How to be an RPG character

[TheOneHero]

1. Have amnesia.
2. Go into peoples' homes and search their cupboards, drawers, bookshelves, and smash pots and boxes.
3. Have spikey hair.
4. Unleash the sealed power inside of you.

Continue, ladies and gentlemen...

[AlexCraig]

Of all the people in the world, YOU are the one who must save it (almost single-handedly)

[Sayara]

Meet friends who are ultimately better than you yet apperently are secluded to use said super power

[Randomness]

7-Win because of willpower, and nothing else.
8-Learn some obscenely over-the-top attack that deals massive damage

[Nitro Vordex]

Carry some kind of physics breaking, outrageous, or generic weapon.

Does not neccesarily have to be both, but you must be uncannily good with it.

[Shadowpawn]

You must be about 14-19 years of age. 20+ is pushing it.
You must be an adopted orphan and have a mysterious background surrounding your birth.

[TalHex]

13- all the girls around you must have a crush on you, unless they were maned in a battle some how
14- at least one of the said girls around you must give off some really horrific speech about friendship right before the entire party is about to perish. for some reason this either lets you win, or awakens a sealed power in you which, of course, lets you win.

[Tessu]

15. You are suffering from a terrible growth disorder where your breasts age at 3 times the rate your body does.
16. Have an outfit which NO cosplayer can pull off.
17. Your eyes go over your bangs.
18. You wanna be the very best
Like no one ever was
To catch them is your real test
To train them is your cause
You will travel across the land
Searching far and wide
Teach Pokemon to understand
The power that's inside
POKEMON
GOTTA CATCH 'EM..
It's you and me.
I know it's your destiny.
POKEMON
Ohhh, you're my best friend.
In a world we must defend.
POKEMON
GOTTA CATCH 'EM...
Your heart's so true.
Our courage will pull us through.
You teach me, and I'll teach you.
POOO KEEEE MAAAAAN
Gotta catch 'em all..
Gotta catch 'em alll...POKEMON.

[TalHex]

18- the law of pockets and belts: you must have an outfit with an insane number of pockets, belts, zippers, or exceptionally long pants. If you don't you must morn the loss of such things at some point in the game (aka TWEWY)

[Tact]

19. Your friends, when they are in your party, must be as strong as every other party member. The second they turn on you, they must become as powerful as every other party member combined. :wacko:

[Vanzazikon]

20)Have some kind of dumb rival who was a jerk when you were a child and as you grew together you became great friends.

21)When you talk to somone about something important that they dont know about like a relationship or something a little more serious you have to get thier attention then look down for a while and then change the subject and then bring up the same subject when something drastic is about to happen.

[TalHex]

22. watch your friends carefully, if you are in danger they may do something incredibly stupid like try to sacrifice themselves so you can go on (i'm looking at you ToS)

[Tessu]

23. You can never die, but all your friends can.

[Randomness]

24. You mysteriously defeat omnipotent beings on a regular basis

[Vanzazikon]

25)When you reach an unpassable dungeon, you or one of your friends actually finds a way to pass it.

[Ketchup345]

26) You have a flying pet cat that claims it is not a cat
27) You meet dragons and it doesn't scare you to death, at least until after it slaughters you in battle

[Randomness]

28)Upon being epically owned by said dragon, people cheering in far away towns miraculously revive you and you beat the shit out of said dragon.

[Ketchup345]

29) You come across a floating city in the sky and are not afraid of it falling when you get to it
30) Every insect and rodent being 10x their normal size is a normal event.

[TheOneHero]

31. Be in total shock every time a town is destroyed by monsters.

[Randomness]

32. You are constantly surrounded by hot girls in various revealing outfits

[Ketchup345]

33) Have a few friends that are not human, bonus points if one of them is also part of 32

[astuarlen]

You only exist as a series of 0s and 1s bounded by the arbitrary parameters of the game. You will never feel, breathe, sleep, touch, talk, walk, blink, eat, shit, date, floss, sneeze, laugh, burp, or pick lint out of your bellybutton (you don't even have one).

[Sord]

34) you can carry massive amounts of tools, materials, and other various items that would break even the strongest weightlifter's back. And somehow not have a single bulge in your pockets to show for it.

[Randomness]

35. Evil kings dont die because you stab them, you have to chop their heads off at least 100 times.

[Nitro Vordex]

Protip: Your fingers will only have a maximum anywhere bewtween 10 and 1000 different poses, due to the limitations of hardware your movement.

[Ketchup345]

34) you can carry massive amounts of tools, materials, and other various items that would break even the strongest weightlifter's back. And somehow not have a single bulge in your pockets to show for it.Bag of holding or hammerspace.

