destiny of a HUcast (akuma's story)

[Akuma_the_HUcast]

Destiny of a HUcast
Chapter one: the meeting

Facts:

Ok first off I want to talk some about the characters and what they are all about.

Main char: Akuma (hucast)(pinkal)
Age: 24
Height: 6 foot 8
Akuma is my main focus because he is my main pso char.
He is a hucast looking to become the most powerfull hucast.
He is a loner mostly because of his prototype model.
The model is Hucas uina 481.
He looks like a normal hucast but his armor can be removed.
And under the armor is something called nefron skin.
Nefron skin is like real human skin but is artificial
Also the nefron skin has small heat pads under the skin so it feels warm.
his background is mostly training.
Becoming stronger ever since Pioneer 2 started its journey to Ragol.
When he first went down to Ragol he investigated pioneer 1.
He was the first one to see and kill the dragon.
After that he investigated the rest of the areas of Ragol that he was allowed to see.

2ed main char: white moon (FOmarl)
white moon is my second best pso friend.
Age: 17
Height: 5 foot 9
She is a force that likes to hang out with her friends and likes to meet new people.
Her clothes are white and her hat is one that has those puffballs in them and her skin is type 2.
She is very open to people and is nice to people she doesn?t even know.
She is average force but wants to become more powerful.
She has sought help first through the hunters guild then through asking well known hunters.
She uses canes that her father gave her before he died.
She trained in the VR room to develop her skills as a force.
She has never gone to Ragol but is hoping she will have help when she does.

Ok ill say more about other chars later.

Also really quick I use ["name"] to identify the characters

Ok now the story

Akuma is sitting in his chair at Vega 8 reading a book behind some flowers.
No one but Akuma is there but he doesn?t notice white moon nearby looking at the flowers.
She comes by and smells the flowers and peeks through and sees Akuma.
Akuma looks up and sees white moon and is a little startled by her.
[Akuma]: .....Hello.....do you want something?
he talks with a hint of confusion
[white moon]: hello there!
She says cheerfully
White moon walks around the flowers and sits next to Akuma
Akuma is still reading his book
They both sit silently for a couple of minutes
[Akuma]: .....
[white moon]: .....
Akuma closes his book
[Akuma]: ....do you need something from me?
He says looking at her from the corner of his eye
white moon is surprised that he speaks
[white moon]: ......well I was wondering....do you know why ragol was closed to hunters.....when I got my license it closed.....and I was wondering do you know?
[Akuma]: ....heh....I don?t really know....I was wondering myself.....
[white moon]: ....oh....thanks.....*sigh*...
her face is now full of disappointment
this is apparent to Akuma
[Akuma]: .....I?m sorry if I?ve upset you...
[white moon]: ....I?m ok...
[Akuma]: ......now I have a question.....what?s your name?
[white moon]: ....my full hunter name is white moon.....but I like it when people just call me moon......what?s your name?
[Akuma]: .....my hunter name and real name are both Akuma.....just Akuma...
[white moon]: your Akuma!?
She says with surprise
[Akuma]: .....you know me?
[white moon]: I really wanted to meet you!
[Akuma]: ...Why is that?
[white moon]: ...well....I heard that you are a very powerful hunter....and.....I needed someone to help me train....
[Akuma]: .....well....I guess I could help.....I don?t really have anything better to do.might as well....
He says coldly
[white moon]: ...well if you don?t want to...you don?t have to....if you don?t want to.....
She says in a upset manner
Akuma is a little guilty for how he was acting
[Akuma]: ......hey.....would you like to have a drink with me?....I was going to wing over to Blue Heaven....
He says with a warm attitude
(blue heaven is a bar btw)
(and don?t rag on me because it?s a bar name ripped off from outlaw star)
[white moon]: ....hmmmm....that would be very nice.
she cheers up after Akuma asks
[Akuma]: .....well I guess we should be going....It?s getting late I?ll only be there for about half an hour....
He gets up out of the chair and walks to the city pipe
[white moon]: wait for me!
She runs up next to Akuma and follows him to the city
As they walk white moon sees some hunters eyeing Akuma
They start following them
[white moon]: ....Akuma......
she says softly
[Akuma]: what is it moon?
[white moon]: .....why are those hunters following us?
She walks closer to Akuma
Akuma slows down a little
[white moon]: ....Akuma???
Akuma stops
So does white moon and the hunters
[Akuma]: ....why are you following me?
[a HUmar]: I want my meseta back!
[Akuma]: ...Shorty.....heh....you lost and you know it....besides you challenged me....
White moon hugs Akuma
Akuma is confused why
[white moon]: .....Akuma....im scared....that guy has a custom ray...
she says sheepishly
[Akuma]: .....its ok....you will be fine....
[one of the other hunters]: what Akuma you got a girl friend now or something?
[Akuma]: ....I don?t even know this girl.....she came to be to ask to have me train her...
[Shorty]: sure Akuma sure.
Akuma stands for a couple of seconds
[Akuma]: .....moon....lets go....
Akuma walks into the bar
White moon follows closely
[Shorty]: AKUMA! I WILL GET MY MESETA BACK!
[Akuma]: {from inside the bar} cool you do that shorty.
[shorty]: .....that s.o.b.....
[one of the hunters]: come on lets go?.get your meseta back some other day.
[shorty]: ...whatever....
shorty and the other hunters with him walk past the bar and leave
Akuma sits down at the bar
White moon also sits down
[the bartender]: ...so what would you like?

ok that's the first chapter
now give me your feedback



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Hikosaka on 2003-05-31 23:45 ]</font>

[RubyEclipse]

Cool start! But..just what book was he reading? Was it...the bible?

*Jade flies in and knocks ruby out of the chair.*
"THAT BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN MY BIBLE!!"
"Wrong Story Jade! Get back to NiGHTS and Fuji!"
"Oh.. Sorry." *Jade flies off*.

Erm anyways, the only thing you might want to change is the " problem. It swaps your " with ?, thus making the fic somewhat confusing if you don't understand why the ?'s are there. Use Wordpad or a couple other writing programs and that should fix the problem!

Keep it up!

[Hunter_Daigoyin]

To tell the truth, I highly disregard the script writing, but good so far.

[Akuma_the_HUcast]

yea the way i wright is how i do it but i know that people dont like it. so sorry about the way i wright

also the book he was reading was a horror novel.
like steven king or something like that.

[BOC]

i like the story so far dude, and i dont mind the script writing, it seems to work very well http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif. just one little thing:

what the hell is with all the question marks?

?i? ?mean?, ?it? ?shouldn't? ?really? ?bother? ?me? ?but? ?it? ?can? ?be? ?a? ?little? ?confusing?.

well keep up the good work dude, and good luck with the rest of it. can't wait 2 read the next part http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

[Akuma_the_HUcast]

ok plz trash this i fixed the problem and this post i dont need anymore or the other one so some one plz delete all my posts about my fic plz


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Akuma_the_HUcast on 2003-05-31 22:08 ]</font>

[Hikosaka]

Why don't you just copy and paste from a text editor like Notepad? It won't create the question marks that have been giving you problems.

Also, just edit your original post, instead of making new threads for the exact same fanfic. These new threads are a waste of space and are spam. Please don't do this again.

I've deleted all the new threads you made and edited your original post with the revised story.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Hikosaka on 2003-05-31 23:51 ]</font>

[Akuma_the_HUcast]

thx alot.

stupid word docs.

[BOC]

so when can we expect the next part dude??

can't bloody wait 4 it!!!!!!

PEACE!!!