Choose Your Own Forum Adventure (Fashionably Late to the Fad and Lookin Fab)

[astuarlen]

You log on to the forum. Do you...

A) Troll
B) Respond to troll
C) Reply to this thread
D) Lurk (non-voters only)

?

[Out_Kast]

CCCCCC.

[SpikeOtacon]

:disapprove:

[Shadowpawn]

A .

[VanHalen]

CCCCCCCC

[Randomness]

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC...

[Weeaboolits]

. Q .

[Solstis]

Being fashionably late is so nineties.

[astuarlen]

Having replied to this thread, you navigate back to the topics page and find another thread. Then you...

A) Quote the last reply
B) Look up toads on Wikipedia
C) Double post
C) Double post
D) >_> *facepalm*
E) Take the long way home
F) Tell Solstis to stuff it in a jalepeno and dip it in spicy queso, mmm
G) Post a youtube

[Shadowpawn]

G .

[Randomness]

A all the way.

[Out_Kast]

:E all the way.

[astuarlen]

A all the way.

Your words and actions are not in accord.

[Airalean]

E is my finally answer.
We'll make an adventure out of it OutKast.

[Out_Kast]

Let's do it!
Wait, what kind of adventure...?

[Sgt_Shligger]

GGGGGGGG

[Airalean]

Let's do it!
Wait, what kind of adventure...?
WHATEVER KIND YOU WANT! NAW MEEN?!?

[Sayara]

F!!!!

[Toadthroat]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Airalean]

A .
WITCH!

[astuarlen]

Because E received 3 votes--and you never do anything without consulting an online poll--you decide to take the long way home. Passing through scenic Site Related, you arrive in PSU General, where a gaggle of Supertramps has clustered on the forum corner; they're comparing threads for many pages. A keen instinct siddles up and whispers in your ear, directing you to...

A) Post your top ten shock pics. Bam!
B) Look down, scrunch your shoulders up, and skitter past the spoiler boxes without a glance right, left, or inside.
C) Start a new thread asking for advice in dealing with your so not fair parents.
D) Bubble in D for the rest of the answers.

[Airalean]

A vrhevigreswihv

[Nitro Vordex]

E) Find Nitro and ask him for help.

[VanHalen]

AAAAA

[Solstis]

C)

Omigaw, I can't even get a beer in this place.

[Out_Kast]

A. All the way.

[Shadowpawn]

A .

[astuarlen]

You get an opinion, a second opinion, then a third, fourth, fifth, and sixth. 4/6 [Reduce your fractions! -Ed] agreed that the best therapy for PSUitis is shock therapy. Gingerly, you extract a stack of images from a manila folder marked "To be used in XTREME emergencies only!. Shit is about to get real:

WARNING!!! DO NOT OPEN THESE SPOILER BOXES IF THERE ARE PREGNANT WOMEN, PREGNANT COWORKERS, OR PREGNANT CHILDREN AROUND!!!!

I warned ya...
[spoiler-box]http://en.wikivisual.com/images/a/a6/Shock_sign.jpg[/spoiler-box]

Turn back now!
[spoiler-box]http://www.virtix.com/fcp/doc/VirtixEffects/images/Zap100.jpg[/spoiler-box]

Hold on to your desk chairs, people!!
[spoiler-box]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e5/Tesla_colorado_adjusted.jpg[/spoiler-box]

You never listen...
[spoiler-box]http://blog.makezine.com/img413_1291-1.jpg[/spoiler-box]

Have mercy.
[spoiler-box]http://www.lionking.name/Picture/ACT2%20Pictures/Eww.jpg[/spoiler-box]

Just one more...
[spoiler-box]http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1078/1335921447_2d14827022.jpg[/spoiler-box]

Just... one... more...
[spoiler-box]http://raincoaster.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/family-cthulhu.jpg[/spoiler-box]

No one's actually gonna click on these...
[spoiler-box]http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2063/1995751038_23547b9cf6.jpg[/spoiler-box]

At least not any mods, one hopes...
[spoiler-box]http://i.pbase.com/u48/kjohnson307/large/37137407.Nasty.jpg[/spoiler-box]

And a cute one for the kids!
[spoiler-box]
[redacted]
[/spoiler-box]

[/spoiler-box]

Mission accomplished. But what does the future hold for our hero?

