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TheZombieKing
Jan 16, 2008, 09:50 AM
Author's Note: You know, the funny thing about this story is that I actually got the idea before Vahra Blue, yet somehow VB ended up being written first. The pior tale had a certain incomplete feel to it, but I hope you'll find Radio Free Parum a much more polished tale. I took much more time writing it, mostly due to the fact that it was written on notebook paper (something I haven't done in years), plus more time drafting and just prettying it up for the crowd. I enjoyed writing this story, and all of it came pretty easily except the last line of the story. I rewrote it at least a dozen times. What you get here I'm still not 100 percent happy with, but its the closest I can come.

Alright, enjoy the story and have a great day! Until next time, sayonara!


Radio Free Parum


It was a cool, frosty morning in Tarcus City. The sky was cloudless and blue. People dressed in sharp business suits passed shops and vendors on their way to the office. No one even spared a glance at the old office building, wedged between its larger brethren.

The wind was sharp this high up. There were no windows to block it out; they had been destroyed years ago in an explosion. Now there were only twisted girders and splintered furniture, a silent testament to the horror inflicted on the building only a few years ago.

Preacher wished he had brought warmer clothes. Dressed in his usual screen-wear--a suit of white--was hardly enough to keep out the frigid morning air.

"I'm getting too old for this." He muttered under his breath. He set up the camera in its usual place, checked himself in a pocket mirror, then tapped the LIVE FEED button on the device.

The light went from red to green. He was on.

"My brothers and sisters, and to all the people of Parum, good morning! Welcome back once again to Radio Free Parum, the only TV station who will give you the story straight, when the government and the media only want to smother you in their carefully crafted lies.

"Today I'm talking about the SEED threat. Yes, I know everyone is talking about the SEED, but how many are actually doing anything about it? The AMF and the Guardians will tell you that they have everything under control, but how come they're demanding more and more volunteers to fight?

"In fact, its gotten so bad, that the three planets are actually considering passing a draft! That's right, everyone between sixteen and forty could suddenly be wearing fatigues and being used as cannon fodder. Travel to new worlds! Meet interesting people! Get gutted by go vahras! All without your consent.

"Also, taxes here on Parum are going to go up again. Yept, as if taking your brothers, sisters, children, moms and dads wasn't enough, they're holding out their hands asking for more 'donations' for their war effort. I can understand needing to protect the civilian population, but when was the last time the AMF actually used that money for the war effort. Did you see that AMF parade last week? For 'moral' purposes. Two million meseta, gone. Tax money well spent, eh?

"But this old man has rambled on long enough, Parum. You think about what we've talked about today, and go out there and make a change.

"Preacher, singing off."



***


General Harris flipped off the holoscreen and turned back around to face the CAST sitting across the desk from him.

"Do you understand the situation now?"

SIN-116 grunted, not looking up from his reading. The stack of papers before him were other transcripts from previous transmissions from Radio Free Parum. Harris fought down a flash of annoyance and cleared his throat.

SIN slowly set down with the papers in his hand, and gave Harris a long, even look. The general wished he could read his fellow CAST's expression, instead of having to stare at a metal mask.

"He speaks a lot of the truth," said SIN.

"Which is exactly why we can't let him carry on," Harris tapped the desk for emphasis, "That draft bill was being carefully kept out of public eye while it was being debated. The political fallout from this information could be terrible."

SIN tilted his head to one side and said, "he had quite the information network, then. Do we have anything on him?"

The general slide a manilla envelope across the desk, "this is all the relevant data we have on him. Its not much, he's managed to be a shadow player for awhile now. He was part of the OASR for a long time."

SIN felt the hot sensation of anger roll through his emotional matrix. He lingered on its bitter taste for a moment, then snuffed the emotion out.

"Organics Against Synthetic Rule," SIN muttered, "They must be backing him up."

Harris nodded. "We believe this is where he gets most of his funding, despite the fact that he's not actually part of the organization anymore. This operation, its as much about striking a blow against OASR as it is about damage control."

"I understand, General." SIN rose to his feet, "I won't let you down."

The general mirrored the action, "I know. We didn't call you in for your public relation skills." Harris gave the CAST a thing smile.

SIN saluted, and left.

Harris sat back down with a huff.Those chaps from the System Intelligence Network were a spooky lot. He almost felt sorry for Preacher.

