RubyEclipse
06-09-2003, 08:49 PM
Getting somewhat bored of such a serious, dark tone with my other fics, I decided it was time for a special little surprise....and this is what I have.
If you're looking for a funny (or an attempt at funny, at least) fic then I suggest you read this one: You should be entertained http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif
This is a short little fic, but enough of my blabbering....
Mome VS Richard Simmons!
"Come on! Work those buns! We can do it! One, two, one two, one two, one two.."
MOME, a fat scientist dressed in Ramar outfit, sat on his old cushiony couch and contently watched his old digital television-a re-run of some Richard Simmons work-out show. Richard had his brown afro and his sweaty t-shirt, and was jogging in place with models doing the same thing behind him.
"It looks rather odd.", thought MOME as he stared at the screen. "There's one super-ugly person in a crowd of beautiful athletes."
MOME was of course referring to Simmons about the ugly person part, and soon found himself staring instead at the top parts of the female models.
Boing, boing, boing, boing...
MOME let out a faint smile. "If only I could have a girlfriend..", he thought.
You see, MOME didn't really strike it lucky with the ladies. Each attempt not only brought him heartbreak but also a slap or two across his face; which meant pain; which meant sadness; which meant purging himself with food when he got home.
So, after enough disappointments, its easy to see how MOME developed that rather large tummy that he toted around. In fact, it jiggled more than the female fighters on Dead or Alive 2.
One such dissapointment for MOME went something like this:
"Hey there, foxy momma."
"Dear god! What are you, the hunchback?! Get away!"* smack, slap with purse that contains brick*
"No-waaait! Waiiit!!"
And there you have it. Now, on this particular day, MOME was content watching the bounces on his T.V. screen, but then a sudden, mysterious voice, with a tone that sounded like a flaming hippopotamus on steroids, filled his room.
"Mooooooooome. You must come to the statue of....in one hour."
"The what? Statue of what?"
"The Statue of....
PIZZA HUT."
The voice suddenly withered away, and MOME found himself wondering?
Exactly what the heck was a "Pizza Hut?"
Well, quickly hacking into secret government files, he found his way to a database that included?.
"Pizza hut.", read the screen. He clicked "Information."
"A place for pizza. Duh, how dumb are you? Are you so stupid you can't figure out that perhaps, just PERHAPS the word "Pizza" actually implies something to what they have!? Like a store called "Burger King", selling burgers! My god, how ironic is that!? Well, whoever you are, you must be a complete and total moron if you can't figure this one out, so I won't tell you any more."
He scrolled down.
Directly below it read:
"Pizza Hut Co: Bankrupt 35 years ago. Large Pizza chain. Statue devoted to the chain in gamma sector Lincoln park."
"Lincoln park? Where have I heard that before..?", he thought as he grabbed his trusty handgun (which he used no matter what, *cough even in ultimate mode cough*, no wonder he does absoloutly no damage), and ran out the door.
Ten minutes later he was there. Lincoln park, full of things that will crawl beneath your skin and see you off in the end. None of that really matters, but oh well?
There were streetlights and park benches, the park was silent, save for a hobo who was sleeping on old newspapers on one of the benches.
Mome walked up to a large statue, shaped, well, like a giant pizza. He took one look and turned his head.
"I hate anchovies..", he muttered. The pizza had concrete anchovies all over it.
There was a sudden flash, and a strong gust of wind, and MOME found himself standing?
In a boxing arena?!
He was shirtless, had on a pair of shorts and red boxing gloves that had smiley faces on them. He was pacing back and forth; even though that may have been slightly impossible for a ranger his size, and in the other corner was?
RICHARD SIMMONS?! Richard had the normal brown fro and the red hair band on his wrapped around it on his forehead, two yellow gloves with big red hearts on them and a pair of shorts that said "Jackson Rules Da house!!"
The announcer, dressed in a striped black and white T-shirt, raised up the microphone and screamed into it:
"Let?s get ready to RUUUUUUUMBLLLLLEE!!!"
