Pages and years of lifelong shit.

[KodiaX987]

I'm not sure where to begin exactly.

Basically, I need to come to terms with the fact that I am socially ignorant.

A socially awkward person does not try to make friends or initiate contact. A socially ignorant person tries, and fails. Repeatedly.

Looking back on my track record, I realize I did not make any real honest friends throughout all of elementary school and the first half of high school. I did not keep any contacts from the second half of high school. Nor college, nor university, nor my second go at college. From all of my school run, I have no phone number, no E-Mail, no home address. Nobody, nobody at all.

At the three workplaces I've been to, loners are few and far in-between. Most people were there because a friend or a family member had told of them of an open spot. People come in knowing a person or two already. I've been on my own all three times.

My local circle of friends is empty. There is not even a circle. The persons I talk to most often, I have met up on the Internet, and they live hundreds of miles away. In Toronto, in Vancouver, in Atlanta... It's not like I can just call them up and suggest a dinner out or a coffee or a concert or anything.



I am utterly mystified by social interaction. People hold expectations and behaviors that I cannot comprehend. Many believe cutting one another off mid-sentence is normal. I regard it as insanity. Most look fondly upon their high-school years - those times when boys and girls hooked up and broke up at a breakneck speed, no relationship lasting any longer than two or three weeks. I was baffled. It was like nobody was trying, that this so-called love was treated as a casual affair without consequences or vision. I'm told I was in the wrong for thinking that way somehow. But then it's not like I had much chance at trying myself. I was antagonized by the great majority of my peers for the first nine years of school. Any sort of attraction I felt towards anyone was dragged out in public and laughed at.

Oh, sure, I had some sort of weekend quasi-relationship where some girl was having a mad crush on me because I'd shown up at a soiree wearing a leather coat. She thought I was a bad boy and that I broke the law on a daily basis. I did not like where it was going. But thinking back, I also realize I had missed all the cues I'd been sent, and I'd acted on impulse without even attempting to set things straight. Instead, I'd thought the relationship had begun on a foundation of lies and I'd bolted, certain that if she was apparently looking for a bad boy, then she was obviously not looking for the opposite.

Still, even today, I see people talk, and I try to fit in, and it's like I simply do not "have it". What I say gets ignored. Someone says the same thing and he's met with wide approval, roaring laughter, loud groans or some other form of reaction. Most often, I am cut off after placing just a few words. My presence is hardly noticed. I am invisible. What I say has no merit and I have no credibility. Voicing my opinion is useless. Soon as there are more than two people in the conversation, I instantly become the third wheel. I don't want to be a wallflower, but I am naturally shoved into the role anyway.

It's weird. People act surprised that I wasn't at this-or-that gathering, activity or party. But I never got the invitation. I've missed things that the entire workplace has done together, except for me. I learned about it only in the aftermath.

Just like it's possible to get friendzoned by a girl, I feel like I've gotten friendzoned by society. I'll be given a hello and a friendly wave if I pop into view. But I won't get called to do something. There are always people of higher priority than I, and by the time they get close to me on the list, the party has reached its capacity.



I've looked around and asked for advice on the subject, but I was met with statements that let me know it was like I'd asked someone how to move my limbs. They couldn't explain how to because to them, it was natural. It was like breathing. They met someone; they knew what to say and when. I didn't. And so the advice they gave me amounted to telling a man complaining of his gray hair: "Well... just grow more brown hair then!"

The only recurrence I got was that with experience, I'd get better. Experience. Yeah. Experience. I'm twenty-seven fucking years old.

I've spent the majority of my free time in my room. I had nothing to do. I had a TV, a computer, books and video games. No one to play sports with, no league to be in, no regular gathering.

There is no one I can claim to which I could turn and lay my head on. I have no shoulder to cry on, no ear to listen to me. I have no confident. I have no one with whom I could trust my deepest secrets. I'm convinced it will simply never happen.

I got out now and then recently. I went to have a drink and eat dinner. I was on my own, so I brought a book and I read slowly while eating and drinking. The person I talked to the most was the waitress or the bartender, and it amounted to the stuff I wanted to order. Everyone around me was with someone else. I was the only one in the place to be on his own.



