hey how does my plot sound

[CakeMan]

It take's place a few months after pioneer 2 settles on ragol. The goverment has elected the hero (named Xaero a fomar) who slayed both dark falz and olgaflow as their millitary advisor. Xearo declines saying he will always remain a hunter, and wishes nothing to do with the goverment. The goverment feels offended and also threathened by him so they try to lock him up, but Xaeros is just to strong and ends up killing half of the millitary trying to escape. Thats when the hunters guild puts a 90 million messeta reward on his head. Many hunters reject it, but then again who can resist 90 million messeta? Thats when a Ramar named Pulse and a little Fonewearl named Pearl seek out this 90 million messeta reward..

The cast will be..
Xaero a fomar probably the strongest fomar around. a once hero turned enemy wanted by the goverment for killing a large number of soldiers.

Pulse a Ramar with incredible accuracy, he is also believed to be able to cast magic that no other ramar can.

Pearl A fonewearl, less than a foot in hieght she rides on the shoulders of Pulse. She is also the secret source of Pulse's magic.

Cakey A noobie humar who helped the great Xaero to hide, He believes Xaero didn't kill those people intentionally. Pulse and Pearl will end up kidnapping cakey for information.

Serge A Fomar he is Pulse' rival he believes he can do anything Pulse can. He is also after the 90 million messeta reward.

Ghost A Hucast he is serges partner or slave, Ghost has no freewill and does whatever he is told.

Lai Xaeros sister. she is a Fomarl seeking her brother.


how does it sound?
have any ideas you want to give me just leave a post..

Cakey

[Yoda86]

Sounds good to me.

You should really build your FanFic around what YOU want it to be.

But in my opinion it sounds really good, can't wait to see the first chapter (assuming its divided into chapters).

[CakeMan]

thats true but other peoples opinions help get my story going. And damn that was a fast reply. I honor your speed

[Yoda86]

3 minutes, darn. I was hoping for like 1 minute.

I know what you mean about having others help getting you started. Heck, I started a thread about recruiting people's characters to be included into my FanFic. I had a lot of replies but wish there were a little more but I can see your point on having the help of others to get your imagination going.

How's the Fic coming anyway?

[CakeMan]

i started it and posted the first chapter iono i plan to like write a chapter at least weekly.. oh and hey maybee characters in my fic can have a cameo in yours and vice versa..

[2Xtreme]

I like your ideas.

[IceBlink]

On 2003-04-18 16:38, CakeMan wrote:
It take's place a few months after pioneer 2 settles on ragol. The goverment has elected the hero (named Xaero a fomar) who slayed both dark falz and olgaflow as their millitary advisor. Xearo declines saying he will always remain a hunter, and wishes nothing to do with the goverment. The goverment feels offended and also threathened by him so they try to lock him up, but Xaeros is just to strong and ends up killing half of the millitary trying to escape. Thats when the hunters guild puts a 90 million messeta reward on his head. Many hunters reject it, but then again who can resist 90 million messeta? Thats when a Ramar named Pulse and a little Fonewearl named Pearl seek out this 90 million messeta reward..

To be absolutely honest? People generally want heroes with faults in them. A person who can singlehandedly defeat Dark Falz (a god entity), and Olga Flow (a created entity)? That's literally a god in themself, isn't it? And the military just want him as a 'advisor'? A force? Some things don't click together right. o_O

The government know fully well that they aren't well-liked by hunters, and that they don't hunters themselves (see the quests for examples). Having someone say "they want nothing to do with them" isn't exactly gonna offend them. o_O You need to strive for a little realism.

To me, this pokes of a 'Mary Sue', or, original 'god' characters. In the world of fanfiction, Mary Sues can be written well... BUT. About 99% of them are always written bad because the 'hero' knows everything, is all-powerful, and all that. What's the fun in that?


The cast will be..
Xaero a fomar probably the strongest fomar around. a once hero turned enemy wanted by the goverment for killing a large number of soldiers.

In the story, is he hero or villain? This is a crucial point. If he's still a hero (although a somewhat anti-hero type), then he's gonna be slightly boring if all his skills are is mass-genocide. o_O One way to go, if you really want to use this person, could be to make him evil. He's defeated DF and OF, on his own, I presume. Two god entities. Would he think he's a god in himself? If so, would he believe himself higher than everyone else?


Pulse a Ramar with incredible accuracy, he is also believed to be able to cast magic that no other ramar can.

Pearl A fonewearl, less than a foot in hieght she rides on the shoulders of Pulse. She is also the secret source of Pulse's magic.

These two could actually work. Pulse hides his inability to use techs, or rather, he shows his 'higher levels of techs' by actually having a FOnewearl be the caster. Incredible accuracy is good and all, but weaknesses are available. ^_^


Cakey A noobie humar who helped the great Xaero to hide, He believes Xaero didn't kill those people intentionally. Pulse and Pearl will end up kidnapping cakey for information.

A almost useless character. Hehe. Perhaps, the Force wishes to use this person as a stepping stone to achieve godhood?

[cut] Nothing to add to the characters


how does it sound?
have any ideas you want to give me just leave a post..

Cakey

As it is, it reeks of Mary Sues. Some changes might be needed... but eh, it's your story. o_O

Just in my opinion, of course. : O

[CakeMan]

ok i heres a little more info

1.Xaero obviously killed people which isn't good,but that doesn't make him bad. He will be more like a prize that other hunters want to get to to get the mesetta, which in a way will make him more villanous as the story proceeds and as he kills more people.

2.I was planning on making Cakey more of a comedic character, about halfway through the story though you'll see why he is needed.

3.Olgaflow is dead, but dark falz as an entity was never really dead, as i see it at the end of phantasy star Red Ring Rico died. Hmmm... well just remember without Darkness there is no LIGHT.

ps. i knew someone would like my super ranger.

ok im just about done with the first chapter..

[CakeMan]

hey about 50 % done chapter one of my fanfic is dont. It will be about 21 chapters long hopefully, and i'll be calling it The Demons Heart hope you'll like it.

[Foggy_Pete]

iceblinks right, it sounds terribly cliche. however if you dont base your story around this invincible diety and more around your "well flawed" characters you could probly pull it off decently

[CakeMan]

I decided to change things around cakey is no longer a boy but sort of a part ner to Xaero. The tittle of the story will be changed to Reincarnation goes on forever.