[Shadowpawn]

35) You can slaughter countless monsters and animals and yet none of them will ever become extinct.

[Tact]

23. You can never die, but all your friends can.

Corollary to Rule 23: If you are on that battle screen, nothing can kill you. The entire freaking planet could explode, but you would only be knocked unconscious.

If you're outside of the battle screen, any well-placed knife could put you down for good.

[TalHex]

31. Be in total shock every time a town is destroyed by monsters.

37. A quarter the towns that are destroyed are destroyed by you directly.

38. ~the lunatic is in your head~ you either have inner demons or an evil twin

[Shadowpawn]

39. You develop a unhealthy obsession with an arch nemesis and make it your sworn duty in life to kill him. In reality this is called pre meditated murder, but in RPG land we call that JUSTICE!

[TalHex]

40. your sword will always be more powerful and practical then say... a machine gun, which for some reason doesn't do anywhere near as much damage

[Tessu]

41. People who you have never met know your name, age, hobbies and favorite type of cat.

[Leviathan]

42.) Main character is always apathetic or very emotional.
43.) Has to have an annoying voice. [lolethan]
44.) Hair must be obtainable by 8+ buckets of gel.
45.) Villain is probably an old friend.

[Monochrome]

46. Booty shorts, bra and a scarf are enough to safely exist in arctic tundra. After all, the hot springs aren't far away..
47. The end guy is gonna transform more than Optimus Prime
48. Wherever your journey ends, that is where the best armor usually is.. as a character you never get lucky enough to..you know.. inherit that crap or anything. And your town is always the sleepy little town, so they never have anything good for sale other than shirt +1

[Mixfortune]

Save points.
The key to world-altering destinies such as these.

[Lance813]

You have a large Sword/Gun or a mixture of the two.

[Shadowpawn]

51: Chances are you posses the one thing the main villain wants. And there is no copy of it, ANYWHERE ELSE!

[TalHex]

52. chances are either you, some guy you know, or a villain is highly effeminate

[Lance813]

I wanna be a sky pirate!

[Wyndham]

52. chances are either you, some guy you know, or a villain is highly effeminate

that's me.

53: flintlock pistols can shoot a dozen bullets without reloading.

[TalHex]

54. every town that you go to will always have whatever weapon you use in stock, no matter how strange and obscure

[pikachief]

when me and my 2 cousins go to public places with my uncle, we all follow him his exact places and only he speaks and selects items carries than and such.

and yes we follow him exactly like an 2D RPG following the leader, except for the fact that we cant go through each other. i think its quite entertaining :)

[Tessu]

55. Usually the things you try and kill won't die even after you chop all their limbs off with your sword then switch to your gun and shoot them in the face point-blank. They're humans.

[W0LB0T]

56. random people will give you gameplay tips.

[Monochrome]

57. If someone is evil enough they will refuse to die no matter how many times you kill them. Sometimes they take a break for awhile though..

58. You don't need to go to the hospital: You survived 20 stab wounds, 3 lightning strikes, the dragon's nuclear blast, a salvo of arrows and a bee sting.

You just need to rest at the inn. Sleep it off.

[Nitro Vordex]

59. You can take as much time as you need, even if a comet is hurtling toward the Earth.
Note: It must be near the end of the game, with the last oppotunity to save.

[Monochrome]

60. It's advisable to first kill small beetles, wasps, bunnies, caterpillars, bats, mushrooms, ants, lizards, mollusks, goldfish, and wiggling bits of slime to prepare yourself to battle the first warlord.

[raikomaru40]

61. Technology such as flying airships exists, but all people can figure out is magic and swords.

[Ketchup345]

62) Slime is a living organism capable of moving, casting spells, and possibly even be painful in physical attacks.

[raikomaru40]

63. One of your friends triple-crosses you (possibly b/c of mind control or promise of a better life).

[Vanzazikon]

*looking at Tales game*

64) Inanimate objects are actually chefs who teaches you how to cook.

[raikomaru40]

65. People tell you how to move and do stuff by telling you about buttons. I personally would be very confused if my teacher told me to hand in my homework by pressing 'A'.

[CrimsomWolf]

66.) Most likely, you were once a bad one, or had bad one as your parent,... (points at KotOR)

67.) No matter how you really look, you're always the most awesome and handsome creature nearby, with exception (occasional) of main villain.

68.) Either your sword is way too long/big to be even slightly realistically, or your magical powers are a serious overkill.

69.) Your own transport, usually the fastest piece of junk in the world.

70.) Either you, or someone in your party must have weird eyes/hair. Especially females.

71.) You never have to go to toilet and you're permanently clean, even after slaughtering an army. At most you have to change clothes.

