Temjin-On
Mar 12, 2008, 11:04 PM
So, after what I'd call 4 years of trying, I've finally got something to give to PSOW again. This is a continutation in the spirit of my first PSO fanfic, The Appearance Of Abnormality. But this isn't going to be like last time. This one is much more refined, and less random. I've tried to be as funny as possible, and to reinvent as many characters as I could for the transition to PSU. I'm still kind of iffy on the dialoge but, here it is. I am going to put this out there for opinions and then try to move onto the next chapter. So without further ado, here it is, The Symphony of Abnormality!
The Symphony of Abnormality
Chapter One: Verses of Angel
“To be honest, I have no idea how I ended up here on this couch talking to a shrink like you, Anjulia.”
The aforementioned Newman chuckled, running a hand through her mind bogglingly purple hair, idly commending herself mentally on the terrific dye job. This seemingly absurd set of hair framed a rather diminutive frame, with the purple flowing neatly between her two distinctive ears and down her back. “Mr. Pope, it's quite obvious you do have a lot of issues to resolve, mostly in your subconscious mind, and I'd like to evaluate your perception of reality.”
“You know, it probably wasn't the best idea, coming to you.” The man replied, idly sitting up from his laying position in a couch, smoothing out the farther parts of his blue Braves Coat before adjusting the large, round and floppy thing he wore on his head and called a hat.
“Oh?”
“Yeah, we've known each other since we were just kids, you know? You're completely biased in this case.”
“I won't tolerate any attacks on my professional integrity, not even from you, Pope Temmy.” Anjulia sighed. “Nobody will ever be able to say Anjulia Undwren brought bias into her practice!”
“But you see, that's just it. You don't have a practice. You're a shrink without a license, a woman without a purpose, a person lost on the winding road of life, blind to the truth.” Pope Temmy said dryly.
“Temmy, do you want my professional opinion?” He nodded. “The truth is, you're full of shit, old friend. Incapable of dropping the act of a spiritual guru to come down a few notches back to reality with the rest of us.” Anjulia sighed. “Now that we have vented our frustrations, are you going to tell me why you are here?”
Pope Temmy smiled. “But of course, Anju. You see, I've been having this dream that is making me a bit uncomfortable. I need to find the truth in it.” he paused, adjusting the obtusely large round hat that seemed to hang off his head in every direction. “Yes, it's kind of weird. I just find myself in a sort of trance, and theres this woman, shes very pretty, I would guess, but she has this overwhelming amount of jewelery on her, most of it red. She is wearing this gigantic red ring on one arm, its kind of like. Well, you know, how hookers wear a lot of gaudy jewelery? Yeah, its really a lot like that. Then there is this explosion, and then... I see this house.”
“Hmm, a house? Interesting.” This of course garnered a confused stare from Pope Temmy. “No no, I'm not saying it means anything, just please continue.”
“Well, anyway, in this house there is a lot of people. Even by daily standards here on the colony, their dress was something pretty far out there. One of the guys did hear a hat quite similar to mine, and he sort of resembled a Newman as well, but I'm not quite sure if he was. But these people keep speaking of something about Pioneers and an abnormality, and then it flashes to a girl I swear to god I know, she looks a lot like my mother. In fact, I'm convinced its my mother, and she calls to me by my name. My actual name, mind you, and tells me that I have to seek the truth. What truth? I don't know, but just when I think I am about to hit that truth, I fall backwards in a swirling rainbow vortex, then I end up waking up with nothing but the memories of the dream seared on my brain.”
“Is that all?” asked Anjulia. “That's your big trouble, that's what brought you to me?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Sometimes, Temmy, a dream is just a dream. You'll have to accept that it's merely your subconscious mind hiccuping and giving you some incomprehensible stream of events that ends up remotely resembling a greater scheme.”
“I suppose so.” he sighed. “Well. You know, I just can't shake the feeling that there is in all factuality more to that dream than anyone could possibly imagine.”
“Probably, but that would be some pretty lousy foreshadowing if that were true, you know?” Anjulia laughed. “That is the equivalent of fate going “Oh, by the way, just so you can have your cake and eat it, Rosebud was a sled! It's rather pointless.”
