Mega Ultra Chicken
Oct 29, 2013, 01:01 AM
Caution: This story has blood, and lots of it. No gore, though. Just getting that out of the way in case that's something that warrants a disclaimer.
Because of my recent fascination with creepypastas, the fact that Halloween is coming soon, and the fact that Evilmag wrote one for PSP2 two years ago, I’ve decided to try my hand at writing a crappypasta creepypasta for PSO2. I'm not sure whether this would be material for the Fan Works forum or here, so I just put it here.
---
Phantasy Pentagram Online 2
---
It was a rather quiet evening, the clock next to my computer reading 8:31 PM. I was wandering aimlessly about the internet like I usually do. But then I came across a site for a special third-party program for Phantasy Star Online 2. It was called Ultimate Darkness, and not only was it a comprehensive English patch, but it added playable content to the game before it is even released! I thought this was too good to be true, but the description assured me that it was free of viruses, game-wrecking bugs, and demonic possession (and they said “We promise!” They can’t be lying with words like that!) That last one sounded a bit suspicious. I pondered about it for a moment…
…Sounds good to me!
---
I readily downloaded the patch and installed it to my PSO2 client. After about 6 minutes and 6.6 seconds (I had nothing better to do than watch the installation process very closely,) I eagerly started up the game. To my surprise, the game skipped right to the title screen, saving me the 10 seconds or so of other startup stuff. I clicked my mouse to start the game. For a split second, the background turned red. And I noticed a pentagram in the background even though it was there for barely one second. I was a bit surprised, but that didn’t stop me from continuing. In fact, I went to fetch my stopwatch for some reason.
I logged on with Mazarin into an empty channel. But there was nobody there! It was empty! Then again, the game has a tendency of sending you to a random empty block when you log in. I went to go change blocks. What I saw surprised me. Block 20 never had this much free space! In fact, there was no Block 20 at all! All of the blocks were simply named “Block 666.” I chose the Block 666 that would be around where Block 20 would have been. At least it would have some people online.
I arrived to a crowd that was smaller than usual, but still decently sized. But something was off about Block 20 (or rather, in this case, Block 666.) Instead of the usual spamming of silly jokes and Symbol Art, they were all spamming “Turn back.” They were also spamming “turn back,” “Turnback,” “trnbcak,” and pretty much every single possible variant of the phrase known to man. I figured it was just some silly in-joke that Block 20 was partaking in this week, so I decided to do a Time Attack Client Order.
When I went to the mission counter, I saw that a new mission was available. The mission was titled “A Long, Long Time Ago…” My curiosity about a potential Star Wars crossover was piqued, so I decided to start the mission on Very Hard mode. I could not use any of my friends’ characters on this mission, so I had to be on my toes or put up with dying a lot. I entered the central hallway and my stopwatch recorded 29.54 seconds for the loading screen.
The loading process finished, but there was no Campship. Instead, I was in the entrance of what appeared to be a SEED HIVE area from Phantasy Star Universe. I was surprised. They made a genuine throwback mission? And for a game that nobody seemed to care about? I immediately dropped those questions and started to explore the area. I fought the HD re-creations of the Delsabans, the Sendillans, the Jusnaguns (I HATE THOSE THINGS,) and then there was a Carriguine. But these weren’t ordinary PSU enemies. Instead of the usual sounds they made when they died, each enemy let out a piercing scream when it died.
Anyways, back to the Carriguine. I was busy taking off my headphones (I didn’t expect a scream that loud to happen after every single enemy died! I should have caught on after the first 15, but cut me some slack here!) and my character was swiftly incapacitated by the Carriguine’s charge. It turns out that the death ended up failing the mission. But instead of the usual message, the text instead read these ominous words: “You’re too slow. Want to try again?”
I didn’t. I decided to return to the lobby and just take care of my TACOs.
