PDA

View Full Version : CYHTA (Choose Your High Testosterone Adventure)



Sgt_Shligger
Aug 14, 2008, 12:19 AM
You're a manly man and you just woke up. Shit's real because...

A: You're getting out of bed without hitting the snooze button.
B: A bear crushed your tent and you're wrestling it- at night.
C: You fell asleep at the wheel in the middle of a car chase.
D: The president was kidnapped by ninjas- while you were asleep on duty.
E: It's dark and ye are likely to be eaten by a grue.

SpikeOtacon
Aug 14, 2008, 12:20 AM
:E

12 9 22 6 1 9

Toadthroat
Aug 14, 2008, 12:22 AM
SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Sord
Aug 14, 2008, 12:23 AM
B

ghjerth

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 12:23 AM
YOU READY?
FOCL.

Sgt_Shligger
Aug 14, 2008, 12:24 AM
FOCL.

You dirty mother, vote.

VanHalen
Aug 14, 2008, 12:25 AM
A
asioja

TheOneHero
Aug 14, 2008, 12:27 AM
B

Happens all the time. =/

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 12:32 AM
get yer flask
aye .

Sgt_Shligger
Aug 14, 2008, 12:37 AM
A bear has jumped on you, holy shit. By sheer force of testicles and against all hernia-inducing odds you bench press the bear off your body, you manly motherfucker. Looks like an early breakfast...

A: You knee it in the inferior balls.
B: You whip your knife out and carve it up.
C: You twist him over, pin and strangle.
D: You puss out and grab your handgun.

Sord
Aug 14, 2008, 12:38 AM
A: You knee it in the inferior balls.

TheOneHero
Aug 14, 2008, 12:39 AM
C

It's the most manly. And manly men don't pansy out and hit stuff in the balls.

SpikeOtacon
Aug 14, 2008, 12:40 AM
http://img150.imageshack.us/img150/5725/robhalfordjudaspriestwy4.jpg

Sord
Aug 14, 2008, 12:40 AM
it's not about hitting something in a balls, it's about the offense of their inferiority

VanHalen
Aug 14, 2008, 12:44 AM
C

FOCL

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 01:00 AM
B.

That's breakfast, baby!

Sgt_Shligger
Aug 14, 2008, 01:04 AM
"GOD I HATE BEARS" you wail. Your sculpted legs glisten with sweat, no homo, as you cock against the bear's stomach. Your lungs let out a barbaric, testosterone-soaked warcry and you spring kick the bear behind your head, on it's back.

The bear roars in pain as you hear it's back snap on your igloo, beer-filled cooler. It rolls off and you pounce on top of it. You latch your vein-laced, unmanicured hands around it's neck and clench down. An airy gasp escapes it's throat. "F-fuck you man."

Blood covers your hands as your fingers dig into it's throat. You lick them clean and start a fire. Over the open flame you cook the entire bear. It's about 5am and...

A: You eat the bear without utensils.
B: You drink a beer.
C: Find the cubs.
D: Go find some hand sanitizer.

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 01:05 AM
C! You beat the bastard so bad that his kids WILL feel it.

VanHalen
Aug 14, 2008, 01:06 AM
B
ausaj

Sord
Aug 14, 2008, 01:06 AM
C: Find the cubs.

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 01:07 AM
A, because men use their hands. no homo

TheOneHero
Aug 14, 2008, 01:08 AM
I see no option for eating the bear whole.

So, C, find the cubs. Parents attack me, everyone feels it. >D

Toadthroat
Aug 14, 2008, 01:09 AM
BBBBBBBBBBB

SpikeOtacon
Aug 14, 2008, 01:10 AM
Drinking the Bear.

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 01:10 AM
Bearing with these changes.

:wacko:

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 01:12 AM
Bearing with these changes.

:wacko:

Wow that was bad. :wacko:

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 01:13 AM
I'm always bad.