“Rosebud? What are you even talking about?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Anjulia wiped a small tear from her eye. “Anyway, you got plans for the rest of the day?”
“Actually, yes. I have to go meet with a publisher.”
“A publisher, eh? Has our little Pontiff finally found his voice?”
“Something like that. I'm pitching that book I told you about, you know, the informational one.”
Anjulia coughed. “I hope you found a better title than The Hitchhiker's Guide to Gurhal, that is one title that will get you nowhere fast, my friend.”
“But that is exactly what it is! A guidebook to help people find their way if they become lost on the way to where they are going somewhere on the great road of life! This book has the potential to be a true repository of truth!”
“I really do hate to dampen your enthusiasm, but that title sucks. Pick a new one, or else that publishing representative and his editor are going to laugh you right out of their office.” Anjulia winced slightly. “Trust me, I know.”
“Still can't get over how your doctoral thesis went unpublished, huh? You know, maybe it has something to do with the little fact that then, as is the case right now, you lack the proper accreditation to be considered a shrink.” Pope Temmy raised his hand up to shush Anjulia before she could speak. “Yeah, you did the doctoral work, nobody is going to dispute your degree, that's near impossible. The absolute truth here is, you need to cough up the funds, bite the bullet and go get your license.”
“I suppose you're right. I mean, it's been five years since, well, you know. I guess enough time has passed.”
“Anjulia, as your closest spiritual advisor, I can tell you that ethically, logically, spiritually and religiously, this is the best thing for you. I encourage you to get out there and do this as soon as possible.”
Anjulia couldn't hide her smirk. “Yes, you would say that.” She sighed. “You win, okay? I'll be seeing the Gurhal Accreditation Board next week, and I'll have my practice in proper.”
“Congratulations, then. I wish you the best of luck. But if you will excuse me, I will have to go and keep my appointment.”
“Temmy, I hate to draw this out any further than it has to go, but, I'm going to see your sister today, is there anything you'd like me to tell her?”
“Tell Maddy I said hello, at least.” he sighed. “After that, it's really up to you. Make something up that's terribly witty and creative, if you want. She knows where we stand.”
“She's forgiven you, you know.”
“Yeah... Doesn't mean I've forgiven myself, does it?” He decided to leave the apartment with that last sentence hanging hard in the air. As he stepped out into the warm mid-morning sun in Holtes City, Temmy wasn't at all sure what his friend was thinking when he left, or what she was going to tell his sister, but, he decided it really didn't matter, and because it was going to be a good day, he was going to put it behind him and head for his appointment, with the thought of his dream as far away as the farthest reaches of the sky. “Wow, that was bad.” Pope Temmy stopped dead in his tracks and mentally crossed out the previous analogy off of his mental list for future use in literature, finding the that the cheese factor had been cranked up to five.
It was a relatively short walk from Anjulia's apartment to the office building that housed Koltova Press. The aforementioned building was like any of the other countless building surrounding it that seemed to make up Holtes City, extremely tall with an almost entirely cylindrical shape. The only real distinguishing feature this building held was the giant sign fixed to the building about three-fourths of the way up, bearing the silhouette of a Koltova on a large hard-bound book. Standing mere feet from the entrance to the place that could very well change his life, Pope Temmy was anything but calm. But never the less, he swallowed his fear and took a step forward. He was still an hour early, but never the less, he was ready to await his meeting. Of course, he would be, if it wasn't for the most curious sound that reached his ears. The sound happened to sound suspiciously like a girl screaming, followed closely by an explosion. Pope Temmy stopped to look in the perceived direction of the scream, only to be knocked to the ground by an unknown woman.
“I hate to be more cliché than I already am, but you better run or he'll kill you too!” yelled the girl as she pulled herself up off of Temmy's arm and onto her feet.
“Hey now, wait a minute, pardon my cliché, but why are you running?” asked Temmy, pulling himself to his feet, quickly dusting off his coat and pushing his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose.