Almost.



***


Zoe had decided this was the strangest mission she had ever taken part in. After being rant through a gauntlet of what must have been a good four hundred questions by her potential employer, before the lady proclaimed Zoe fit to be hired. After that, she was whisked away to Tarcus City and dropped off in the downtown district, with nothing but an address and a name. What kind of name was Preacher anyways? Zoe figured it was some kind of alias.

Now wondering if this was some kind of setup, Zoe made her way to the address given to her. When she found the building, she had to check the location.

Yeah, definitely going to get mugged, Zoe thought sourly, eyeing the blown out office building. Still, the contract offered a sizable sum, too good to pass up, in fact, so she made her way inside. Once she was out of sight from the street, she drew her autogun from her nano-transformer and carefully made her way through the wreckage.

"That's not really necessary," a voice said from behind her.

Zoe left out a startled yelp and brought her gun to bear on the figure. Standing before here was an older man, with dark brown skin, darker hair (with the onset of grey at his temples), and slate grey eyes. He smiled and held up his hands.

"See? No weapons here. Relax."

To her credit, Zoe lowered her weapon, but didn't tuck it away. Preacher was pleased. He didn't know what to make of the her at first. She was a short, young woman with long red hair tucked under a slashball cap, the bill plunging her blue eyes into light shadows. She seemed familiar to Preacher, but he couldn't place a name with the face. Despite her appearance, she moved and acted like a pro.

"So, who are you?" She asked, eyeing him over. His white suit seemed to be a little to formal for a guy staying in a rundown place like this.

"Preacher, at your service." He introduced himself with a bow.

"Nice to know," Zoe motioned around her, "So whats with the scenery? Do you live here? Please don't tell me you live here."

Preacher chuckled and said, "No, but I've been known to stay here for periods of time. I have a small flat upstairs that's a bit more livable." He waved her on as he made his way up the stairs. "Come on with you."

Zoe had been hired to act as a bodyguard for Preacher, but she'd be damned if she was going to stay in some burnt up office building for a week.

"So um, are we staying here for the duration of the contract?" she asked.

"Oh, of course not!" Preacher laughed, "I'm having some rooms checked out later this evening in a hotel down the road. This is more like my workspace. At least for the moment."

"Do you mind if I ask what you do for a living, Mister uh... Preacher."

He grinned, "I run a pirate video network."

Zoe started, "Seriously? You're going to kill me or something, since I know where your hideout is, right?"

Preacher snorted, "I'm not a murderer, ma'am. I'll simply pack up and move once our contract is up."

Zoe blushed furiously. Her last question had just sort of slipped out. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. Just this mission is pretty weird. My name is Zoe Caid, by the way."

It was Preacher's turn to be surprised. "The Zoe Caid? Guardian of the People?" He whistled, "your reputation precedes you."

Zoe shrugged, "I uh... wouldn't get too excited over it. It was a fluke, and the numbers are usually off.

Preacher laughed, "They usually are. Can you do me one favor, though?"

"Hm?"

"You tell me the story in your own words. The truth."



***


SIN's artificial olfactories were assaulted by the smell of baking bread, cinammon, and the distinct underlying smell of sweat. The morning rush was beginning to wind down, with only the last trickle of business people and college students coming and going. Still, the crew was busy, pushing in cold, doughy lumps and puling out freshly backed bagels, donuts, and small loaves of bread.

SIN wandered up to the counter when it was his turn. The cashier--a pretty blond girl with her hair done up in pigtails--looked at him expectantly.

"I'm looking for someone," said SIN.

"Uh..." the girl frowned.

"An employee of yours. Daniel Grimm." SIN explained, silently cursing the dim-witted human.

The girl's eyes lit up, "Oh! He's out back, taking out the trash. Lemme go get-"

SIN held up a hand, "Not necessary. Thank you."

"Oh," the blond hesitated before asking, "Well, can I get anything else for you?"

SIN thought about it, "A bagel, please."

He enjoyed the smell.



***


As it turned out, Daniel Grimm was not taking out the trash. In fact, he wasn't doing much of anything. SIN found him leaning against the building, cigarette between his lips as he stared off into space. Daniel gave a start as he watched the matt black CAST approach, and stamped out his cigarette.

