Acceptance

[Asuka_chan]

Ever get that feeling? You know, the one where you feel as if no one accepts you? I do. I can't even live in my own house without my brother making snide comments about my friends, how much time I spend online, what kind of music I listen to, etc... but yet, when I told him that one of his friends (who he doesn't know anything about) does drugs and smokes like a chimney, or when I tell him that 6 hours straight on the computer is a wee bit too much, or when I ask him to turn down his loud music a tad, he flips out on me! I even get a big long speech about how my music being on the computer "cramps his style" when his friends come over. Well, la-dee-freaking-dah. If he doesn't like my music, why doesn't he just suck it up and live with it? It's not like I'm forcing him to listen to it. Then he goes on to explain (in the most pompous ass voice ever) how Japan is the most useless country in the world and how can I like it and it's so lame, blah blah blah. Every time I'm on the computer, no matter what I'm looking at, he comes out and asks me stupid questions like, "How can you like all that techno crap? All the songs are the same!", or "Do the Japanese have any GOOD shows?" I feel like screaming at him. Today I actually walked out of the house because of his crap. When you can't even be accepted by your own family, what's the point of anything?

[ABDUR101]

Welcome to the Wonderful World, yeah?

Thats the way some people are, and you can either let them annoy the hell out of you and hurt you with what they say, or you can just realise that their opinion on certain things is for shit.

Seriously, my family is the same with pretty much everything I like and enjoy, right down to my beleifs. It used to bother the hell out of me, and I used to feel the same way, not feeling welcome or tolerated in my own house, but then I had a nice backhand across my head from afew friends and realised that it doesn't matter what anyone says if it's not based on anything rock solid.

If it's their lack-luster opinion, I'll gladly tell them where to shove it when they wish to share their half-witted remarks, and gladly dish out quite afew of my own that hold solid ground.

For the most part, ignore the ignorant, otherwise they'll tear you down just so they can feel better.

[phasma]

Abdur is my favourite moderator. I couldn't have said it better myself.

You wont need to put up with your bro forever, dood. Acceptance shouldn't be accomplished, it should be offered. So don't let it get at you if he's acting like a buttcrumpet, afterall he clearly has no idea what he's talking about.

Hmm, I'll bet he accepts you when he's matured a little... and there's always *shudder* love. He'd miss you if you ever went to Japan.

edit: uggh i forgot to put in a space.. *inserts telephone pole up own... self*

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: phasma on 2003-07-17 22:25 ]</font>

[AUTO_]

I think it's natural for family to take little personal-stabs in the inner circle--I think it's very common in any family.

Don't take everything so close to heart--especially from your family--because you know they really care for you, and you for them.

NOTE: I noticed you like to say "yeah" abdur like a canadian says "eh" at the end of a sentence. In honor of this realization, I present this smiley face to you all. Enjoy.
http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[Daikarin]

Keep your cool when that happens. I know it's tough, but it sure pays off.

That's what I do with my father and several others who really want to piss me off by criticising minor things about myself.
When anyone sees you keeping your cool after verbal aggression, that someone gets mad.
Besides, it's healthy if you ignore some comments. You can't accept everyone to accept you, but tastes can't be discussed.

Next time someone criticises you, simply say something like "I don't like yours either" with a smile. It's amazing the effect it has.

[Deathscythealpha]

I just say ignore him, thats all you really have to do. When my Bro used to make a remark about how long i stayed online at night playing PSO i would just say 'Well its what i like to do' and end it at that.

Just ignore your brother, and if he persist's, its just water off the ducks back really, he doesnt have the right to define you and what you like and vice versa.

And you could also use the age old practice of slapping him with a shoe if he carries on.

[Artemidorus]

Hey, think about the gay guy! My mom is a Southern Methodist devout Christian! It sux made monkey hairy balls! But I love her. I CAN'T STAND HER AND I DISLIKE HER A LOT, but I love her. Same thing with your brother-love him, and attempt to like him.