“I was just on my way to the G.R.M. Shop when straight out of the AMF building came a huge Cast with a large bulky shell who was immediately drawn to me for some reason, babbling on about teaching me the finer points of intercourse.” the woman stopped, and picked a small twig out of her hair. “I tried shooting him, but, he just set a trap and blew us both up, sending me flying backwards and barely putting a scratch on him, I'd wager.” She would have elaborated further, but before she could do so, the very cast she was describing came up behind her and grabbed her by the waist. “Ah, son of a-”
“Do not resist, I mean to do nothing but bring you absolute pleasure and sexual fulfillment.” said the Cast in an emotionless monotone. He was huge, yellow and resembled a box with a square head with one red eye. “You are going to see stars you didn't even know existed, thank every God you can think of and wish to smoke an entire pack of post-coital cigarettes. You will moan my name into the night. Once you go Cast, you will most assuredly never, ever go back. I am your big metal daddy. I am the Love Bot. Hug me.”
The woman kicked and screamed, “Put me down, you horny scrap pile!”
“Are you a lesbian?” asked the Love Bot. “Why do you resist the pleasure? Is it because you are untouched and fear pain? Do not fear pain, I come self lubricated with adjustable pleasure levels, I am accommodating to my lovers. Succumb to the pleasure and I'll take away the pain.” The Love Bot's single red eye glowed, casting a hue over his large yellow body.
It was at this time that Pope Temmy decided to play the hero, producing a handgun from his nanotransformer. “Alright there, you sex crazed son of a trashcan! In the name of all that is holy and pure, put down that woman!”
“You may kindly wait your turn, human.” the Love Bot smiled.“Or, you can join in for that real menage a trois feeling.”
Pope Temmy simply fired two shots into the Love Bot's legs, causing him to leak oil. “That's just it though, you're ribbed for her pleasure. You lack the fine, fleshy softness I crave. Drop the girl and go, this whole ordeal is going to make me late for my appointment.”
“Fine, but I will be back. I am merely going to lick my wounds, but I shall be back. After all, I was built to lick wounds of all shapes and sizes to bring absolute pleasure.” the Love Bot kicked his heels together and with a mighty flash of fire, he soared into the sky by means of hidden jet boosters in his feet, splashing oil on the ground as he went.
“Sex crazed son of a trashcan? Ribbed for her pleasure?” asked the woman. “Are you for real?”
Pope Temmy returned his handgun to his nanotransformer and shrugged. “Eh, I have my days.” He stopped and observed the woman for the first time in great detail. She looked to be in her mid-twenties with milky skin with a hint of a tan and light blond hair. She had dark green eyes and framed all of this in a blue and white ensemble he recognized as the Hanaura style from shopping with Anjulia. “Since we haven't been properly introduced, I am Pope Temmy.”
“My name is Lilith Algernon.” she noticed Pope Temmy's quirked eyebrow, and scoffed. “Yes, because Pope Temmy strikes fear into the hearts of children.”
“No need to get offended. What's a name, you know?”
“Anyway, I have to admit, I have heard of you. I've read those pieces you've done freelance for news on the Colony. You could say I'm a fan.” she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small tablet. “Say, are you free next Friday? I'd love to meet up for some drinks to discuss philosophy. I've sent you my card.”
Pope Temmy blinked. “Drinks? With me? Of course!”
“See you then!” said Lilith as she walked away. “Oh and thanks for saving me, cheesy lines and melodrama aside!”
Shaking his head, Pope Temmy shrugged and continued on his way into Koltova Press, idly noting that this entire incident had taken place right outside the building and found himself wondering why nobody had come to help stop it. Chalking it up to early lunch on behalf of security, he strolled through the main doors and into the lobby. Much like the G.R.M. Shop, there was a large counter in the middle of a generally open space with a single woman sitting behind it.
“Welcome to Koltova Press! Koltova Leather Free for over a decade!” the woman greeted cheerfully. “How can I help you today?”
“I have a two o'clock appointment with Mr. Monotoli.”
The secretary looked over her list. “Ah yes, a Mr. Pope Temmy, yes. Take the elevator up to the fifteenth floor please.”
“Thank you very much, miss.”
“Thank you for choosing Koltova Press! Have a fantastic day!”