A) You jet out of this hellhole and cruise on down to the Tropic of Off Topic. I wonder who's putting WoW out of business these days...?

B) Shocker's remorse. You feel pretty lousy about posting all that trash, so you find some adorible kitten pics and post them in every single thread on the first 5 pages of PSU Gen. Ah, the balance has been restored.

C) Pop open a can of [s]Mountain DewGOD and start pounding the refresh button. Soon the replies will start rolling in.

D) Throw a black hole out the window at your neighbor's dog to shut that bitch up. The dog is sliced in two; entrails spray all over the lawn and tidy flowerbeds. The black hole winks and whirs back up to your waiting hands. You exchange a sweet high five.

[Randomness]

D... can't... resist...

[Shadowpawn]

C all the way...baby.

[TalHex]

D, i requires blood and guts, and i don't care about the method

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

Man I missed:

G for geewjo

Way back up there. Also the nasty image didn't show up immediately-broken Spoil-box, thanks internet. Good looking out.

B) Cats... baby (on every page x fave 5!) (nolink-yathink)

[VanHalen]

CCCCCCCC

[Sord]

You never listen...
[spoiler-box]http://blog.makezine.com/img413_1291-1.jpg[/spoiler-box]


Stay out of my kitchen >:U

C

[Tact]

I think replies are better than blood and gore. I'll help seal the deal with C.

[astuarlen]

After a long, labored deliberation process, the results are in. You pop back to the first page of the poll thread, because you've forgotten what option C is.

One quick trip to the changing room (with a detour to the loo, of course; you debated waiting for vox populi to vote you a term of office in the water closet, but your bladder organized a coup) and you're back in character and back in action:

Ahhhhh! The GOD goes down smooth and cold. For a beautiful, brief moment, you feel you're the star of a high-budget beverage commercial. Duty calls texts: WARE R U?. Time to engage the enemy.

The can of GOD is drained in under five minutes, but you plow on, pinning the refresh key under rapid fire for almost an hour.
Reply sighted! The machine gun clack of keys gives way to the low thump of your heart. Suddenly unoccupied, your right hand twitches; you've all nerves. The sweat that springs from your brow smells faintly of GOD and... something else--fear? This is no time for hesitation, you tell yourself. Maybe if I could just--NO! It must be done! As your jittery hand stretches towards the mouse, 638 possible replies swirl in your head. You spin the mouse wheel, scroll down, click open the single spoiler box which awaits you in the latest reply.

[spoiler-box]
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a107/VDMatic/PSU/Mione/psu20080731_230952_001.jpg
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a107/VDMatic/PSU/Mione/psu20080731_235238_016.jpg
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a107/VDMatic/PSU/Mione/psu20080805_214636_003.jpg
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a107/VDMatic/PSU/Mione/psu20080806_121211_010.jpg
[/spoiler-box]

What would Jesus do?

A) Pass out from all the excitement.

B) Compliment this Mioné on her supersexykawaii newman. ^.~

C) Well played, well played. You may have won this battle, but the war isn't over. Nine thousand soldiers may give their blood, their limbs, their lives... yet I will see you defeated!

D) Pet a kitten.

[Tessu]

C, but remind him to kill one more soldier.

[Out_Kast]

D, but make sure to crush it afterwards. >3

[Shadowpawn]

C .

[Sord]

Get ye flask

[TalHex]

go to the velvet room?

[Randomness]

D, but make sure to crush it afterwards. >3

Sounds fun. I pick D as well.