I'm fairly certain I've grown to have unpopular views that quite simply don't work in today's society. People go to bars and clubs to meet girls; I see it as a meat market of artificiality. People sign up on dating websites; I regard it as grocery store of humans, of girls choosing the best-looking boy and boys choosing the girl with the biggest tits. I bought three consoles of this generation, and in doing so I gave everyone around me two reasons to be pissed at me. Apparently I had to buy just one console and demonize whoever bought the others. Strangely, those who disagree with that only exist on the Internet. Far away from home.

I don't know if I'm anachronistically too old-fashioned or if I'm dangerously too avant-garde. I don't know if I'm too nice for my own good or if I've been an asshole all my life and never realized it.

I know nothing. I'm sitting here, at twenty-seven, and I'm still utterly clueless at what I do. I never say the right thing. My timing is all wrong. I stutter or I stumble at the punchline. Exchanges feel awkward and forced. I can't seem to learn from my mistakes or experience. I'm just stuck with it. My fashion sense is terrible at best. I don't consider myself handsome. I'm afraid at changing style, afraid I'll make the situation even worse than my current getup. I'm bland inside and out. Nothing interesting to talk about outside of the work I do and the games I play.

I recall asking for advice on the matter. On the Internet. I was almost instantly dismissed as a troll.

For those who took it seriously, they ended up saying "Enjoy being forever alone. It's all you deserve."

[GCoffee]

There is no way you could make others interested in you if you aren't even interested in yourself. If you are not even aware of your good points yourself, then how will you make others aware of them?

Don't act out a play whenever you have a conversation, but say what is on your mind because that and not any of the thought up shit will get you anywhere. Even if it does get you anywhere at first, soon you will realize how few fun it is to talk about stuff you don't even care about, and then you will be the one blocking off without even really knowing.

Don't just play interested in the person in front of you unless you seriously are, give that person the chance to get interested in you and who you are. Nobody needs a bad actor.

[Tetsaru]

Sometimes I kinda feel like I'm in the same boat. I was valedictorian of my high school graduating class, and now I'm a 25-year-old unemployed college dropout who still lives with his parents, doesn't have a driver's license, and sits in front of the computer or TV all day. Sometimes I wish like I could rewind my life back to before I went to college and have a "do-over," but like everyone else, I have to live with the mistakes I made and try to learn from them.

My advice is to just do what makes you happy. Follow your passions, and surround yourself with like-minded individuals. It's much easier to hold conversations with people when you both like the same things. Personally, I've made a lot of friends through games like PSU and FFXIV, or on forums like this one. Others I've met in groups such as clubs and music ensembles at the college I used to attend. And even though I don't get to speak with most of them in person these days, I still keep in touch with many of them on a regular basis through IM's, PSN, Teamspeak, Facebook, or other similar methods. Sure, I still wish I had things like a job, a girlfriend, etc., but at least this way, I can keep a sense of peace and sanity with myself.

[BIG OLAF]

Huh, I sort of know how you feel. I also have zero friends (that I can actually interact with physically), no interests, no nothing really. I really don't find joy in anything I do or have, for the most part.

I'm not socially "ignorant", per se. I know how conversations and human interaction works, but I just can't do it. I'm socially awkward, inept and misconstrued, due to an entire childhood of emotional abuse. I feel as though I'm going to vomit and pass out if someone even so much as smiles and waves at me. According to the four different psychotherapists I went to, they all said it was AvPD (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder).

I'm 21, so I'm not quite as old as you. But, I seem to just be drifting along, no clue what I'm "supposed" to be doing with my life, or who I'm "supposed" to be talking to (and have a panic attack in doing so). It's getting pretty disheartening, and I'm afraid I'll be going down a certain path I took once before...which landed me in a mental institution for a couple of weeks.

Sorry, I can't offer any advice for you, since I'm sort of stuck myself.

EDIT: But, hey, asking for advice on the internet and only being called a "troll" isn't as bad as being called a "crybaby faggot."

[Sinue_v2]

*Snip*

If it makes you feel any better, I've always regarded you as possessing that kind of aloof coolness that brings with it an aura of authority. Not the kind of person who has nothing of worth or merit to say, nor that what you're saying goes over the head, but that there is most often simply nothing objectionable there to argue with.

