Can't even restore on USB now. Byebye PSO.

[Shimarisu]

Well, I corrupted again, after corrupting a WEEK ago. I'm the most unlucky person alive. And now, the most miserable.

This year, like all my others, has gone by so fast. I'm now nearly 29, and this past 2 months has seen me descend into a debilitating terror and sickness through fear of age and death. I have but 600 months (going on averages) to live, and I've used up the grand majority of my able and fit years. I've got nothing. Sweet buggar all to look forward to. I gave up my work because I didn't see the point of money, every second is literally killing me and I don't know what to do. On coming back from Japan, a holiday utterly ruined by this phobia creeping on me from nowhere (lying on a futon for a solid week imagining that maggots were slowly eating my decrepit form=not fun), I came home to a sweet oblvion sought through drinking myself stupid and taking a nasty cocktail of not terribly safe but necessary anti depressants. After about 2 weeks of this, feeling utterly nihilistic, I thought, well why not waste the rest of my youth (hah!) on PSO?
As usual I got recognised all over the place, ppl saying they wish they were me (I would trade places with any unemployed 16 year old having money and relationship woes in a HEARTBEAT. You wanna write for a magazine? Stop wishing your bloody lives away. It takes work and using up your youth to end up on magazines).

Annnyway, this sort of situation is infinitely more serious than PSO, so excuse me for going on about it. But yeah, last week I lost my beloved FOmar (after 6 months, that's a sizable chunk of life in depressed-adult-now-utterly-and-permanently-past-their-prime years) That's 1% of the rest of my crummy allocation of crappy life. Having wasted the last 28 years, aren't I clever to waste even more on PSO? Last week, bye bye goes this FOmar, FSOD-X. So I doggedly remake this FOmar on my USB card and inbetween bouts of trying to convince myself of life after death on crappy New-Age websites, I build myself up to level 80. Now, I was still depressed, so I didn't play at all online. Just made some friends and chatted to them when I felt up to it (after crawling out of bed at about 5pm every night, bawling on the phone to my mother - who says I need religion, then trying to eat and puking because of all the maggots may as well be already eating my insides.) My first game online after days of moping in lobbies was after a new friend, a RAcaseal on the Japanese ship invited me into a game. I was the third person in that game, got in FINE, but as soon as she entered, FSOD-X. Well there is me thinking I'm fine, cause of USB, right? But no, because when I go online with the restored chara, and bear in mind I've done this BEFORE with no trouble, Sega do the usual deletion of items and cmode rank and chuck me back at the loading screen. But now instead of letting me on after this reformatting, I'm still getting the same message and being chucked back at the loading screen. Every time. Simply can't get back online at all, with ANY of the chars on that card, to boot.

So this year, I have lost my youth, my sanity, my friends (all), my hope for a better life in Japan (who the hell wants to be any OLDER than THIS?), my hair (it's actually almost all grey already), my looks, my job, my money, my boyfriend of 8 years (he's sick of me lying in bed and crying all day)
and to cap it off, PSO.
I'd kill myself if this horrible phobia that's ruined my life wasn't cruelly keeping me alive.

- Shimarisu (bye bye PSO. I can do without more loss.)

[DOG21313]

... http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif That really stinks... I'm sorry...

For the PSO data, try this:



FSOD Corruption

Saving your characters is not impossible, I lost a few, and went around looking for info, some of the stuff I have posted elsewhere on this site, but I will repost my File Corruption Solutions....


Now as far as going online, yes you can lose items and character Data through FSOD, and disconnects on occassion. And also there may be times that you get booted off, only to log back in having the game tell you that you have a bad file and will have your items and challenge Data reset, in which you lose ALL ITEMS , ALL SPELLS, and all Material enhancements you have used.

And hte fact that people say that you should play on empty ships doesnt always save you from an FSOD, I have been on a completely empty block on an uninhabited ship and got frozen.. But the chances do increase if you go to full lobbies.

The Smartest thing to do is to make sure you bank all your weapons before going out to the online lobbies, since most FSOD's occur when going between lobbies, and hare very harmless, since all you lose are your unequiped items.

The Full FSOD has happened to me twice in the past 2 weeks, but I have found some ways around it, and you may want to cut and paste these two methods to get around it and save it on your computer as a text document so you don't have to go searching for it for when, not if it happens to you.

