KodiaX987
Jul 8, 2003, 09:35 AM
TOP 10 INTERNET LAME-ASS THINGS
10 - IRC Idiots
They do the exact opposite of what the rules say, they spam the channel, they insult the operators; dammit, they basically think IRC belongs to them and they can do whatever the hell they want with it.
9 - Gator/GAIN
Seems that every single website wants you to put this idiot-trap on your computer. As if they think I am going to WANT ads on my screen in the first place. Even worse, some websites require you to download GAIN just to surf there. What the hell happened with the requirement to use the idle CPU program user, like SETI@home?! At least it was less annoying and more productive at the same time.
8 - l337 Hax0rz
They seem to be getting rarer these days, but they are still there. "Do what I want or I will hack you!" Yeah right. Here's my response: stop fucking around with me or I will impregnate your little sister, dumbass.
7 - Pointless Polls
Surveys and Quizillas on blogs and LiveJournals, I can understand; it's your space, do what you want with it. But then there's the people on public forums who seem to post polls for a living. Each month or so, you'll have the joy of seeing some moron kid going "WATS YUR FAVORITE FOOD???!??!?!?!?!" or some other stupid question that's punishable by the electric chair. By the way, here's my favorite food: baby brains. Booyah.
6 - Clueless Support Seekers
It's almost a classic now: someone gets himself a warez, attempts to play it, finds out it doesn't work, and then goes on a public forum to tell about it. Seems they don't have the IQ to hide the fact that they have downloaded WAREZ!! To those who did download, asked a question, never told us it was warez and thus fooled us into thinking you had bought it, bravo! At least you know how to do your work right.
5 - Randomness Threads
What's the fucking POINT?! A forum thread to post random stuff? Okay, is it some lame-ass attempt to fool a keylogger on your computer or are you just being plain stupid? I mean, come on, this is just a cheap reason to boost your post count.
4 - Post Count Whores
And if that's your actual reason for doing the above, then here's the truth.com: big post numbers don't mean you're Superman. Look at mine. It's a few hundred; make it a thousand or two if you're reading this on my favorite forums. Does that make me a god? Nope. I'm still a 100% pure average member, and if I do a fuck-up, I'll be treated just like any other member, whether my post count is ten or a thousand or a billion.
3 - Spam
I get 100 messages per day on Hotmail. I also have a second account, which I have never used in my whole life, but that somehow manages to get 65 pieces of junk mail per day. I regularly get porn ads on ICQ. I regularly get invited to chatrooms bearing a name even a Martian couldn't pronounce. No, I do not need Viagra. No, I do not need a free diploma. No, I am not interested in making a billion zillion jillion dollars per second. No, I don't give a fuck about the 14-year-old teen with the hot tight pussy. No, I am not a terrorist just because I believe spam sucks. No, I will not donate to your fake World Trade Center Foundation. No, I will not get a million years of bad luck if I don't forward your chain letter to the entire universe. No, I will not review "this attached document". And finally, no, I do not think that the Internet is a wonderful tool for marketing your product. You suck. You fucking suck. You fucking suck dick. I throw my Ad-Bag in the trash the second it arrives on my porch. Do you think harassing me by E-Mail will give any better results? No. Those who click your links shouldn't even be allowed to use the Internet. Hell, they should downright be shot.
2 - AOL
You suck. Your servers suck. Your company sucks. Your tech support sucks. Your connections suck. Your billing sucks. And worst of all: millions of idiots use your product. I'll tell you why: it was made FOR idiots. Proof number one: AOL keywords. It's like putting in the dot-com address without the dot-com. Come on. Dot-com isn't a cryptic programming language made for elites. It's a dot, the letter C, the letter O and the letter M! My six year old niece can type dot-com addresses herself, so why would she need your keyword stuff?! Oh by the way: yes, installation was the easiest thing in the world. Hell, I didn't even have to ask for it! I just popped the CD into the drive and all of a sudden I have your blue triangle logo smack in my face and ready to go. Now tell me one thing: why the hell is your server connection even more unstable than the Chernobyl nuclear plant? And why the FUCK do you always say "Goodbye!" when I get the boot?! Way to gain my support, morons. It's the first time I actually get kicked out of the internet for no particular reason. And the parody of the ad was right: the thing that says "You've got mail!" should instead say "You've got more spam, dickhead!" Think you're still innocent? Okie-dokie. Who's the fucktard who called me SEVEN times wondering why I had quit the service after only two months? YOU. Who's the moron who kept billing my account even though I had excommunicated anything related to it? YOU. Who doesn't understand that dialup is obsolete and I stayed on your service just because my cable installation was coming in late? YOU. Burn in hell, AOHell.
AND THE NUMBER ONE - Popups
I get a dozen per website, I get warning windows all over the place. Somehow, half of them are for popup killers. I know right away THESE ones will never do the job. Again, no, I do not care about your 14-year-old nympho, I don't want the Weather Channel on my taskbar, I am not interested in linking myself to the atomic clock, hell, the only thing I want is you to get ripped apart by bin Laden's next attack. At least by doing this, he'll be considered a hero by a shitload of Americans. I can see it from here: bin Laden, the world's true popup killer! Effective and permanent results! Instead of a price tag on his head, we'll have price tags on the popup whores instead. Forget about killing innocents. It's annoying them that pisses everyone off the most! Find yourself another ground to do your marketing. All you're doing right now is giving me another reason to kill you. If I find a single one of you guys who use that type of marketing, I will shove a dynamite stick so far up your ass it'll make your boyfriend jealous.
10 - IRC Idiots
They do the exact opposite of what the rules say, they spam the channel, they insult the operators; dammit, they basically think IRC belongs to them and they can do whatever the hell they want with it.
9 - Gator/GAIN
Seems that every single website wants you to put this idiot-trap on your computer. As if they think I am going to WANT ads on my screen in the first place. Even worse, some websites require you to download GAIN just to surf there. What the hell happened with the requirement to use the idle CPU program user, like SETI@home?! At least it was less annoying and more productive at the same time.
8 - l337 Hax0rz
They seem to be getting rarer these days, but they are still there. "Do what I want or I will hack you!" Yeah right. Here's my response: stop fucking around with me or I will impregnate your little sister, dumbass.
7 - Pointless Polls
Surveys and Quizillas on blogs and LiveJournals, I can understand; it's your space, do what you want with it. But then there's the people on public forums who seem to post polls for a living. Each month or so, you'll have the joy of seeing some moron kid going "WATS YUR FAVORITE FOOD???!??!?!?!?!" or some other stupid question that's punishable by the electric chair. By the way, here's my favorite food: baby brains. Booyah.
6 - Clueless Support Seekers
It's almost a classic now: someone gets himself a warez, attempts to play it, finds out it doesn't work, and then goes on a public forum to tell about it. Seems they don't have the IQ to hide the fact that they have downloaded WAREZ!! To those who did download, asked a question, never told us it was warez and thus fooled us into thinking you had bought it, bravo! At least you know how to do your work right.
5 - Randomness Threads
What's the fucking POINT?! A forum thread to post random stuff? Okay, is it some lame-ass attempt to fool a keylogger on your computer or are you just being plain stupid? I mean, come on, this is just a cheap reason to boost your post count.
4 - Post Count Whores
And if that's your actual reason for doing the above, then here's the truth.com: big post numbers don't mean you're Superman. Look at mine. It's a few hundred; make it a thousand or two if you're reading this on my favorite forums. Does that make me a god? Nope. I'm still a 100% pure average member, and if I do a fuck-up, I'll be treated just like any other member, whether my post count is ten or a thousand or a billion.
3 - Spam
I get 100 messages per day on Hotmail. I also have a second account, which I have never used in my whole life, but that somehow manages to get 65 pieces of junk mail per day. I regularly get porn ads on ICQ. I regularly get invited to chatrooms bearing a name even a Martian couldn't pronounce. No, I do not need Viagra. No, I do not need a free diploma. No, I am not interested in making a billion zillion jillion dollars per second. No, I don't give a fuck about the 14-year-old teen with the hot tight pussy. No, I am not a terrorist just because I believe spam sucks. No, I will not donate to your fake World Trade Center Foundation. No, I will not get a million years of bad luck if I don't forward your chain letter to the entire universe. No, I will not review "this attached document". And finally, no, I do not think that the Internet is a wonderful tool for marketing your product. You suck. You fucking suck. You fucking suck dick. I throw my Ad-Bag in the trash the second it arrives on my porch. Do you think harassing me by E-Mail will give any better results? No. Those who click your links shouldn't even be allowed to use the Internet. Hell, they should downright be shot.
2 - AOL
You suck. Your servers suck. Your company sucks. Your tech support sucks. Your connections suck. Your billing sucks. And worst of all: millions of idiots use your product. I'll tell you why: it was made FOR idiots. Proof number one: AOL keywords. It's like putting in the dot-com address without the dot-com. Come on. Dot-com isn't a cryptic programming language made for elites. It's a dot, the letter C, the letter O and the letter M! My six year old niece can type dot-com addresses herself, so why would she need your keyword stuff?! Oh by the way: yes, installation was the easiest thing in the world. Hell, I didn't even have to ask for it! I just popped the CD into the drive and all of a sudden I have your blue triangle logo smack in my face and ready to go. Now tell me one thing: why the hell is your server connection even more unstable than the Chernobyl nuclear plant? And why the FUCK do you always say "Goodbye!" when I get the boot?! Way to gain my support, morons. It's the first time I actually get kicked out of the internet for no particular reason. And the parody of the ad was right: the thing that says "You've got mail!" should instead say "You've got more spam, dickhead!" Think you're still innocent? Okie-dokie. Who's the fucktard who called me SEVEN times wondering why I had quit the service after only two months? YOU. Who's the moron who kept billing my account even though I had excommunicated anything related to it? YOU. Who doesn't understand that dialup is obsolete and I stayed on your service just because my cable installation was coming in late? YOU. Burn in hell, AOHell.
AND THE NUMBER ONE - Popups
I get a dozen per website, I get warning windows all over the place. Somehow, half of them are for popup killers. I know right away THESE ones will never do the job. Again, no, I do not care about your 14-year-old nympho, I don't want the Weather Channel on my taskbar, I am not interested in linking myself to the atomic clock, hell, the only thing I want is you to get ripped apart by bin Laden's next attack. At least by doing this, he'll be considered a hero by a shitload of Americans. I can see it from here: bin Laden, the world's true popup killer! Effective and permanent results! Instead of a price tag on his head, we'll have price tags on the popup whores instead. Forget about killing innocents. It's annoying them that pisses everyone off the most! Find yourself another ground to do your marketing. All you're doing right now is giving me another reason to kill you. If I find a single one of you guys who use that type of marketing, I will shove a dynamite stick so far up your ass it'll make your boyfriend jealous.