I also get the wallflower treatment quite often, though I think that's mostly my own fault. I don't know how to bullshit and small talk. I like big topics, big ideas, seeing things from other perspectives, and having my mind completely fucking blown. Some of the best years were the times I would go over my cousin's place or the occasional really smart friend's house and get completely geeked on cocaine and spend all night debating armchair transhumanism, bioengineering, political philosophy, etc. But that was when my mouth could keep up with everyone else's. These days I'm slower and more deliberate with my wording to try to be as accurate as possible, and any sort of pause or break in the flow of noise from my mouth is seen as an opportunity to interject completely irrelevant verbal diarrhea. Anymore, I don't really talk unless I have something to say. It's gotten to the point where I'm not very comfortable in one on one conversations, and prefer to have a third party there to carry the flow of the conversation into which I can occasionally jump in on if I have the need to say something.

I've gotten used to the fact that people will ask my advise, get frustrated because they don't like the answer, and then turn to a complete dumbass or tweaked out hilljack who has a third of the knowledge and twice the confidence who inevitably fucks the whole thing up. Then bring it back to me later when it's a smoldering heap of shit and expecting me to preform miracles - then get disillusioned with my abilities when I can't. So anymore, I've just learned to accept it, and I have a view on the world more like Dr. Herzenstube from Bro. Karamazov. I've learned it's possible to hate people in general, but still love and cherish humanity.

[spoiler-box]

"In my dreams, I have often come to making enthusiastic schemes for the service of humanity, and perhaps I might actually have faced crucifixion if it had been suddenly necessary; and yet I am incapable of living in the same room with anyone for two days together, as I know by experience. As soon as anyone is near me, his personality disturbs my self-complacency and restricts my freedom. In twenty-four hours I begin to hate the best of men: one because he's too long over his dinner; another because he has a cold and keeps on blowing his nose. I become hostile to people the moment they come close to me. But it has always happened that the more I detest men individually the more ardent becomes my love for humanity."
[/spoiler-box]

[amtalx]

I've been down that road, and getting out is really just a matter of motivation. I spent most of HS in my room, and most of college awkwardly trying to relate at parties. Three short years ago I was a 25 year-old college dropout living in my dad's basement with a ton of debt, and recently divorced at that. I had reached a point where I really just needed to reboot my life. I had to decide what I wanted and what I was willing to do to get it.

Now I'm 28 (turned today actually,) live in a 3-bedroom house in a nice part of town, have a new BMW in the driveway, and a wonderful girlfriend. However, those things aren't just going to spring out of the ground. Even with effort, it's going to take time. I didn't like how I carried myself in public, so I worked on my confidence. I didn't like how I looked, so I lost weight, got in shape, and bought new clothes.

All that said, my path may not be for everyone. If the people around you are boring (I often have issues with that myself,) and you have no problem doing things on your own, more power to you. Just figure out what you need to be happy and go for it. It doesn't need to be any of that 'American Dream' crap.

[Ceresa]

I got out now and then recently. I went to have a drink and eat dinner. I was on my own, so I brought a book and I read slowly while eating and drinking. The person I talked to the most was the waitress or the bartender, and it amounted to the stuff I wanted to order. Everyone around me was with someone else. I was the only one in the place to be on his own.


You were the only person there that didn't have to wait on some wishy washy fucktard that couldn't stop running their mouth for 10 seconds on the trip there to put their brain to the task of developing some vague clue on what they wanted to eat, delaying your order while they take 5 minutes to pick something (that they'll regret afterwards). You were the only person there that got to savor every single bite at your own pace, no rushing it down or leaving a long pause because someone decided to ask you a question while eating.

Your problem isn't that you're socially awkward or ignorant. It's that you've been brainwashed into thinking you need to conform into a degenerated society overwhelmingly comprised of idiots dependent on others to validate their empty thoughts and by extension, their trite existence. And if you do want to talk or share ideas, that's what the internet is for, it's the largest possible pool of like-minded people. Ignore lists or simply scrolling past a post are greatly superior to an evening wasted weeding out some yammering fucktard. It's just a little further to break the conditioning instilled in you since birth and then you'll see how great you have it.

And you'll never have to go deliver gas to some idiot friend stranded on the highway who will never have the opportunity to repay the favor properly because you fill your car up.

