bedS

[kskott]

My father-in-law bought my wife a bed for our new apartment.

Instead of talking this over with me first, my father-in-law, with full knowledge of the faltering relationship between me and my wife (who has up to this point has done everything he could to show support for us being together), bought her a bed for when she moves in to our new apartment. Two beds, two people. There is now no reason for us to sleep next to the other, no reason for (innocent of course) intimacy. By separating us while we sleep he has taken away a significant factor in generating feelings of closeness. Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for that warm fuzzy feeling (and vital to maintaining monogamous relationships) is produced in greater amounts (and in tandem with endorphins and testosterone) when someone is touched. The closeness of sleeping in the same bed, and the inevitable touching, was one of the environmental factors I had hoped would help to improve our relationship. Now I might as well sleep in the living room for as close as we'll be.

I knew my current bed was too small. I had never intended for it to be a permanent thing. Even though money is tight now I had spoken of buying a new bed. Why did he not discuss this with me before buying it? Why must I hear of it a week before she's to move in?

And of course the bed was expensive and non-refundable.

[Delete]

Wait a sec, is your Father-in-law living with you there or something?

[kskott]

No, he lives far away, but my wife is staying with her family while I've been working and taking classes for the summer. He's helping with the moving process, with some furniture and things, since this is our first apartment. He helped moved most of her stuff and our apartmentmate's things over when we first got the place a month and a half ago, and he's bringing more things down when she returns for fall classes.

[Delete]

Okay, I see now. Well I agree with ya that he should of discussed it with you. Since he knew ya were married and stuff, a Bed for 2 would make the most sense anyway. But being nice is being nice I guess = /


Also, does your wife have the same feelings on this? If so, I'm sure you can work something out. I know money is tight because I too am going through that faze, but maybe you can both agree on getting a another bed or something.

[Volcompat321]

Wow man. That's horrible!
I sleep(literally) with all my girlfriends, even if they or myself live at home.
And I'm not even married!

I'd say, if they're the same size, push em together, and (if it's on carpet) they wont slide, but if you have tile, put a small block near the corners of the wheels or legs, so they don't slide.
Plus, if/when your father-in-law ever visits, they are easily taken apart.

[Kent]

I'd say, if they're the same size, push em together, and (if it's on carpet) they wont slide, but if you have tile, put a small block near the corners of the wheels or legs, so they don't slide.
Plus, if/when your father-in-law ever visits, they are easily taken apart.
For a second there, I thought you were talking about girlfriends. :nono:

[Volcompat321]

Lmao.

[amtalx]

It sounds like the bed is the least of your problems here.

[hyperacute]

I sleep(literally) with all my girlfriends

I try but it's quite difficult to get them to agree to be in the same room, let alone the same bed :wacko:

[Leviathan]

Is the new bed he bought bigger?

How old are you guys?

Maybe he just doesn't just doesn't feel comfortable with his daughter being alone with a guy, even though you guys are married.

[Outrider]

It sounds more like the father-in-law has heard about the "faltering relationship" from his daughter is trying to do something about it.

He may have been all about you two staying together before, but depending on how she's feeling, it's not surprising that he would take action to do whatever he thinks is necessary for his daughter.

You definitely need to not worry about the bed situation and try and look at the relationship as a whole. Something as minor as that isn't going to be a victory worth fighting for if the foundations are shaky.

[Sinue_v2]

I sleep(literally) with all my girlfriends

Wow, what a coincidence, so did I!


(sorry, I had to. Too easy to pass up. The joke, of course, not your girlfriends. :p )

[DreXxiN]

Wow, what a coincidence, so did I!


(sorry, I had to. Too easy to pass up. The joke, of course, not your girlfriends. :p )

Oh you naughty liar, you. :P

[Itachi1990]

Are you sure he didn't buy the bed for the both of you?Or can it only fit 1 person?

[Volcompat321]

Why would he buy two beds, if he wanted(or didn't mind, rather) both him and his wife to sleep in the same one?

[Outrider]

Why would he buy two beds, if he wanted(or didn't mind, rather) both him and his wife to sleep in the same one?

