AdamW
04-06-2001, 06:17 AM
Once upon a time, a young man bought a new product. It was something called a "scooter". Now this was WAY back in the day. Perhaps the 60's or the 70's. I'm not sure of the exact date. Anyway, this young man one day fell down on his scooter and he got brain damage. His brother swore to make the world pay for this travesty. His brother just so happened to be I...
As the story continues...I bet you are wondering how exactly I was around back in the 60's when I am not quite that old. Well, this was in a different life time. I often awake in a cold sweat, from a dream of my brother, getting brain damage. My brother was actually the Beaver you see.
Continuing...back in that day I had devised a plan to steal all the peanutbutter I could from everywhere so that the world would suffer. I stole all the peanutbutter I could find. Then one day it started to spontaneously implode. There was peanutbutter everywhere. I tried to eat it all but I just couldn't. Soon our home exploded and little Beaver died drowning on peanutbutter.
When the coroner came to take little Beaver away he told me he knew of my quest to make the world suffer and he could help. This coronor was actually McGruff the crime fighting dog in a former life as well. McGruff and I still have our battles to this day. (More on that later.) He was actually out to sabotage me.
He sent me to a mad scientist whom I believe to be Smoky the Bear in a former life but I can't confirm this. Well, the mad scientist gave me a shot as soon as I came in, which turnt me into one of the blasphemou superior monkeys. Yes folks...I admit it...I used to be a superior monkey. But there was hope.
One day a man discovered me and he beat me unmerciful. He said "You shall have genitals and legs again!!!" He made a concotion which gave me back my genitals but not my legs. I could think normally but I was still half monkey. I went on living my life and one day I fell in love.
After years we eventually gave in to our throbbing biological urges and did the nasty. I still don't know who this girl was but I believe it to be Brittney Spears (of course in a past life) because she was easy, she annoyed the hell out of me, she sung horribly and she was a major slut. She died soon after from uhhh...mysterious conditions.
Anyway, our child was born...a superior monkey. I had to get rid of him so I flushed him down the toilet. I figured even if he didn't die he doesn't have genitals so he can't procreate. I was wrong...
I learned from an unknown source (whom I believe to be...oh hell I dunno just insert your own name here) who told me that my demo spawn had laid eggs. Thus the superior monkeys ran rampant.
I died soon after when the superior monkeys came and ate me alive. I was reborn some 10 odd years later though...a human. I assumed by now that the superior monkeys were gone. It had been a while you know? They had to have died off. Once again...dead wrong.
I recently learned that FOmarls are indeed superior monkeys. Their new plan is to take over the world. We must unite now people and destroy them. I am personally responsible for the creation of these superior monkeys. I wanted to deny it for the longest time but now it's time to face my own demon spawn. Soon the day of reckoning begins. But I need help. There's only one man I could trust with this mission to help me rid the world of the monkey menace. That man is the vigilante hero with the helluva fast van...Mr. T. He would throw those monkeys so hard...it'd surely destroy them.
So people...I need you all to do one thing. Every Saturday night, drape your body in cheese and roll around on the ground chanting "Bob is a good name. I want some sausage." over and over. It will definetly help me and the T rid the world of the superior monkeys.
As the story continues...I bet you are wondering how exactly I was around back in the 60's when I am not quite that old. Well, this was in a different life time. I often awake in a cold sweat, from a dream of my brother, getting brain damage. My brother was actually the Beaver you see.
Continuing...back in that day I had devised a plan to steal all the peanutbutter I could from everywhere so that the world would suffer. I stole all the peanutbutter I could find. Then one day it started to spontaneously implode. There was peanutbutter everywhere. I tried to eat it all but I just couldn't. Soon our home exploded and little Beaver died drowning on peanutbutter.
When the coroner came to take little Beaver away he told me he knew of my quest to make the world suffer and he could help. This coronor was actually McGruff the crime fighting dog in a former life as well. McGruff and I still have our battles to this day. (More on that later.) He was actually out to sabotage me.
He sent me to a mad scientist whom I believe to be Smoky the Bear in a former life but I can't confirm this. Well, the mad scientist gave me a shot as soon as I came in, which turnt me into one of the blasphemou superior monkeys. Yes folks...I admit it...I used to be a superior monkey. But there was hope.
One day a man discovered me and he beat me unmerciful. He said "You shall have genitals and legs again!!!" He made a concotion which gave me back my genitals but not my legs. I could think normally but I was still half monkey. I went on living my life and one day I fell in love.
After years we eventually gave in to our throbbing biological urges and did the nasty. I still don't know who this girl was but I believe it to be Brittney Spears (of course in a past life) because she was easy, she annoyed the hell out of me, she sung horribly and she was a major slut. She died soon after from uhhh...mysterious conditions.
Anyway, our child was born...a superior monkey. I had to get rid of him so I flushed him down the toilet. I figured even if he didn't die he doesn't have genitals so he can't procreate. I was wrong...
I learned from an unknown source (whom I believe to be...oh hell I dunno just insert your own name here) who told me that my demo spawn had laid eggs. Thus the superior monkeys ran rampant.
I died soon after when the superior monkeys came and ate me alive. I was reborn some 10 odd years later though...a human. I assumed by now that the superior monkeys were gone. It had been a while you know? They had to have died off. Once again...dead wrong.
I recently learned that FOmarls are indeed superior monkeys. Their new plan is to take over the world. We must unite now people and destroy them. I am personally responsible for the creation of these superior monkeys. I wanted to deny it for the longest time but now it's time to face my own demon spawn. Soon the day of reckoning begins. But I need help. There's only one man I could trust with this mission to help me rid the world of the monkey menace. That man is the vigilante hero with the helluva fast van...Mr. T. He would throw those monkeys so hard...it'd surely destroy them.
So people...I need you all to do one thing. Every Saturday night, drape your body in cheese and roll around on the ground chanting "Bob is a good name. I want some sausage." over and over. It will definetly help me and the T rid the world of the superior monkeys.