[Randomness]

You were the only person there that didn't have to wait on some wishy washy fucktard that couldn't stop running their mouth for 10 seconds on the trip there to put their brain to the task of developing some vague clue on what they wanted to eat, delaying your order while they take 5 minutes to pick something (that they'll regret afterwards). You were the only person there that got to savor every single bite at your own pace, no rushing it down or leaving a long pause because someone decided to ask you a question while eating.

Your problem isn't that you're socially awkward or ignorant. It's that you've been brainwashed into thinking you need to conform into a degenerated society overwhelmingly comprised of idiots dependent on others to validate their empty thoughts and by extension, their trite existence. And if you do want to talk or share ideas, that's what the internet is for, it's the largest possible pool of like-minded people. Ignore lists or simply scrolling past a post are greatly superior to an evening wasted weeding out some yammering fucktard. It's just a little further to break the conditioning instilled in you since birth and then you'll see how great you have it.

And you'll never have to go deliver gas to some idiot friend stranded on the highway who will never have the opportunity to repay the favor properly because you fill your car up.

Well... that's one way to look at it, I suppose.

[BIG OLAF]

Well... that's one way to look at it, I suppose.

A really shitty way, but yes...a way.

[Sinue_v2]

And if you do want to talk or share ideas, that's what the internet is for, it's the largest possible pool of like-minded people. Ignore lists or simply scrolling past a post are greatly superior to an evening wasted weeding out some yammering fucktard.

There's also a danger in this, because the tendency is to cocoon yourself within a perceptual bubble of like minded people who don't challenge your beliefs - causing you to get even further mired down into an entrenched mindset which make it even more difficult later to interact and communicate with others in the long run. Yeah, yammering fuckheads are a pain in the ass to weed through... but sooner or later one of those fuckheads is going to make a clear and sapient point that you probably won't like, and will simply brush them off out of hand like all the others. But occasionally, those points stick, and fester, and the more you dig into them... the more perspective you gain, either by eventually accepting the view as valid or by strengthening your own argument against it.

In a lot of ways, the internet has limited our horizons instead of broadening them. We have become so inundated by both our own egos and by outside algorithms which subtly "tailor" our content delivery based on our likes and our browsing history that we get trapped inside these echo chambers and loose sight of the wider world around us.

I'd rather suffer the banality of idiots for the occasional spark of a new idea, or a new perspective, than to shackle myself to my own preconceived prejudices.

[AlexCraig]

Just my input. Take it as you will.

[spoiler-box]

At the three workplaces I've been to, loners are few and far in-between. Most people were there because a friend or a family member had told of them of an open spot. People come in knowing a person or two already. I've been on my own all three times.

Been there. My last job I had was pure luck that I got it. And when I didn't I knew nobody, I felt out of place, and felt rather alone. At the time, we were separated to working particular places, alone, in the facility, and I seemed just fine with that. After we were all told to work together, I still worked on my own, separate from others. Even when we got new people working for us, I never talked to them until a few weeks into their working for us, and even then, it was one line of dialogue here and there. I observed how they were, what their interests and such were from afar, and if common ground was found, I'd start a light chat.



My local circle of friends is empty. There is not even a circle. The persons I talk to most often, I have met up on the Internet, and they live hundreds of miles away. In Toronto, in Vancouver, in Atlanta... It's not like I can just call them up and suggest a dinner out or a coffee or a concert or anything.

Again, same deal here. Most of my friends are online. Though I also partially blame where I live. There are both a language barrier and an interest barrier to deal with. Though the few friends I do have out here I try to see on a weekly basis, if at all possible. Quality over quantity.



I am utterly mystified by social interaction. People hold expectations and behaviors that I cannot comprehend. Many believe cutting one another off mid-sentence is normal. I regard it as insanity. Most look fondly upon their high-school years - those times when boys and girls hooked up and broke up at a breakneck speed, no relationship lasting any longer than two or three weeks. I was baffled. It was like nobody was trying, that this so-called love was treated as a casual affair without consequences or vision. I'm told I was in the wrong for thinking that way somehow. But then it's not like I had much chance at trying myself. I was antagonized by the great majority of my peers for the first nine years of school. Any sort of attraction I felt towards anyone was dragged out in public and laughed at.