"Uh... hey. You're not suppose to be back here, you know."

SIN said nothing. Instead, he dropped a small pyramid-shaped device at Daniel's feet. He didn't know it, but SIN had just deployed a sonic-dampener. Anything sound occurring within its active bubblr would be unheard from anything outside its five foot radius.

With the emitter in place, SIN spoke, "Mister Daniel Grimm. A birdie told me that you know where a man named Preacher had taken up residence."

The "birdie" was in fact the AMF's mole within OASR. The informant didn't know where Preacher was himself, but he pointed him towards Daniel Grimm, one of the Preacher's close friends. A quick check through Grimm's file had sent SIN towards this bakery in downtown Tarcus.

Daniel shifted uncomfortably on his feet, "I don't know who you're talking about."

"His name is more commonly known as David Blitzer." said SIN.

Daniel's head jerked up, alarmed. No one knew Preacher's real name, except for a few people like Daniel, "Who are you?" He asked.

"Inconsequential," SIN growled, then took a step forward and shoved Daniel against the wall, keeping a hand firmly on his chest. Daniel grunted and struggled, "What you need to know," SIN said softly, digging his nails into the man's soft flesh, "is that I'm going to ruin your day if you do not cooperate."

Daniel cried out, then he spit in the CAST's face, "screw you, robot!"

Unfazed, SIN tilted his head to one side, "Have you ever heard of the Steel Dragoons?"

Daniel stared at him in silence.

"They were a group of CASTs who were dedicated to find out organics' many weaknesses. They were disbanded after the Treaty was written, yet many of their techniques and knowledge continue to be used today."

SIN grabbed Daniel's wrist.

"For example: They say one of organics' greatest weakness is mere pressure points. Even the strongest warriors and the heartiest of beasts can be brought down if the right amount of pressure in the right place is applied."

He pressed his thumb into Daniel's wrist. The human screamed. SIN went on:

"Its an art and a science, really. Too much pressure here will kill a man, too little pressure there will allow him to break free."

A hollow, deep sound like a hammer striking an anvil escaped SIN's vocals. Daniel realized with mounting horror that the CAST was chuckling.

"Lucky for you," said SIN, "I'm something of an expert."



***


Preacher served Zoe hot lemon tea from the kitchen node. Despite the wreckage around them, somehow the employee's kitchen had survived the worst of the blast and resulting fire. Preacher had cleaned it up for the most part, replaced the light bulbs, fixed the refrigerator, even set up a small stove so he could cook. All the comforts of home.

Zoe chuckled.

"What is it?" Preacher asked, looking up from his tea.

"This." Zoe motioned to the kitchen node, "I was thinking about how preserved this place looks, and it reminded me of a set to a holovid show. The idea struck me as funny."

Preacher smiled, but said nothing.

"Well, I mean," Zoe went on, "are you really going to abandon this place?"

Preacher shrugged, "There's other places to set up shop, Miss Zoe, one's with less holes in the wall, hopefully." He made a pointed glance at the blown out walls and chuckled. Then his demeanor grew serious. "There are those who'd like to silence me, Miss Zoe. Running a pirated show may seem harmless, and even romantic to some, but honestly its a dirty job, and you're forced to scramble from hiding place to hiding place to avoid the authorities. I get some funding, but rarely enough, and most of that goes to equipment. I am, on most days, forced to live as if its my last."

A heavy silence fell over them.

Finally, Zoe said, "Why do you do it, then?"

"The truth," said Preacher, as if that explained everything. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes with a sigh. Zoe shrugged to herself and relaxed, waiting for something to happen.



***


SIN could hear every creak, every crumble, every muffled word on the other side of the glass. He was on the twenty-fifth floor of the Allego Energy building, but on the wrong side of the glass. Wind tugged and whistled through his plates, and he carefully eased himself across the ledge. He had about a foot of space, and no more. Every step was calculated and sure, and SIN suppressed feelings of anxiety and fear. He was almost in position, anyways.

SIN glanced over his shoulders to make sure the massive window blinds were still in place, before easing his body against the building. He went rigid as he locked muscles into place, save for his arms, which drew his Black Bull-pattern sniper rifle from his nano-transformer. He brought the scope to his eye, then locked his elbows as well.