---
When I returned to the counter, I received another new mission. This one was titled, “The True Dark Falz.” And listed as the main enemy was… PSO1 Dark Falz! I had a fangasm. Learning my lesson from last time could wait. This was the PSO1 Dark Falz! I selected Normal mode and started the mission again (I recorded 42.157 seconds this time,) and this one also had no Campship. I was instead in the middle of a clearing in the Naberius Forest that seemed to span the entire 7 by 7 grid. Strangely, this clearing actually had some pools of water in it. The Nearest Place to Heaven was playing in reverse. In the middle was PSO1 Dark Falz’s altar. I rushed headlong toward the altar and touched it, but the ground did not turn into the same ground of writhing faces I know and love. Instead, the grass turned brown. The sky turned black. The water was no longer there! Instead, there were pools of hyper-realistic blood! Then another wave of corruption was emitted. This time, the dirt turned gray and the grass was soaked with hyper-realistic blood! Sure, the graphical inconsistency should have subtracted from the immersion, but it was hyper-realistic blood and hyper-realistic blood is, by definition, scary.
But when the screen flashed to indicate the transition into the Darvant phase, there was no first phase! Instead, the flash was cut short by static! The screen went black for another 5 seconds. What appeared was a message similar to those Chapter messages found in the story missions. But the text was red, like blood! It read “FOuNd You.” After another 7 seconds, the screen revealed……
…Kireek! But this wasn’t quite Kireek. Instead of his usual glowing eyes, his eyes were empty and black, save for a pair of tiny glowing red dots. His eyes were bleeding.
The cutscene was rather short. Kireek’s only line was “YOu ShAll DIE noW, Mazarin!”
Sadly, Kireek wasn’t lying. I tried the best I could. Mazarin fought valiantly… well, as valiantly as being effortlessly defeated by an invincible Kireek could be, but he fell to the mechanical menace. The Giygas Phase 3 theme was playing as Mazarin failed utterly to defeat Kireek. I tried to return to the Campship, but I could not! The option was grayed out!
What I saw then surprised me even more. For some reason, Mazarin stood back up. He was stumbling around, suggesting he was either dizzy… or barely alive. In a split second, Kireek lunged at him, holding his scythe with a strangling grip. The screen cut to black and all I could hear was a scream.
Despite my logic suggesting that I just shut the program off, uninstall the patch, and never look back… I logged in again. The plot demanded it, so shut up. I now noticed that Mazarin’s panel on the character selection screen was locked. When I highlighted it, Mazarin’s fate was put on display. He had suffered a fate similar to when Tails died at the hands of a certain demonic hedgehog (this is TOTALLY NOT ripping off of Sonic.exe BTW.) His hair was now an ashen black, his clothes were darker and devoid of color, and his eyes were black and bleeding.
Dejected at the loss of my favorite character, I start the game with Arlene Crow. There was a five second freeze, and then I heard something that shocked me… Kefka’s laugh!
---
The loading screen took 59.401846259001 seconds to get me to the lobby. And then I arrived there. I gasped. The lobby was now red (like blood!) All the lobby people are dead on the ground, bleeding hyper-realistic blood (BLOOD! HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD! BE DISTURBED, DAMMIT!) I went to the counter lady, and she had the same demon eyes as Kireek and sports an evil grin. She said nothing more than “You are dying” in a monotone voice.
There was a new mission, and it was the only one available. It was simply titled “…”
Unlike the last two missions, this one had a Campship. But the Campship was colored red! BLOOD! The Campship music starts playing in reverse and it is more demonic-sounding. Any time I used the shop or partner counter or anything, I got a screamer with a disturbing evil grin. The Campship’s pool was replaced with a pool of BLOOD!
I start the mission. It was the Naberius Forest again, and it was corrupted like before. Kireek’s lifeless visage glared at me, drilling itself into my nightmares. The mission itself was a chase. He starts slowly walking toward me.
I try to have Arlene outrun him, but she was impeded by an Elimination code where I have to fight EVIL DEMON RAPPIES. And evil Boomas. Arlene fought them off, looking AWESOME AS HELL while flipping around and peppering the demonic beasts with bullets. I received the notice that I had completed the Emergency Code and the waist-height barrier of bone collapsed.
