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TalonHUcast
Nov 5, 2003, 04:15 PM
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TalonHUcast on 2004-01-16 08:02 ]</font>
Hikara
Nov 5, 2003, 04:54 PM
Could use a little more detail, but that's about it. Good start!
MQuantum
Nov 5, 2003, 05:37 PM
Yes, a little detail, few punctuation errors, liitle short, but difinately a start! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

And it's told from first person POV... I'm not very good at that, I think it's a bit hard, but it often gives a very unique outlook. Pulled of well, and you can hardly tell it's not your own thoughts, as a reader...
Gaurdian
Nov 6, 2003, 05:20 PM
In case all of you were wondering, I am "Gaurdian" that is spoke of in this story.
TalonHUcast
Nov 6, 2003, 05:23 PM
im going to put chapter 2 here

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TalonHUcast on 2004-01-14 07:26 ]</font>
TalonHUcast
Nov 7, 2003, 01:48 PM
chapter 3

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TalonHUcast on 2004-01-14 07:26 ]</font>
KaFKa
Nov 7, 2003, 02:43 PM
well, yes, it is a start, some decent points here and there. i would suggest putting in more detail, and try to make it shift from one scene to the next a little bit smoother. other than that, you might want to brief yourself on the history of Phantasy Star to get a better idea of the world you are writing about
TalonHUcast
Nov 7, 2003, 04:09 PM
4


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TalonHUcast on 2004-01-14 07:27 ]</font>
HUnewearl_Meira
Nov 7, 2003, 04:48 PM
Keep pluggin' away at it. I hope to see how the plot develops here.
TalonHUcast
Jan 13, 2004, 12:15 PM
Im just rewriting the original story so post above have no meaning to the current fic though i am still taking thier advice on this story.

im working here..Again



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TalonHUcast on 2004-01-14 06:52 ]</font>
TalonHUcast
Jan 14, 2004, 10:21 AM
id like to have some input on my current fanfic so reply if you have time. tks