The building across from him leapt into view, and he gazed over the broken, blackened landscape, using only the most minute movements.

His scope lingered on the relaxed form of Zoe, sitting cross-armed in a chair, her back against the wall. She was sitting faced in his direction, but seemed to be distracted bye something off to the side, out of his view.

He hadn't known Preacher hired a bodyguard, which made things a bit more complicated, but SIN would adapt accordingly.

His scope jerked as he saw Preacher for a reaction of a second, but for SIN's photographic memory, it was long enough. Now that he had seen the target, he would have to make a decision. His scope wavered back to the girl, and he contemplated taking her out. However, it would alert Preacher to his presence, and despite his superior training, there was no way he could get down in time to chase the old man down. Too much risk of losing him.

SIN lowered his scope, now knowing his course of action. He would have to get in close and take both of them out. A tremble of delicious anticipation ran through him. He tasted it for a moment, then began his long climb down.



***


"What about you?"

Zoe started. Preacher had been quiet for awhile now, going about taking care of his makeshift studio, that Zoe had drifted into a daydream.

"Excuse me?" She asked.

"You asked me why I do what I do," said Preacher, "so what about you? What inspires and makes the great Zoe Caid do what she does?"

Zoe shrugged "Meseta, I guess? I dunno."

Preacher's smile faltered, "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Preacher sighed, "It's ironic then, I suppose, to be a cryer of the truth, only to find oneself believing in the same organizations he preaches against. Did you really even save that ship full of school children?"

Zoe nodded, "Yeah, but more out of self-preservation. One of my teammates, Xing, his leg got shredded by a piece of the ship's engine." She paused, debating whether to retell the story, then went on, "Cecil and Tam, the other two Guardians with us, went for help while I stayed with Xing. We didn't even realize there were any survivors aboard the ship until some little boy popped the seal and comes stumbling out, covered in blood." Her eyes grew distant, "He was mission an arm, and kept screaming for his mom. You can't exactly ignore that.

Preacher nodded and compared this to the news reports. They had said that everyone aboard the vessel had survived, but Zoe's account seemed to prove otherwise.

"Anyways, Xing and I exchanged a look right then. We knew the SEED-infected would be all over us in minutes. I propped Xing up against the hull of the ship, and hunkered down behind a piece of the transport--the wing, if you're wondering--and waited for the worst of it.

"Was it that bad?" Preacher asked.

Zoe shook his head, "No, it was pretty rough, but we were on a well-worn path, so the SEED-infestation was minimal. And despite what the media says otherwise, I never fought hand-to-hand, we had plenty of charges between up and a lot of space to create a kill zone."

"So what happened?"

"Nothing. We held them off for a couple of hours, mostly ageeta, but a couple of jarbas found their way to us just before the calvary showed up. Not just Guardians, but a bloody AMF company too. I was definitely glad to see them though, no one wants to take on a pair of jarbas with a wounded guy as backup.

"But anyways, this one wise guy--actually, I think it was Tam--so wise girl, whatever, she snaps a picture just as they approach. Tam always had a knack for photography, and this shot was... damn, it was perfect, which is why I need to still kick her ass, come to think of it. Here." Zoe pulled a picture from her jacket pocket and handed it to Preacher.

He had seen the photo before, but when he was once moved by the epic image, now he saw it in a different light. The scene had Zoe standing with one foot on top of her makeshift barricade, firing out of the shot whatever monstrosity was approaching. Her hair was down and waving through the air like a tattered flag. She had a hint of dirt on her face, that gave the picture that kind of heroic realism. Behind her, as a final touch, a child stood, with a wide eyed expression of universal innocence. It really was the perfect image for a hero.

Preacher contemplated the image for awhile, then handed it back, "Do you always carry that with you?"

"You'd be surprised how many people asked to see it, to begin with. I just got tired of seeing their disappointment and started carrying it out of habit." Zoe gazed at the picture, "I wonder why they chose me as their little trophy hero. You know what happened to Xing?"

Preacher shook his head.

"He died," Zoe stated with a sigh, "Bled out. With all the confusion of the AMF and the Guardians, along with the evacuation of the children, no one seemed to remember the other Guardian who had fought, injured and propped up against a damaged uhll. He didn't complain either, family honor and all that nonsense, and so eventually he just closed his eyes and..." Zoe shrugged and stared at the picture again.