For almost the entirety of my high school years, I was a single man. The girl I was with early on left me for my best friend the week of valentines day (while it is a hallmark holiday, it still hurts to be dumped just prior to the "day of love" for a guy I've known half my life). After that, I did as you did, sat to the side and watched other "couples" and saw how their relationships went, all the while pondering "what do I want out of life and love? What do I want?" Only at the end of my senior year did I decide to take on a girlfriend, and though it didn't go entirely as planned, it was a learning experience.



Oh, sure, I had some sort of weekend quasi-relationship where some girl was having a mad crush on me because I'd shown up at a soiree wearing a leather coat. She thought I was a bad boy and that I broke the law on a daily basis. I did not like where it was going. But thinking back, I also realize I had missed all the cues I'd been sent, and I'd acted on impulse without even attempting to set things straight. Instead, I'd thought the relationship had begun on a foundation of lies and I'd bolted, certain that if she was apparently looking for a bad boy, then she was obviously not looking for the opposite.

Had a few like this during my post-freshman/pre-senior self time. A girl here and there liked me for how I looked, but knew NOTHING about me. Those didn't go anywhere. But that isn't to say I didn't at least try to learn more about them and see if there was any common ground. Just bolting off without even trying to get to know them... you run the risk of, well, looking offensive to them and ruining the possibility (however great or slim) of it becoming something special.



Still, even today, I see people talk, and I try to fit in, and it's like I simply do not "have it". What I say gets ignored. Someone says the same thing and he's met with wide approval, roaring laughter, loud groans or some other form of reaction. Most often, I am cut off after placing just a few words. My presence is hardly noticed. I am invisible. What I say has no merit and I have no credibility. Voicing my opinion is useless. Soon as there are more than two people in the conversation, I instantly become the third wheel. I don't want to be a wallflower, but I am naturally shoved into the role anyway.

You have to voice yourself, whether they like it or not. You are clearly getting irate and confused about it, so express yourself vocally. There have been COUNTLESS times where I have been considered quiet and unimportant, and only after practically screaming in rage did I get their attention. They didn't think I could do something like that, so afterwards, when I talked, they listened. Happened most often in school, for me, when the class was too loud for the teacher to get a word in. I told them to shut it, they listened.



It's weird. People act surprised that I wasn't at this-or-that gathering, activity or party. But I never got the invitation. I've missed things that the entire workplace has done together, except for me. I learned about it only in the aftermath.

Just like it's possible to get friendzoned by a girl, I feel like I've gotten friendzoned by society. I'll be given a hello and a friendly wave if I pop into view. But I won't get called to do something. There are always people of higher priority than I, and by the time they get close to me on the list, the party has reached its capacity.

I can't speak for this. Though it has happened on occasion, it's been few and far between with people I don't even know the first names of. Though if it bothers you, again, I suggest trying to assert yourself. Make yourself known for who you are, not ignored because they know nothing about you.



I've looked around and asked for advice on the subject, but I was met with statements that let me know it was like I'd asked someone how to move my limbs. They couldn't explain how to because to them, it was natural. It was like breathing. They met someone; they knew what to say and when. I didn't. And so the advice they gave me amounted to telling a man complaining of his gray hair: "Well... just grow more brown hair then!"

And I realize I am probably coming off like this as well :/ Know, though, that I can relate to some of this, and am at least trying to help.



I've spent the majority of my free time in my room. I had nothing to do. I had a TV, a computer, books and video games. No one to play sports with, no league to be in, no regular gathering.

There is no one I can claim to which I could turn and lay my head on. I have no shoulder to cry on, no ear to listen to me. I have no confident. I have no one with whom I could trust my deepest secrets. I'm convinced it will simply never happen.

But by throwing in the towel, it WON'T happen.



I recall asking for advice on the matter. On the Internet. I was almost instantly dismissed as a troll.