72.) You're the most brilliant leader around. Caesar, Charlemagne, Nelson, Napoleon, Wellington, Bismarck, Stalin and Truman don't even reach your feet.

[raikomaru40]

73. No matter how many times you get cut or shot or blasted, your body won't deteriorate or fall apart and you won't die until your health bar reaches 0.

74. Your friends can die tons of times and you can just revive them, but as soon as you die, it's Game Over. (They can't revive you (?)).

[astuarlen]

75. You make more deliveries per year than FedEx, UPS, and DHL combined.
76. No one seems to remember (or care) that they've given you that hot tip about the best place to find a pint and a plate of grub about a dozen times. Also: villager X seems really upset about something...

[TalHex]

77. It only becomes night as soon as you reach the inn

[EJ]

Even in the old days there always some form of advance technology that will help you bet the final boss.

The Main villain always have more then one form and somehow always return next time.

[Toadthroat]

78. Whenever you attack, you must yell out with much gusto.
78a. Whenever you do a SPECIAL attack, you must give it a name and yell out said attack's name. EVERY TIME.
79. Fashion and style are always more important than battle practicality.
80. You, a kid from some rural (now burned down) village will always be stronger than trained soldiers (sometimes with guns), wild animals, and supreme beings.
81. That girl from your village, you know, the one you've always loved but never had the balls to say anything. Yeah, she gets kidnapped.
81a. That girl, the one you just recovered from the evil empire's army. The one with amnesia. Yeah, shes some kinda god or the key to some doomsday weapon.
82. Whenever asked to do a quest by a king or some other important figure of authority, you have no choice but to say yes. Even if you say no, the king will simply think you're joking and ask you again.
82a. Unless you're playing a WRPG then you have of 4 choices.
1) I'll do it
2) I'll do it...For a price
3) I won't do it
4) I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN.

[W0LB0T]

83. at the start of the game your badarse, fast talking dude. untill someone brings your past and you turn into a complete emo.

[Rasputin]

84) If playing some type of multiplayer RPG, if you have the option, create a female character. You are now 10x more likely to get free things.

[TalHex]

85) if you are in a sci-fi rpg all androids are capable of blowing up a star-system

[Kard]

86) As a catperson, you're probably a girly-girl and skimpy-skimpy~

[astuarlen]

87. Your personal ethos can be described in one of three ways, which can be established by one of three motivations and typically result is one of three rewards:

* You are a selfless do-gooder. Your moral obligation is to the Lawful and Benevolent Powers that be. You kill the bad guys, do the kingdom's dirtywork, and cheerfully help all manner of goodly folk with menial tasks. Because your heart is made of solid gold, you get lots of shiny coins, magical baubles, and treasured heirlooms pressed into your humble hands. You don't know the meaning of "shades of grey", and you are never conflicted.

* You are a moneygrubbing opportunist. You obey only the sweet, jingling siren call of gold. You kill the bad guys (the good guys pay better), do the kingdom's dirtywork, and grudgingly (but with a smile) help all manner of goodly folk with menial tasks. Because you have the temerity to ask for payment for services rendered, your rewards are generally lesser than those bestowed upon do-gooders. The smart capitalist soon learns to keep their lust for lucre under wraps and pretend to be the selfless do-gooder.

* You are a vicious, evil, slavering monster. You've probably killed your share of innocent noblemen and cheery barkeeps. You bastard. The goodly folk can see your black heart straight through that shirt of mail. You meet with scowls, stares, hugely inflated shop prices, and noncooperation wherever you go. Nevertheless, you're the only one who can stop this great evil from overtaking the realm (but don't expect a token of our appreciation). You don't know the meaning of "shades of grey", and you are never conflicted. You hate unkillable children and pets.

[CrimsomWolf]

88.) If you're a female character, the more your armor reveals, the better defense it'll give.

89.) You can just walk up to people on the street, ask them a question and you get half of their life story, some trinket and a new quest.

90.) Unless it says otherwise in the script, you're right 99% of the times.

91.) Doesn't matter how many months you spend doing sub-quests while you're supposed to chase main villain who is close to destroying the world. You'll always get to the final battle on time.

[Kard]

92) As the evil villain having just been defeated, insult is added to injury as your castle/tower/fortress/lair must now inexplicably crumble/explode/fail, providing the perfect setting for the pre-ending action sequence in which the heroes always escape successfully.

[Randomness]

92a)The evil villain wasn't really defeated, and he's going to attack you right as you reach the exit.

[TalHex]

93) some level always is about to blow up with you in it *coughraineandtheranchcough*

[Kard]

94) Prepare for a vacation experience to die for! Your RPG-worldly travels will take you from the humble countryside, to the largest towering metropolis! From the beach to the poles, even to ACTIVE volcanoes! Strangely enough, the ice and fire areas are usually right next to each other.