Pope Temmy saw the elevator at the far end of the massive ground floor lobby of Koltova Press, and entered the doors into the circular tube. He quickly punched the number fifteen, and was immediately jerked up faster than he thought possible, but the elevator was just toying with him and it slowed to a crawl. If he wasn't in such a good mood, Temmy would have stopped to ponder exactly why the elevator had been designed to start out fast and then go painfully slow, but he would eventually reach the conclusion that it really didn't matter. As the elevator crept ever upward, his mind drifted to thoughts about the woman he had just met. For all intents and purposes, Pope Temmy was willing to bet his large floppy hat that Lilith was the most attractive woman to ever fall on top of him while running away from a sexually deviant robot. Regardless of how small of a list this happened to be, he was shocked that she seemed to know him, and much more want to have a nice date. “It's not like I haven't none the touch of a woman or anything, it's just... what the hell kind of co-incidence was this just now? Beautiful women don't just fall on top of you and ask you out after you save them!” were his thoughts. His mind kept flying back to the dream he has relived so much as of late, he couldn't stop the urge to try to connect the two and find some greater meaning. Much to his chagrin, he found absolutely none before the door of the elevator opened onto the fifteenth floor. Swallowing his pride, he strode toward the door the that read “Derek Allen Monotoli, Esq.”
Meanwhile, outside the Pavilion of Air on Neudaiz.
Anjulia sighed as she glanced down at her watch, brushing a few strands of stray purple hair out of her face. “Maddy is never usually this late, I wonder what's going on.” she thought out loud.
“Anju, you don't need to worry so much. I was just caught up at HQ, that's all.” said a voice playfully as the voice's owner poked Anjulia in the sides, causing her to jump.
“Maddy! What the hell?” yelled Anjulia, still taken back from the poke. “Why do you insist on sneaking up on me like that?! I didn't take a shuttle all the way to Neudaiz to be jumped like that!”
Maddy shook her head, her short brown hair falling just to her shoulders, swaying back and forth in the wind. A white and blue Classica tunic and shorts fit rather snugly over her average body, with her faithful Newman friend's head hitting jut around her breast-line as she spoke. “You were just standing there, asking for it. I can't help it if you're easy to get like that.”
“Or maybe it's your cat-like reflexes?”
Maddy chuckled. “Perhaps, now, to business. What news do you bring me.”
“Your brother has finally talked me into getting accredited.”
“You spoke to Temmy?” asked Maddy, a somewhat hopeful tone in her voice.
“Yeah, he came to see me about this dream he keeps having. Really has him thrown through a loop, but I think it's just him overreacting.”
“Did he say anything about me?”
“He said 'Hello, at least' and then told me to tell you he wouldn't be by today because he is too busy seeking the truth.”
“He's still sulking, isn't he?”
“Like the fat kid at prom.”
Maddy balled her fists. “Damn it, this has gone on long enough! I am going to find him and settle this once and for all!”
“Let him be, today at least. He is apparently seeing a publisher today.”
“Let me guess, The Hitchhiker's Guide to Gurhal, right?”
“Indeed.”
Maddy shook her head and snorted. “Stupid title, but it's a brilliant book. I've snuck peeks at a couple of early manuscripts. He's done some good research.”
“So, it's an improvement over his last essay?”
“Oh, you mean Partner Machines and their Connection to Pedophilia and Technophilia?” Anjulia nodded. “Yeah, most definitely. I'm still not able to look my PM in the eye after reading that, and I'm straight!”
“I know what you mean, last I heard it had ignited quite the scholarly debate.” Anjulia paused.
“Say, Maddy, do you hear something strange?”
Maddy smirked. “Strange, how?”
“I don't know, it almost sounds like a stampede, but...”
Before either of the girls knew what hit them, a large, blocky Cast was standing behind them, his one eye giving a red tint to his yellow shell.
“Why hello there, sexually attractive female human and newman. I can see you are not engaged in any sexual intercourse at this time.” the Cast spoke in a terribly unsexy monotone. “It is within my programming to provide sexual gratification. I shall give you both sixty seconds to prepare yourselves for the pleasure. This is your only warning.”
“Who are you?” barked Maddy, her reflexes honed by her service as a GUARDIAN, she quickly produced a pair of sabers from her nanotransformer. “Further more, as a GUARDIAN, I hereby place you under arrest for trying to forcibly solicit sexual acts from two innocent women!”