If you get the message that your memory card is corrupt or formatted for another region... do this.
(Disclaimer I got this method from these boards, I can't remember who posted it, but I thank them imensely because it saved my characters)

1. Take out the corrupt card and insert another card with PSO data on it.
2. Start an offline game all the way to the character select screen.
3. Remove the card..(do not select a character!!!!!)
4. When it says please insert memory card insert the corrupt file....Whallah your characters are healthy and alive.

I had this happen two days ago, and used this method..it does indeed work....

Also, another thing that may happen is that you get kicked off right as you are going into a game, when you log back on it tells you that your item data/ and challenge data will be initialized...
DO NOT HIT START AND ACCEPT it will clear out all of your items, and you will come back with a mag 500 mst 5 monomates and 5 monofluids.... instead

1.Pull out the memory card and hit reset (DO Not hit start to save the file
2.Make an offline multiplayer game with one of your other characters, if you don't have another character make one.
3. Transfer All items money etc. to the other character.
4. Log on with character that you just cleaned out the inventory and let it initialize the item/challenge data, you will lose whatever spells you have learned and all material enhancements, but it is better than losing all items money mags etc.
5. After char is initialized go back offline and transfer items back to character.. wha lah...not too much damage done...

Unlucky for me both of these methods were tested this last weekend when it happened to me, and like I said save this info for when...not if it happens to you especially if you are playing with a dial up connection.... I played this game for a year with none of it ever happening to me, but in the past month both have happend twice.


Thats quoted from a different thread about corruption.

For the other stuff... You can't make yourself young again, but you can enjoy it while you still have it instead of sulking. If you sulk about it, its only wasting your life even more, get out and do something new, so you don't waste your life dreading what the end of it will be like.

Do things new while you still can... Or you'll regret that you sulked around and missed your only opportunities...



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: DOG21313 on 2003-11-12 18:33 ]</font>

[jazzerb25]

i agree with that above post... *hugs* its gonna be alright...I have the same feelings a lot of the time but you have to keep telling yourself like I do that we are here for a reason and we need to fulfill it.

[KaFKa]

...i know how it feels to think that you wasted your life away on something. youth is something that you're never going to get again, sadly. however, it isn't the end of the world. you shouldn't just sit and sulk over it. you have 600 months, you make it sound like it's going to go by so quickly that life is nothing but the space between a blink and a tear. i for one know that not to be true. dead-end jobs blow balls, yes, i know, but what's keeping you from just going and finding a different job? hell, i've done it. working two jobs isn't all that hard when you don't go to parties and the like. i would give a whole motivational speech, but for some reason i feel like im doing this for a lost cause...

[RicoRoyal]

Cheer up Shim. 29, bleh, there are tons of people older than that who still have alot to live for. If you honestly feel so bad about your life, then that means that it's time to do something about it. Yes, give up on PSO, its just a game afterall; but dont give up on life. If you don't feel like working and you feel like you need something to take up time (lots of it)... and you want to regain your "youth"(by being around youth), then all things point to one solution. COLLEGE!!! Yes, that's right, its school, but only "better". I think it would serve you well.And I dont mean some school in Europe or in Asia... I mean, get your ass down here to the US of A. No matter what college you go to, your bound to make new friends (yes, there are plenty of people over 30 in colleges around here). Job? Who needs that? Being an unemployed foreigner going to college here is even better than winning the lottery. Is college time consuming? Hell yes!!! Is it worth it... you bet it is. By the time your done with college studying whatever it is your interested in, you will have had some time to reflect on life. You will once again appreciate the wonders of having a little time off here or there to play a bit of videogames. I dont care if your the most antisocial person ever... you WILL make friends eventually. I'm just throwing out some solutions here, that doesn't mean you need to listen to me at all, but my point is that there is still alot that you can do. 600 months is a hell of alot of time, but only if you do something with that time, so get to it!

[FinalHell]

Many Options are open out in teh world.. u just gotta find em.

[Shimarisu]

Does anybody know if I can fix the USB file?