Simmons did a frontflip and ran up to mome, sending a punch across the left side of his face.
"Come on, MOME!", he taunted. "You can do it!"
MOME screamed like a little girl and ducked another punch, then did a slow motion kick into Simmons' stomach. Simmons folded under the blow and fell onto his back, then sprung back up and fired a machine gun punch into MOME's gut, hitting him a good ten times before doing a power punch and sending MOME flying into the edge of the ring.
MOME hit the rubber coils and flew back, clotheslining richard and the two fell onto the floor.
MOME rolled over and slowly pushed himself up, but richard was up far ahead of him. "No Pain, no Gain!!" he shouted, kicking MOME hard in the face, sending the RAmar into a backflip that landed him on his belly.
MOME got up and dodged another kick, then screamed:
"SUUUPPEER MOOOMMEEE...PUNCH!!!!" MOME's hand blew up in size, and then he knocked Richard across his face so hard a tooth flew out.
Richard's eyes began to glow, and MOME did a backflip into the air as laser's flew from the pupil's of simmons and zapped the ground MOME was standing on.
MOME did three more backflips, each evading a blast of the lasers. Then MOME put cupped his hands behind his back and began to chant...
"KAAAA..."
Richard frowned. What the hell was this RAmar doing?
"MEHHHHHHHH"
Richard tapped his foot impatiently and looked at his watch.
"HAAAAAA...
MEHHHHH.."
Richard Yawned.
"HAAA!!!!"
A large blue energy beam flew into Richard, flinging him backwards into the coils and then exploding.
When the dust had cleared, MOME didn't see a sign of Simmons at all.
"I win.", he said.
DONG!!!! When MOME fell onto the ground, Simmons stood laughing while holding his metal chair that he had just whacked MOME with. "How did you like that, Fatty?!"
"I...i-i am not fat!"
"Oh, yes you are!"
"S-s-shut up!!!!" With tears in his eyes, MOME flew from the ground in a rage at Simmons, who sent a quick kick to MOME's chin, thus sending MOME to the other side of the ring.
Then Richard played his trump card.
"Come on, come on! We can do it!" he yelled. Suddenly women in tanktops and shorts ran in, forming a crowd around MOME.
MOME looked around, and winked at one of them. She screamed, and said "For that, I'm gonna kill your two best friends!!!!" .....And then she kicked him in the groin. Hard.
MOME winced. Richard, from the other side, yelled "One, two, one two!!"
Each of the women punched MOME to the left, and then the right, each punch in sync with Richard's chants.
"ONE,-" -wham! "-TWO!" -bam!
When it was over, and the ladies gone away, MOME was bloodied and bruised. His face was nearly all blue and/or black, and he had a bloody lip, as well as smashed testacles. Poor guy...
Simmons walked over. "Give it up, fat boy. Nothing can beat my "buns of steel!"
MOME pulled out his handgun and fired three bullets at Simmons.
In slow motion, (in something that closely resembled the matrix, by golly) Simmons bent backwards, the bullets narrowly flying over his body, leaving a ripple effect as they passed by.
Simmons got back up and ran at MOME, who was in a defensive kung fu stance.
Simmons punched, which MOME blocked, and then MOME punched, but it was blocked by Simmons.
Simmons did a rocket three kick attack, and MOME blocked the first two-but then Simmons raised his foot on the last and did a spin kick across MOME's face, sending MOME spiraling horizontally through the air.
MOME got back up and charged Simmons, punching at his face and kicking at his foot both at once.
Simmons blocked the punch, but didn't see the kick coming and his foot flew out from under him, and thus he fell hard onto his back.
The two ditched the boxing gloves, and put black belts around their waists. Then they bowed to each other and stomped their feet.
It was Sumo Wrestling time! Unfortunately for Simmons, he didn't weigh that much; compared to the heavyweight contender MOME who came in at 250.
