her to be happy, then be supportive of her. Don't try to get in between her and the boyfriend. Put aside what you want for your friend's happiness.

I know deep down inside, you just wish that guy would go away, so you could have her all to yourself, but..you said it yourself. "Even being a friend would be good" or something to that extent. So..just don't try to act selfish and have her all to yourself or you may end up breaking up the friendship.

Other than that..

I do believe we are done here http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif

[Scejntjynahl]

On 2007-11-12 13:34, Meyfei wrote:
i showed her this thread, as being a friend and being honest, she got depressed, not from what i said but from the replies.

Her major fear is her child not haveing a father to grow up with, as both me and her boyfriend agree either one of us would do anything for her and her child.

Side note: shes 20 ;_; typos


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Meyfei on 2007-11-12 13:35 ]</font>


This seems more like a ploy to make yourself look like a knight in shining armor by making the rest of the posters look villanous. What other possible reason could you have to show her this full knowing that there was a chance she could be hurt. And here you are saying you have her best interests in mind. I beg to differ. You my friend are only looking for anyone to side with you and give you a green light to pursue this woman. Do you honestly think that you can be an asset to her? Really think on that, I doubt that you do just based upon the fact you resorted to this forum for "help". If what you feel is true and you know it to be right there will never be a need to have stranger's approval for you to do what must be done.

ugh.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Scejntjynahl on 2007-11-12 18:18 ]</font>

[AlexCraig]

I was asked by said girl to post this:


"When I know all of you have your opinion, know a person first before you judge them. Just because a female has a child doesn't mean she's a bad person or is considered "slut material" and who quoted this before knows who I'm talking to, note the quotation marks. For your information, my main priority is school and my son. I don't just sit at home and look for a boyfriend. I'm earning an Accounting degree with a major in Computer Science. This is so I can make money to take care of my child. Not like I went out and complete screwed someone. My son's father was there throughout this whole situation. Reason I left him because he wasn't stepping up and he'd rather sit around and play video games rather than take care of his child. And he started this AFTER I got pregnant. So...know the facts before you judge someone. Because surely....I can still live a happy life. I don't need anyone to take care of me. I can do it my damn self. So next time, take in consideration what you say and who is reading. The rude and inconsiderate people that are online these days.

[Solstis]

I don't think that anyone (recently) claimed that she needed a man or was a slut. A lot of people were claiming that Meyfei was taking advantage of the situation/was approaching the situation in an immature manner.

[Katanykio]

Earlier in the forum....someone quoted sounds like a slut....that's what I was refering too...

Oh well. Things happen though.


EH DOES IT MATTER??? JUST REMEMBERED THIS THREAD IS SUPPOSE TO BE OVER!!!




<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Katanykio on 2007-11-12 19:44 ]</font>

[Scejntjynahl]

On 2007-11-12 19:14, AlexCraig wrote:
I was asked by said girl to post this:


"When I know all of you have your opinion, know a person first before you judge them. Just because a female has a child doesn't mean she's a bad person or is considered "slut material" and who quoted this before knows who I'm talking to, note the quotation marks. For your information, my main priority is school and my son. I don't just sit at home and look for a boyfriend. I'm earning an Accounting degree with a major in Computer Science. This is so I can make money to take care of my child. Not like I went out and complete screwed someone. My son's father was there throughout this whole situation. Reason I left him because he wasn't stepping up and he'd rather sit around and play video games rather than take care of his child. And he started this AFTER I got pregnant. So...know the facts before you judge someone. Because surely....I can still live a happy life. I don't need anyone to take care of me. I can do it my damn self. So next time, take in consideration what you say and who is reading. The rude and inconsiderate people that are online these days.




No one was actually saying anything about her. It was about the 17 year that made this thread. Hell she wouldn't have even been aware of this thread until the OP took it upon himself to show it to her. As far as we all knew, we only knew what the OP told us... and nothing more. And with that bit of information the OP provided is how most of the replies were formed. If she wishes to blame anyone for this sour incident... she should blame the OP.

[ABDUR101]

Yup, the OP is the one spreading her dirty laundry for the web to see, so again, deal with it. I stand by my initial opinions, and I even stated that I don't know her, and I don't much care. If she wants to be mad at anyone, she should be mad at the initial poster for putting all this out there at random for our advice.