All I get is a message saying that items will be deleted and c mode ranks reset. It says "Press start to continue". When I press start, it saves, then resets to title screen. When I come back on, it does the same thing. Ad infinitum. WTF? I've no idea why the heck it does this, and all my USB chars are ruined as a result. If I can't get a guarantee of not losing chars like this, I'm never playing this game again.

and anyway, yeah, my life has flown by. I know not everybody feels like this, but I do. I tried to meditate to calm myself and 20 minutes later was on the phone crying to my mother again because I had sudden and vivid memories of being a BABY in my cot. I was able to describe exactly where they kept the cot, that it was a large one that was practically big enough for an adult to curl up in, that the front came down completely and that there was a mobile hanging over that I remember staring at all night cause I never slept well.
This was before I was 1 year old. It seems like fricking yesterday, the vivid pictures I got. And stuff like this scares me. It scares me so bad I feel sick. As does the speed a month goes by, and we only have 1000 or so? And I used nearly half up? Too right I'm terrified. I feel barely out of childhood, still a kid. It didn't occur to me until 4 years or so even, that I was not a kid any more til some neanderthal council estate dweller threatened to shoot me because he thought I was 'weird' for socialising with kids and wearing Pokemon shirts. The shock knocked it out of me... I'm not a kid? The wha? Hell, even THAT seems like yesterday, and I've only got 10x that amount of time left. If I can't force myself to believe in some alternative, I can't be happy in life edging closer to death. My childhood was awful and it all goes downhill from here. it's a horrbile nightmare, only 7 years into adulthood and I feel ANCIENT already. And if we die and that's it, it's not fair. It's SO unfair I wonder how people function. In fact, many do not function. Jeez even Einstein believed in an afterlife, and Henry Ford said that if he could not believe in reincarnation he would not see the point in his work at all. Maybe they, like me, realised how UNFAIRLY short life is, and that's putting it freaking bluntly. It's HORRIBLE.

- Shimarisu

[-STE-]

Ciao Shimarisu
usually i dont read lot of topic in this section of forum i read only topic under Episode 3 section but today i opened your topic and i read all (something hard to understand with my knowledge of english hehe sorry).

I see you lost your carachter and so all lost carachters lot of times i lost too and on dreamcast i restart lot of times from lv 1 but wasnt a problem because PSO is not lv of your carachter or weapon you own PSO is a place where you can spend time near other person and know person from all world like i this in this years.

I know you played episode 3 trial and i did too now at end of month come out full relase and i wait for play it and restart all with this differente episode of PSO i hoe to see you on it so we can play PSO in free time i live in Italy and you in UK so we have same time we can play at same hours ^ ^ at night and you can help me and others person of this site make faqs database ecc for the game.

About your life well i think noone have a perfect life me too long way to be perfect so you dont have a job not all person have and lot of person have a job but dont be happy with it and this is more sad because you have to spent lot of time at work and if you dont like it is very sad.
Try to be strong and to do your best for yourself go search a new job and do what you like in your life other cant judge you for what you do because is your life. Do your best and be happy you are not old and 600 months is not little time hehe is longgggg you can found new bf and have a family with it just dont be so sad belive in love and you can have a better life dont mind how you look important is what you have in your heart this is all.

Hope to see you on episode 3 at end of month fell free to contact me mail or msn mess if you come play this game we can play.

take care

life is your do your best and i hope you can be happy soon

[Zarana]

I'll make this short and bittersweet. We've rarely seen eye to eye, but your opinions were usually quite valid. I'm sad to see the departure of one of the few other PSOW posters that has a healthy dose of common sense. Corruption will always be the great equalizer on this game, but I'm sure you and I both yearn for the days before its intervention.

Health, wealth and wellbeing. Farewell.

[rena-ko]

double posting?
well, see other tread...

[Buuyon]

rena if that wasnt off topic...

[rena-ko]

then? shall i insert a link? not my fault this topic exists twice.

here (http://www.pso-world.com/viewtopic.php?topic=69683&forum=1&3), hope youre happy now.