They charged, ramming into each other and trying to shove their opponent in the direction they charged; you get your opponent out of bounds, you win.
Well, Simmons got flattened. As he hit MOME the impact (you see, fat people can gain momentum quite easily) sent him onto the ground, where MOME rolled him over and turned him (literallyl) into a Simmons Pancake.
Simmons popped back up into the world of the three dimensional and was tackled by MOME, who sent him to the edge of the arena. Simmons was half in - half out of bounds, and with a burst of adrenaline he rolled over; sending MOME who was on top of him to the ground instead. Sweat popped up on both of them, and MOME finally picked Richard up and threw him out of bounds.
Richard stood dazed, little yellow birdies and stars flying circles around his head.
MOME walked up, and prepared for the finishing blow.
He punched him twice in the stomach, balanced on one foot with his other at Simmons face level, and then spun 360 degrees three times in less then a second, followed by a powerful punch to Richard's face.
All the attacks hit at once, and Simmons', nearly unconscious, flew backwards through the air into a brick wall. (don't ask where it came from) The wall cracked at first and then finally collapsed on Simmons.
As the dust from the rubble finally dissapeared, MOME fell on his knees.
"I.....I..did it...", he muttered.
The last thing he remembered was a massive sardine falling onto him. The rest was black.
When we awoke on his couch, the T.V. still playing a Simmon's show and a pizza half eaten on his coffee table, he came to the realization..
"It was just a dream."
He looked at the time. 10:30 A.M. Wow, he was up early! What would he do with the rest of his day? Go play on the swings with three year olds, or go to the arcade and enjoy his favorite game: "Mario the lazy fat plumber VS Capcom, Marvel, and everyone from KoF 99."
He looked down at the pizza. Wait a minute, the pizza had--
--Anchovies?! What the heck!?
That mysterious constapated hippopotamous voice suddenly reappeared, and whispered...
"You may have won round one......
but next time......
..you face a much stronger opponent....
...you won't be so lucky...
...for next time....
you fight........
BARNEY!!!"
---The End....... or is it?---
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: RubyEclipse on 2003-07-01 17:07 ]</font>
If you're looking for a funny (or an attempt at funny, at least) fic then I suggest you read this one: You should be entertained http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif
This is a short little fic, but enough of my blabbering....
Mome VS Richard Simmons!
"Come on! Work those buns! We can do it! One, two, one two, one two, one two.."
MOME, a fat scientist dressed in Ramar outfit, sat on his old cushiony couch and contently watched his old digital television-a re-run of some Richard Simmons work-out show. Richard had his brown afro and his sweaty t-shirt, and was jogging in place with models doing the same thing behind him.
"It looks rather odd.", thought MOME as he stared at the screen. "There's one super-ugly person in a crowd of beautiful athletes."
MOME was of course referring to Simmons about the ugly person part, and soon found himself staring instead at the top parts of the female models.
Boing, boing, boing, boing...
MOME let out a faint smile. "If only I could have a girlfriend..", he thought.
You see, MOME didn't really strike it lucky with the ladies. Each attempt not only brought him heartbreak but also a slap or two across his face; which meant pain; which meant sadness; which meant purging himself with food when he got home.
So, after enough disappointments, its easy to see how MOME developed that rather large tummy that he toted around. In fact, it jiggled more than the female fighters on Dead or Alive 2.
One such dissapointment for MOME went something like this:
"Hey there, foxy momma."
"Dear god! What are you, the hunchback?! Get away!"* smack, slap with purse that contains brick*
"No-waaait! Waiiit!!"
And there you have it. Now, on this particular day, MOME was content watching the bounces on his T.V. screen, but then a sudden, mysterious voice, with a tone that sounded like a flaming hippopotamus on steroids, filled his room.
"Mooooooooome. You must come to the statue of....in one hour."
"The what? Statue of what?"
"The Statue of....
PIZZA HUT."
The voice suddenly withered away, and MOME found himself wondering?
Exactly what the heck was a "Pizza Hut?"
