Saner
Apr 26, 2009, 03:30 AM
As much as I don't want to admit it, I realize I have Menegitis :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menegitis
Some signs are there.
but I don't feel like letting anyone know. Hopefully death isn't painful or too painful. who knows,
maybe I'll die painlessly in my sleep (and wake up in heaven in a good mood! unlike the squillions of more terrible ways to perish in this world.....)
yup, about 2 months ago, I had been starting to feel something underneath the surface of my skull. slight pain at times, and other times maybe dizziness or whatever. but I'd rather not go to the hospital, my mother already has so much to pay. the only sad part is that she will have to deal with the dishes the rest of our useless family never clean. I'd say after I'm gone, she should ditch them and live with her folks.
but ya, I think I received this disease/whatever from shaking hands too much or hanging out with sick people who didn't look sick,
Recently someone I know mentioned signs of menegitis appearing in New York (I guess reported in the news). well I know some people who commute there, but anyways, maybe there's still a chance I'll get to play FFXIII next year, hehe. maybe I shouldn't of read more up on this, now the feeling is starting to return, maybe doctors are right that if you think you're sick then you'll feel sick. so much for immunization.
so that's that. haha, I get to die young, isn't that lovely. I always abhor physical old age.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=abhor
but you know, death is such an ignorant word by the living who do not understand their complete existence. How can life understand death? At most, they only understand half of it.
But I doubt it's all a coincedence, everyone has to go at some point. but Final Fantasy XIII is so kewl! it would be a shame to miss out on that. oh yeah, and the KOF ash crimson saga has yet to be completed. maybe my lazyness saved me the trouble of realizing my plans for my own manga/anime would have been work that's all in the vain in the first place. all that effort and ambition..... and not enough time to fulfill it. ah what a dismal world. what was it all for? well at least I lived long enough to understand what's worth desiring, and what isn't worth desiring, and the things I truly desire do not exist in this world.
Life better not be some cycle of forced reincarnation, cause that would be pointless. To be reborn and forgetting everything from past life is a worthless existence. heck if that was the case maybe everyone are just defeated gods that are experiencing eternal punishment,
or as long as Earth can hold life (which scientifically, Earth will be destroyed and devoid of life eventually, maybe thousands to millions of years, but eventually. And the sun is not eternal either. So maybe our punishment is temporary. but if we keep forgetting, how can we learn from our mistakes? And chances are, there is more to the reason behind it all, but maybe
logic or wisdom behind it is somewhat misplaced? I mean hello, this world sucks, we can't truly live how we want, and everything in this world is temporary and so insignificant, although a few things give off hints of how much better existence could be if we can create and live in our
own personal world as we see fit.
and to think, people have had worse lives than I have. heck, I'd consider my life to be somewhere near the top of the pyramid compared to most people. I'm glad I think the way I do and want the things I want and the opinions I have and perspectives I follow,
But does my creator hear me? Do they understand me? Do they love me?
maybe it's karma. but karma seems to be blind and impossible to reason with.
Ya I seemed rude to some people last year, but I didn't mean any harm. I just feared drawing in unwanted attention. And there was someone I did some favors for at work, but then when I requested a little compensation for helping with their goals, they disappear. I should call them again to see what they think of me and maybe there was a misunderstanding in how much money I was talking about, cause I don't like asking for money, I leave it up to people I help to donate something (and right now there are people who actually do that, without me needing to remind them. not everyone can run that computer.) , but I guess I'm too stubborn. I really should call them soon, though. I still wonder if they'll hang up or listen.
but it's too late now, there's no way I'm gonna let some doctors care take of this, those screw ups, those money vampires. all they do is make people hang around longer so they can suffer even more. and I pity the ones who cause new problems to arise in a patient. but you know, maybe someone's time to die is like our creator calling us back? death can sure be horrifying though. Especially that poor girl in that car accident who's head got crushed underneath that truck's tire....