[_Sinue_]

I dunno what to tell you other than life is what you make of it. I'd personally be more upset at the loss of all my Guild Cards.. because in the end all that hard work put into your characters is going to end up deleted or forgotten. What really matters is the people you've touched and who have touched you in the process. I still look back at my Guild Card on the DC version on ocassion for the nostalgia and the memories. Expecially seeing the Guild Card comments.. because that's like a moment in time for that person. Their words and their impression that carries with you.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that you should be less worried about where you are and where you're going.. and focus more on who you are, and who you want to be. Life is finite.. and there's nothing anyone can do to change that. We're dead the moment we're born, so all we can do is try to make the best of what little time we all have.

I think about death like this.. if it happens.. how am I even going to know? I'll be dead. If there is an afterlife though.. I don't think I'd want to be looking back on my life and wondering why I spent so much time in bed worrying about death. I'd just want to know that in my time here, despite my accomlishments (or lack of), that I was happy. That's all that matters. And I am.

I know that what I'm saying here probably isn't going to help you.. but at least think about it. If you had fun with your characters on PSO.. then what does it really matter that you corrupted? They served their purpose.

[Auracom]

Shimarisu you shouldn't get hung up on the future cause you can't be happy in the present if youre worried all the time. Enjoy the simple things in life. And if you don't want to play PSO anymore thats okay aswell. Games aren't everything, but if anything I play PSO to relax and forget my own problems.

[Shimarisu]

I'm back.

Thank you rena-ko, for the advice on USB. I got my USB restored RAcast and FOnewm back online today after leaving them offline to make up the mere few minutes I had used on them transferring items after backup. I honestly thought I had lost the lot. I won't say you've saved my life, because I was never going to check out in the first place. You have however, saved my happiness for now, and I'm extremely grateful.

My replacement FOmar has been left on the spare cube to rack up the hours I spent chatting to people after I had backed him up. Serves me right for chatting and not playing.

PSO is all I currently have, and all that cured me temporarily of my despair. I don't have anything else left but I know I don't want to face the alternative. I've been considering uni for a while actually. If only because I lost all my friends, and facilities for people with my disability were never available 10 years ago, so I never bothered. When you finally grow up this late in life you realise you can do what you were unable to in the past. Realistically I could never have finished my education when I was young. But for now I have free time to fill up, and it's either in pursuit of some reason for life or on some pointless game data.

I still look young (apart from the premature grey that is in my genes sadly) and by dyeing my hair I at least kid myself and everybody. That's the trouble though, young people gravitate to me, they think I'm their age despite achieving more. I'm really not that impressive, and when they find out what I'm like, I lose these 'friends'.

- Shimarisu

[Shimarisu]

And... I forgot to say. Thanks to the wonders of USB, I actually still have my guild cards. Thank god. It makes it a little more worthwhile.

- Shimarisu

[PaleKid15]

Shimarisu- You've obviously had a troubled past, but you should not let that define who you are. Based on what you've written here, you are obviously a gifted writer. If you enjoy writing, then that's what you should do. Writing a book or somthing about your experience may be helpful to you. Even if you don't publish it, it will help you reflect on your life and help you find out what you can do to make your life better. You shouldn't dwell on what you can't change, such as age. In stead of worrying about death and what's going to happen to you, think about what you want to get out of life and the best way to get it. It's not easy, but if you want things to get better, you have to do something about it yourself. Even with all the problems in the world, most people find a way to deal with it and be happy. That is what you need to figure out how to do. Even if you fix the corruption, that won't solve your problems. "The journey is more important then the destination." Live your life the best you can, and to hell with what others think.Just remember, things WILL get better.

[kevlar_pso]

Shimarisu,
Hope I spelled your name rite lol. After reading your thread (I only came to the boards to check on mine lol) you seem like someone that I could connect with, and would be cool to play with. It seems like it took a while for me to grow up and youth seem to flock to me as well. I guess being young @heart does that. I'm on the other side of the world to you, but I do have a lot of Brittish friends on PSO. I'm about to start a game on Antares 8. Named PSOWorld, pass kevlar, you can join if you want to. I wouldn't mind makin a new friend. Considering a lot of the close ones online that I had are dropping left and right. I'll be on in approx. ten mins from the end of this post and will be playin for a while.


My handle here is kevlar but my main char is The ROCK lev 145 humar.
NOT THE WRESTLER! I am named after the rock of gibraltar! You JABRONIS!! LOL

[Krank40oz]

People dont talk to you b/c you are 29? Thats prob the most stupides thing i have ever herd. At my job, there are a wide range of people from 16 to 80 and they all talk to me. U can just as good as a friend to a 17 year old as you can a 80 year old. Age doesnt change ur personality, well a least not for me!