:disapprove:

Sgt_Shligger
Aug 14, 2008, 01:28 AM
You grab the cooked bear and hang it over your back. You only wear torn jean shorts, a thick leather belt and a pair of combat boots. And a plain, white shirt. You pocket a beer and head off sniffing for the cubs.

It doesn't take long until you arrive at a cave. You can hear rustling from within- you can smell the children. You laugh and step into the darkness. Guess ya have to...

A: Turn back, it's dark and you have no flashlight.
B: Staredown the darkness 'til it gives in and lightens up.
C: Echolocate your way through screaming obscenities.

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 01:29 AM
B FOCL

Toadthroat
Aug 14, 2008, 01:30 AM
CCCCCCCCCCCCCC

VanHalen
Aug 14, 2008, 01:31 AM
C FOCL

Sord
Aug 14, 2008, 01:31 AM
D. Get ye manly flask

SpikeOtacon
Aug 14, 2008, 01:31 AM
C.

Screaming. Screaming for Vengeance. The World is a Manacled Place.
Screaming. Screaming for Vengeance. The World is defiled and disgraced.

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 01:32 AM
C, might as well entertain yourself. *screams* DAMMIT!, dammit!, dammit...

TheOneHero
Aug 14, 2008, 01:34 AM
B, because everything gives into a manly staredown.

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 01:35 AM
B, because everything gives into a manly staredown.

But thats not high testosterone, thats boring.

TheOneHero
Aug 14, 2008, 01:36 AM
I don't think you realize just how much testosterone it takes, youngin'.

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 01:38 AM
Nothing that a couple shots of steroids can't fix.

Sgt_Shligger
Aug 14, 2008, 01:50 AM
You curse and bellow throughout the cave. A real man needs no sight. You hear clanking in the distance. It's...

"SHIT."

They're are multiple things- they're thin but tough-

"ASS."

They carry blades-

"FFFFUCK."

It's a damned skeleton getting in your way, dicks. You continue cursing and heave your body at the skeletons. No lily-lickin', reanimated wireframe lot of douches is going to get in your way of killing bears. Man, fuck these guys, you...

A: Drink the bear's boiled blood and scarf it whole. Use this newfound strength for severely bone-splitting applications.
B: You eat the skeletons.
C: Throw your beer- at all of them.
D: Beg for mercy.

Sord
Aug 14, 2008, 01:52 AM
A A A

VanHalen
Aug 14, 2008, 01:53 AM
Never lose your beer.

B

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 01:55 AM
B for ultimate calcium intake, then use your newfound strength to rip the bears in half and eat them.

Toadthroat
Aug 14, 2008, 02:00 AM
B cuz every1 else sez so

Tessu
Aug 14, 2008, 02:02 AM
D and a half

SpikeOtacon
Aug 14, 2008, 02:03 AM
http://img241.imageshack.us/img241/9412/marcussmalloc8.jpg

Nai_Calus
Aug 14, 2008, 02:06 AM
B for great manliness

HAYABUSA-FMW-
Aug 14, 2008, 02:09 AM
Its perfectly capable to be talking about testosterone without mentioning balls.

Make note and be more creative in your writings. Molasses.

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 02:11 AM
http://img241.imageshack.us/img241/9412/marcussmalloc8.jpg

Owned
[spoiler-box]http://img176.imageshack.us/img176/3576/gearsdekstop3ct.png[/spoiler-box]

Sord
Aug 14, 2008, 02:13 AM
Its perfectly capable to be talking about testosterone without mentioning balls.

Make note and be more creative in your writings. Molasses.

delicious butterballs turkey

Sgt_Shligger
Aug 14, 2008, 02:16 AM
You open your arms and C-C-COMBO clothesline all the skeletons in one charge. You mash them together, bones and iron weapons and all. You take one chew and swallow them down. You burp out a cloud of bone-toughening dust and move onwards. The children are really close, you can smell it. A few more obscenities reveals a greater creature ahead - the mother. You had killed the frail man but have not faced the wrath of the widow.