Well one good thing is I didn't have any children, there's no sense in recommending this world to future generations. it's all just a sad cycle of brief periods of relaxation and a whole lot of hell. whatever way this universe works, I'm not liking it so far.
But I don't regret anything I remember, we need our past to be who we are now, and after death I don't want to forget anything, I just want to live how I want to live, in my complete list of things that would make my existence beyond anything people have dreamed. But perhaps live is not a good word, because it's linked with death. Hmmm. eternal existence? That still isn't very specific. Ah well, hopefully my creator hears me out on my wishlist.
It is scary though, the thought of a creator possibly not loving their creations. just using them as tools or distractions or pawns (like the author of a tragic novel.) cause eternity can be boring if there is no entertainment. But this world sure is some pathetic taste in entertainment. but I guess someone who fears endless, hideous boredom, would find it amusing. but what is more frightening than boredom is nonexistence. Also some people may rather have that than being bored, but if they become all powerful and are creative enough with that power, they'll never get bored.
But there is something definitely more to all of this. This is all not some accident, not some
coincedence. Because this self-awareness. This knowing that I think therefore I am, bears some hidden meaning. Maybe all this suffering is a means to soften us up, but some people in this world have turned into tyrants and jackasses anyway. But I mean, no one is born a
murderer, thief or whatever, everyone is practically innocent. Children not knowing where
they are from and where they are headed. In fear of absolute chaos and insanity, they
cling to fabricated rights and wrongs, while making up whatever they want to believe to give their limited freedom and time some reasons to live. But I am myself, even with a temporary body, I think the brain is like the mind of our soul channeling our thoughts through the brain in order to control and express our thoughts and actions through that body. This explains why when a brain is damaged or works differently, people act differently, and of course it also controls other things like sight, hearing, etc. etc. The brain is only a physical reception tool
for our real eternal mind. oh yeah and in case you're wondering, I don't believe all those
ideas where the soul has the same form as the human body, that wouldn't make sense.
there's also ghosts and the cases of cameras being affected by something that isn't even
solved today. but these cases seem so isolated, I don't think everyone would get stuck
in some parallel dimension. otherwise this stuff would be happening everywhere. souls
might suffer even after death? maybe it's cause they dwell in the past? or maybe,
dwelling on Earth is the only option if reincarnation is the only alternative, I can understand
fear of that. Who'd wanna risk reincarnating into someone as stupid as Britney Spears?
I sure don't.
If you're still reading this, good for you, this may be a necessary wake up call
that everything we "want" in this world doesn't change the fact it's peanuts compared to
what our divine creator can give us. And I say creator because there are many different names
and many different beliefs. I wonder how those atheists are being treated after death,
maybe they'll take their existence more seriously. But this might be a good way to go out. Menegitis. At times I wondered how I would go out. car accident? public shooting? nuclear explosion? Oh that's right, 8-bit theater isn't over, maybe White Mage and Black Mage
get along in the final episode? grrrr. but I really wanna play Final Fantasy XIII. but I don't trust doctors, if I report this, I'll probably be bed ridden and in worse condition than I am now. and imagine the hospital bill. I really don't feel like finding a job, besides, heaven
is better than some meager pension after years of busting your ass doing what you don't wanna do. Well at least I played through FFXII, Left 4 Dead, Resident Evil 5, Saints Row 2, Arcana Heart, etc. those are some games those September 11 victims never got to play.
so there you have it. a message from someone who knows the end of this life is near. hmm but wait, they say menegitis is fatal if left untreated, but is it 100% fatal if its never treated?
ah well, it's not like the disease or whatever will just disappear. I have no rash though,
so maybe it's just like they said where it isn't fatal to adults like it is to children. but the risk gets higher again the older someone is. hmm it does sound like it might be a slow and painful
death. maybe I should tell someone if it gets worse. grrrr. maybe it isn't menegitis at all. no wait it is, cause I remember my eyes have become a little more sensitive to some bright lights.
This is so unfair. Anyways, be careful, menegitis is said to be very contagious. hmm why doesn't the planet just blow up and save us the trouble.