Both of you(her and the OP) can go deal with your life issues, and to the lady I suggest thinking again about this 17 year old. Aswell, I suggest taking whats said on the internet with a grain of salt since, guess what, we don't know you, we don't care, and we'll give our opinions based on whats presented to us.

If this 17 year old is such a good friend, he'd have piped up that she was doing all of this with her life and give past history, not make it out like she's some damsel in distress and he's trying to save her from the woes of life. She better be putting her trust in the right people if she has a random 17 year old spilling his guts about her to the peanut gallery for 'advice', and then brings her here so she can get mad at all of us who were trying to help him; only for her to get mad at us?

Seriously, lets think on that abit. She's getting mad at us for telling this guy to put things in perspective, and she's bent out of shape over what people who she doesn't know nor who know her have to say? Issues much?

[AlexCraig]

She was not mad at you guys talking about him. She was mad at the tone people were taking about her. Did you not read what she said?

[Solstis]

On 2007-11-12 20:59, AlexCraig wrote:
She was not mad at you guys talking about him. She was mad at the tone people were taking about her. Did you not read what she said?



We didn't talk about her. There's three pages of poking fun at the 17 year old, and maybe one post about her.

Well, that's changed now, eh? I read what she said, but she's totally off-base. No one that I recall said anything derogatory about her, and maybe her reading comprehension isn't up to snuff if she got that out of the discussion.

Er, okay, maybe Abdur said something that could have been misinterpreted on the first page, but it was based on what little we knew about her. For all we knew, she was a stripper or something.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Solstis on 2007-11-12 21:04 ]</font>

[ABDUR101]

I was referring to my neice as a slut; as she's 21, has a four month old and the kid's father isn't around(infact he's a loser, and we all told her that when she was supposedly 'not dating him'). Now she's living at home, blew off years of college work that was pushing her to be a CSI. Now; she doesn't have a job(though supposedly she's trying to find work), she goes out more than she should, and really isn't a decent mother.

Thus my emphasis that this girl needs to be putting effort into bettering herself, her future, all in an effort to better her child's future. If she took offense to that, oh well. That was on the first page, before this kid linked her to the thread and she gave a response letting us all know that she was well on her way to securing a good future for her and her child. Again, maybe if the initial poster had let us in on the details of her being on her way to bettering herself, we'd of had a better impression of her as a person other than some random chick with a kid to a random guy that she's no longer with. To me, when someone brings something up with as few details as possible, it's open for interpretation; and usually the picture that gets painted isn't pretty(because obviously, you'd think if she WERE doing well, he would'nt be making her out to be so helpless; but if he were to tell us he liked her, wanted to be there for her, she's going to school for a good education and all that, well then she's no longer the damsel in distress, she's an independant woman with a good head on her shoulders, tada!)

[Orange_Coconut]

I realize that the spirit is there to try to be there for this woman, but being 17 while trying to take care of another person is hard enough as is. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost, it's always good to be a trustworthy friend to those around you and that's probably why you're feeling so deeply about the situation. The biggest problem is, 17 is or is close to a major turning-point in your life. You're always continuously growing in different ways, there are so many things that you have yet to experience in life and it's hard to focus on what you need when you're putting your focus elsewhere.

Whether or not she has someone right now, she may need you for certain reasons. But no matter the situation with anyone that you know and care about, you tend to need them to fulfill the expectations and thirsts of different parts of your personality. I believe earlier someone posted something that she wanted to say to the posters here, that she can take care of herself. I cannot speak for her, nor can anyone else aside from herself. Maybe you should just ask her what you can do to help while still being able to keep your life intact.

You don't necessarily need to focus on her problems. I would guess that she would want to deal with her situation and have those that she cares about around to talk to, like everyone else does when they're having problems. I mean, if you are friends with her then she obviously cares about you and your life as well. It's important to find out what you need in life, thinking about the past, present and future. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes we're disillusioned by temporary occurrences or just by certain times in life when things seem to never get any better.

