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Gryffin
Dec 21, 2007, 02:58 AM
I have issues. Long story, not going there...

Tonight didn't help.

My day is as follows: Wake up, ignore going to school and help my mother prepare for her party... all day.
At 7PM the party starts. I hide in basement to avoid drunk women.
At 1:30 I emerge from the basement because I haven't eaten, to find just my mother, and one lady left around. My mother is obviously smashed off her ass. She begins ranting about things, and it eventually leads to me missing school for the last two weeks due to my said issues... The other lady, we'll call her.. Lady, had a question. Hilarity ensues.

Lady:'Why was he out for so long?'
Mom: 'Oh, he has issues. He's gay.'
Lady: 'Thats his issue?'
Mom: 'No. But he's gay.'

BLAHBLAHBLAH and it lead to this..

Mom: 'Being your mother sucks.'

How the hell do I reply to that? http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif

Leviathan
Dec 21, 2007, 03:38 AM
Well your mom seems to be a drunk so that would be the first step to getting her some help, rehab. If not then counseling? People say a lot of things they regret when they're drunk.

TetsuyaHikari
Dec 21, 2007, 03:54 AM
Yeah, if she was plastered, then I wouldn't take anything she said seriously really. You may be sober and think, "Why the hell would you say something like that?!", but I can assure you by the time she wakes up, she won't remember telling you something like that, despite you making a big deal out of it.

So yeah, just brush it aside. You really don't want to respond to drunk peoples' comments anyway, lol. They will start saying even dumber things (most of the time).

Also, judging from our conversations about your mother..she doesn't really seem like the nicest of people anyway, so..my advice would be this:

take what your mother says with a grain of salt and take what your friends say to heart.

Yep, I think that covers it http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Kikumaru on 2007-12-21 00:55 ]</font>

EphekZ
Dec 21, 2007, 04:12 AM
HAHHAHHAHAHHA, I'm sorry. That's Hilarious. The fact that she would say something that fucked up is...fantastic really.

annnyyywayy, you could have said "and being your kid isn't the best thing in the world."
Was she telling the lady you're gay as a jokeish, dis, thing, or is it in spite of you actually being gay?

amtalx
Dec 21, 2007, 10:32 AM
No offense, but...what a bitch. I'm use to hearing the party line about "waaaah my parents won't let me do this" or "my parents won't buy me that", but what happened to you is truly wrong. It sounds like your mother needs to, y'know, be a mother.

AlexCraig
Dec 21, 2007, 10:38 AM
On 2007-12-20 23:58, Gryffin wrote:
Mom: 'Being your mother sucks.'

How the hell do I reply to that? http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif



"Yeah, well being the son of a drunkan woman like you is worse."

But, yeah, that does suck. I agree with the whole counceling thing. That is just wrong.

Solstis
Dec 21, 2007, 12:16 PM
That's an interesting way of coping with it.

I suppose that it's better than absolute denial? Maybe? Seems like things could turn up from here.

Then again, I don't know much about the situation.

Noblewine
Dec 21, 2007, 12:58 PM
Your mom has issues. <.<

Lyrix
Dec 21, 2007, 03:41 PM
your moms an alcoholic gryff, i just felt the need to say as much -.-;

BlaizeYES
Dec 21, 2007, 05:02 PM
you get angry for your mom being a bitch, but there may be more to that then you see. now she might not be the nicest woman, but you cant make her out to be a scapegoat of all your problems. see it from your mom's perspective, because both parents can be just as stubborn if you were going to choose a different type of career than they'd like. it will take time to convince them to accept your different lifestyle.

any parent dealing with a homosexual kid is going to have a hard time, because what they expected from their child and what they themselves dreamed about while growing up. in your mom's head, she always envisioned having kids, having them grow up and having them marry a beautiful woman. she expects to eventually have grandchildren, to visit and live the traditional family structure. she imagines your family coming over when shes in her mid-50s or 60s with your children, the wives chatting with the mom while they polish off a nice bottle of chardonnay by the fire; the guys talk business and sports in the other room. its all part of the dream that originated from generations before them, and many parents cant subsitute that dream in their head so suddenly.

i'm not blaming it on you, but its not right to call your mom a bitch. she was drunk, she made a mistake and said some things she's going to regret. but that still doesnt give you the right to call her an alcoholic because she's drinking with a few friends and slips up and lets it known how rough shes been feeling.