I'm not trying to make too many assumptions here, but I'm getting the feeling that it's not that the father minds a recently married couple sleeping in the same bed - it sounds like he's feeling that the wife doesn't necessarily want to sleep in the same bed as the OP anymore.

Not saying that's true, but it definitely seems to be the father-in-law's thought process going on in this situation.

Like I said, I wish the OP the best of luck in his relationship. I hope I'm wrong on this stuff.

[Volcompat321]

I didn't get that, but you may be right.
Even so, OP should work on his relationship instead of wanting to sleep in the same bed, unfortunately.
Hope you're wrong Outrider :(

[kskott]

Ah, now that I've calmed down and thought about it, I recall both my father-in-law and mother-in-law stating when they first saw the new apartment, and our bedroom, that they did not believe that a bed built for two could be brought in the room, as there's this small hallway with a sharp turn leading to the bedroom. We had trouble even getting desks inside, so they said that it might be better to bring in two twin beds. But the desks couldn't be disassembled, and a new bed would be brought in part by part while the mattress could be rotated so that the length of it would be perpendicular to the floor, allowing for a simple turn.

My father-in-law doesn't mind us sleeping in the same bed, as when we visit we sleep in their guest room's bed, which is a full size. He's also been the strongest supporter of my wife and I. Sometimes when things looked pretty bad he seemed to be the one most concerned about us staying together and working things out. I'm absolutely certain that he was not driven to buying the bed in order to separate us.

And in my original angry post I did not accurately explain the situation between my wife and I. Faltering was not the best word to use, as we had already faltered and are on the upswing. However improvement's been quite slow, mainly due to the literal distance between us as I've been working and she's been with her family across the state, though the times I have gone to visit, most recently a couple weeks ago, our relationship has notably improved, especially during times when we've been in the same bed together (which was most of the time, cause it's summer and we're lazy :wacko:). The environment and the proximity made any form of interaction easy, as all it took was to reach out and right there was the other person.

What annoys me about this is that he acted without discussing it with me, and possibly even my wife, aside from some side remarks a couple months ago when he first looked at the place. Buying a bed is an important process, and the discussion of what kind of bed to get and how many should have occurred between my wife and I first. Though I am sure his actions were with good intentions for both my wife and I, his impromptu purchase has thrown things off and made me feel like our relationship is outside my sphere of influence. Also I'm saving hardly any money buying a twin now instead of a full, and that irks me.

I'm going to talk to my wife about this, and I'm going to talk to my father-in-law about it as well. Better communication needs to occur, and I know things will improve as they have been recently.

On the bright side, I can finally get the bed I've had my eye on since my friends and I planned our future rooms in high school 8-).

[Volcompat321]

Well, that's good that your father-in-law is a supporter!
If your father-in-law is paying for the beds, I say let him, and push them together like I said in my first post.
Though, like I said, depending if you have tile or carpet in the new place, that could be very annoying.
My whole house is tile (even the bedrooms) and my bed slides :/ when I get into it.
I was forced to push it against a wall for the longest time, until I made a little frame to make it stay in place. (which was cheap to make, but leaves holes in your floor, so not a good thing if you don't own the place).

I think maybe you are thinking about this too much. Like you said, your father in law probably had good intentions.
But maybe you're not, since I cant tell from the information you provided.
Oh, and lol to the planned bedrooms :D

[Outrider]

Yeah, I'm definitely glad that we were just misinterpreting this. Best of luck, and don't forget what most of us learned in college - A single twin bed can fit more than one person if you put your mind to it! (And yes, I'm talking about sleeping.)


My whole house is tile (even the bedrooms) and my bed slides :/ when I get into it.
I was forced to push it against a wall for the longest time, until I made a little frame to make it stay in place. (which was cheap to make, but leaves holes in your floor, so not a good thing if you don't own the place).

Have you considered buying a rug? You can get those cheap dorm-type rugs for ~$20.

[Volcompat321]

Never.
Actually, since I live with my mom and step-dad still...
They decided to put carpet in all the floors except the living room, sometime this year.
So I just have to wait for that.
Though I've been saving up since my costs are low, and plan on moving out (again) by Christmas.