Beyond the crumbled barricade was a passage to Area 2, or rather, “RAeA 666”. This area was located in the Subterannean Tunnels. The walkways were covered in splatters of blood with a blood red sky (although the sky isn’t all that visible in the Subterranean Tunnels area) and blood red mist.
I received another Emergency Code. This one was a Destruction code. I had to destroy the Darker hive or whatever it’s called while spiked walls covered in blood advanced toward me. A ghost of Kireek floated around me tauntingly, letting out that horrid, haunting, 8-bit Kefka laugh. It was a close call, but I managed to complete the Destruction code before Arlene could get impaled by the spiked walls.
I then headed for Area 3, or ”AAAA 999.” Arlene arrived in the Darker Den. But it was covered with HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD- Oh wait, the area already looks like it’s soaked in crimson fluid. Nevermind.
There was nothing there but a straight path. I have Arlene run forward for what felt like hours. After about 4 minutes and 20 seconds (stopwatch FTW,) the usual terrain turned into a path of bone. Very close inspection showed screaming skulls, much like the screaming faces in the PSO1 Dark Falz battle.
After 22 more seconds of running, one last Emergency Code appeared: “Emergency Code: AvoiDIE!” The announcer’s voice suddenly turned demonic for that last part. I was terrified at what the code entailed. Kireek was advancing toward Arlene like those floating things in the Avoid codes, swinging his scythe at her every time he charged! A distorted and satanic version of Falz Arm Phase 3 played in reverse in demonic G Major. Arlene ran as fast as she could and seemed to outpace Kireek at first but he s lowly started to gain on her with faster, longer dashes.
Eventually, it reached the point where is next charge would be unavoidable even if I sidestepped it. But just before he charged… he backs out of the screen. The screen automatically turns toward Arlene’s face. Her expression was filled with dread. She seemed to be staring directly at me, silently begging for me to somehow save her from her fate.
Then suddenly, Kireek reappeared and used a demonic version of Rave Trick! His Soul Eater became a spiky megascythe with razor-sharp teeth- I mean, blades! The framerate suddenly cuts and all I can see is Kireek behind Arlene, either stabbing or lightly poking her. I don’t know which, but both possibilities are equally terrifying! The screen cut to black once more and I heard a scream.
The mission failed message appeared in red. It then started to freeze, with the sound glitching as well as the screen. The screen was suddenly full of static and then showed a hyper-realistic version of Kireek glaring directly at me, with a message in blood written above it.
“I AM GOD.”
I didn’t know why declaring oneself to be God would be scary, but I was too scared to care! Suddenly, the screen kept experiencing flashes of static, constantly switching between the glitchy and now slowly melting mission failed message and Kireek’s horrid visage. A demonic Kefka laugh was accompanied by this glitch.
But then, I noticed the most horrifying part of all…
……
......
.........
…Each static flash revealed parts of a pentagram! The hellish sigil gradually assembled itself on my screen. Once it was finished, it began to glow an evil glow. A SATANIC RITUAL WAS OCCURING ON MY SCREEN! I fumbled for the power button and pressed it for dear life.
My computer shut down before the ritual could be completed, and my laptop was safe… I think.
I rebooted my computer and it started up fine, no glitches or viruses or anything. I then found the file containing the accursed patch. This couldn’t possibly have been a joke or in any way intentional. They promised, after all! It MUST have been demonic possession.
Thus, I gathered and arranged the appropriate files on my computer, placed the patch’s files and my PSO2 client in the center, and began an E-exorcism. I found out the words and directions and stuff on a random site on the internet (I was surprised they actually had guides on exorcising demonic computer files.) My screen glowed with holy light and a crimson apparition emerged from the possessed files. It writhed and screamed in agony as it was disintegrated by holy light. The patch faded into nothingness and my PSO2 client was purged.
Never again will I play the cursed game that is Phantasy Star Online 2. Sure, it was the possessed patch’s fault, but… Shut up, okay? I need to end the story like this because that’s how video game creepypastas are supposed to end.