It rests it's two thousand pound, hulking frame on the cavern floor. It wears armor of bones and is laced with unfittingly manly battle scars. It's cubs rest behind it, wussies. You'll have to...

A: Sneak behind the resting warrior and steal her cubs quietly.
B: Throw your beer at the mother.
C: Eat her husband and use the strength to wrestle her.
D: Unzip your pants and piss liquid flame.

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 02:17 AM
D, FOR GREAT JUSTICE.

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 02:17 AM
D! FEER TEH FIER!

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 02:18 AM
I read the piss liquid flame and doubled over. :lol:

Sord
Aug 14, 2008, 02:18 AM
D D D

Nai_Calus
Aug 14, 2008, 02:18 AM
D for the wiiiin

SpikeOtacon
Aug 14, 2008, 02:18 AM
http://img112.imageshack.us/img112/6665/billydeewilliamsjx1.jpg

Emphasis on the middle name.

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 02:19 AM
How much are you laughing while making this Shligger?

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 02:20 AM
Schligger?
inb4shitgetsreal

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 02:22 AM
http://img112.imageshack.us/img112/6665/billydeewilliamsjx1.jpg

[spoiler-box]http://www.icanhasforce.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/star-wars-han-lando-01.jpg:wacko:[/spoiler-box]

HAYABUSA-FMW-
Aug 14, 2008, 02:23 AM
Billy D is Silly B.

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 02:24 AM
inb4shitgetsreal

lol it's 3:30 AM, I'm gonna pass out on my keyboard soon.

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 02:26 AM
lol it's 3:30 AM, I'm gonna pass out on my keyboard soon.
Only 3:30? Get w/PST.

Wuss. :wacko:

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 02:26 AM
Eastern FTW :wacko:

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 02:27 AM
More liek FTL. :wacko:

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 02:28 AM
East side of the FKL :wacko:

VanHalen
Aug 14, 2008, 02:30 AM
DDDDDDD

HAYABUSA-FMW-
Aug 14, 2008, 02:33 AM
East Coast, no olympicos USA basketballin' time delay.

Actual live telemundosimulcast.

+AZ don't do that DST crap. They might win overall.

Sgt_Shligger
Aug 14, 2008, 02:47 AM
Your hand rips your fly down and clenches your rocky IRON MAN. Your abs tighten as you let out yet another hernia-inducing cry of manliness. Liquid flame erupts from your daunting IRON MAN, igniting the cavern in stinking, yellow flame. The mother roars as the flames surround her body. With a blood curdling roar, she charges at you through the FUCK THAT DRAGONFORCE SONG. You like to kick ass and piss flames- and you're all out of piss...

A: Drink your beer and force out one last bout of flame and ram your IRON MAN down the bear's throat.
B: Dive into the bear's jaws to give it a chance. She'll need it.
C: Crap a calcium cannonball at the mother.

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 02:49 AM
Oh man, I cant pick between A and C... uhhh..... A!

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 02:50 AM
C: Crap a calcium cannonball at the mother f-
oops.

SpikeOtacon
Aug 14, 2008, 02:50 AM
Robert Downey Jr.

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 02:51 AM
We need to get that guy a can of spinach so he can have huge tumors in his foreams.
Might as well give the bear some kind of handicap since this dood could floor Chuck Norris from the sounds of things.

HAYABUSA-FMW-
Aug 14, 2008, 02:58 AM
Robert Downey Jr.
U people

Airalean
Aug 14, 2008, 03:06 AM
A....

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 03:08 AM
U people
oh u .

HAYABUSA-FMW-
Aug 14, 2008, 03:12 AM
huh?!
http://i519.photobucket.com/albums/u357/joerede23/PHK8rSOS4wfvOL_m.jpg

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 03:12 AM
That guy doesn't look particularly happy. D:

Sgt_Shligger
Aug 14, 2008, 03:41 AM
The mother charges at you fucking roaring. You take the beer from your pocket and eat it. Your blood boils as you intimidate your own metabolism into speeding up. Your body drips with sweat and you rip off your pants, arms open for the incoming mother. You stomp on the cave floor, literally digging into the stone.