“You cannot contain the passion, the pure unadulterated carnal pleasure. If you wish to put me in jail, that is your prerogative. I can cater to your jail house fantasies, or any others that you may have.” the Cast moved into a battle stance. “As for identification goes, you shall now learn my name well, for you will soon be moaning it with all your might. I am the Love Bot. Hug me.”
The Symphony of Abnormality
Chapter One: Verses of Angel
“To be honest, I have no idea how I ended up here on this couch talking to a shrink like you, Anjulia.”
The aforementioned Newman chuckled, running a hand through her mind bogglingly purple hair, idly commending herself mentally on the terrific dye job. This seemingly absurd set of hair framed a rather diminutive frame, with the purple flowing neatly between her two distinctive ears and down her back. “Mr. Pope, it's quite obvious you do have a lot of issues to resolve, mostly in your subconscious mind, and I'd like to evaluate your perception of reality.”
“You know, it probably wasn't the best idea, coming to you.” The man replied, idly sitting up from his laying position in a couch, smoothing out the farther parts of his blue Braves Coat before adjusting the large, round and floppy thing he wore on his head and called a hat.
“Oh?”
“Yeah, we've known each other since we were just kids, you know? You're completely biased in this case.”
“I won't tolerate any attacks on my professional integrity, not even from you, Pope Temmy.” Anjulia sighed. “Nobody will ever be able to say Anjulia Undwren brought bias into her practice!”
“But you see, that's just it. You don't have a practice. You're a shrink without a license, a woman without a purpose, a person lost on the winding road of life, blind to the truth.” Pope Temmy said dryly.
“Temmy, do you want my professional opinion?” He nodded. “The truth is, you're full of shit, old friend. Incapable of dropping the act of a spiritual guru to come down a few notches back to reality with the rest of us.” Anjulia sighed. “Now that we have vented our frustrations, are you going to tell me why you are here?”
Pope Temmy smiled. “But of course, Anju. You see, I've been having this dream that is making me a bit uncomfortable. I need to find the truth in it.” he paused, adjusting the obtusely large round hat that seemed to hang off his head in every direction. “Yes, it's kind of weird. I just find myself in a sort of trance, and theres this woman, shes very pretty, I would guess, but she has this overwhelming amount of jewelery on her, most of it red. She is wearing this gigantic red ring on one arm, its kind of like. Well, you know, how hookers wear a lot of gaudy jewelery? Yeah, its really a lot like that. Then there is this explosion, and then... I see this house.”
“Hmm, a house? Interesting.” This of course garnered a confused stare from Pope Temmy. “No no, I'm not saying it means anything, just please continue.”
“Well, anyway, in this house there is a lot of people. Even by daily standards here on the colony, their dress was something pretty far out there. One of the guys did hear a hat quite similar to mine, and he sort of resembled a Newman as well, but I'm not quite sure if he was. But these people keep speaking of something about Pioneers and an abnormality, and then it flashes to a girl I swear to god I know, she looks a lot like my mother. In fact, I'm convinced its my mother, and she calls to me by my name. My actual name, mind you, and tells me that I have to seek the truth. What truth? I don't know, but just when I think I am about to hit that truth, I fall backwards in a swirling rainbow vortex, then I end up waking up with nothing but the memories of the dream seared on my brain.”
“Is that all?” asked Anjulia. “That's your big trouble, that's what brought you to me?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Sometimes, Temmy, a dream is just a dream. You'll have to accept that it's merely your subconscious mind hiccuping and giving you some incomprehensible stream of events that ends up remotely resembling a greater scheme.”
“I suppose so.” he sighed. “Well. You know, I just can't shake the feeling that there is in all factuality more to that dream than anyone could possibly imagine.”
“Probably, but that would be some pretty lousy foreshadowing if that were true, you know?” Anjulia laughed. “That is the equivalent of fate going “Oh, by the way, just so you can have your cake and eat it, Rosebud was a sled! It's rather pointless.”
“Rosebud? What are you even talking about?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Anjulia wiped a small tear from her eye. “Anyway, you got plans for the rest of the day?”
“Actually, yes. I have to go meet with a publisher.”
“A publisher, eh? Has our little Pontiff finally found his voice?”
“Something like that. I'm pitching that book I told you about, you know, the informational one.”