You're free to do whatever you want, don't forget that you're the most important role being played within your own life. Without you there would be no story to be told, no people to have cared for you or to have cared about. Don't fade away in your own life, let yourself flourish so that you can help others enjoy life as much as you will once you've accomplished more of what you wanted in life. There's never anything wrong with being a good friend, just make sure that's what you're doing.

[Katanykio]

Thanks for your opinions. I've talked to the guy about the thread. Now that you all know my situation, things should lighten up. Now that things calmed down, things are just like w/e. I was upset, but yeah, it's text on an internet. Can never trust the internet. So I'm like w/e, why am I taking internet talk too seriously? Plus I know I' not a do nothing mother. I like him as a friend, but I'm already with someone, plus I know the 17- law. I'm also 20!!! I don't know how many times I kept telling him that and it still ends up making me feel old. But oh well. I know who I am. Oh well....I'm off to campus....


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Katanykio on 2007-11-13 04:51 ]</font>

[TetsuyaHikari]

On 2007-11-12 19:14, AlexCraig wrote:

[quote]
"When I know all of you have your opinion, know a person first before you judge them. Just because a female has a child doesn't mean she's a bad person or is considered "slut material" and who quoted this before knows who I'm talking to, note the quotation marks. For your information, my main priority is school and my son. I don't just sit at home and look for a boyfriend. I'm earning an Accounting degree with a major in Computer Science. This is so I can make money to take care of my child. Not like I went out and complete screwed someone. My son's father was there throughout this whole situation. Reason I left him because he wasn't stepping up and he'd rather sit around and play video games rather than take care of his child. And he started this AFTER I got pregnant. So...know the facts before you judge someone. Because surely....I can still live a happy life. I don't need anyone to take care of me. I can do it my damn self. So next time, take in consideration what you say and who is reading. The rude and inconsiderate people that are online these days.


Alright, I THOUGHT I was through with this, but...here we go.

First off, having a baby isn't the responsibility of one person, but two. Even if the guy isn't such a great father after the baby is born and he ditches you, guess what..you're at fault too!

Why? Because you should've took this scenario into consideration. Instead of getting upset at people who look at things with a more open-minded perspective and say we shouldn't judge you when we don't know you, how about this..

did YOU ever consider, we may have been talking about people, generally speaking? Do you not fit into the category of "everyone" because you find yourself to be so "special" and you don't NEED anyone to take care of you?

In your words, you sounded like a little brat. "I don't need anyone to take care of me. I can do it damn self". Yeah, way to go mother. More power to ya. Look, if you was so strong and could do everything yourself, you wouldn't have went out and tried to have a baby with some guy, would you?

There's no sense in acting like a baby yourself just because he's not there for you, acting like everything is his fault and you didn't have any say-so in the matter.

Also, our words were more towards the guy who originally started this thread. YOU are talking about like..one or two posts that were directed towards you and you make it sound like all of us said something bad about you.

He came in here asking for advice, then you got depressed, and I guess he was expecting to get brownie points and draw a line between good and evil using us as examples. In any case, how about you take into consideration next time who you're talking to before offending everyone, cause I didn't say anything about you at all, but you sure didn't specify who DID, despite being shown the thread.

Yeah, this post will probably offend someone, but I've been offended as well. Don't worry though, you can take care of yourself, right? So it's okay.

This is getting ridiculous http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_rolleyes.gif



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Kikumaru on 2007-11-13 04:47 ]</font>

[Katanykio]

Note the last post. I took things too seriously. And it was after I told him that he changed. So I'm like w/e. You're loss. And sorry if I sound like a brat. What I meant to say is I won't go around look for people just so I can get money off of them just to take care of my child. It's my responsible, and I'm quite okay with it. Plus his father lives in a crazy environment that developed after him and his family found out. They said one thing before, but reacted another way after it happened. So I'm just not bothering them. But like I said. People have their own opinions. So blah. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

I'm more stable and it's morning. So I don't care. I'm just getting ready for school and having a cup of coffee. So I'm on a more clear head. I'm sorry to everyone for blowing up like that. Not their fault or yours. Cuz yeah...this is getting ridiculous.


(You're avi looks like Honey-sempai from Ouran High School Host Club http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif)

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Katanykio on 2007-11-13 05:02 ]</font>

[DizzyDi]

Legendary thread A++ WOULD READ AGAIN.