Well, quickly hacking into secret government files, he found his way to a database that included?.
"Pizza hut.", read the screen. He clicked "Information."
"A place for pizza. Duh, how dumb are you? Are you so stupid you can't figure out that perhaps, just PERHAPS the word "Pizza" actually implies something to what they have!? Like a store called "Burger King", selling burgers! My god, how ironic is that!? Well, whoever you are, you must be a complete and total moron if you can't figure this one out, so I won't tell you any more."
He scrolled down.
Directly below it read:
"Pizza Hut Co: Bankrupt 35 years ago. Large Pizza chain. Statue devoted to the chain in gamma sector Lincoln park."
"Lincoln park? Where have I heard that before..?", he thought as he grabbed his trusty handgun (which he used no matter what, *cough even in ultimate mode cough*, no wonder he does absoloutly no damage), and ran out the door.
Ten minutes later he was there. Lincoln park, full of things that will crawl beneath your skin and see you off in the end. None of that really matters, but oh well?
There were streetlights and park benches, the park was silent, save for a hobo who was sleeping on old newspapers on one of the benches.
Mome walked up to a large statue, shaped, well, like a giant pizza. He took one look and turned his head.
"I hate anchovies..", he muttered. The pizza had concrete anchovies all over it.
There was a sudden flash, and a strong gust of wind, and MOME found himself standing?
In a boxing arena?!
He was shirtless, had on a pair of shorts and red boxing gloves that had smiley faces on them. He was pacing back and forth; even though that may have been slightly impossible for a ranger his size, and in the other corner was?
RICHARD SIMMONS?! Richard had the normal brown fro and the red hair band on his wrapped around it on his forehead, two yellow gloves with big red hearts on them and a pair of shorts that said "Jackson Rules Da house!!"
The announcer, dressed in a striped black and white T-shirt, raised up the microphone and screamed into it:
"Let?s get ready to RUUUUUUUMBLLLLLEE!!!"
Simmons did a frontflip and ran up to mome, sending a punch across the left side of his face.
"Come on, MOME!", he taunted. "You can do it!"
MOME screamed like a little girl and ducked another punch, then did a slow motion kick into Simmons' stomach. Simmons folded under the blow and fell onto his back, then sprung back up and fired a machine gun punch into MOME's gut, hitting him a good ten times before doing a power punch and sending MOME flying into the edge of the ring.
MOME hit the rubber coils and flew back, clotheslining richard and the two fell onto the floor.
MOME rolled over and slowly pushed himself up, but richard was up far ahead of him. "No Pain, no Gain!!" he shouted, kicking MOME hard in the face, sending the RAmar into a backflip that landed him on his belly.
MOME got up and dodged another kick, then screamed:
"SUUUPPEER MOOOMMEEE...PUNCH!!!!" MOME's hand blew up in size, and then he knocked Richard across his face so hard a tooth flew out.
Richard's eyes began to glow, and MOME did a backflip into the air as laser's flew from the pupil's of simmons and zapped the ground MOME was standing on.
MOME did three more backflips, each evading a blast of the lasers. Then MOME put cupped his hands behind his back and began to chant...
"KAAAA..."
Richard frowned. What the hell was this RAmar doing?
"MEHHHHHHHH"
Richard tapped his foot impatiently and looked at his watch.
"HAAAAAA...
MEHHHHH.."
Richard Yawned.
"HAAA!!!!"
A large blue energy beam flew into Richard, flinging him backwards into the coils and then exploding.
When the dust had cleared, MOME didn't see a sign of Simmons at all.
"I win.", he said.
DONG!!!! When MOME fell onto the ground, Simmons stood laughing while holding his metal chair that he had just whacked MOME with. "How did you like that, Fatty?!"
"I...i-i am not fat!"
"Oh, yes you are!"
"S-s-shut up!!!!" With tears in his eyes, MOME flew from the ground in a rage at Simmons, who sent a quick kick to MOME's chin, thus sending MOME to the other side of the ring.