Because of my recent fascination with creepypastas, the fact that Halloween is coming soon, and the fact that Evilmag wrote one for PSP2 two years ago, I’ve decided to try my hand at writing a crappypasta creepypasta for PSO2. I'm not sure whether this would be material for the Fan Works forum or here, so I just put it here.
---
Phantasy Pentagram Online 2
---
It was a rather quiet evening, the clock next to my computer reading 8:31 PM. I was wandering aimlessly about the internet like I usually do. But then I came across a site for a special third-party program for Phantasy Star Online 2. It was called Ultimate Darkness, and not only was it a comprehensive English patch, but it added playable content to the game before it is even released! I thought this was too good to be true, but the description assured me that it was free of viruses, game-wrecking bugs, and demonic possession (and they said “We promise!” They can’t be lying with words like that!) That last one sounded a bit suspicious. I pondered about it for a moment…
…Sounds good to me!
---
I readily downloaded the patch and installed it to my PSO2 client. After about 6 minutes and 6.6 seconds (I had nothing better to do than watch the installation process very closely,) I eagerly started up the game. To my surprise, the game skipped right to the title screen, saving me the 10 seconds or so of other startup stuff. I clicked my mouse to start the game. For a split second, the background turned red. And I noticed a pentagram in the background even though it was there for barely one second. I was a bit surprised, but that didn’t stop me from continuing. In fact, I went to fetch my stopwatch for some reason.
I logged on with Mazarin into an empty channel. But there was nobody there! It was empty! Then again, the game has a tendency of sending you to a random empty block when you log in. I went to go change blocks. What I saw surprised me. Block 20 never had this much free space! In fact, there was no Block 20 at all! All of the blocks were simply named “Block 666.” I chose the Block 666 that would be around where Block 20 would have been. At least it would have some people online.
I arrived to a crowd that was smaller than usual, but still decently sized. But something was off about Block 20 (or rather, in this case, Block 666.) Instead of the usual spamming of silly jokes and Symbol Art, they were all spamming “Turn back.” They were also spamming “turn back,” “Turnback,” “trnbcak,” and pretty much every single possible variant of the phrase known to man. I figured it was just some silly in-joke that Block 20 was partaking in this week, so I decided to do a Time Attack Client Order.
When I went to the mission counter, I saw that a new mission was available. The mission was titled “A Long, Long Time Ago…” My curiosity about a potential Star Wars crossover was piqued, so I decided to start the mission on Very Hard mode. I could not use any of my friends’ characters on this mission, so I had to be on my toes or put up with dying a lot. I entered the central hallway and my stopwatch recorded 29.54 seconds for the loading screen.
The loading process finished, but there was no Campship. Instead, I was in the entrance of what appeared to be a SEED HIVE area from Phantasy Star Universe. I was surprised. They made a genuine throwback mission? And for a game that nobody seemed to care about? I immediately dropped those questions and started to explore the area. I fought the HD re-creations of the Delsabans, the Sendillans, the Jusnaguns (I HATE THOSE THINGS,) and then there was a Carriguine. But these weren’t ordinary PSU enemies. Instead of the usual sounds they made when they died, each enemy let out a piercing scream when it died.
Anyways, back to the Carriguine. I was busy taking off my headphones (I didn’t expect a scream that loud to happen after every single enemy died! I should have caught on after the first 15, but cut me some slack here!) and my character was swiftly incapacitated by the Carriguine’s charge. It turns out that the death ended up failing the mission. But instead of the usual message, the text instead read these ominous words: “You’re too slow. Want to try again?”
I didn’t. I decided to return to the lobby and just take care of my TACOs.
---
When I returned to the counter, I received another new mission. This one was titled, “The True Dark Falz.” And listed as the main enemy was… PSO1 Dark Falz! I had a fangasm. Learning my lesson from last time could wait. This was the PSO1 Dark Falz! I selected Normal mode and started the mission again (I recorded 42.157 seconds this time,) and this one also had no Campship. I was instead in the middle of a clearing in the Naberius Forest that seemed to span the entire 7 by 7 grid. Strangely, this clearing actually had some pools of water in it. The Nearest Place to Heaven was playing in reverse. In the middle was PSO1 Dark Falz’s altar. I rushed headlong toward the altar and touched it, but the ground did not turn into the same ground of writhing faces I know and love. Instead, the grass turned brown. The sky turned black. The water was no longer there! Instead, there were pools of hyper-realistic blood! Then another wave of corruption was emitted. This time, the dirt turned gray and the grass was soaked with hyper-realistic blood! Sure, the graphical inconsistency should have subtracted from the immersion, but it was hyper-realistic blood and hyper-realistic blood is, by definition, scary.
But when the screen flashed to indicate the transition into the Darvant phase, there was no first phase! Instead, the flash was cut short by static! The screen went black for another 5 seconds. What appeared was a message similar to those Chapter messages found in the story missions. But the text was red, like blood! It read “FOuNd You.” After another 7 seconds, the screen revealed……
…Kireek! But this wasn’t quite Kireek. Instead of his usual glowing eyes, his eyes were empty and black, save for a pair of tiny glowing red dots. His eyes were bleeding.
The cutscene was rather short. Kireek’s only line was “YOu ShAll DIE noW, Mazarin!”
Sadly, Kireek wasn’t lying. I tried the best I could. Mazarin fought valiantly… well, as valiantly as being effortlessly defeated by an invincible Kireek could be, but he fell to the mechanical menace. The Giygas Phase 3 theme was playing as Mazarin failed utterly to defeat Kireek. I tried to return to the Campship, but I could not! The option was grayed out!
What I saw then surprised me even more. For some reason, Mazarin stood back up. He was stumbling around, suggesting he was either dizzy… or barely alive. In a split second, Kireek lunged at him, holding his scythe with a strangling grip. The screen cut to black and all I could hear was a scream.
Despite my logic suggesting that I just shut the program off, uninstall the patch, and never look back… I logged in again. The plot demanded it, so shut up. I now noticed that Mazarin’s panel on the character selection screen was locked. When I highlighted it, Mazarin’s fate was put on display. He had suffered a fate similar to when Tails died at the hands of a certain demonic hedgehog (this is TOTALLY NOT ripping off of Sonic.exe BTW.) His hair was now an ashen black, his clothes were darker and devoid of color, and his eyes were black and bleeding.
Dejected at the loss of my favorite character, I start the game with Arlene Crow. There was a five second freeze, and then I heard something that shocked me… Kefka’s laugh!
---
The loading screen took 59.401846259001 seconds to get me to the lobby. And then I arrived there. I gasped. The lobby was now red (like blood!) All the lobby people are dead on the ground, bleeding hyper-realistic blood (BLOOD! HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD! BE DISTURBED, DAMMIT!) I went to the counter lady, and she had the same demon eyes as Kireek and sports an evil grin. She said nothing more than “You are dying” in a monotone voice.
There was a new mission, and it was the only one available. It was simply titled “…”
Unlike the last two missions, this one had a Campship. But the Campship was colored red! BLOOD! The Campship music starts playing in reverse and it is more demonic-sounding. Any time I used the shop or partner counter or anything, I got a screamer with a disturbing evil grin. The Campship’s pool was replaced with a pool of BLOOD!
I start the mission. It was the Naberius Forest again, and it was corrupted like before. Kireek’s lifeless visage glared at me, drilling itself into my nightmares. The mission itself was a chase. He starts slowly walking toward me.
I try to have Arlene outrun him, but she was impeded by an Elimination code where I have to fight EVIL DEMON RAPPIES. And evil Boomas. Arlene fought them off, looking AWESOME AS HELL while flipping around and peppering the demonic beasts with bullets. I received the notice that I had completed the Emergency Code and the waist-height barrier of bone collapsed.