you cant put a label on her on being a "wino" because its only going to make her feel worse about herself. obviously you're in highschool, so this is relatively new information to her, and both of your parents are imagining in their heads of you living a similar highschool life as they did. parents live vicariously through their children, so it makes me wonder what your dad may have said to you or her as well. but give it time, its going to take them time to know that things are different in her traditional image of her family.

just dont attack your parents for how they're treating you and making yourself out to be a victim. have a few talks with them or something, sympathise with them, because people cant change as easily as you'd like. it's just upsetting to see someone else blame their parents for everything, even if they truely are being assholes to the kid. they still love you regardless, but it still hurts them.

i'm not knocking you, but i am knocking how you're trying to have people console you for what your mom said when she was a little drunk. SHAME ON YOU

Darkly
Dec 21, 2007, 05:12 PM
BlaizeYES, you're wrong. Plain and simple - your parents are meant to be the accepting people in your life, the ones that always forgive you for what you do, and what you do to them.

So what if he didn't fit THEIR dreams for him, really thats no excuse either - its his life and he can do what he chooses, but your parents should be their to support your life.

Oh and she was drunk, people have a habit of telling the truth dont they when they're drunk, i'm pretty sure nobody wants to here their mom tell them you suck - from your mom especially thats harsh.

Its obvious your mom is finding it difficult coping with your 'issues' but its still no excuse to say that to you. Even if she feels down, parents should always act strong infront of their kids.

TetsuyaHikari
Dec 21, 2007, 05:19 PM
Darkly, that was a bit uncalled for..coming in here and telling someone they are wrong "plain and simple", then try to make it out as if your opinion is factual information.

There are a lot of people who get drunk and spout nonsense. They don't just randomly babble truth, like you say. I'm sorry, but if you think a guy who just got drunk and is dancing on the table screaming, "I had sex with Paris Hilton! Hehehehehe!" is telling the truth, then you are the one that is wrong.

I believe the guy made some good points, but..there does come a time where your parents should be accepting of what you wish to do or not. It IS your life, afterall. If you want to be a homosexual, awesome. They shouldn't disown you because of that.

They may not agree with it, sure..but..that's not a reason to damn your child's existence, just because it goes against your beliefs.

Well, regardless of that..his mom is a bitch anyway, honestly. Drunk or not, I can't stand the woman. So, as I stated before Gryff..my advice would be to take what your mother says with a grain of salt and what your friends say, to heart.

Don't fret over it http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

ABDUR101
Dec 21, 2007, 05:25 PM
Tell your mom what she said about you and to you, then tell her how that made you feel; then see how her actions make her feel.

If she shrugs it off, your mom is a blatant bitch.

And Blaze, what the fuck are you spouting off about? Seriously, you went so far out there, so unless you actually know the original poster and their family, I don't think you should assume to portray such a backdrop to the situation.

If my mom or dad made any comment like that when they were drunk, I'd sure as hell be having a word with them when they sobered up. Merely being drunk doesn't give you the excuse to say something hurtful and crude, and if you're the type that turns into a nasty fun-making drunk then you need to cut yourself off before you go too far.

I would'nt care about my parents feeling worse about themselves if they're going to be abusive and put-downish when they drink. They're the adult, the parent, the role-model to which they should expect better things of me. If my parents are going to be pricks, I'm pretty sure I would'nt give a damn if they had hopes of wanting me to marry some beautiful woman and have a household of children. Life takes weird twists and turns, if they haven't learnt to deal and go with the flow, thats for them to deal with and not give someone else grief over.

Know what? My parents grew up, and they lived their lives as they saw fit. They fucked who they wanted, they went where they wanted, they lived as they wanted. Here I am, guess what? I'm going to do the same, and they can either enjoy and ride along, or get pissed that I'm not leading the life they expect me to follow and not accept who I am. Their choice, no consequence to me whether they take part in my life or not.

Broodstar1337
Dec 21, 2007, 05:27 PM
Kick her ass.

Darkly
Dec 21, 2007, 05:41 PM
don't you think it was uncalled for Blaize to say 'SHAME ON YOU' when his mom was acting out of order?

