SpikeOtacon
Jul 7, 2008, 09:19 PM
...and he says, "have I got an act for you!"
So the Talent Agent rubs his delicately groomed chin hairs in wonder and amazement at this man and his enthusiasm.
"Well tell me about this act," said the intrigued Agent.
So the man takes a deep breath and begins to explain.
"So it starts off with my wife, my two children and I walking the dog across the stage. Then my son runs up ahead of the group and picks up the dog, and signals for my daughter to go long. She runs to the other end of the stage and my son throws the dog to her. While in the air the dog lets out a bloodcurdling yelp, which sets off my wife. She takes out a carton of eggs from her purse and grabs the whitest and shiniest one in the carton and slams it into my face.
The egg goo smears all over my face and hair and it looks like one of the aliens sneezed me out. I try to rub it from my eyes but the bacteria irritates my skin and I begin to swell up like a bee hive. Meanwhile my dog is rolling around in the background in a hamster wheel and my kids are kicking it around like it is a soccer game. Then I whip out my massive sack of icing in a piping mechanism and I start to spray the sugary confection all over my wife, my children and my dog. My kids trip on the mounds of icing and faceplant onto the stage, while the dog runs over them with the plastic ball.
My wife then reaches into her purse and pulls out a top hat and cane for her and each of the kids. Then the song "Puttin' on the Ritz", with me doing the parts that Frankenstein's monster did in the movie Young Frankenstein. The dog then manages to squeeze out of its plastic prison and runs off the stage and comes back with a flamethrower.
Then a thousand scarecrows wearing denim pants come on stage and I ignite each and every single one of them to some Opera. Only the flamethrower backfires and expells a great amount of flame towards the audience, giving them the time of their life. My children were never told about this part so of course naturally they've pissed themselves. Amidst the laughter from the crowd and their self esteem hitting the floor, the stage explodes with candy raining down from the hidden piņata under the planks. This restores their faith in humanity. We will all then kneel down and say "Ta Da" while the dog viciously chases down wayward candy pieces as "Give Peace a Chance" plays in the background."
The talent agent thought for a minute and said "Well what do you call an act like this?"
The man stuck his chest out and said "The Aristocrats!"
So the Talent Agent rubs his delicately groomed chin hairs in wonder and amazement at this man and his enthusiasm.
"Well tell me about this act," said the intrigued Agent.
So the man takes a deep breath and begins to explain.
"So it starts off with my wife, my two children and I walking the dog across the stage. Then my son runs up ahead of the group and picks up the dog, and signals for my daughter to go long. She runs to the other end of the stage and my son throws the dog to her. While in the air the dog lets out a bloodcurdling yelp, which sets off my wife. She takes out a carton of eggs from her purse and grabs the whitest and shiniest one in the carton and slams it into my face.
The egg goo smears all over my face and hair and it looks like one of the aliens sneezed me out. I try to rub it from my eyes but the bacteria irritates my skin and I begin to swell up like a bee hive. Meanwhile my dog is rolling around in the background in a hamster wheel and my kids are kicking it around like it is a soccer game. Then I whip out my massive sack of icing in a piping mechanism and I start to spray the sugary confection all over my wife, my children and my dog. My kids trip on the mounds of icing and faceplant onto the stage, while the dog runs over them with the plastic ball.
My wife then reaches into her purse and pulls out a top hat and cane for her and each of the kids. Then the song "Puttin' on the Ritz", with me doing the parts that Frankenstein's monster did in the movie Young Frankenstein. The dog then manages to squeeze out of its plastic prison and runs off the stage and comes back with a flamethrower.
Then a thousand scarecrows wearing denim pants come on stage and I ignite each and every single one of them to some Opera. Only the flamethrower backfires and expells a great amount of flame towards the audience, giving them the time of their life. My children were never told about this part so of course naturally they've pissed themselves. Amidst the laughter from the crowd and their self esteem hitting the floor, the stage explodes with candy raining down from the hidden piņata under the planks. This restores their faith in humanity. We will all then kneel down and say "Ta Da" while the dog viciously chases down wayward candy pieces as "Give Peace a Chance" plays in the background."
The talent agent thought for a minute and said "Well what do you call an act like this?"
The man stuck his chest out and said "The Aristocrats!"