Then Richard played his trump card.
"Come on, come on! We can do it!" he yelled. Suddenly women in tanktops and shorts ran in, forming a crowd around MOME.
MOME looked around, and winked at one of them. She screamed, and said "For that, I'm gonna kill your two best friends!!!!" .....And then she kicked him in the groin. Hard.
MOME winced. Richard, from the other side, yelled "One, two, one two!!"
Each of the women punched MOME to the left, and then the right, each punch in sync with Richard's chants.
"ONE,-" -wham! "-TWO!" -bam!
When it was over, and the ladies gone away, MOME was bloodied and bruised. His face was nearly all blue and/or black, and he had a bloody lip, as well as smashed testacles. Poor guy...
Simmons walked over. "Give it up, fat boy. Nothing can beat my "buns of steel!"
MOME pulled out his handgun and fired three bullets at Simmons.
In slow motion, (in something that closely resembled the matrix, by golly) Simmons bent backwards, the bullets narrowly flying over his body, leaving a ripple effect as they passed by.
Simmons got back up and ran at MOME, who was in a defensive kung fu stance.
Simmons punched, which MOME blocked, and then MOME punched, but it was blocked by Simmons.
Simmons did a rocket three kick attack, and MOME blocked the first two-but then Simmons raised his foot on the last and did a spin kick across MOME's face, sending MOME spiraling horizontally through the air.
MOME got back up and charged Simmons, punching at his face and kicking at his foot both at once.
Simmons blocked the punch, but didn't see the kick coming and his foot flew out from under him, and thus he fell hard onto his back.
The two ditched the boxing gloves, and put black belts around their waists. Then they bowed to each other and stomped their feet.
It was Sumo Wrestling time! Unfortunately for Simmons, he didn't weigh that much; compared to the heavyweight contender MOME who came in at 250.
They charged, ramming into each other and trying to shove their opponent in the direction they charged; you get your opponent out of bounds, you win.
Well, Simmons got flattened. As he hit MOME the impact (you see, fat people can gain momentum quite easily) sent him onto the ground, where MOME rolled him over and turned him (literallyl) into a Simmons Pancake.
Simmons popped back up into the world of the three dimensional and was tackled by MOME, who sent him to the edge of the arena. Simmons was half in - half out of bounds, and with a burst of adrenaline he rolled over; sending MOME who was on top of him to the ground instead. Sweat popped up on both of them, and MOME finally picked Richard up and threw him out of bounds.
Richard stood dazed, little yellow birdies and stars flying circles around his head.
MOME walked up, and prepared for the finishing blow.
He punched him twice in the stomach, balanced on one foot with his other at Simmons face level, and then spun 360 degrees three times in less then a second, followed by a powerful punch to Richard's face.
All the attacks hit at once, and Simmons', nearly unconscious, flew backwards through the air into a brick wall. (don't ask where it came from) The wall cracked at first and then finally collapsed on Simmons.
As the dust from the rubble finally dissapeared, MOME fell on his knees.
"I.....I..did it...", he muttered.
The last thing he remembered was a massive sardine falling onto him. The rest was black.
When we awoke on his couch, the T.V. still playing a Simmon's show and a pizza half eaten on his coffee table, he came to the realization..
"It was just a dream."
He looked at the time. 10:30 A.M. Wow, he was up early! What would he do with the rest of his day? Go play on the swings with three year olds, or go to the arcade and enjoy his favorite game: "Mario the lazy fat plumber VS Capcom, Marvel, and everyone from KoF 99."
He looked down at the pizza. Wait a minute, the pizza had--
--Anchovies?! What the heck!?
That mysterious constapated hippopotamous voice suddenly reappeared, and whispered...
"You may have won round one......
but next time......
..you face a much stronger opponent....
...you won't be so lucky...
...for next time....
you fight........
BARNEY!!!"
---The End....... or is it?---
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: RubyEclipse on 2003-07-01 17:07 ]</font>