Being drunk is also no excuse for saying those things to people, being drunk doesnt turn everything thing you say to fiction, you spout out things like i love paris hilton, and other times you tell someone the cold truth.

im not trying to be insulting i just believe parents should be there for you until your fully grown up dont you agree?

BlaizeYES
Dec 21, 2007, 05:47 PM
lol.

my comment isnt well-recieved, and obviously you misunderstood me. i'm talking about how your parents dealing with your sudden change of lifestyle. i say this because i'm putting your telling them about your homosexuality the same way that a person changes careers despite the parent's wishes. for instance, if you were meant to be an engineer, and you decide to become something else, like an artist, your parents may not support you as much and still yearn for you to be an engineer. they may get pissy with you, and they're going to say about how "you're not going to amount anything in that career"... and its going to take time for them to support it. it takes time, because they should eventually change when they see you being genuinely happy. right now, they just dont really know yet.

parents are human, too. you cant expect parents to embrace it with open arms at first. you're still young. you're in highschool. they will come to respect you and back you up, and they're just having a rough time.

yes, i dont know the family structure, but i still sympathise with parents... because its terribly hard to be a parent. its hard for them to think something all their lives and then immediately make the transition. every parent just wants the best for their kids, and as a teenager as well, not many parents will take anything you say seriously.

i'm saying to not cite a war with them because of your lifestyle they dont approve. try to talk to them, try to make them see it a different way. theres always a way to make them believe. you dont know if your mom has been crying over it, or her exact feelings. yes, i dont know the situation, but you still always need to see the other side of the story before you go into world war 3 in your house and then emotionally collapse... because you dont know if they will collapse either. its hard to always be strong, you can try as a parent... but as you get older, you find out how difficult it is to accept a parent being all-knowing superpowers. they dont know everything, and they dont know how to deal with every curveball that comes their way... so at least try to help them

TetsuyaHikari
Dec 21, 2007, 05:55 PM
On 2007-12-21 14:41, Darkly wrote:
don't you think it was uncalled for Blaize to say 'SHAME ON YOU' when his mom was acting out of order?

Being drunk is also no excuse for saying those things to people, being drunk doesnt turn everything thing you say to fiction, you spout out things like i love paris hilton, and other times you tell someone the cold truth.

im not trying to be insulting i just believe parents should be there for you until your fully grown up dont you agree?



I'm not going to reply back to the whole statement, but..as for what is in bold...no, I don't agree. Why? Because with an attitude like that, you're letting your parents decide everything for you. To put it simply, you're always going to be your mother's "baby" even in your 40's.

If you wait for your parents to decide when you are "fully grown up", then you're going to be waiting till they die. I believe they should be there for you when you are "fully" grown up as well, but you deciding when you are "grown up" really isn't going to change the fact that they, themselves, are going to still try and decide what you should do with your life.

If you think you're "grown up" at the age of 16, that certainly doesn't mean your parents are going to feel the same. They will feel the need to stay by your side longer, guiding you down the road to your future, despite you getting a typical teenager attitude of, "Leave me alone! You're not the boss of me! I can do whatever I want!" because you feel as if your parents are being unfair.

Well, I'm not trying to say whether my statement is right or wrong here, but..this is how I feel about it.

BlaizeYES
Dec 21, 2007, 06:05 PM
i'm saying "SHAME ON YOU" for how you responded to the comments by coming on here and making everyone else hate your parents as well. you need to talk to your mom, not incite other people to hate her. it's only going to cause more hate inside of you knowing people back up your loathing, and the rift is only going to grow stronger... and nobody wants that.

maybe you want to completely exile your parents, but even me being 16 and 17 and my constant arguments with my parents about what line of work i'd be doing, i moved out. now i look back and talk to them now and they are proud of me. they eventually gave up and i found my own path, and my relationship with them has gotten much closer, and much better, because they now support me. i dropped out of college, i stopped working towards architecture, and i had to reevalute what i wanted to do. now i know, they now support my career change, my change in location, college, and they are happy for me. i view it the same way, regardless if you all agree or not. they constantly told me i HAVE to get into a certain school, i HAVE to major in a certain category, and i HAVE to get involved in certain things. when i chose not to do any of those, it was rough for them to swallow. but its all the better now, and when i talk to them now, all my rebellion and hate really took its toll on them. they were drained, and i felt horrible. instead of me creating a war, i could have talked to them. instead of just trying to tear them apart for every injustice against me, i could have laid out a plan of action, what i was going to do and how i was going to do this... instead, i just made them worry. they were angry, but they were also torn up inside, because it got to the age when i had to choose my own path and i didnt even know what i wanted. now i sympathise with them, like i sympathise with your parents. not the same situation to you, but to me, i feel it is

ABDUR101
Dec 21, 2007, 06:10 PM
Blaze, do yourself a favor and actually read. The original poster hasn't even been replying, a handful of us have and all your responses and are talking to us as if we were the original poster.