[astuarlen]

Shaking off your initial shock, you pop the lid off your noggin and peer inside. Your mental landscape is a kaleidoscope of morphing cliches and metaphors--a jigsaw disaster pieced together from dozens of half-finished puzzles.
[spoiler-box]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3278/2618084651_11edec2921.jpg?v=0
http://www.arcademonkey.org/games/birdjigsaw3.jpg
http://www.filterforge.com/filters/1598.jpg
http://aquafornia.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/algae-in-gutter-fire-hydrant-small.jpg
and so forth...

[/spoiler-box]

There are even little people walking around down there, talking, laughing, killing, eating, having se--YEOWCH! Miss Fluffypaws leaps up into your lap, claws and all. In that instant, your balance fails, you whip your head back, and--oops!--a dramatic monologue sloshes out of your tilted head. It begins sanely enough (Well played, well played. You may have won this battle, but the war isn't over. Nine thousand soldiers may give their blood, their limbs, their lives... yet I will see you defeated!) but soon devolves into an incomprehensible tirade, liberally seasoned with :E.

Mraaaow? Miss Fluffypaws nuzzles your chest. Her eyes are dillated hugely. Have you been hitting the catnip, Miss Fluffypaws? Nyow, prrrr, prrr. Her tail tickles your bare thighs. It's so soft and gentle~! For a horrible minute, you fear that this entire CYOA will turn into some furry fantasy. Would that--would that be so bad? You tickle Miss Fluffypaws behind the her perky, pink ears. You love the way they twist and twitch to every tantalizing sound. You love the little--Whooops, your kitten companion jumps out of your lap and darts out of the room as fast as she arrived.

*sigh* Maybe some other time...

But at least your spirits have improved. Now would be an excellent time to:

A) Sketch up a few nekochans and post them in fanworks.

B) Check up on that Balto forum all the kids are raving about.

C) Take a cat nap. ^_^

D) Discuss the relative merits of various MMOs with other connoisseurs.

E) Write your very own CYOA

[TalHex]

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2140/1500951098_1a80205ff1.jpg?v=0

[Tessu]

Bee
/PBF

[Sord]

F) take a walk down the mobius strip

[VanHalen]

B, I must know what our enemies are up too.

[TalHex]

F) take a walk down the mobius strip

FOCL.

[astuarlen]

A bizarre passageway stretches before you; it looks to be the entrance to some sort of freaky mine. Tiny Fs flit through the air, blinking like fireflies. Things are... strange. You take a swig from ye flask and--hey, what?! I haven't got any flask, and there is no letter F and...

The vision dissolves in a shimmering light, and you're back in your room, sitting at the computer. Must have been something funny with that GOD. Clarity returning to your thoughts, you replace the lid on your head and turn back to the monitor. Back to business. And while we've got alliteration on the brain, why not browse on over to that beautiful bastion of Baltoism? Brilliant!

Now reporting live from the Balto Boards Due to budget constraints, we'll be filming in-studio today with a green screen and stills from Baltostan in lieu of on-location reporting.


...unrest in the Baltokans. Tensions are high in Baltograde where the leader of the majority party, one KrystalWulf_14, remains mysteriously silent in the face of allegations that s/he has been passing along state secrets to neighboring Baltogaria. According to opposition leaders, the KrystalWulf_14 administration is posting fanfics seeded with coded coordinates, possibly pointing to the location of...


[i]*sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssstaticssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss*

spite its interior being invisible, a black hole may reveal its presence through an interaction with matter that lies in orbit outside its event horizon. For example, a black hole may be perceived by tracking the movement of a group of stars that orbit its center. Alternatively, one may observe gas (from a ne
rrible; this is the worst of the worst [may be "work of the worst"] catastrophes in the world. [indecipherable, sometimes interpreted as "Oh my Jesus!"] its flames... Crashing, oh! Four- or five-hundred feet into the sky and it—it's a terrific crash, ladies and gentlemen. It's smoke, and it's flames now [may be the "frame's down"]; and the frame is crashing to the ground, not quite to the mooring-mast. ["All the humanity" or "Oh, the humanity"] and all the passengers streaming [may be "screaming"] around here. I told you; it—I can't even talk to people ["Their friends are out there" or "Their friends are on there"]. Ah! It's—it—it's a—ah! I—I can't talk, ladies and gentlemen
gentlemen
gentlemen
gentlemen
Hello? Is there an echo in
gentlemen
gentlemen
gentlemen

Red alert! All personnel please report to battlestations. I repeat,

gentlemen
I know you're there, gentleme-gentle-men-mentlegen

A) Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. You punch the monitor, pow!, right in the kisser--and then punch some ice for good measure.

B) Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. You grab your tin foil hat and jump out the window.

C) Fuuuuuuuuuuuudge. If this is the end, there's no reason not to eat the rest of that death-by-chocolate cake. You rush to the kitchen, grab a poopfistful of cake and get to work.

D) There is no option D. Kill yourself now.

E-Z) You press the Easy Button. You land in a Staples commercial. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

[Airalean]

A.
a.
A.
a.

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

B for Beluga, is the only logical choice. Not A for arugula.

Also what an intense turn and fold and gear notch and button up of events.

[Sord]

A A A

[Nai_Calus]

Mmm, tinfoil hats.

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

Mmm, tinfoil hats.
> WoW intensity have experienced.

In your face banananer ads.

Also that would be another vote of B for Bananer.

[Tact]

It would be fun to see what happens if we punch this thing. I'm voting for A.

[Randomness]

I'm hopping on the A-wagon.

[Out_Kast]

A, because Brittany made me ;-;

[TalHex]

whoa, choice F was trippy... like you got haxed... *chooses F again*

[astuarlen]

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. You punch the monitor, pow!, right in the kisser--and then punch some ice for good measure. (It's a damn good thing you keep a block of super-cool H to the HO in the minifridge beside your desk. Always knew that would come in handy.)

The monitor shatters into a million little pieces (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Million_Little_Pieces) and immediately is booked on Oprah.
You click below for a visual aid:
http://www.buddytv.com/articles/Image/oprah-pieces.jpg

This caption has been nothing but a series of disappointments to its parents.
[/spoiler-box]

There are some cool special effects accompanying this fist-induced destruction, but we're not allowed to show them here for reasons of national security. Following the Baltopia scandals, even largely furry-fic-free states have experienced increased media censorship.

In any case, while all this whiz, bang, pop action has interupted visual transmissions, your speakers are unaffecte--NO
NO WAI!~
The voices
gentlementalcase?
are outside now
gentlementosthefreshsaver!
They're--they've--what



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God, that's annoying. But here's where it gets really confusing...

ladies?
Noah!
Somebody call?
Noah!
Who is that?
It's the Lord, Noah
Right! :roll:

Where are ja?
What you want? I've been good.
I want you to [s]build an Ark go on an epic adventure to cast this One Ring into the fires of Mt. Shasta
Right!
What's an Ark?
Get some wood build it
300 cubits by 80 cubits by 40 cubits
Right!
Whats a cubit?
Lets see a cubit...I used to know what a cubit was
Well don't worry about that Noah
When you get that done
Go out into the world and
Collect all of the animals in the world by twos
Male and female, and put them into the ark
Right!
Who is this really?

What's going on?
How come you want me to do all these weird things?
I'm going to... destroy the world
Right!
Am I on Candid Camera?
[/Bill Cosby]

...
Hey, wait, your voice changed!
...
God?
...
Dude, this is NOT FUNNY. Srsly, I'm starting to freak out.

Help me, Player 1! I've been kidNow, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside downby Internet Ninjas
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Aire you a bad enough dude to save me, Your Lord God?

Holy Jesus rolled in a whole wheat tortilla! God has been infected by some sort of virus. What can I do to save Him?!

A) Ask PSOW for advice in Tech Support.

B) Ask PSOW for advice via a thread in each forum (2 in PSU Gen in case one gets moved).

C) Embark upon a Rockyesque training regimen.

D) Gather ye hobbit friends and flee the Shire.

E) Make a pilgrimmage to Antarctica to punch ice until your hands are a bloody pulp.