Beyond the crumbled barricade was a passage to Area 2, or rather, “RAeA 666”. This area was located in the Subterannean Tunnels. The walkways were covered in splatters of blood with a blood red sky (although the sky isn’t all that visible in the Subterranean Tunnels area) and blood red mist.
I received another Emergency Code. This one was a Destruction code. I had to destroy the Darker hive or whatever it’s called while spiked walls covered in blood advanced toward me. A ghost of Kireek floated around me tauntingly, letting out that horrid, haunting, 8-bit Kefka laugh. It was a close call, but I managed to complete the Destruction code before Arlene could get impaled by the spiked walls.
I then headed for Area 3, or ”AAAA 999.” Arlene arrived in the Darker Den. But it was covered with HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD- Oh wait, the area already looks like it’s soaked in crimson fluid. Nevermind.
There was nothing there but a straight path. I have Arlene run forward for what felt like hours. After about 4 minutes and 20 seconds (stopwatch FTW,) the usual terrain turned into a path of bone. Very close inspection showed screaming skulls, much like the screaming faces in the PSO1 Dark Falz battle.
After 22 more seconds of running, one last Emergency Code appeared: “Emergency Code: AvoiDIE!” The announcer’s voice suddenly turned demonic for that last part. I was terrified at what the code entailed. Kireek was advancing toward Arlene like those floating things in the Avoid codes, swinging his scythe at her every time he charged! A distorted and satanic version of Falz Arm Phase 3 played in reverse in demonic G Major. Arlene ran as fast as she could and seemed to outpace Kireek at first but he s lowly started to gain on her with faster, longer dashes.
Eventually, it reached the point where is next charge would be unavoidable even if I sidestepped it. But just before he charged… he backs out of the screen. The screen automatically turns toward Arlene’s face. Her expression was filled with dread. She seemed to be staring directly at me, silently begging for me to somehow save her from her fate.
Then suddenly, Kireek reappeared and used a demonic version of Rave Trick! His Soul Eater became a spiky megascythe with razor-sharp teeth- I mean, blades! The framerate suddenly cuts and all I can see is Kireek behind Arlene, either stabbing or lightly poking her. I don’t know which, but both possibilities are equally terrifying! The screen cut to black once more and I heard a scream.
The mission failed message appeared in red. It then started to freeze, with the sound glitching as well as the screen. The screen was suddenly full of static and then showed a hyper-realistic version of Kireek glaring directly at me, with a message in blood written above it.
“I AM GOD.”
I didn’t know why declaring oneself to be God would be scary, but I was too scared to care! Suddenly, the screen kept experiencing flashes of static, constantly switching between the glitchy and now slowly melting mission failed message and Kireek’s horrid visage. A demonic Kefka laugh was accompanied by this glitch.
But then, I noticed the most horrifying part of all…
……
......
.........
…Each static flash revealed parts of a pentagram! The hellish sigil gradually assembled itself on my screen. Once it was finished, it began to glow an evil glow. A SATANIC RITUAL WAS OCCURING ON MY SCREEN! I fumbled for the power button and pressed it for dear life.
My computer shut down before the ritual could be completed, and my laptop was safe… I think.
I rebooted my computer and it started up fine, no glitches or viruses or anything. I then found the file containing the accursed patch. This couldn’t possibly have been a joke or in any way intentional. They promised, after all! It MUST have been demonic possession.
Thus, I gathered and arranged the appropriate files on my computer, placed the patch’s files and my PSO2 client in the center, and began an E-exorcism. I found out the words and directions and stuff on a random site on the internet (I was surprised they actually had guides on exorcising demonic computer files.) My screen glowed with holy light and a crimson apparition emerged from the possessed files. It writhed and screamed in agony as it was disintegrated by holy light. The patch faded into nothingness and my PSO2 client was purged.
Never again will I play the cursed game that is Phantasy Star Online 2. Sure, it was the possessed patch’s fault, but… Shut up, okay? I need to end the story like this because that’s how video game creepypastas are supposed to end.