[Tact]

86) As a catperson, you're probably a girly-girl and skimpy-skimpy~

I dress modestly, thank you very much. :disapprove:

95. No matter how quickly you travel, word about you goes faster. Even if you teleport immediately after defeating that dragon, the guy will talk about how he heard of you killing the dragon.

[TalHex]

96. World-chibis! while walking around on the world map, you and all your friends will be transformed into a chibi version of yourself

[Kard]

I dress modestly, thank you very much. :disapprove:

Gonna petchu; watchout!


97) As the poor sole trader in a small, run-down village, it is your duty to demand a sale from unassuming passersby by yelling, "Buy somethin', will ya!"

97a) Always acknowledge that "times are tough".

[Tact]

Gonna petchu; watchout!

Hey, I've equipped my +3 Needle Beret. Good luck with that. Oh, speaking of that...

98. Your characters can always tell which is the best piece of armor and which is the best weapon. Even if your characters are faced with two identical-looking swords with different attack strengths, they will be able to pick out the one that is more efficient in battle.

[TalHex]

99. If you have eight characters but only four are in your active party, then when those four die its game over, the four left behind never arrive to help you

[Shadowpawn]

100. No matter how strong the main villain is, he can always be beaten by the power of hope/love/friendship.

[Randomness]

100. No matter how strong the main villain is, he can always be beaten by the power of hope/love/friendship.

Corollary to 100: The final boss is always invincible until everyone in the world cheers for you. Then you're invincible.

[Tact]

Corollary to 100: The final boss is always invincible until everyone in the world cheers for you. Then you're invincible.

Not only are you invulnerable, but you are also conveniently healed to maximum health and mana/Flower Points/Tech Points/Special Points/Whatever Points.

[SStrikerR]

101: Remember that weapon you picked out in the beginning of the game? Yeah, your stats are gonna suck now.

[Vanzazikon]

102) At the end, the world was always going to end; however, killing the final boss was always the solution...

[Toadthroat]

103) Always check the starting town thoroughly, because 9 times outta 10 there is an item there that will unlock the best weapon later on.
103a) There is always be a very random and easily missable quest/dialogue choice/item in the game that will unlock the final weapon. The developers put this in to sell more Strategy Guides.

[Tessu]

104. You can't say no to requests.
Ever.

[Shadowpawn]

104a) Unless they happen to be sub-quests, which in that case it would be in your best interest to say yes.

[Randomness]

105)You're so cliched that there's over a 100 rules about you.

[TalHex]

103) Always check the starting town thoroughly, because 9 times outta 10 there is an item there that will unlock the best weapon later on.
103a) There is always be a very random and easily missable quest/dialogue choice/item in the game that will unlock the final weapon. The developers put this in to sell more Strategy Guides.

that was practically every side quest in tales of the abyss, hell i still missed several even with the guide! (they all have a limited amount of time during which you can complete a section)

[Randomness]

Talon, Vesperia had several like that too. But not too many.

[TalHex]

ah thats good to know, the problem with abyss is everything gets destroyed and moved around so much that there are tons of these points of no return

[Randomness]

Haha. Actually, theres only two or three things you HAVE to do at certain times in Vesperia, most of it can wait until near the end, when you get to fly. (Of course, saying HOW would be a rather large spoiler)

The biggest things to do at certain times are a quest for a spear (The first half of which is only possible at certain times), and getting a title for Yuri (For which you have to complete every secret mission - basically, do something during the boss fight, gets you an extra 10 grade and an achievement - in one playthrough)

I'm in the middle of my second playthrough right now, picking up the stuff I missed.

[Toadthroat]

104. You can't say no to requests.
Ever.

Beat you to it.


78. Whenever you attack, you must yell out with much gusto.
78a. Whenever you do a SPECIAL attack, you must give it a name and yell out said attack's name. EVERY TIME.
79. Fashion and style are always more important than battle practicality.
80. You, a kid from some rural (now burned down) village will always be stronger than trained soldiers (sometimes with guns), wild animals, and supreme beings.
81. That girl from your village, you know, the one you've always loved but never had the balls to say anything. Yeah, she gets kidnapped.
81a. That girl, the one you just recovered from the evil empire's army. The one with amnesia. Yeah, shes some kinda god or the key to some doomsday weapon.
82. Whenever asked to do a quest by a king or some other important figure of authority, you have no choice but to say yes. Even if you say no, the king will simply think you're joking and ask you again.
82a. Unless you're playing a WRPG then you have of 4 choices.
1) I'll do it
2) I'll do it...For a price
3) I won't do it
4) I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN.