Opinions on how I broke my friendship

[Keely]

Here was the situation. I hung out with someone for months. We had similar tastes in food, activities and movies. After an incident, I did not trust her as a friend so I didn't want to hang out with her. She would call but I just let the answer machine get it and I wouldn't return her calls. I picked the non-confrontational approach hoping she would get the hint and after a few months she finally did but I am wondering if should have confronted her. What was the "decent" thing to do?





<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Keely on 2008-04-11 01:23 ]</font>

[Jakosifer]

The "decent" thing to do is to tell her how you feel, regardless of how bad it may seem. Its better than just ignoring the problem and thinking it'll fix itself. Still a crap situation though.

[Keely]

Deep down I thought that was the decent thing to do too. Probably, most of the people here will feel the same.

Here are more details and some new questions. The friend was my spouse's coworker. My spouse and I hung out with her together and we both ended up not trusting her. Did I handle the situation wisely; such as reducing the chance of retaliation or a bad work environment? Also, if you think I handled the situation wisely, then is it more important to do the "decent" thing or the "wise" thing?

[drizzle]

http://www.pso-world.com/viewtopic.php?topic=173401&forum=11&19

[Darkly]

Seriously asking for advice here is a little stupid.

[Zarode]

Not really Darkly. But hey, we clearly don't have advice to give.

The thing is, why can't you trust her? What did she do exactly? Can you at least give us a hint or something?

We won't know the situation if you don't tell us. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif Just "I don't trust this woman because she did something. Grr!" You make it sound like she wanted to to cheat on your spouse or something along those lines.

[enoch]

wow o.o i guess guys are indecent as girls after all

[ABDUR101]

Well, if the woman is his spouse's friend, meaning they are mutual friends; and they work together, yes there could be issues. However I think it'd be more akward to work with someone you avoid outside of work rather than just tell them what you think; that way both people can move on.

Maybe she tried to pull a fast one, which could cause trouble at work aswell as with him and his spouse. Maybe she's a bold-faced liar about things, which could cause alot of hassles.

It's a tough call, it really comes down to what she did and her personaloty. If she's a vengeful person, maybe being indiscrete and hoping she left him alone was the best way to go about it, preferable over her exploding and causing problems at work or his home with his family.(You'd be surprised what some people would goto just to cause problems.)

[AlexCraig]

Well, he did say that both he and his spouse don't trust her. So I don't think there'd be too much conflict with that matter. But I do think he should explain what she did that led to this mistrust.

[ABDUR101]

On 2008-04-11 10:16, AlexCraig wrote:
Well, he did say that both he and his spouse don't trust her. So I don't think there'd be too much conflict with that matter. But I do think he should explain what she did that led to this mistrust.


No, I was refering that the woman might try and cause problems between his spouse and himself. There are times when its best to 'cut and run' if someone can have explosive fall-outs, or a vengeful/vindictive personality.

It's his call, I certainly would'nt want to have to confront someone with either of those personality traits; but generally its nice to be let know why someone 'shut you out'. Again, something he has to decide on. Really depends what kind of person she is and if she could handle a formal 'lets not be friends; because.."

[BlaizeYES]

well really, alot of times it's easy to "end a friendship" by cutting ties, but its hard ending friendships with people that may work with you. just act a bit more passive with the friendship and dont make as much of an effort, make your conversations worthless(the kind where both people just are bored as hell and are planning an exit strategy) and it'll dissolve.

[Kylie]

I get in these situations at times, but I really think telling someone what the deal is (without being mean about it) is better for everyone. Otherwise, they don't know that you're avoiding them, and they don't know what they did wrong. If they knew why, then maybe they could work on the fault. At any rate, just hoping the situation will go away is stubborn and cowardly, helps no one really.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Kylie on 2008-04-13 19:39 ]</font>