[TetsuyaHikari]

DizzyDi has appeared!

O_O

Who let you out of your cage?

FKL is that way ---->

[DizzyDi]

Just stating my love for this thread. Has provided many lulz. At first it was just funny but now the woman herself appeared it just skyrocketed to epic proportions.
But don't mind me folks. Carry on. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_clown.gif

[BlaizeYES]

On 2007-11-12 15:55, ABDUR101 wrote:

Better things to be depressed about than the replies in this thread, and it was real slick pointing her here. Did you expect her to be happy, or was it more to get bonus points with her on how you felt? Oh well!




lol. i just read this thread. brilliant.

and abdur, you are exactly right. honestly, if you really "cared" about a girl over the internet, you wouldnt relay a conversation like this to the girl immediately. but the truth is, it's just you being delusional and hoping that this will deepen your relationship with her. i wouldn't doubt if this whole thread in general wasnt a clever act to express your affection towards her more deeply and show her that the online community is on board with you. but it isnt.


you're making her out to be something that she isn't because that is the way you'd like to feel. you want to feel "love," but you're 17 years old. its just unrequited love, and LET ME TELL YOU THIS CHACHI: life isnt a teenage movie, and you wont find "true love" at 17. and the online best friend doesnt get the girl.



how this entire thread plays out shows that you are inexperienced with relationships in general and that you're still in highschool. you haven't been in a situation like this before, or else you would have known showing the thread to this girl was a bad idea, let alone you being her official crying shoulder and acting like "we're best friends" when obviously your mind is already elsewhere. that never works, but you do anything possible just to draw something out of her. find a girl your age at your school that is on your relationship level. you're wasting your youth on some random girl via the internet, has a kid in a different country, and obviously wasnt looking to pursue anything with you because she already has something. you need someone in highschool that doesn't require a PSO topic to discuss your failing relationship. this thread was just some overdramatic way to "get it out there" to the girl. you knew sending her the link was going to create more drama, yet you did it anyway. because you are in highschool and have much to learn.


aside from the continental difference: you're only going to be a "friend," never anything more. and you said that you talk to the boyfriend about how you'd do "anything for her." first of all, you're talking to the boyfriend like a "mate" as a way of easing in there.


and dont forget, you're not in america. and you're 17. you're better off not getting involved with her at all. because as your mind has not fully matured, you're picturing in your head something that will exist as "love in america." i am trying to help you, as i'm certain you're still talking to this girl probably as i write this. and a few years from now, you'll probably be identifying this girl as "the one who got away" when you didnt have anything there to begin with.


now i am one to believe that "if you want something bad enough, you can achieve it." but i dont believe in love, and i dont believe that someone who obviously has much to learn in life will find happiness through this girl. and you dont even know what you want yet, you're 17.



but let it be known that on this day:


THE ONLY PERSON THAT YOU ARE GOING TO FIND HAPPINESS FROM IS YOURSELF. dont expect any girl to be your savior, or else you're in for a life of unhappiness




now i must go back to sleep. i have what is probably the SUPERBUG VIRUS. my immune system has finally failed me when i needed him the most

[DizzyDi]

On 2007-11-14 11:20, BlaizeYES wrote:



THE ONLY PERSON THAT YOU ARE GOING TO FIND HAPPINESS FROM IS YOURSELF. dont expect any girl to be your savior, or else you're in for a life of unhappiness





This man knows his shit.

[Katanykio]

LMAO. I'm still laughing that people are still posting here. xD

[BlaizeYES]

katanykio, i should have figured you'd say something like this. how could i be so blind. its something you'd never understand.



TRUE LOVE AND THE MOVIE "YOU'VE GOT MAIL"

[AlexCraig]

What?

[Meyfei]

On 2007-11-15 14:13, AlexCraig wrote:
What?

o.O i make a thread, it dies, i make a thread for advice, it to dies, i make a thread for love advice it gets OVERLY EXASPERATED, and lives...

[AlexCraig]

Ask a mod to lock it, then.

[TetsuyaHikari]

Want to know why?

Cause there are a LOT of suckers for drama over the internets http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

[Dhylec]

OK, the show is over, let's get some fresh air, folks.