:burger:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menegitis
Some signs are there.
but I don't feel like letting anyone know. Hopefully death isn't painful or too painful. who knows,
maybe I'll die painlessly in my sleep (and wake up in heaven in a good mood! unlike the squillions of more terrible ways to perish in this world.....)
yup, about 2 months ago, I had been starting to feel something underneath the surface of my skull. slight pain at times, and other times maybe dizziness or whatever. but I'd rather not go to the hospital, my mother already has so much to pay. the only sad part is that she will have to deal with the dishes the rest of our useless family never clean. I'd say after I'm gone, she should ditch them and live with her folks.
but ya, I think I received this disease/whatever from shaking hands too much or hanging out with sick people who didn't look sick,
Recently someone I know mentioned signs of menegitis appearing in New York (I guess reported in the news). well I know some people who commute there, but anyways, maybe there's still a chance I'll get to play FFXIII next year, hehe. maybe I shouldn't of read more up on this, now the feeling is starting to return, maybe doctors are right that if you think you're sick then you'll feel sick. so much for immunization.
so that's that. haha, I get to die young, isn't that lovely. I always abhor physical old age.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=abhor
but you know, death is such an ignorant word by the living who do not understand their complete existence. How can life understand death? At most, they only understand half of it.
But I doubt it's all a coincedence, everyone has to go at some point. but Final Fantasy XIII is so kewl! it would be a shame to miss out on that. oh yeah, and the KOF ash crimson saga has yet to be completed. maybe my lazyness saved me the trouble of realizing my plans for my own manga/anime would have been work that's all in the vain in the first place. all that effort and ambition..... and not enough time to fulfill it. ah what a dismal world. what was it all for? well at least I lived long enough to understand what's worth desiring, and what isn't worth desiring, and the things I truly desire do not exist in this world.
Life better not be some cycle of forced reincarnation, cause that would be pointless. To be reborn and forgetting everything from past life is a worthless existence. heck if that was the case maybe everyone are just defeated gods that are experiencing eternal punishment,
or as long as Earth can hold life (which scientifically, Earth will be destroyed and devoid of life eventually, maybe thousands to millions of years, but eventually. And the sun is not eternal either. So maybe our punishment is temporary. but if we keep forgetting, how can we learn from our mistakes? And chances are, there is more to the reason behind it all, but maybe
logic or wisdom behind it is somewhat misplaced? I mean hello, this world sucks, we can't truly live how we want, and everything in this world is temporary and so insignificant, although a few things give off hints of how much better existence could be if we can create and live in our
own personal world as we see fit.
and to think, people have had worse lives than I have. heck, I'd consider my life to be somewhere near the top of the pyramid compared to most people. I'm glad I think the way I do and want the things I want and the opinions I have and perspectives I follow,
But does my creator hear me? Do they understand me? Do they love me?
maybe it's karma. but karma seems to be blind and impossible to reason with.
Ya I seemed rude to some people last year, but I didn't mean any harm. I just feared drawing in unwanted attention. And there was someone I did some favors for at work, but then when I requested a little compensation for helping with their goals, they disappear. I should call them again to see what they think of me and maybe there was a misunderstanding in how much money I was talking about, cause I don't like asking for money, I leave it up to people I help to donate something (and right now there are people who actually do that, without me needing to remind them. not everyone can run that computer.) , but I guess I'm too stubborn. I really should call them soon, though. I still wonder if they'll hang up or listen.
but it's too late now, there's no way I'm gonna let some doctors care take of this, those screw ups, those money vampires. all they do is make people hang around longer so they can suffer even more. and I pity the ones who cause new problems to arise in a patient. but you know, maybe someone's time to die is like our creator calling us back? death can sure be horrifying though. Especially that poor girl in that car accident who's head got crushed underneath that truck's tire....
Well one good thing is I didn't have any children, there's no sense in recommending this world to future generations. it's all just a sad cycle of brief periods of relaxation and a whole lot of hell. whatever way this universe works, I'm not liking it so far.