Good going.

BlaizeYES
Dec 21, 2007, 06:24 PM
lol. i apologize, this is a subject i am passionate about and i would like other people to see it from the parent's perspective. but as other people got offended at what i'd say, i had to defend my stance. but i believe my work is done here.

moral of the story:
-dont try to gather support about your parents to outside parties, talk to them one-on-one. getting outside parties involved in your anger only cause bigger problems for you and create more anger.
-be aware of your parent's struggles as well
-your lifestyle change is rather new. people have problems adapting easily without showing some resistance
-nobody is invincible. everyone needs help sometimes... including parents. so help your parents, dont lash out at them



AND THE MONEY BALL:
- LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD, NOT A WAR. dont turn it into one, or there may be no country left in 10 years to love

Darkly
Dec 21, 2007, 07:08 PM
Kikumaru - you're taking what i say too literally.

I didn't mean they should make your decisions until your 18 or whatever, i meant they should just be there for their kids, support the decisions they make and whatnot.

I actually agree with you, parents shouldn't make all the decisions at all for them, sorry if i was unclear.





<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Darkly on 2007-12-21 16:11 ]</font>

Gryffin
Dec 21, 2007, 07:25 PM
Thanks everyone for comments o_O;

Oh. and Blaize.... if a 'little drunk' for you is 1 or two bottles of wine, and several cocktails everynight... I think YOU need some rehab.

And she doesn't get violent or anything, and this is really the first time anything bad has come of it while she's drunk..
But, I know she did mean it. When she drinks, she gets clumsier, and she speaks directly how she feels....

Mm. Fun stuff.. I just wish she'd waited a while to tell me this. I really don't wanna end up back in Psych around the holidays. I've missed enough school... (been in school 2 days the past month)


Edit: Few things I forgot.

I told my mom and dad I was gay... LAST YEAR. And they already told me she'll be able to get over it.... not to mention, Literally, the WEEK before, in family therapy, they said themselves.
'It's okay, We'll always love you, and always be here for you, we'll never push you down. We'd rather have a gay son then a dead son.'

And as for my other issues, none of them have derived from them, and this is the first time anything she's said has gotten to me. I'm not saying I hate my mother, I'm saying I hate myself for putting the burden on them. I'm saying I wish I was never born so that I wouldn't have hurt them with things I can't change in myself. I'm saying the nights that I've had a bottle of pills in my hand, and asked her if she would stay up and talk with me, and she's shrugged me off and gone to bed, turning the lights out as she leaves the room. Leaving me to cry all night and bleed into my blanket from the knife wounds all down my arms and legs. I'm saying that I love them unconditionally, but when they say something that actually hurts me, I question how much they like me as a person. I know they love me as their son. But when they say something as cruel as that to my face, it's worse than anything I've done to myself, and It's worse than what I can do to myself. I'm not used to that. I'm always able to shake off physical pain, because I can do that to myself. I can shake off headaches because so many other people ask for me to comfort them. I can shake off when people try to insult me, or put me down, because all my emotion issues are my own.

But I couldn't shake this off. It hurt. Deep.. I can forgive her, hell I'm not even MAD at her. I'm mad that she feels that way, sure. But it's all my own fault anyways, God forbid I like men, God forbid I'm suicidal, God forbid that they had to dip into they're rather large bank accounts to shell out for therapy to keep my from killing myself, God forbid I smoked--even though I quit when she asked me.

I do alot for them. For fucks sake, I'm only still alive because I know dying would hurt them.

And now, I'm not so sure.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Gryffin on 2007-12-21 16:36 ]</font>

AlexCraig
Dec 21, 2007, 09:28 PM
I'm sure you're not the root of all their emnity. Are there any other factors going on? You know, like lack of money for utilities and bills? Job related troubles?

ABDUR101
Dec 21, 2007, 10:01 PM
They said it themselves; they'd rather have a gay son than a dead one. Don't think otherwise.

I figured they had knew before and most likely don't care, odds are she was just making a remark that came across the wrong way. When you're drunk, you don't realise that you may say something and it will come across much differently than how you meant it.

BlaizeYES
Dec 22, 2007, 04:18 AM
jesus, well i believe my comments were made a bit prematurely. i will take back my previous statements, and i will admit in your particular situation i was wrong. but i must sleep, it is 4 in the morning. farewell my friends, and be strong my friend. you are special, and you are not meant to be dead. i am not good with comforting people, so that is about as deep as i am physically able to go. goodnight, and god speed

TetsuyaHikari
Dec 22, 2007, 05:20 AM
Well, my parents telling me, "We'd rather have a gay son than a dead son" really doesn't say much about how much they care for me, in my person opinion.

I find that kind of remark insulting. I think if they really cared about you, they could have came up with something better than that surely. Anyway, that's beside the point though.

I'll give you a few words of advice from my own point of view here, just as I have before. First..stop beating yourself up over something you can't control. So you're attracted to other guys? Whoopty freakin' do.

Seriously..don't get so bent out of shape over something like that. If they thought of you as a burden, they wouldn't have taken out so much money for your therapy. You can't decide for yourself whether or not you are a burden to someone else. Only that person can decide such a thing.

So don't stress out over something you don't know is true or not. You could be sitting in your room all day and think, "I'm a burden to them", but that doesn't mean they will be thinking of you as such.

Also, if your mom really doesn't give a shit about you..I'd say, attempt talking with her and by the end of the conversation if she just seems like she is a lost hope, then forget about it. A relationship isn't one-sided.

The relationship can be with your father, mother, friend, teacher, neighbor, etc. It doesn't matter who it is. If you are putting forth feelings and effort into something to just fall apart, then yeah..you're going to feel bad. Why? Because you're getting back negative things, despite giving positive.

You're trying and the other party isn't. You feel bad because you think you're at fault. You want to work things out, but the other person doesn't want to. You feel helpless, they don't care. You get the idea.

So, if your mother really doesn't give a rat's ass about you, then I say..you should cut all ties with her at that point. Just start disregarding what she says, brushing off her attempts at an insult, and carry on with whatever it is you're doing.

If you don't do that, then she'll forever control your feelings and make you feel like shit. I know, cause I had a father and a stepmother who did the same thing. I stopped listening to whatever they had to say, since I lost respect for them anyway and I started listening to the ones who DID care about me.

But anyway, this is about you. To get back on topic here..I know it sounds harsh, but you've just got to know when to let go. You can't keep going on like this..beating yourself up for doing nothing wrong, just because your mother says so.

Like I said before..don't let her control your feelings. If you do, it's going to end up tearing you apart one day. I know she's your mother, but she's also a human being, just as yourself. You don't have to just respect her because she's your mother.

If she's verbally abusing you or causing you psychological, or even emotional trauma..you don't have to put up with that. I'll leave you with these last few words to think about before I get some rest.

Honestly, I think you need to grow a spine. I've known you for a while now and you've never put your foot down in these kind of situations. You always let people control you. You then want to ask for help and advice from those around you, but whenever we (well, I, anyway) give you advice, you just say, "I knooooow, but I can't change" or something to that extent, basically making our advice, well..useless.

So, yeah. Go grow a pair and quit letting those around you control your life and your feelings. That's all I got to say http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

Solstis
Dec 22, 2007, 01:15 PM
You really do have to have a pair to come out at 15, so I don't think that's the problem Kikumaru. Or maybe it is? http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_confused.gif

I'm not a trained Crisis Center person by any means, but I'm pretty sure Gryffin's suicidal tendencies are not the sort of thing I'd leave a forum discussion to fix. Cutting all ties could be beneficial, but it could make things worse (especially because he might then feel guilty about it, etc).

Gryffin
Dec 22, 2007, 07:20 PM
Haha, thanks guys.. Talking to people is always nice. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

BlaizeYES
Dec 23, 2007, 03:57 AM
alright now kikumaru, thats how you give advice. GOOD FORM