[Zaneatron]

Shimarisu aint going no where http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

we discussed this the other day, and shes coming back around the begining of December, or when she gets PSO+ and EP3.
I dunno if shes said this but she plays a lot on the JP servers, and obviously the lag problems. so we think connecting to the JP servers will be safer with a JP game.

I hope she gets better also, shes been totally different recently. i wont go too far into the subject. but the idea of PSO+ has made her slightly happier. and anyone esle who is getting it, lets all play together http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif and make some nice legit chars

[anwserman]

Let me put it this way, I've had a someone bad moments in my life (trust me, my worst moment lasted for about 6 months or so and... it was very, very tough.)

But regardless, I know life is going to end, I know that I play video games that its going down the hole - looking in the future I can easily forsee about wanting to change my past - but the thing is, you cannot change your past, you need to live for the moment. If playing PSO online cheers you up, good. It may be a game but its social. I have friends that I'd always play with on PSO, which I never see anymore. One person who I loved playing with was a FOmar named Zeruel, but he's never on. I wish he would be, but I don't care. I enjoyed playing with him when I could.

Basically, I'm ranting on, but just don't say that I'm 29, I shouldn't be playing video games since they are using up my life... but the thing is, they are your life, and if that wasn't so you wouldn't play them. You've got friends because of games, and you know what? If you lose friends because of your age or whatnot, then screw them. You should be friend with people because of personality and compatibility, nothing else. Nothing, age shouldn't matter a single bit. Don't try to pretend that you are younger, as that will make the reality harder to face. Say, "I'm 29 and I'm damn proud of it!!!" Think about all the good things that have happened to you, and realize that if you were younger, all of those moments would have never occured and possibly be replaced with bad ones. Feel good about yourself, you could have had a worse life then what you have now - I appreciate the fact that when I play PSO that I don't have to make sure I don't starve to death - but that is extreme. My answer is to just be courteous to everyone you meet, and that you make their moment with you, long or short, be enjoyable. Making yourself and others happy should be your main priority, dwelling on the past definately isn't. You'll feel better that you made a person smile, laugh, whatnot and having a good time - it will make your time on this planet a whole lot more enjoyable and remembering your good deeds, whether it be donating money to a church, helping at a soup kitchen or tutoring - will put a smile on your face, while you're helping and in the future, remembering on all the people's days you've brightened up.

[lain2k3]

On 2003-11-13 15:15, Zaneatron wrote:
but the idea of PSO+ has made her slightly happier. and anyone esle who is getting it, lets all play together http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif and make some nice legit chars




sorry about this but PSO+ isnt being released stateside...

[RFB]

You befriend with someone and that person quits being your friend because you're 29? Then it's for the better, because that person is a complete a**hole.

Shimarisu, if PSO makes your life happier, then keep on playing, and make friends online. Believe me, the friends you can get online can be better than the ones you can get in real life (That's what happened to me, So now I prefer to befriend people in internet than in real life)

If you really get to create a bunch of friends so that you all play together, you'll be spending such a nice time, you wont even be able to think you're wasting your time. You'll be with friends, having a nice time whether talking or playing, and that's the best you can do in all the world.

If online gameplay brightens your life, let it be part of yourself, the online community can be much nicer than any group in the real life, and this community is a living proof of my point.

With no more to say, I hope you hae a happy and nice life, and I hope that, when I get to be online again, I get to meet you, since you seem to be a damn nice and cool person to me.

P.S.: Lain2k3, if you read carefully Shimarisu's first post in this thread, you can read she is living in Japan.

[lain2k3]

oh... wow I want to go to japan.... (i thought she had moved here) whoops, and best of luck in this situation, my apologies.