I've never felt incredibly close to my family~it's small, and I'm adopted, and they all are very closed-minded. I always found a family with my friends, which was (and is) hard because tons of people move every 3 years (cuz of the Langley AFB). I've just now learned that being yourself is the most important thing...

You should always listen to a person, even if you don't want to (Golden Rule, ya know?). But that doesn't mean you have to agree with them. it just means that you should listen to what they say and become a better person from it. My favorite quote is "What people really need is a good listening to."-Mary Lou casey.

By the Way, TECHNO ROCKS THE HOUSE! WHOOT WHOO! ^o^

[Ness]

Why would you even care about what people think about you. If someone doesn't accept me for who I am, I say," Fine."

Honestly, be yourself, wheter people like you or not. There are many people that don't like the way I am, but there are many more that do. Why let the minority bother you? (I meant that in terms of group, not race).

[Gestiv]

I say Abdur is on to something. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif They don't like it? So what? It's not their choice, it's yours. Their opinions shouldn't matter to you.

[Cowboy]

/nick TeadBear

*TeadBear gives Asuka_Chan a big bear hug!*

[Trickstr]

Asuka, I get the same from my brother, eccept, he beats the crap out of me for being "incompetant", the other day i got socked in the face for looking up the meaning of "incompetant" in the dictionary.
Well next time he says anything stick this:
http://quizilla.com/user_images/T/Trickstr/1058585797_Picsstupid.JPG
to a dart board and pound away
a contribution from Trickstr, say hi from me
but grin and bear it, tell himto be nice to practice for a girlfreind, if he ever gets one, that'll piss him off.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Trickstr on 2003-07-18 20:46 ]</font>

[LollipopLolita]

who gives a damn what people say asuka, do your own thing, whatever floats your boat as long as it doesn't sink others' and ignore the rest of the people who can't do anything else but talk bad about other people. they're too busy judging other people to look at themselves. so who gives a damn. you can define yourself or let others define you



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: LollipopLolita on 2003-07-18 21:14 ]</font>

[Kid_Icarus]

As much as I'd like to go with the "Fuck people" line, it doesn't hold all that much water.

Have you ever been treated like shit every day?
By your family, friends, or other people. Constantly and repeatedly.

Yes you can say "Fuck them it doesn't affect me".
But you're lying. When you hear it every day, it does wear on you, and people break down. Yes you can act strong or whatever, or say "I'll live like whatever I want to" it will affect you, and saying otherwise is a lie.

Just be as strong as you can, and don't break down.
People suck.

[LollipopLolita]

On 2003-07-18 21:22, Kid_Icarus wrote:
Have you ever been treated like shit every day?
By your family, friends, or other people. Constantly and repeatedly.

Yes you can say "Fuck them it doesn't affect me".
But you're lying. When you hear it every day, it does wear on you, and people break down. Yes you can act strong or whatever, or say "I'll live like whatever I want to" it will affect you, and saying otherwise is a lie.

yes. i have. it bugs me for 1 hour usually, 1 day at the very most if it's a big thing and then it doesn't anymore. i still do what i do and carry on, refuse to break down and just work through it. don't hate them either, love them because they're my family.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: LollipopLolita on 2003-07-18 21:27 ]</font>

[Kid_Icarus]

Well I do the same thing. People still break down and I'm no different. It's the people you call friends that make it worthwhile to live.

The ones who accept you and like you for who you are.

And it takes a lot for me to hate someone.

I can dislike a lot of people. Hate is a strong word.

[Saladwood]

it's true, what lolita says.

and she doesn't let it bug her because she deals with it.

she's used to it, they can screan and shout and it doesn't affect her.

they're super fucked up people. super fucked up family!



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Saladwood on 2003-07-18 21:34 ]</font>

[LollipopLolita]

i don't really care if my family doesn't accept me, i don't expect them to. i still love them a lot. and they're still worth living for.

[Kid_Icarus]

Don't get me wrong I'm not disagreeing with Lolita's statement. And she knows a little about my family, so I can relate with her.

If you have a good family be greatful. A lot of us don't. If you've got a shitty family, just be strong.