For those who took it seriously, they ended up saying "Enjoy being forever alone. It's all you deserve."
I don't see you as such, nor do I offer such shitty "advice". I know how it can be being alone and lonely. Never a fun experience. I know that you mentioned dating sites as a sort of "human market", but if you are just seeking friends, it may be a obscure way to meet people of like interests in your area. It's what my brother is doing with this one girl online. The two of them spend all hours of the night just chatting. Not dating, chatting. And she only lives about an hour or two away from us. May help, may not. But it is at least an option.[/spoiler-box]

[condiments]

I'm not going to go into a long-winded explanation of how to change what you're doing. You obviously know yourself way better than I. However, I kind of was in the same situation while in High School. I was never "alone" per se, as I had a nice group of friends, but I always felt separate from them. My best friend would always undermine my confidence, because the kid really held no respect for anyone. As a result, I thought there was something wrong with me. Namely, that I was unintelligent, and simply incapable of performing many things.

One day, I decided I was sick of it, and washed my hands of them. I built my confidence by reminding myself everyday that I was worth it. I educated myself in various subjects of philosophy, and literature. I started writing because I have a passion for creating stories. Now, people don't "view" me the same way anymore. When I went to college I was eventually able to gather a great group of friends around me who really respect me.

As cliche as this sounds, its all about perspective and outlook. Its alright to remain cynical about society, but people are often more interesting than they initially seem. Make the extra effort to improve yourself(trust me, its a daily battle), and reach out to people. Its worth it.

[AzureBlaze]

Disregard any social situations from any school that wasn't a decent cosmo college.
HS & any other grade or 'towny college' exists (I think) to ruin your social skills and help turn people into morons that are trained to only care about frivolous stuff & garbage. There is/was no great lesson to be learned from anything there except that "it was mostly lame & glad it's gone"

Are you sad to be alone because "society" said it was bad to do?
Or are you sad to be alone because of some other reason that comes from you?

(You'll have to think about that one really hard because society is really good at convincing everyone that what IT thinks and wants ARE what YOU think & want--only through analysis can you find out if it's not true or is. Most people will never bother)

Don't ask old people for advice about this type of thing either, they're not helpful. Coming here was the right thing to do. Why?
Because old people (and people taught directly by them who fail to form their own opinions) will say that "computer friends aren't real friends". Well that's utter BS. They will spout off that "oh because you can't see them or hear them, then it's not real"

Well, I have not seen a friend nor met one in person in...........I can't even remember how long. 19eiightrrrrgh I'm not old I swear??? CoWorker, yes, aquaintance, yes, but friend: no. I never went to 1 dance 1 date 1 social function. I talk to people with typing on the internet all the time. I consider my social life to be fantastic because I know interesting people online (it seems, like you do too--a little at least) My social life will improve greatly when PSO2 shows up, who knows how many people there will be to meet! It's so exciting!

But if you told some grownup/oldperson the above they'd get all disgruntled because it goes against what they were brought up with which was "your friends must be physically there w/you at least some of the time or 'it doesn't count'" Which is the most rediculous notion because what really counts? WHAT YOU THINK of the situation. If you are content with internet friends then that is all that counts. Lamers trying to convince you otherwise just cause you confusion. They try to do this because they're trying to pigeon hole everything they see and if it doesn't fit with what 'they think' then it is 'not right'.

I guess it's something like the bully principal:
Some kids are smart / teachers pet types who like learning or are good at things
Some kids aren't that way, or don't feel they could be that way / don't care
Their only defense against the smart kids is to make them feel bad all the time. Socially punish them. This is why you get people who 'play dumb' or dumb themselves down into groups so that they'll fit in. It happens everywhere though, because people never stop their ways they got in school, they just get different about it.

Society & lame people are ALWAYS trying to get you to care what THEY think because as soon as you stop caring, they loose all control of you. However: you can't argue with reality, you can't think FOR other people, you can't walk someone elses' path (metaphor), and you can't properly run anyone elses' life. You CAN change what you think any time you want, you can pick how you react to anything.

CoWorkers:
People ignorin you? Wallflower all the time?
It could be they're all just lame. Really, I wouldn't want to hang around with such ignorers and social failures as that gang you describe. It probably isn't you. It's probably them--at least it sounds that way from here. Yes, excluding, playing office politics sandbox, and pushing someone (you) into a corner is an example of them being bad. Anyone with half a fiber of REAL social know-how would not do this. Don't judge you based on what sounds like a goon squad.