Preacher got up when he realized Zoe wasn't going to say anymore on the matter, and put on some more tea.

I wonder how long she's been keeping the real story inside, Preacher thought, for weeks after that incident you couldn't watch the newsvids without some mention of Zoe Caid on them. Yet none of them told the story that I heard just now. He frowned to himself, listening to the teapot whistle, Ironic really, that the one Guardian I get as a bodyguard may understand the truth better than I do.



***


SIN slowly made his way up the stairs in the burnt out office building, expertly stepping his way around broken metal debris and crunchy plaster.

He could hear voices coming from the next floor, and slipped up and out of the stair well, shutting the door and positioning himself into a concealed place. He would lure out Preacher's guard dog, eliminate her, then take out his intended target.

Picking up a loose piece of plaster, he tossed it against the wall, hard enough to make a suspicious noise, but not enough to be too obvious.

With the coppery taste of battle on his tongue, he willed himself still and waited.



***


Zoe looked up from her reverie, "You hear that?"

Preacher shook his head, opening his mouth to speak until Zoe put a finger to her lips. She drew her autogun and slipped from the kitchen nook.

It seemed all quiet, but Zoe couldn't shake the feeling of another's presence. The silence was heavy, and Zoe tightened her grip on her gun. She made her way over to the doorway for the stair well, and was reaching for the knob when she smelled burnt ozone, and felt the slight heat behind her.

Instincts and Guardian training took over as she rolled to one side, under the blade of an orange saber, and came up turning and firing. SIN blocked the shots with his blade, and let his line shield soak up those that got through.

Zoe drew a saber as SIN lunged in for another assault. She made a desperate one-handed block, grimacing at the stress on her wrist. She threw her pistol aside and supported the hilt with her other hand, then shoved SIN away and lashed out with her blade. SIN blocked the attack easily, since the human registered her motions before attacking. He slid the blade off hers, and came down with an overhead slash. Zoe blocked, then blocked again as SIN made another strike. She hopped back, then lunged forward to plunge her saber into the CAST's gut, but he side stepped and followed through with a down hand swing. Zoe used her forward momentum to roll out of harm's way. She drew a second sword as she came to her feet.

Artifical adrenal glands pumped SIN full of energy, and he would have grinned if he had a mouth. He came at the human again, and they traded a flurry of blows within seconds.

The thing that disturbed Zoe the most was not his speed nor swordplay, it was how quiet he was. SIN struck out, dodged, countered, moved, and danced about with only the slightest of noises, no grunts of exertion or a menacing snarl. Even when Zoe's blade skimmed SIN's ribs, he simply recoiled without a sound.

As Zoe moved in to press the advantage of the blow, SIN's hand snapped out like a snake, clamping around her wrist. Time seemed to slow down, and their eyes locked. Then the moment was past, and SIN pressed down on Zoe's wrist, snapping the bone and paralyzing the arm with a simple press of the thumb. She cried out and stumbled away, dropping her second sword. SIN moved in and swung his blade against Zoe's desperate defense, pushing the girl further and further back.

They passed through a doorway, and Zoe vaguely registered Preacher's studio room. SIN landed a light blow across Zoe's shoulder, and she reeled back once more, realizing she had run out of fighting space. With a CAST looming ahead, and open air to her back, Zoe accepted that she had met her end.

A shot rang out then, and Zoe saw Preacher sitting in the corner, a heavy Moatoob pistol in hand. The shots splashed off SIN's line shield, but Zoe used the monetary distraction and launched a desperate attack.

It didn't work. SIN was expecting the human to act so rashly, and he simply ducked past Zoe's blade, allowing the energy to pass by harmlessly, and plunged his saber through Zoe's heart. She gasped as the searing pain shot into her, and could only watch as SIN shoved her off his blade and out the window.

Her eyes met Preacher's for a split-second, wide and terrified, and then she was gone.



***


SIN turned to face the aged man, his red eyes glowing like hot embers.

"Preacher. You know why I'm here."

Preacher stared at the CAST, his face hard, "You're here to snuff me out like a good little lapdog. Who sent you? AMF, probably." Preacher sneered, "am I right?"