[rena-ko]

ah, dont mention it, shiramisu ^-^
your posts where always fun to read and i heard about that timestamp thingy around here before, i just couldnt see you that crushed and fatal.

i hope you cheer up by all the nice posts to you here. have fun and actually age doesnt matter. its not about that you have to do something productive in your life. unless you form a big industry you wont invent much these days anyway. its about that you dont regret having fun ^-^

so good luck in the future and i wish you (and everyone else as well) all the fun you can have.

rena

[Zaneatron]

On 2003-11-13 17:56, lain2k3 wrote:


On 2003-11-13 15:15, Zaneatron wrote:
but the idea of PSO+ has made her slightly happier. and anyone esle who is getting it, lets all play together http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif and make some nice legit chars




sorry about this but PSO+ isnt being released stateside...



a) since when did sonic team/sega announce that the game would be japan only
b) me and shim both live in England, how do you think were getting it?

if you cant work out b the ansewr is importation

[Rudoku]

Wow. I leave for a week or two and this happens. I'll have to find you again sometime, Shim. Good luck and all that jazz.

[Kanore]

Shimarisu... long time... if you're still reading this, does that mean Shimarisu and... uh... Arion has been corrupted???

-_-

[Drayma]

Shimarisu your life would have been different if you hadn't had a corruption. Its all a game, life is PSO.

[Wewt]

Nothing sex won't fix. Well maybe a pregnancy.

[Mystil]

Things will get better. Just spend your remaining time wisely, Shim...

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Silhouette on 2003-11-16 14:33 ]</font>

[Shimarisu]

It's over.

I can't face it any more. There's no hope for me at all, I'm just going to get older and die, this is the most horrible thing, and it looms closer all the time.

I now spend all day in bed contemplating my fate. It didn't get any better, only worse. Logically it gets worse. I know full well that the 2 months I've been like this is 0.33% of my life, I hated this time but it's gone and it creeps up closer and closer all the time, it seems like yesterday I was in Japan and this started.

There is nothing WORSE than knowing time is running out for you. NOTHING. I can't take it any more. I want to live forever, or at least, for longer than the pathetic time I have.

If I was born today, and died at 47, it would be a tragedy, yes?

WHY IS IT NOT A TRAGEDY THAT 47 YEARS IS ALL I HAVE?

This thing, this thing that I HAVE USED UP MY LIFE AND IT IS GONE AND I CAN'T HAVE IT BACK AND ALL THAT LIES AHEAD IS OBLIVION is literally KILLING me.

My anti depressants read on the packet say "May cause liver failure, do not combine with alcohol."

I'm now on about 4 glasses of wine a day. I don't care when I die any more. It makes no difference. All the scientists say there is no afterlife. I hate them, especially the cocky ones who write reams and reams of derision aimed at religious sorts on these skeptic sites. I hate the guy who's old and probably only got 10 years left, who knows he's going to be dust and doesn't care. I hate my dad for saying "You will come to terms with it, I have and my life is nearly over."

I hate my partner for saying I am sickeningly selfish, for saying it's over between us because all I care about is myself. I hate the fact he's probably right.

When you know your days are numbered, and not only this are FAST slipping away, you tend to act a little selfish. I spent 1% of my life on PSO. But it was only 6 months, and it's gone in a heartbeat. Why is life so short? I feel like somebody with a terminal disease. Really I do. My perception of time is that it's too goddamn fast. This time last year dseems like yesterday. 2% of my whole life gone. It's gone, it's gone and I'll never get it back, and I'm dying as I type this. What is the point? What's the point at all?

If the scientists are right, there is none.

[Superguppie]

On 2003-11-19 03:42, Shimarisu wrote:
If the scientists are right, there is none.


Yup. And all we can do is learn to live with it until we die.
I can't speak from experience, but I hear raising kids (preferably your own) can be very fulfilling. And even the most atheistic scientist will agree that is some sort of a point to it all.
I hope you'll get through this in 1 piece and find your father is right.
And I think you just about hate me too now. So come bite my head of or something...

Oh, and it's not LIKE you have a terminal disease. You HAVE it. It's called LIFE...


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Superguppie on 2003-11-19 05:07 ]</font>

[Wewt]

On 2003-11-19 05:05, Superguppie wrote:
...I hear raising kids (preferably your own) can be very fulfilling

I really do hope you aren't suggesting Shim go get herself knocked up, or go adopt a child...

[Guntz348]

600 months is about 50 years, that's quite a long time. I honestly fail to see the problem here. You are a human being, nothing more, nothing less. We are mortal, we live, we reproduce and we die. What happens in the middle of those things is up to you. You can sit around and feel sorry for yourself for being mortal, but that's just a fact of life you, and not just you mind you, but everyone has to accept. When it's your time to go, its your time go. Sure you can try to hide from it, but it won't do any good.

What would be the point of sitting in your bed being afraid? How can you ever get any feeling of accomplishment from sitting and being scared? You can't and you never will. The only thing you can do is accept that when you're called to go, you don't have a say. Hell you could sit and hide for years and when your numbers up you'll just choke on a pop tart in bed, or you'll slip in the shower and split your head open on the tub. That's just how it is, and I for one accept this, because well simply put it's completely out of my hands.

Sure I can do things to extend my life, give me a better chance and all. Eat healthy, dont drink or smoke or do drugs, exercise and all that. But even still all that won't ammount to a hill of beans when the guy driving the tractor trailer falls asleep at the wheel, vears into my lane then WHAM! My car's sheared in two and flattened on the highway. Which makes all the time of clean steady living worth nothing and throw out the broken windsheild in a heartbeat. A police man goes to work everyday knowing that he could check out because some punk doesn't wanna pay a speed ticket so he runs, or a crack head with a gun freaks out and starts shooting, but that doesnt stop them from doing there job does it?

Look the point is, nothings garunteed, you can live 20 years, 50 years, a day or a week. No one knows how long, and there's very little you can do to change it. So just stop fearing it, accept it and go and enjoy the limited time you have here. A lot of people have died a lot younger then you, a lot will die a lot older then you, you have no control over that. No one does. All you can do is accept that you are nothing more then a human being, your time is limited and you should try to at least enjoy it while you are here.

[Mystil]

On 2003-11-19 03:42, Shimarisu wrote:
It's over.

I can't face it any more. There's no hope for me at all, I'm just going to get older and die, this is the most horrible thing, and it looms closer all the time.

I now spend all day in bed contemplating my fate. It didn't get any better, only worse. Logically it gets worse. I know full well that the 2 months I've been like this is 0.33% of my life, I hated this time but it's gone and it creeps up closer and closer all the time, it seems like yesterday I was in Japan and this started.

There is nothing WORSE than knowing time is running out for you. NOTHING. I can't take it any more. I want to live forever, or at least, for longer than the pathetic time I have.

If I was born today, and died at 47, it would be a tragedy, yes?

WHY IS IT NOT A TRAGEDY THAT 47 YEARS IS ALL I HAVE?

This thing, this thing that I HAVE USED UP MY LIFE AND IT IS GONE AND I CAN'T HAVE IT BACK AND ALL THAT LIES AHEAD IS OBLIVION is literally KILLING me.

My anti depressants read on the packet say "May cause liver failure, do not combine with alcohol."

I'm now on about 4 glasses of wine a day. I don't care when I die any more. It makes no difference. All the scientists say there is no afterlife. I hate them, especially the cocky ones who write reams and reams of derision aimed at religious sorts on these skeptic sites. I hate the guy who's old and probably only got 10 years left, who knows he's going to be dust and doesn't care. I hate my dad for saying "You will come to terms with it, I have and my life is nearly over."

I hate my partner for saying I am sickeningly selfish, for saying it's over between us because all I care about is myself. I hate the fact he's probably right.

When you know your days are numbered, and not only this are FAST slipping away, you tend to act a little selfish. I spent 1% of my life on PSO. But it was only 6 months, and it's gone in a heartbeat. Why is life so short? I feel like somebody with a terminal disease. Really I do. My perception of time is that it's too goddamn fast. This time last year dseems like yesterday. 2% of my whole life gone. It's gone, it's gone and I'll never get it back, and I'm dying as I type this. What is the point? What's the point at all?

If the scientists are right, there is none.




It's the same with me. Though I'm 21, you'd be surprize how little I've done in my life since I was 15. And time just goes quicker and quicker. Time goes slower when you are enjoying life. It goes by fast when you're in constant sorrow. IT is not over. I wont say that sitting in bed drowning yourself in pain isn't changing anything, I'll say that you're just 29. Technically that is not old. I have a 47 year old mother who'd glady trade places with your right now. I dont know what kind of support you want. But it seems as though you need to recieve some decent solice if anything.