That's all I have to say.

ps: I made a post that actually wasn't spam and was worthwhile. n_n/

[LollipopLolita]

i'm grateful for my family however crazy they are. at least i have a family.

[Cengah]

Asuka Chan.

Let me tell you. Your brother is an idiot. Just let him be what he is there is no stopping people like that. If he wants to be blind and closed off to new experiances then let him. Its his own loss not yours. I know its hard but just try to ignore everything hurtfull that he say's. My dad is the same way because he doesnt like Japan or techno or anime or anything that i love for that matter. Yet i have to deal with him because he is my dad. I've learned to live with it and be strong and you should to. You will find stuff like that everywhere you go. Some of my friends are that idiotic until i force them to listen or watch the stuff that i'm into. Trust me. In a few years you won't even have to deal with your brother. So just live with it for now, cause like i said its his loss to be that ignorant.

[Asuka_chan]

Thanks guys, I feel much better ^^. My brother still hasn't let up, I'm in the process of ignoring him as much as I can. Thanks for being so supportive ^^.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Asuka_chan on 2003-07-19 18:33 ]</font>

[Nai_Calus]

My advice is to ignore it as best as possible, isolate yourself from it as much as possible, and get the hell out of there the instant you can manage it.
Because no matter how much you sugar-coat and say it doesn't affect you, that it's not true, that it's not going to get you down, that they're family and you love them, it WILL destroy you. I'm an only child and my parents are divorced, I just have an abusive mother. And a few scars on my arms and legs, an utter lack of self-confidence, and a few weeks in a residential facility for mentally fucked-up children when I was 12 or so that were ironically the best of my life until I went away to college because she wasn't there to hit me or tell me I was a worthless fucking failure and a whore.
But yeah, if you're in a bad place with your family, get the hell away from them as soon as you can, and if it takes severing all contact with them, too fucking bad for them.

[Trickstr]

for me the problem is I cant take much, i'm a little woos, it doesn't take much for me to leave the room and cry

[_J]

yes. i have. it bugs me for 1 hour usually, 1 day at the very most if it's a big thing and then it doesn't anymore. i still do what i do and carry on, refuse to break down and just work through it. don't hate them either, love them because they're my family.


Hmmm...society has made it almost mandatory for people so say things like "I really hate this and that about my family, but in the end I love them because they are my family". I really do beg to differ. If someone, anyone blood related or wotherwise, crosses you or wrongs you etc - it is perfectly natural to retaliate. Not retaliating is the unnatural response. And if it gets to the point where it is not even occasional fights, I think you should just cut your losses and leave as soon as you can.

Just because people have half or some of your genetic code in them, I don't see that as reason to tolerate abuse of any kind. If you keep experiencing it enough, it will inevitably start to change you. Either you will become hatefull and bitter, or you will try to ignore and supress - like Lolita. I simply refuse to believe anyone does not get angry about things like this though. I feel very certain (with knowing the human mind as well as I can), that like Icarus said, it does get to everyone.

How people react seems to be the variant. I choose bitterness and vengeance myself. "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth".

That has to be one of the very few lines of wisdom in the "Holy" Bible. ^_^

[ABDUR101]

It's not about ignoring it to the extent that you let yourself be physically abused, it's to the extent that you don't let it piss you off that you end up dwelling on it and letting it ruin your day.

Obviously if someone is doing physical harm to you, you do something about it.

And it's not turning a blind eye, it's knowing what is important enough to give attention to and what isn't.

[_J]

Exactlty ABDUR, you are the type of person who decides to try and ignore and supress. That's my point. I vote fight.

[ABDUR101]

On 2003-07-20 10:31, _J wrote:
Exactlty ABDUR, you are the type of person who decides to try and ignore and supress. That's my point. I vote fight.


Ignore and suppress, so that I don't blow the situation into something more than it really is, yeah, I guess you're right.

[LollipopLolita]

On 2003-07-20 08:47, _J wrote:
Either you will become hatefull and bitter, or you will try to ignore and supress - like Lolita. I simply refuse to believe anyone does not get angry about things like this though.

I don't ignore and surpress it, after a certain point, things just don't bug me anymore. After a certain point growing up, all the fighting in the world doesn't bug me anymore because it happens anyhow, so it is normalcy. Don't believe me fine, but come with me and see my life for a day and you will see I don't get angry. I can eat a meal perfectly fine with people fighting in the background. Doesn't bug me, I just want to eat. If they get close, I tell them to move away or I'll take my plate somewhere else, no biggie. Food is good you see. I already tried the hateful route, the bitter route, the angry route, and now, it just doesn't bug me anymore. Namecallings are normal. After a certain point, you adapt and things don't surprise you anymore. And why the hell should I let it bother me anyhow. If I am going to focus on every little thing, that's dumb.

In fact I am surprised when a couple weeks go by and nothing happens. And no it's not genetic code J. I don't have to put up with them if I don't want to. But part of it is called growing up, moving on, dealing with it, maturing and having responsibilities.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: LollipopLolita on 2003-07-20 15:13 ]</font>

[Saladwood]

You guys don't know her. Seriously, what she is saying is true.

[_J]

Well...you do not have to go through your life being care-free and forgiving, at all. Sure, people like to climb on up the high moral horse - but I refuse to accept the fact that the way we should all live our lives is free of hate and wanting revenge. I don't care if the society we live in enourages people to do what the majority considers "right", and just let things go. I say NO. If you fuck with someone, I say you damn well get them back.

I know living your way would have advantages, and that karma (or whatever you like to call it) normally gets people back if you don't - but just ignoring someone or letting something go when they cross you...that is just totally against every fibre of me. I guess there has to be a balence of people like me, and people like you. That sounds poetic and cheesy, but I think that's the best way to put it into English.

As a footnote, I guess I would take my hat off to you Lolita if you genuinely don't get angry - that is something I am utterly incapable of doing.



But part of it is called growing up, moving on, dealing with it, maturing and having responsibilities.


I don't think alot of that comment is fair/right though. I mean, I am a fully mature male - the fact some people respond differently to confrontations than you do, does not have to inherently mean that they are not mature. Some people mature with the mind set of retaliating if they are attacked in some way. And as for all this "moving on and dealing with it" I always hear from people and shrinks, well, all of what you have experienced (good or bad), is what makes up you. When people say things like that, it sounds like they are trying to ask people to just erase part of themselves and their past - that, obvisouly, cannot be done. And if they mean just stop getting angry about events that have happened or may happen, well again, no - there is always something to be said for someone who does fight back, and who remembers and always bears in mind their past mistakes.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: _J on 2003-07-20 16:48 ]</font>

[LollipopLolita]

after a coroner sees enough dead bodies, the next corpses doesn't phase him. it's just work.

moving on dealing with it and accepting doesn't mean you erase the past. you're assimilating it into your personality. what you go through builds you. how you choose to feel builds you. it also doesn't mean forgetting everything and necessarily forgiving everything. but not forgiving and remembering doesn't mean always being angry.

choose the middle path. humans will always bring suffering to themselves one way or the other unless you realize it doesn't matter and let go.

other than that, got nothing else to say and will say nothing else. you have your own thing, i have my own thing. and nutella sandwiches are good

[_J]

Yeah, don't EVEN get me started on hummanity.

[_J]

I just had an interesting conversation with someone online, and rushed back here to add this point. Next time you think of coming out with the ever-so generic statement that is;

"I don't want to get revenge/get back at people, it just brings me down to their level."

Please think about what you are saying. Getting back at someone, by definition means that THEY have wronged YOU first, and the two events would be taking places in different times - one in response to the other. So they ARE NOT the same thing, and they ARE NOT on the same "level". Man...who came up with all these generic sayings in the first place? http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

I wasn't "aiming" that at you Lolita, as it may seem. I am just posting it because it just came up in a conversation and I wanted to add it here because it is relevant to this post. So please don't consider it some 'personal attack', or whatever. ^_^ However, if you happen to be the person who made that statement join the ranks of cheesy generic sayings - yes, consider it a VERY personal attack. *hehehe*

[eRUPT]

Do you always find yourself having to compensate yourself by retaliating at anything that "wrongs" you? That sounds so 5th grade recess.

[_J]

Do you always find yourself having to compensate yourself by retaliating at anything that "wrongs" you? That sounds so 5th grade recess.



It is not about compensation. It is very, very simple - and very logical. If someone crosses you, you get them back. That is just logical, and natural. Some things you can/should/might leave to karma to take care of, but sometimes you just have to retaliate. It just seems to very fundamental to me as a person, that is just who I am.

[Trickstr]

I respect LL's ability to ignore, or whatever you call it, personaly my temper is really bad and mixed with the fact that I'm weak it doesn't make a good combination, I dont see how you could want to hate someone.

[Saladwood]

Some people always needs drama in their life. Some people always needs to complain about something to make themselves feel better. Some people always have to find fault with others. Some people will always blame other people instead of taking responsibility.

[Cengah]

On 2003-07-20 16:56, LollipopLolita wrote:
after a coroner sees enough dead bodies, the next corpses doesn't phase him. it's just work.

moving on dealing with it and accepting doesn't mean you erase the past. you're assimilating it into your personality. what you go through builds you. how you choose to feel builds you. it also doesn't mean forgetting everything and necessarily forgiving everything. but not forgiving and remembering doesn't mean always being angry.

choose the middle path. humans will always bring suffering to themselves one way or the other unless you realize it doesn't matter and let go.



I fully agree with that. I've had my problems and so have a lot of other people. The thing is though that each person deals with it differently. I deal with it pretty much like that. There's nothing else i can really say because you summed it up perfectly.

[_J]

Some people always needs drama in their life.

I am sorry but you are really misjudgeing me there...I don't think you could be more far away from what I mean. I am not talking about drama, drama is not conflict. Drama is, in effect, bullshit. This post is about genuine confrontations. *shruggs* Like Lolita said, you go about things your way, and I'll take care of my business. I think we are all too stubborn for anything else. ^_^ At least, I know I am.

[LollipopLolita]

salad never said she was talking about you. salad never said her post had anything about you.

[_J]

salad never said she was talking about you. salad never said her post had anything about you.


Yes, but it seemed quite clear to me that the post she made was the converse of what I posted. So I responded Lolita. That is, afterall, why I am here. To post.

P.S As a kinda off topic point, it only just occurred to me Saladwood is female. I got the impression from the nature of her posts she was male - and seeing as she neglected to put her gender down on her profile I had to go with that....in my FanFic....*laughs*...oh dear......I wish you had included that "she" before I wrote and submitted it. *heheheh* Oh well...^_^





<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: _J on 2003-07-22 09:29 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: _J on 2003-07-22 09:30 ]</font>

[saffaya]

Not overblowing problems with family members and enduring their behavior has a very valid reason.
Your family members are the only people on earth that will come help you when you're in real, deep shit.
Now, tomorrow, 20 years from now, 50 years from now.

Can't say that about pseudo 'friends', more like acquaintances, that comprise 99.99% of everyone's relations.

More generaly, you temperate your reactions with the value of service a person can give you.
You'll be more forgiving with a friend that can be helpful, or that you already depend on. You won't have harsh reaction with your boss, because you depend on him for your job. And you may have kids than depend on YOU to live. etc ..

In this scale, family members rank highest. simple as that.

[Asuka_chan]

On 2003-07-22 12:46, saffaya wrote:

In this scale, family members rank highest. simple as that.



Not always. Sometimes your own family are the ones that hurt you the most.

[LollipopLolita]

On 2003-07-22 09:24, _J wrote:
Yes, but it seemed quite clear to me that the post she made was the converse of what I posted. So I responded Lolita. That is, afterall, why I am here. To post.

it seems quite clear to me and i know that it was her intention that she was responding to tricktrs post about why someone would want to hate another. after all, it is the post above hers.

[Saladwood]

On 2003-07-22 09:24, _J wrote:
Yes, but it seemed quite clear to me that the post she made was the converse of what I posted. So I responded Lolita. That is, afterall, why I am here. To post.


okay well I was responding to Trickstr's question...

[Mechashadow]

On 2003-07-17 22:15, phasma wrote:
Abdur is my favourite moderator. I couldn't have said it better myself.



Ditto.

Anyway, my brother is the biggest moron on the face of the Earth. If he gets to your head, take a walk. It always helps me when I have to deal with him.

[Bart]

Be calm you know, try not to blow up and ruin your day but if the problem persists then do something about it just dont let it get violent.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Bart on 2003-07-23 04:05 ]</font>

[_J]

it seems quite clear to me and i know that it was her intention that she was responding to tricktrs post about why someone would want to hate another. after all, it is the post above hers.



okay well I was responding to Trickstr's question...


*rolls eyes skyward*...

Anyways, I am seeing so many generic "be yourself" kinda statements. They sound good, and poetic, and profound, and righteous but in the real world it's just not that black and white. Posting little 'droplets of wisdom' and actually living your life are totally different and in the world of the real it's not that profound or poetic in the least. Yes, you should not let people tell you what to do and all that - but you are going to be influenced by people around you, you can't just say "I am my own person" and expect not to be affected by people you live with - that would just be naieve.

If it's a clear cut case (which it sounds to be, from what you've posted) of someone just being unreasonable I guess you could try just not responding to anything they say/do, and generally avoiding them. Maybe then your brother will leave you alone Auska. You aren't really left with alot of choice because he is your brother and you have to live with him, for now. So try the ignorance route and see if that gets you anywhere.

[Cengah]

On 2003-07-22 13:42, Asuka_chan wrote:


On 2003-07-22 12:46, saffaya wrote:

In this scale, family members rank highest. simple as that.



Not always. Sometimes your own family are the ones that hurt you the most.



Thats very true Asuka_Chan. Your families actually should, well not really should but let me explaine, be the ones that hurt you the most.

First off you expect your family to love you right? Well when a family member lets you down or does something to intentionally hurt you then that hurt and pain is usually way worse than anything any friend or person outside of your family could do. So really your family can hurt you more. Although they shouldnt. I should know top notch though because my family has hurt me in more ways than anything else could ever. Well there is one thing that could be worse than what they've done to me, but i'm not going there this isnt a thread about me its about asuka_chan.





<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Cengah on 2003-07-24 23:38 ]</font>

[Reenee]

On 2003-07-22 13:42, Asuka_chan wrote:

Sometimes your own family are the ones that hurt you the most.



I'm proof of that statement. My dad is the most bastardly, ignorant, unreasonable ingrate in the world. He just HAS to yell to get his way, and just HAS to win arguments with threats.

...

[Cengah]

On 2003-07-24 23:22, Reenee wrote:


On 2003-07-22 13:42, Asuka_chan wrote:

Sometimes your own family are the ones that hurt you the most.



I'm proof of that statement. My dad is the most bastardly, ignorant, unreasonable ingrate in the world. He just HAS to yell to get his way, and just HAS to win arguments with threats.

...



I know exactly how you feel.

[saffaya]

Well I hope you will live through it without too much more suffering.
And that you will be able to create your own family where you will not tolerate such behaviour.
Hang in there.

[Mystil]

I don't have a problem getting accepted. But keeping up that acceptance is a problem sometimes. Once my worst flaw is found out(anger) it becomes hard to stay on the same page with people.

I use to care what people think about me, hell it's even ruined my reputation at several other forums. But I had to sit down and ask myself, am I going to let these ignorant people, bring me down cause they don't like what I got to say?

It's not cool sitting here scare to post something cause you might get this: ATTENTION WHORE!, when the poster that posted it makes himself look like an Attention Whore to the same effect.

And I admit I do not have a likeable personality(says mom and many others, so I guess it's true) But I made enough changes, what else can I do? Just deal with it. Demanding change is futile, just accept me for who I am, or don't associate with me.