SIN fumed at the insult, but gave his target only a passive nod, pulling a pistol and leveling it at the old man's forehead, "By the order of the Alliance Military Force, and for the protection and wellbeing of all the people of Parum, I hear by sentence you, David Blitzer, to death for your crimes against sentient life." The pistol's power cell hummed to life.

Despite himself, David Blitzer--Preacher to most--spent his last few seconds of life emptying his bladder. Damn, and I really wanted to go with some dignity, he thought, and then his brains went out through the back of his skull.

SIN watched the body slump, checked for a pulse, then looked around, unable to shake the feeling of being watched. He chalked it up to nerves, until he spotted something in the corner: A camera, with its single glass eye staring at him.

The light atop it glowed green.



***


Over ten thousand people saw the live execution of Zoe Caid, Guardian of the People, and David Blitzer, better known as Preacher. Of those ten thousand, a quarter of them had the foresight to record the broadcast, and by dinner time every network, datasite, and citizen was talking about the death of the two "heroes".

OASR agents, taking advantage of the swirling storm of anger that was brewing in the population, began to systematically instigate riots throughout Parum, hoping the ensuing chaos would cause a collapse in the central government.

The cities became battlegrounds as joint AMF and Guardian forces attempted to stave off the worst of the rioters, control the looting, and keep ahead of the general outbreak of crime. Not even the farms were untouched, as farmers were found murdered and their livestock stolen.

The worst of the rioting came from Downtown Holtes, were the citizens had long felt that they had been dispossessed by their synthetic government, and rose up in anger. In fact, the fighting became so overwhelming that the AMF leadership authorized the use of Code 1126--use of lethal force against civilians. However, instead of breaking up the mobs, it only enraged them.

For three days the riots raged. The fires, the looting, the constant sounds of screams and gunfire rang out through all of Parum. For three days, the planet seemed to live on the brink of collapse. The death toll rose to over six hundred.

On the third day, the AMF released this statement:

"We are regretful at the loss of such a renown hero, and an important spiritual leader. The AMF wishes for the citizens of Parum to know that CAST SIN-116 was in fact a rogue element, and was no longer connected to the Alliance Military Force. It acted without our knowledge and without orders. Rest assured that SIN-116 is now in captivity and awaiting trail. People of Parum, know that justice will be served. Thank you."

There were those who balked against this statement, stating that it was just a ploy to calm the "sheep" back into submission, but for the majority it had the desired effect. Parum had its sacrificial lamb. It would be appeased with blood. Like a wave crashing against rocky cliffs, the mobs lost their momentum and dispersed. Order was restored, and life on Parum regained an semblance of normality once more.



***


SIN-116 was tried and found guilty of two counts of murder in the first degree. He was sentenced to be decommissoned.

Three days later, the sentence was carried out. When the executioner asked if he had any last requests, SIN tilted his head to one side, and after a pause, said:

"Yes, I'll have a bagel."



***


The central government wanted to appease the population, so Zoe Caid and David "Preacher" Blitzer were buried with full honors and a grand funeral. Hundreds attended, and it costs hundreds of thousands of meseta. It was funded by taxpayers' money. By the end of the year, both graves would be robbed a dozen times each, until the Parum leadership ordered the caskets to be cemented over.

Preacher's name became a kind of buzzword after his death, with thousands of sites on the Datanet appearing days after the conclusion of the riots, some blessing his name, others cursing it. Over a hundred activist groups took on some variable theme on his name: Children of Preacher, David Blitzer's Group, Flag of the Preacher, and so on. Within three months there were twenty pirated networks under the name "Radio Free Parum", spouting a multitude of different subjects, based on rumor and speculation, rather than facts.

Documentaries were created for both Preacher and Zoe, both of them highly inaccurate but very successful. No one wanted the gritty, terrible reality of these two, only what they saw in their mind's eye.

Eventually, they would spawn a series of wildly successful movies (Preacher War, Preacher War II, and Preacher War: The Dark CAST Chronicles) that pitted Preacher and Zoe (played by famous actors Robert Cunningham and Sara Zingler) into "a roller coaster of laughs and thrills!". All three movies were said to be based on true events.

In the end, they would leave only a legacy of lies.



The End

AzureBlaze
Jan 18, 2008, 11:39 PM
Why hasn't anyone commented on this?

I know that PSOW generally doesn't comment any fics much (which chases writers off) but still! This is a way good short story! There are too few complete stories on the internet in general, let alone good ones. Let alone tragedies.

Still, I hope you write more.

Nisshoku
Jan 19, 2008, 01:02 PM
I've commented on Vahra Blue, but I'll also re-iterate that I love short stories. And these are no different. If anything, I hope hope to see more from you. I enjoy reading these a lot.

TheZombieKing
Jan 19, 2008, 10:22 PM
Don't worry, my brain engine still has a few more stories to squeeze out before I'm done. In fact, I just posted a new short story before I wrote this. =P Yup, just now. Also, I try not to let a lack of reader response dissuade me too much, especially since I try to remember that I write these for the love of writing, not 'cause I'm trying to win a popularity contest!


Not that there's anything wrong with comments '>_> Quite the opposite! I appreciate you taking the time to leave me a few words. Doubly so to you, Nisshoku! Well, then, back to the ol' salt mines, those stories won't write themselves.

Until next time we meet, sayonara.

Serakor13
Jan 20, 2008, 02:59 PM
Wow. That was amazing!
I did notice that you have a lot of typos in your writing. You may want to proof read your works a little more carefully. Otherwise, the story was excellent.

Sgt_Shligger
Jan 20, 2008, 06:52 PM
Well, aside from the bad taste in my mouth, nice job. Not a fan of unhappy endings but that doesn't make it a bad story. Another thing I didn't like was how futile and cheesy Preacher's role was. He only fired a single shot and then froze. He didn't really try fighting back, stepping out of the way or anything before SIN shot him. He just gave up. Didn't make sense to me.

Characters are described fairly well though a little more detail wouldn't hurt for some. Typos are somewhat annoying, as Serakor pointed out. The only thing really bugging me about this story (and the last one I read, Vahra Blue) is how the PSU element seems almost "forced" in. I'm not saying stop writing fan fictions but trying to change these stories into a more realistic setting. It never hurts to get out of the box. If they turn out poor or odd or off, you know you should stick to fan fiction. The flipside is they turn out better. Your narration is smooth like any good writers should be so it shouldn't be a too hard once you come up with an environment.

TheZombieKing
Jan 20, 2008, 11:15 PM
First, the typos issue: There's no excuse, really. I try and proofread carefully at least three times, but things still manage to slip through.

Right, anyways:


On 2008-01-20 15:52, Sgt_Shligger wrote:
The only thing really bugging me about this story (and the last one I read, Vahra Blue) is how the PSU element seems almost "forced" in. I'm not saying stop writing fan fictions but trying to change these stories into a more realistic setting. It never hurts to get out of the box. If they turn out poor or odd or off, you know you should stick to fan fiction. The flipside is they turn out better. Your narration is smooth like any good writers should be so it shouldn't be a too hard once you come up with an environment.


You seem to imply that all I write is fan fiction. Granted, these are the only things I've posted, but for the most part everything I've written is original stuff. *shrugs* In fact, outside of a Warhammer 40,000 short story I wrote about six months ago, I haven't touched on fan fics in several years. I decided to write some PSU fics 'cause I like the universe, and I thought it was ripe for plundering (in the creative sense). The idea was to try and write some stories that were outside of the box, something unique and original for the PSUniverse. So yeah, I guess at times it does feel references are just kinda shoved in there, but I haven't written a single PSU short story without it meaning to actually be set in PSU.

I appreciate your encouragement and your honesty (I'm trying really hard not to come off as condescending, T_T I really do appreciate the time to take to respond in depth), but the fact is that I'm just on a PSU fanfic kick these days. I like writing about CASTs and beasts and newmans, and simply trying to figure out ways to write about the unexplained portions of Gurhal.

Don't worry, I'll go back to my normal writings in due time. Hrm, just try to bear with me 'til then? Heh.

Sgt_Shligger
Jan 21, 2008, 04:28 PM
Well, don't stop writing fanfics if you enjoy it I was simply under the impression you didn't write much else. Don't rush back into normal writing if you don't feel like it. That was more of my personal preference rather then an unbiased opinion being conveyed in my previous post. I do like the creative aspect of filling in the many empty "holes" of the game's or any game's universe and, with this thought in mind, I might actually write a PSYOU fanfiction of my own some time in the future.