[SpikeOtacon]

A Post-Modern Triptych portraying the meaninglessness of words and feelings in an internet age. A subtle social commentary on the destruction of self identity, a crushing defeat for the evolution of a species. A thing of beauty, crafted by a master artuarlen.

2+8-5=

Use your keyring decoder.

[Randomness]

B! SPAM IT UP!

[astuarlen]

Your own groundbreaking efforts in the area of post-post posting have been a great inspiration to me, Master Spike-chan-sama-rama-llama-ding-dong.

[Nai_Calus]

D. I can use them as distractions later on.

[Sord]

C. let's do the time warp again

[TalHex]

E. i demand ice punching (and wolf punching if it can be managed)

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

D) Munchkin clanmates. If you can't find VSkye yourself, have them aid your quest to get the support of technicianers. Technique users, this ain't no MANA WOWzers game - word to Buncle_obs.

[VanHalen]

CCCCC

[astuarlen]

You embark upon a Rockyesque training regimen I have no desire to narrate. If you want, you could look up "rocky training" on youtube; in fact,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sFt_cXrTug for the exceptionally lazy amongst you.

So I guess you're pretty tough now, psychologically and physiologically. Grr! You test your serious business gameface out in front of the mirror several times. You notice that, after going all this time without shaving (the youtube vid clocks in at about 2:30), you've sprouted a formidable beard (it's somewhere between Brawny Demon Man and Zeus quality). The formal English garden fan in you longs to explore the art of facial-hair topiary, but your lumberjack side wins out. A few mighty--but very precise--swings of your axe are necessary to clear the facial forest. (Yeah, you keep an assortment of salon-quality powertools in your bathroom arsenal as well, but you enjoy the rustic feel of a handcrafted look). Finishing off with a touch of aftershave
Player 1, hurry up! I could really use some help heheheHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Primping for our big date, Player 1? Do you really think your manly charm can dissuade me from my course?
I mean, yeah, I'll grant that you're a pretty attractive guy--speaking from a purely aesthetic point of view, of course... I don't want to sleep with you... uh, not that there's anything wrong with that... some of my best friends--ARGH, you know, I don't have to explain myself to you. I don't owe you anything. You're not my mom. Yadda yadda yadda. Let's just--whatever. I'm hanging up now. Bye.

He'll call back. They always do.



A) Wait by the phone, day and night.
B) Wait by the phone--but only for an hour or two. Then call him back. Oh, dreamsicles! He didn't even leave his number. :(
C) Continue reading:




You know what? I'm actually not up to writing any more right now, so I'm just gonna give you one more option:
(Oh, I'm also going to put some filler text in, so it looks like there's actually something to read here. If I only type one or two lines, no one's going to highlight this spoiler, and that would be no fun. I suppose I could just wrap it all up in a nice spoiler-box with a fancy ribbon, but I've always been partial to the old spoiler tags; they have a nice... visual texture or something. So enjoy your the answer to question number 17 is B and the first person to declare their love for hairy baboons gets a super-cool secret prize stay here in not-so-sunny Spoilerville. Lorem ipsum lorem ipsum lorem ipsum help I'm trapped in a lorem ipsum factory lorem ipsum lorem ipsum lorem ipsum lorem ipsum lorem ipsum lorem ipsum lorem ipsum lorem ipsum lorem)
May as well also put this inside the tags, too:

D) Call in a favor with one of your friends at The Bureau and get a name, number, and address for the mystery kidnapper/caller.

[SpikeOtacon]

Wait by the Skype day and night. While waiting, continue reading into the spoiler.

[astuarlen]

You may have been eaten by a grue. The end? Find out next time.

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

Dab faddit.

C would have been good if allowed and still counted. Always is. The more reading. The to be continued when you least expect it or may not care anymore by then. The rest of the you got jacked 0% financing legalese. The source notations of where to find where this article came from and or the information summarized from that source into a AP sized blurb of big bold headlines and 2 wanna be paragraphs of run around. Also instructions about article 6 not fitting with article ZZ unless you use 8 which isn't in the box anyway - seems you got jacked beyond financing!