The mother lunges at you, mouth open wide. Your IRON MAN throbs as it readies to spit once more. Her body collides into your arms, pushing your feet through the stone. You restrain the bear by it's shoulders as it tries to bull rush through you. An inhuman cry echoes throughout the cavern as you stomp forward, into the stone, pushing the bear back. The cry echoes again as you take another stone-crushing step. By sheer force of testicles again, your glistening legs force the beast to the cavern wall. You restrain your IRON MAN as best you can but sparks escape it's length.

Bulging muscles pulse across your body as you brace yourself. Your right hand restrains the mother's entire body and your left clenches her head. You drag it down and scream as you force it's mouth onto the length your IRON MAN. Without warning the stone walls shake at your barbaric cry. You let out an explosive burst of flaming urine and watch the mother's eye's burn crimson red and melt. An explosion of yellow flame, bear and bone envelopes the entire cavern as you release with all of your might, wailing the whole time you do.

As the dust settles you glance around, yellow flames and blood are splattered in every direction. Flickering, flame lights the cavern and you spot the cubs. They poke at their mother's split and torched head, wimpering like babies. You step over and rip each one in half with your bare hands. You sew a pair of cubskin pants with your teeth and exit the cavern, bellowing triumphantly.


*SUCCESS*

HeartBreak301
Aug 14, 2008, 03:49 AM
EPIC WIN!

Sgt_Shligger
Aug 14, 2008, 01:56 PM
Testosteronic bump.

Tact
Aug 14, 2008, 01:59 PM
So...um...did the character get an extra Demon Fang for defeating the bear in that manner?

Sgt_Shligger
Aug 14, 2008, 02:01 PM
No. Men need no rewards.

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 05:36 PM
Requesting sticky.

Tact
Aug 14, 2008, 05:46 PM
I thought it was good until the second bear battle.

There's no need for that kind of thing in a fight. :disapprove:

TalHex
Aug 14, 2008, 06:05 PM
So...um...did the character get an extra Demon Fang for defeating the bear in that manner?

lulz, okami reference

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 06:07 PM
I thought it was good until the second bear battle.

There's no need for that kind of thing in a fight. :disapprove:
It's very amusing though. :wacko:

Nai_Calus
Aug 14, 2008, 06:11 PM
I thought it was good until the second bear battle.

There's no need for that kind of thing in a fight. :disapprove:

Clearly you are not a man and belong in my unmanly CYOA.

So, Tact, you see a tree. Do you hug it, make it a wreath of flowers or sing it happy little tree songs while dancing around it?

Nitro Vordex
Aug 14, 2008, 06:12 PM
Needs more flame piss Ian.

Tact
Aug 14, 2008, 06:35 PM
Clearly you are not a man and belong in my unmanly CYOA.


*cough* Hello, Mr./Mrs. Hermaphrodite here. :wacko:

I'll choose to climb up the tree and sit in it while throwing the tree's fruit down at passersby.

Nai_Calus
Aug 14, 2008, 06:42 PM
The tree is 1. Not a fruit tree. 2. Not amused. The branch bends underneath you, dropping you to the ground.

Tact
Aug 14, 2008, 06:44 PM
Fine. I go to the local hardware store and buy a chainsaw. :wacko:

Shadowpawn
Aug 14, 2008, 07:04 PM
Someone's been watching too much VB.

TalHex
Aug 14, 2008, 08:32 PM
i can't be a tree hugger, if i hugged a tree it would instantly burst into flames reducing both the tree and my clothes to cinders... my luck sucks that badly

HAYABUSA-FMW-
Aug 14, 2008, 11:52 PM
You have a weird idea of what bodily functions do even with animated-area-expertise in over-exaggerations.

Plus you should have been like Spike and lequest rock upon ending post. Now look what happened, nobody leaving the lobby after the feature presentation. Loiterers, mulling around.