Anjulia coughed. “I hope you found a better title than The Hitchhiker's Guide to Gurhal, that is one title that will get you nowhere fast, my friend.”
“But that is exactly what it is! A guidebook to help people find their way if they become lost on the way to where they are going somewhere on the great road of life! This book has the potential to be a true repository of truth!”
“I really do hate to dampen your enthusiasm, but that title sucks. Pick a new one, or else that publishing representative and his editor are going to laugh you right out of their office.” Anjulia winced slightly. “Trust me, I know.”
“Still can't get over how your doctoral thesis went unpublished, huh? You know, maybe it has something to do with the little fact that then, as is the case right now, you lack the proper accreditation to be considered a shrink.” Pope Temmy raised his hand up to shush Anjulia before she could speak. “Yeah, you did the doctoral work, nobody is going to dispute your degree, that's near impossible. The absolute truth here is, you need to cough up the funds, bite the bullet and go get your license.”
“I suppose you're right. I mean, it's been five years since, well, you know. I guess enough time has passed.”
“Anjulia, as your closest spiritual advisor, I can tell you that ethically, logically, spiritually and religiously, this is the best thing for you. I encourage you to get out there and do this as soon as possible.”
Anjulia couldn't hide her smirk. “Yes, you would say that.” She sighed. “You win, okay? I'll be seeing the Gurhal Accreditation Board next week, and I'll have my practice in proper.”
“Congratulations, then. I wish you the best of luck. But if you will excuse me, I will have to go and keep my appointment.”
“Temmy, I hate to draw this out any further than it has to go, but, I'm going to see your sister today, is there anything you'd like me to tell her?”
“Tell Maddy I said hello, at least.” he sighed. “After that, it's really up to you. Make something up that's terribly witty and creative, if you want. She knows where we stand.”
“She's forgiven you, you know.”
“Yeah... Doesn't mean I've forgiven myself, does it?” He decided to leave the apartment with that last sentence hanging hard in the air. As he stepped out into the warm mid-morning sun in Holtes City, Temmy wasn't at all sure what his friend was thinking when he left, or what she was going to tell his sister, but, he decided it really didn't matter, and because it was going to be a good day, he was going to put it behind him and head for his appointment, with the thought of his dream as far away as the farthest reaches of the sky. “Wow, that was bad.” Pope Temmy stopped dead in his tracks and mentally crossed out the previous analogy off of his mental list for future use in literature, finding the that the cheese factor had been cranked up to five.
It was a relatively short walk from Anjulia's apartment to the office building that housed Koltova Press. The aforementioned building was like any of the other countless building surrounding it that seemed to make up Holtes City, extremely tall with an almost entirely cylindrical shape. The only real distinguishing feature this building held was the giant sign fixed to the building about three-fourths of the way up, bearing the silhouette of a Koltova on a large hard-bound book. Standing mere feet from the entrance to the place that could very well change his life, Pope Temmy was anything but calm. But never the less, he swallowed his fear and took a step forward. He was still an hour early, but never the less, he was ready to await his meeting. Of course, he would be, if it wasn't for the most curious sound that reached his ears. The sound happened to sound suspiciously like a girl screaming, followed closely by an explosion. Pope Temmy stopped to look in the perceived direction of the scream, only to be knocked to the ground by an unknown woman.
“I hate to be more cliché than I already am, but you better run or he'll kill you too!” yelled the girl as she pulled herself up off of Temmy's arm and onto her feet.
“Hey now, wait a minute, pardon my cliché, but why are you running?” asked Temmy, pulling himself to his feet, quickly dusting off his coat and pushing his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose.
“I was just on my way to the G.R.M. Shop when straight out of the AMF building came a huge Cast with a large bulky shell who was immediately drawn to me for some reason, babbling on about teaching me the finer points of intercourse.” the woman stopped, and picked a small twig out of her hair. “I tried shooting him, but, he just set a trap and blew us both up, sending me flying backwards and barely putting a scratch on him, I'd wager.” She would have elaborated further, but before she could do so, the very cast she was describing came up behind her and grabbed her by the waist. “Ah, son of a-”
“Do not resist, I mean to do nothing but bring you absolute pleasure and sexual fulfillment.” said the Cast in an emotionless monotone. He was huge, yellow and resembled a box with a square head with one red eye. “You are going to see stars you didn't even know existed, thank every God you can think of and wish to smoke an entire pack of post-coital cigarettes. You will moan my name into the night. Once you go Cast, you will most assuredly never, ever go back. I am your big metal daddy. I am the Love Bot. Hug me.”