Non-Relevent Zooone:
You DO have a talent. I've seen it. You can write.
No one here will probably bring it up, I think your story got too old and it went off the pages (but I'm unsure) I have been here long enough to have read your stuff and you DO have a spooky talent for it. (I would say that several scenes were eerie which is difficult to do, if you look at most of the recent PSOW stories no one manages eerie) I would say if you ever get bored, do another story. Yes I do write a lot, I've just never published any of it.

This link might be helpful
http://www.mindpowernews.com/BeFree.htm

Ignore intro paragraph it's the stuff he quotes from ye olde book of expensiveness that's more useful. *Probably will not make you feel better right away but offers a perspective few people think about.

I would also encourage you to go onto PSO2 when it comes out if your PC is good enough. 99% of the people I'm friends with I did meet on PSO (and a few from PSU) and it seems really contentable. If you become so glad to have friends there, and people you can use an IM or Email with who you may learn also share your other interests (ie: writing perhaps) then crummy co-workers won't matter and never knowing what to say irl becomes a total non-issue.

I think this is a bit more longwinded than I thought it would be. I hope some part of it is helpful.

[Caiterz]

*lazy to read the rest of the topic* but yeah

I've been there.

I'm afraid to initiate contact... because I dont know what to say. I'm not sure I'll ever get over it...

but one thing that did help me:

Retail.

Walmart.

it got me out into working with the public. It FORCED me to talk to random strangers.. and at first it was just "can i help you find something?" and now sometimes I'll joke with the customers, most of them will joke back.

I've made friends with a few regulars, and unfortunately I regret giving some of them my phone number.. *Shutters*.


But either way. I hated it at first. Screw walmart, it sucks!

But.. i grew to love it. Love helping people... When someone runs up to you and gives you a big hug and says "YOURE WORKING TODAY!! IM SO HAPPY :D" Because I go that extra mile for -every- customer, and when you do that, the customers REALLY appreciate it... Hey you might just help the right cute single girl, huh? :)

At this point, I probably wouldn't choose Walmart for a -new- retail experience ^^;;; As home office has done some evil evil things the last year :(

But give retail a try, it will help you, even if you hate it at first, i promise!

[NegaTsukasa]

Social ignorance follows me around the bend from time too time. never social awkwardness. I'm pretty outgoing.

Man, there are things I wish I could turn back and rewind on. and it would be for just one special person I know, that I hurt 2 years back. and I, myself, am seriously hurt for what I did to date as I look back.

[Ghost Inside]

Oh wow... It's been a while since this thread was started. I only saw it just now. ._.

@ KodiaX987, if you weren't a ocean away I'd give you a hug after what you said! :(
I've been alone too. Always alone when I was younger.

I've never ever been able to talk to my parents about anything or any other relatives for that matter, and I could go on about how I was always alone as a child but it'd be such a long and personal story I'd be a whole book before I'd finish, and some things are just too personal anyway.

I had some online friends in the latter half of my teens, and they sure mattered a lot to me! I still haven't seen a single one of them in person though. It's sad really. ._.
It's horrible when some old person dismiss them as not real friends. What the hell do they know!?

Anyway, then one day a few years ago I made a new friend through some common friends online, and it turned out we only lived 15 minutes away from each other by car! Which was pretty mind-blowing!
But well... We're friends but it wasn't always smooth between us, I had my own demons from the past with some deep mental scarring making staying friends with anyone at all difficult, even those friends I'd had online for so long.
I've since managed to bury some experiences in the past where they belong, so it's better in that sense now.
(We haven't seen each other in quite some time so I'm not really sure how good friends we are anymore, but if we'd just hang out a little again I'm sure it'd be much better!)

But still I was feeling so alone.
Then one day, some 9 months ago now, I met up with a girl I didn't know - because we were in the same boat, so to speak - and someone thought we were so much alike that they set us up.

I had barely slept the night before, and hardly eaten anything that day of the little meeting. And it sure was an awkward date once we were left alone. I didn't think I'd ever see her again, but... In all the awkwardness I still wanted to keep in touch so I gave her my cellphone number.