I wouldn't say it's over about PSO. Just well, play offline, or START a new. The thing that causes corruption has been wisped away. Or have you sunk in the void so much you're not willing to try? If PSO is what you use to cope with your life, I'd go back to it. I'd help you get back to whatever(item wise) but my time zone just would make that hard. I almost never play in the afternoons, evenings or nights. Not by choice either. I'm sure your friends would mail you eventually, you'd just have to wait.

What do you mean by time running out?(you don't have to answer that) Adding your age with the number 47, the age of 70+ is a good age and most people don't even make it that far. Ok this is kinda hard...I'd be trying my best to live my life to fullest....

Cat time!(if you like them...)These animals always are there for someone in need(as well as dogs, most females prefer dogs anyway), especially when you can't get a hug from a stingy human. It works for me.

Maybe this is jumbled up and disorganized. Just trying to help. -_-..

[Superguppie]

On 2003-11-19 08:42, WWWWWWWWWWWW wrote:
I really do hope you aren't suggesting Shim go get herself knocked up, or go adopt a child...


And why do you hope that? I was only saying it helped some ppl. Maybe it's worth trying for Shim...

[Wewt]

On 2003-11-20 03:29, Superguppie wrote:
And why do you hope that? I was only saying it helped some ppl. Maybe it's worth trying for Shim...


Wow... just fucking wow.

[Mystil]

On 2003-11-20 03:29, Superguppie wrote:


On 2003-11-19 08:42, WWWWWWWWWWWW wrote:
I really do hope you aren't suggesting Shim go get herself knocked up, or go adopt a child...


And why do you hope that? I was only saying it helped some ppl. Maybe it's worth trying for Shim...


Nah, that's not the way to do it. Seriously. It would just make her life even more worse. Raising a child is NOT an easy thing. And it wont be easy for someone who already has alot to deal with emotionally. I would not even mention such a thing. Only Shim can decide what is needed to be done that can make the dark clouds go away and bring forth the sun. When you have problems do not bring in more.




<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Silhouette on 2003-11-20 10:05 ]</font>

[Shattered_weasel]

come get a hug from good ole ShAttered....

[Firocket1690]

"Live life to its fullest
Find that matching soul and run the gauntlet
You're only going to be as happy as you want to be"
- ABDUR101

I'm not the writer I was a few years back, so excuse the crappy vocabulary.

Oh don't feel that bad ... you're living a depressed adulthood (29) and I'm stuck in a lonley childhood (14) with a overviolent mother ... -_-

Eventually, it'll all pass ... Life will go on, and we will all die eventually. Do what you can to make yourself feel better. Music (http://www.ruptbot.com/cornpisser/ABDUR101- Inspiration Session.mp3) usually helpe me compress depression, anger, and other sorts of annoying emotions. Oh, and watch the drinking...
If it's gone this far over a game, just let it go.

P.S. If you want help leveling your characters, look for me!

P.P.S. Long time no see. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Firocket1690 on 2003-11-20 20:51 ]</font>

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Firocket1690 on 2003-11-21 04:32 ]</font>

[Superguppie]

On 2003-11-20 10:04, Silhouette wrote:
Only Shim can decide what is needed to be done that can make the dark clouds go away and bring forth the sun. When you have problems do not bring in more.

Indeed, Shimarisu will have to work it out. But I know a few ppl that don't exactly think of their kids as 'more problems'...

[Mixfortune]

On 2003-11-21 03:01, Superguppie wrote:


On 2003-11-20 10:04, Silhouette wrote:
Only Shim can decide what is needed to be done that can make the dark clouds go away and bring forth the sun. When you have problems do not bring in more.

Indeed, Shimarisu will have to work it out. But I know a few ppl that don't exactly think of their kids as 'more problems'...



That is getting into an entirely different issue altogether. Stick to the topic at hand.

Yes, there is a limit...

But no matter who any of us are, there is always someone better off and someone worse off.
For better or worse, it is the eye of the beholder that says what it sees.
Cycles are best left unimposed.


The dark stair has no end
With which we shall descend.
But the higher on it is we climb,
The further fall lay darkness chime.

Yet so remains our weary traveller,
Of darkness and of light,
Stepping down upon the mist,
Hastes the fall I bid exist.