The woman kicked and screamed, “Put me down, you horny scrap pile!”
“Are you a lesbian?” asked the Love Bot. “Why do you resist the pleasure? Is it because you are untouched and fear pain? Do not fear pain, I come self lubricated with adjustable pleasure levels, I am accommodating to my lovers. Succumb to the pleasure and I'll take away the pain.” The Love Bot's single red eye glowed, casting a hue over his large yellow body.
It was at this time that Pope Temmy decided to play the hero, producing a handgun from his nanotransformer. “Alright there, you sex crazed son of a trashcan! In the name of all that is holy and pure, put down that woman!”
“You may kindly wait your turn, human.” the Love Bot smiled.“Or, you can join in for that real menage a trois feeling.”
Pope Temmy simply fired two shots into the Love Bot's legs, causing him to leak oil. “That's just it though, you're ribbed for her pleasure. You lack the fine, fleshy softness I crave. Drop the girl and go, this whole ordeal is going to make me late for my appointment.”
“Fine, but I will be back. I am merely going to lick my wounds, but I shall be back. After all, I was built to lick wounds of all shapes and sizes to bring absolute pleasure.” the Love Bot kicked his heels together and with a mighty flash of fire, he soared into the sky by means of hidden jet boosters in his feet, splashing oil on the ground as he went.
“Sex crazed son of a trashcan? Ribbed for her pleasure?” asked the woman. “Are you for real?”
Pope Temmy returned his handgun to his nanotransformer and shrugged. “Eh, I have my days.” He stopped and observed the woman for the first time in great detail. She looked to be in her mid-twenties with milky skin with a hint of a tan and light blond hair. She had dark green eyes and framed all of this in a blue and white ensemble he recognized as the Hanaura style from shopping with Anjulia. “Since we haven't been properly introduced, I am Pope Temmy.”
“My name is Lilith Algernon.” she noticed Pope Temmy's quirked eyebrow, and scoffed. “Yes, because Pope Temmy strikes fear into the hearts of children.”
“No need to get offended. What's a name, you know?”
“Anyway, I have to admit, I have heard of you. I've read those pieces you've done freelance for news on the Colony. You could say I'm a fan.” she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small tablet. “Say, are you free next Friday? I'd love to meet up for some drinks to discuss philosophy. I've sent you my card.”
Pope Temmy blinked. “Drinks? With me? Of course!”
“See you then!” said Lilith as she walked away. “Oh and thanks for saving me, cheesy lines and melodrama aside!”
Shaking his head, Pope Temmy shrugged and continued on his way into Koltova Press, idly noting that this entire incident had taken place right outside the building and found himself wondering why nobody had come to help stop it. Chalking it up to early lunch on behalf of security, he strolled through the main doors and into the lobby. Much like the G.R.M. Shop, there was a large counter in the middle of a generally open space with a single woman sitting behind it.
“Welcome to Koltova Press! Koltova Leather Free for over a decade!” the woman greeted cheerfully. “How can I help you today?”
“I have a two o'clock appointment with Mr. Monotoli.”
The secretary looked over her list. “Ah yes, a Mr. Pope Temmy, yes. Take the elevator up to the fifteenth floor please.”
“Thank you very much, miss.”
“Thank you for choosing Koltova Press! Have a fantastic day!”