But I don't regret anything I remember, we need our past to be who we are now, and after death I don't want to forget anything, I just want to live how I want to live, in my complete list of things that would make my existence beyond anything people have dreamed. But perhaps live is not a good word, because it's linked with death. Hmmm. eternal existence? That still isn't very specific. Ah well, hopefully my creator hears me out on my wishlist.
It is scary though, the thought of a creator possibly not loving their creations. just using them as tools or distractions or pawns (like the author of a tragic novel.) cause eternity can be boring if there is no entertainment. But this world sure is some pathetic taste in entertainment. but I guess someone who fears endless, hideous boredom, would find it amusing. but what is more frightening than boredom is nonexistence. Also some people may rather have that than being bored, but if they become all powerful and are creative enough with that power, they'll never get bored.
But there is something definitely more to all of this. This is all not some accident, not some
coincedence. Because this self-awareness. This knowing that I think therefore I am, bears some hidden meaning. Maybe all this suffering is a means to soften us up, but some people in this world have turned into tyrants and jackasses anyway. But I mean, no one is born a
murderer, thief or whatever, everyone is practically innocent. Children not knowing where
they are from and where they are headed. In fear of absolute chaos and insanity, they
cling to fabricated rights and wrongs, while making up whatever they want to believe to give their limited freedom and time some reasons to live. But I am myself, even with a temporary body, I think the brain is like the mind of our soul channeling our thoughts through the brain in order to control and express our thoughts and actions through that body. This explains why when a brain is damaged or works differently, people act differently, and of course it also controls other things like sight, hearing, etc. etc. The brain is only a physical reception tool
for our real eternal mind. oh yeah and in case you're wondering, I don't believe all those
ideas where the soul has the same form as the human body, that wouldn't make sense.
there's also ghosts and the cases of cameras being affected by something that isn't even
solved today. but these cases seem so isolated, I don't think everyone would get stuck
in some parallel dimension. otherwise this stuff would be happening everywhere. souls
might suffer even after death? maybe it's cause they dwell in the past? or maybe,
dwelling on Earth is the only option if reincarnation is the only alternative, I can understand
fear of that. Who'd wanna risk reincarnating into someone as stupid as Britney Spears?
I sure don't.
If you're still reading this, good for you, this may be a necessary wake up call
that everything we "want" in this world doesn't change the fact it's peanuts compared to
what our divine creator can give us. And I say creator because there are many different names
and many different beliefs. I wonder how those atheists are being treated after death,
maybe they'll take their existence more seriously. But this might be a good way to go out. Menegitis. At times I wondered how I would go out. car accident? public shooting? nuclear explosion? Oh that's right, 8-bit theater isn't over, maybe White Mage and Black Mage
get along in the final episode? grrrr. but I really wanna play Final Fantasy XIII. but I don't trust doctors, if I report this, I'll probably be bed ridden and in worse condition than I am now. and imagine the hospital bill. I really don't feel like finding a job, besides, heaven
is better than some meager pension after years of busting your ass doing what you don't wanna do. Well at least I played through FFXII, Left 4 Dead, Resident Evil 5, Saints Row 2, Arcana Heart, etc. those are some games those September 11 victims never got to play.
so there you have it. a message from someone who knows the end of this life is near. hmm but wait, they say menegitis is fatal if left untreated, but is it 100% fatal if its never treated?
ah well, it's not like the disease or whatever will just disappear. I have no rash though,
so maybe it's just like they said where it isn't fatal to adults like it is to children. but the risk gets higher again the older someone is. hmm it does sound like it might be a slow and painful
death. maybe I should tell someone if it gets worse. grrrr. maybe it isn't menegitis at all. no wait it is, cause I remember my eyes have become a little more sensitive to some bright lights.
This is so unfair. Anyways, be careful, menegitis is said to be very contagious. hmm why doesn't the planet just blow up and save us the trouble.
:burger: