FanFic: JDS JR. chapter 1v1

[PSOJDS]

Two years have passed since JDS JR's father JDS died. He was killed by a virus while testing VR. The clan Arkz found JDS's weapon. She must find them. She had been searching for those 2 years. Another morning passed. To her surprise a short Fonewm in a brown elf outfit stood over her bed.It was Ben! He was JDS's best friend.

[Captain-Banisher]

what was that?????

[Garanz2]

I dont get it. Sounds like some kind of weird PSO soap. Suddenly this guy was standing over her bed. It was Ben! Who the hell is ben? What does he look like? What's the point of it all?

[MQuantum]

To PSOJSD: Please take no offense at this post...
also, to improve your story, it might be best to make it a little bit longer... It is a little short, after all...


On BLAH BLAH BLAH, YADDA YADDA, person wrote:
what was that?????




On 2003-10-26 08:28, Garanz2 wrote:
Who the hell is ben? What does he look like? What's the point of it all?


You have no imagination. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

Ben is a short FOnewm, maybe about 4'9", or so, with a brown outfit, like a dusty brown. He has one of those "Oh so Forcy" hats, with the two branches off of it, and light blue fluff balls on the end. He has the thick FO shoes, and striped pants.

He met JDS Jr. 6 years ago, during a training trip on P2. He saved her life, and they had lunch later that day. They talked, and have kept in constant touch with each other. Ben, though, is secretly in a thieving group, Arkz, a little rival of the as yet unknown Black Paper. That is why he has picked the lock to JSD Jr.'s apartment, and is going to assasinate her.

The point is, JSD Jr. must get her father's weapon back, the Lavis cannon, from the clan Arkz, who is going to wreck unimaginable havoc upon the world.



Am I right? Well?

My only question that I have and cannot explain is "Why does a female have Jr. on the end of her name?" I thought only guys could be Jr....

[Hikosaka]

Hmm, there isn't much wrong, except that it is very very short. So short in fact, it's on the verge of being freeposting spam. I suggest the next installment be longer, just so people have a better idea of what's going on. You'd also get better feedback.

[PSOJDS]

I'm not finished!!!!!!!!

[PSOJDS]

Ben held a large Elysion.
"Don't say anything."
"What?" JDS JR. barely had time to yell before Ben struck her with the Elysion pushing her back.
"I thought" she started to say but Ben struck her again.
She fainted.
"Let's take her and leave," Ben said to a short black Hucast behind him.
"Agreed," the Hucast said.
So the two Arkz members took her off her bed and started walking to a warp. JDS JR. was always a outcast, even to her father. Which leads to her name. She was called JDS JR. because JDS thought she would be a boy. JDS hated her. Unlike her father JDS JR.'s mother liked her. She has never seen her mother SDJ in 2 years . SDJ's last words were:I may never see you again take this Chu Chu and never forget me. She no longer had the Chu Chu, it was stolen by the Arkzs. As JDS JR. woke up she was in a lab.
"Good, she is up," A Arkz member said.
"Time for some tests dear," another member said.
JDS JR. could not let this happen, because she had a secret. A terrible secret. Everyone in her family had psychic powers. She couldn't let them find out.
Very far away in Pioneer 2 a small Fomar stood in a photon chair looking at a chao. His name was JD. He was JDS's only son.He wore a large yellow robe,to big for him. Unlike JDS,JD was going to save JDS JR. because if anyone found out about their secret they would be killed. A android walked into the room. It was JD's personal android.
"Something bothering you," the android said.
"JDS JR. is captured, I must find her," JD said.
"Need help?" the android asked.
JD was surprised by the question, his android never said anything about his personal life.
"Yes," He spoke in a steady voice.