And then we ended up chatting some more, just some text messages, then some IM chats. But pretty quickly we became best friends!
I felt like I'd known her for the longest time and we had only talked on like 2-3 occasions! I'm so happy I met her, I love her so - best friend I ever had! ♥

I've always been quite awkward around others, and shy like few. Just seemingly disappearing where I stand when in a group.
And I'm still like that!
I don't know how to act around other people, especially if there's more than two people in a room! I can sort-of be social with a single person and it's someone I know a bit. With strangers I'm just lost!
I try to be more outgoing but it's pretty hopeless. It tends to go much better online but I get very self-conscious easily and tend to implode wondering if I just said something really weird or people thinking I'm some nutcase or just judging me for something else. And that's "much better" than what I'm like in person for the most part!

At least I can read people in person though! People are like open books to me, but strangely that doesn't seem to help:
All I ever see are idiots, idiots and bigger idiots I feel like! - And I get just as disappointed every time!
It makes me wonder at if there's something wrong with me! Is the world up-side-down or am I?

I think... I think I'm at least getting better at expressing myself, just having a real friend to talk to that I can talk about anything with. And to do it in person! I just wish we didn't live so far apart, then we could spend more time together!

Um... I don't know what to say really: I wish you'd find a special friend like that too!

Life is a horrible thing, but I'm happy I'm still here, 'cause it's all you will ever get so make it something worthwhile! There are so many things I want to do, things I want to experience... I've been wandering though life with death right by my side for so long; I really didn't think I'd be here now, some 5-10 years ago... I'm happy I didn't end it right there. My life isn't great, and there are days I feel terrible, but still I'm grateful for every day I get. :cry:
It's still infinitely better than what it was...

[washuguy]

There's also a danger in this, because the tendency is to cocoon yourself within a perceptual bubble of like minded people who don't challenge your beliefs - causing you to get even further mired down into an entrenched mindset which make it even more difficult later to interact and communicate with others in the long run. Yeah, yammering fuckheads are a pain in the ass to weed through... but sooner or later one of those fuckheads is going to make a clear and sapient point that you probably won't like, and will simply brush them off out of hand like all the others. But occasionally, those points stick, and fester, and the more you dig into them... the more perspective you gain, either by eventually accepting the view as valid or by strengthening your own argument against it.

In a lot of ways, the internet has limited our horizons instead of broadening them. We have become so inundated by both our own egos and by outside algorithms which subtly "tailor" our content delivery based on our likes and our browsing history that we get trapped inside these echo chambers and loose sight of the wider world around us.

I'd rather suffer the banality of idiots for the occasional spark of a new idea, or a new perspective, than to shackle myself to my own preconceived prejudices.

True... And you've helped me a lot in that area believe it or not (not calling you a f**khead of course...). They say when your beliefs and thoughts are challenged, it shouldn't make you afraid or get you stressed, or angry cause your ideas might be wrong altogether, or that person might have a missing piece you need to strengthen your argument, or help you do research to be more accurate, rather than, like you were saying, walk around with preconceived notions. Through your differences, you might even gain a friend, or just someone valuable to get your brain moving. Humans can be very one dimensional... As to the whys, that's debatable...

Social awkwardness sucks... Been there, still there, but learning to break out of the shell with the help of some wisdom, practice, learning to get in touch with life and appreciate it, good friends and of course God. I've been on lone wolf status, keeping a tight knit circle and putting up a force field against everyone else, family included. Thinking like I needed no one (Ironically I was very dependent, still am) and just becoming cold. The world is cold and it turns us into heartless monsters if we don't get enough love and don't play defense, but once we become aware of the truth, its up to us to stop letting the world and evil shape us, and become what we were MEANT to be in the first place: Beacons of light and hope in a dark world, that show love, and help people connect with the light.

I'm no expert, but I say one, you have to know you're a person of SOME sort of VALUE. You're worth getting to know. If you mean nothing to yourself, you'll mean nothing to anyone else, and you mean something to SOMEBODY. There's a difference between humility, and being a straight downer, beating yourself up and self pity. If they don't want to talk with you, oh well, on to the next one, their loss, hopefully they come around. Find other people of value, and people that are actually looking for new people to chat I guess. Not so much dating and courting or whatever, that'll come, of course you have to put in some work... But first things first. Find people to have good conversations with, go to the right place. Don't go into anything expecting to fail, and study up on good things to talk about. GOOGLE might help? LOL

But seriously... If you want to talk about it more hit me up man.