Pope Temmy saw the elevator at the far end of the massive ground floor lobby of Koltova Press, and entered the doors into the circular tube. He quickly punched the number fifteen, and was immediately jerked up faster than he thought possible, but the elevator was just toying with him and it slowed to a crawl. If he wasn't in such a good mood, Temmy would have stopped to ponder exactly why the elevator had been designed to start out fast and then go painfully slow, but he would eventually reach the conclusion that it really didn't matter. As the elevator crept ever upward, his mind drifted to thoughts about the woman he had just met. For all intents and purposes, Pope Temmy was willing to bet his large floppy hat that Lilith was the most attractive woman to ever fall on top of him while running away from a sexually deviant robot. Regardless of how small of a list this happened to be, he was shocked that she seemed to know him, and much more want to have a nice date. “It's not like I haven't none the touch of a woman or anything, it's just... what the hell kind of co-incidence was this just now? Beautiful women don't just fall on top of you and ask you out after you save them!” were his thoughts. His mind kept flying back to the dream he has relived so much as of late, he couldn't stop the urge to try to connect the two and find some greater meaning. Much to his chagrin, he found absolutely none before the door of the elevator opened onto the fifteenth floor. Swallowing his pride, he strode toward the door the that read “Derek Allen Monotoli, Esq.”
Meanwhile, outside the Pavilion of Air on Neudaiz.
Anjulia sighed as she glanced down at her watch, brushing a few strands of stray purple hair out of her face. “Maddy is never usually this late, I wonder what's going on.” she thought out loud.
“Anju, you don't need to worry so much. I was just caught up at HQ, that's all.” said a voice playfully as the voice's owner poked Anjulia in the sides, causing her to jump.
“Maddy! What the hell?” yelled Anjulia, still taken back from the poke. “Why do you insist on sneaking up on me like that?! I didn't take a shuttle all the way to Neudaiz to be jumped like that!”
Maddy shook her head, her short brown hair falling just to her shoulders, swaying back and forth in the wind. A white and blue Classica tunic and shorts fit rather snugly over her average body, with her faithful Newman friend's head hitting jut around her breast-line as she spoke. “You were just standing there, asking for it. I can't help it if you're easy to get like that.”
“Or maybe it's your cat-like reflexes?”
Maddy chuckled. “Perhaps, now, to business. What news do you bring me.”
“Your brother has finally talked me into getting accredited.”
“You spoke to Temmy?” asked Maddy, a somewhat hopeful tone in her voice.
“Yeah, he came to see me about this dream he keeps having. Really has him thrown through a loop, but I think it's just him overreacting.”
“Did he say anything about me?”
“He said 'Hello, at least' and then told me to tell you he wouldn't be by today because he is too busy seeking the truth.”
“He's still sulking, isn't he?”
“Like the fat kid at prom.”
Maddy balled her fists. “Damn it, this has gone on long enough! I am going to find him and settle this once and for all!”
“Let him be, today at least. He is apparently seeing a publisher today.”
“Let me guess, The Hitchhiker's Guide to Gurhal, right?”
“Indeed.”
Maddy shook her head and snorted. “Stupid title, but it's a brilliant book. I've snuck peeks at a couple of early manuscripts. He's done some good research.”
“So, it's an improvement over his last essay?”
“Oh, you mean Partner Machines and their Connection to Pedophilia and Technophilia?” Anjulia nodded. “Yeah, most definitely. I'm still not able to look my PM in the eye after reading that, and I'm straight!”
“I know what you mean, last I heard it had ignited quite the scholarly debate.” Anjulia paused.
“Say, Maddy, do you hear something strange?”
Maddy smirked. “Strange, how?”
“I don't know, it almost sounds like a stampede, but...”
Before either of the girls knew what hit them, a large, blocky Cast was standing behind them, his one eye giving a red tint to his yellow shell.
“Why hello there, sexually attractive female human and newman. I can see you are not engaged in any sexual intercourse at this time.” the Cast spoke in a terribly unsexy monotone. “It is within my programming to provide sexual gratification. I shall give you both sixty seconds to prepare yourselves for the pleasure. This is your only warning.”
“Who are you?” barked Maddy, her reflexes honed by her service as a GUARDIAN, she quickly produced a pair of sabers from her nanotransformer. “Further more, as a GUARDIAN, I hereby place you under arrest for trying to forcibly solicit sexual acts from two innocent women!”
“You cannot contain the passion, the pure unadulterated carnal pleasure. If you wish to put me in jail, that is your prerogative. I can cater to your jail house fantasies, or any others that you may have.” the Cast moved into a battle stance. “As for identification goes, you shall now learn my name well, for you will soon be moaning it with all your might. I am the Love Bot. Hug me.”