Sord
Jan 22, 2004, 10:52 PM
Yeah my life sucks ass. I would say worse but the damn filter would block it out.
From sinse I was born they constantly fought. Now they don't have contact, but that comes later. I would have a sister, the only one in my family who would turn out normal. By the age of 3 or 4 my parents finally got a divorce, but still fought over the phones.
My father verbally and lightly physically abused me until I was 10 or 11, more on that later. As time passed I fell into constant depression, going to my friends house whenever possible for as long as possible, to get away from my dad, and I only had 3, and they were all brothers.
My dad maried another woman. She was nice, but favored my sister. She eventually got fed up with my dad and left. By now I was 7. That's when the bowl problems started. I constantly got constipated cause I didn't like the pain from BM's. At the age of 10 I had to be put to sleep and a vacuumed rammed up my ass cause I had so much shit in there.
Anyways, as I grew my dad was still doing his abusing with me, still fighting with my mom over phones. Only now I understood what it was all about. I continued to grow under worse conditions. My dad moved me in the basement so that his new wife's 2 young kids could have my room to share with my sister, and an older daughter who would get their room.
This was done after years of him asking to move me in the basement, a place where crickets and cockroaches lingered at night. He put me in a back section of it, then put supports for wall, only he never filled them up. They where like metal bars holding me in a prison, except for an empty spot where I could leave and exit, where a door was supposed to be. My new "room" also happened to have a gigantic freezer that hummed loudly. It was also next to the play room with the tv and toys, meaning I had to clean up the messes down their, mine or not, because it was "my room."
I started spending more time with my friends and trying to get with my mom. I remember one day when my dad came to pick me up from my mom's. They tried to get me to go with my dad, even grab me. They couldn't drag me though, I haden't done anything wrong. I punched one of them, but I was to young and it probably couldn't hurt him anyways. The cops got me outside, to which my dad quickly grabbed me and tried to shove me in the car.
I managed to keep the door open by pushing on it with my feet, using all my strength. The two cops just stood there watching. Doing nothing. My father finally gave in, and I stayed with my mom. I started going back to my dads a week later. I suffered more. A few days after my 10th or 11th birthday, my dad forced me to clean the basement, I was sick of his shit by now.
I refused, he washed my mouth out with soap and tried to cause me mental pain with verbal assaults, I held my ground. In the end it was time for the family dentist appointment. He dragged me up to the car, and I repeated what I did when the cops came to my mom's.
I got in the car eventually, and as it pulled out and drove away at about 5mph, I jumped out of the car, kept my balance and ran. I walked through another neighborhood for an hour, then called my mom from a walgreins. She said she would come and get me. At this time my momed had moved twice, 45 minutes away without traffic from my dad's house, she wouldn't get to me till about an hour and a half.
I went back to the house after about another halfhour. I went in, and found out my step-mom was home from lunch. We engaged in a verbal fight about my dad and my mom. I called her a bitch and told her to go to hell. At this point she tackled me on to the couch, trying to strangle me by the neck. I managed to grab her elbows after a struggle. She stoppeed and told me she had to go to work. For some damn reason I let go. She got up, stole all the phones, and managed to permanently crash the computer by hitting it with pillows. Thus I couldn't call or e-mail the police.
She left with the phones and I went to the bathroom, I quickly looked over my neck. A few scratches, one bleeding. My adrenaline was to high to feel pain. I went outside and got on my bike, riding a block to get to my friends house. When they saw me they all three gasped, asking wth had happened. I told them about the fight and everything through tears and tremors.
They called their mom, and she came home to look at me. She had an even more shocked face then my friends, then when I told her what happened she was even more shocked. She ask me if it hurt, I told her no, my adrenaline was to high to feel anything.
I asked her why I seemed so bad. She took me to the mirror and had me look at it from a diffrent angle. I had three extremely red marks going from the side of my back hair line, all the way to the back of my ear. That's a good few inches. I gasped when I saw it. I told her it was probably just nail polish.
She tried to clean it off, it didn't work. It turned out my veins had been peirced without the skin being peirced. I had bled inside my skin. The marks would be visible for another 2 months.
The cops came over, I filled out some witness form. My mom arrived and talked to me and the cops. My mom told the cops to take pictures, they didn't want to. She got them to anyways. They took a few pictures, then my mom looked me over. Turns out my step-mom had put a few holes in my head. Some pictures of those were taken.
My dad finally got back and after looking inside his own home (i didn't know this at the time). He drove up to my friends. He saw me outside with the cops. He got out of the car and asked me why I took the phones and why I crashed the computer, he didn't give a damn I had marks on my neck, even though he glanced at them.
I told him my step-mom had done it, and she had attacked me. He didn't believe me. Asshole. Eventually the cops left, I went home with my mom, and my sister stayed with my dad. I never set foot in my dad's house again.
The police station that got the pictures, they handed them over to DFS. They won't hand them over to us for court. DFS interviewed me, put a 100 meter something or another on me so my step-mom couldn't get closer than that. Supposedly if she ever touched her own kids, she would be thrown in jail. She did though, not as bad as me, she didn't leave any marks, no one did anything about it.
My mom finally won custody, and got my sister. Technically it's joint-joint, but neither of us see our dad any more, neither of us want to, and no one can make us because of our age. My horrible life still wouldn't end there.
My bowls got backed up, I got vacuumed. I fell in and out of homeschool. I fell in love with a girl online, got taken off by my parents. After that I fell into a depression, and wound up trying to kill myself. By then I was 12.
I went in the phyce ward and yadayada most of you know that already. Anyways I finally got out. Being about 12 I started to sneak looks at porno online for hours during the middle of the night or when my parents where away.
That's when I found out I have a fetich, one rarely seen. Turns out I like to watch girls pee, don't know why, just do. Just another of my damn genes, just like the one for my ear. My parents found out several times, and I still looked, couldn't get over my loss of my gf. Can't even find her now, damn chat community we were on went out of business.
Anyways, my life dragged on, I made no friends. I would be bullied, I would fight back, and usually take all the punishment, with the exception of two out of 6 times. I still kept my grades up, i'm smarter then nearly everyone my age, at this point, sense I was with my mom, I was now very far away from my three friends.
So what did I do? I immersed myself in countless books. Reading level is off the charts for my school, say it could be up in college somewhere.
Anyways, lifed dragged on some more, still have BM prroblems. My mom brought three other children into this world. One was an obssesive compulsive daughter, who now whines if her shirt isn't the right one (she's only 7 now) and two twin boys, who I later found out my mom had not had with my step-dad, but some other guy. My parents never really married for love, it was a beneficial relationship for the most part.
The two boys had asthma, so they were put on steroids. Biggest god damn mistake in their lives. Later on we find out they are bi-polar, to nearly the max, steroids make it worse. The medical people say it's a genetic defect, and the sad truth is they'll win if we go to court.
They are five now, ninety-punds each, about the hight of a small midget. Considering their appearance, a good portion of that size is mucsle.
Imagine having to hold them down, because they rage due to the fact they are bi-polar. I have to hear their screams and pleas. They sound like the're being tortured, but they aren't even being hurt.
I've held them down a few times. It's hard but it doesn't hurt them. And if you let them go, they'll throw whatever they can at you. They'll punch, kick, bite, whatever. They're strong enough to pick up a 24 inch tv, not a flat one, the bigger bulky ones.
They've done it, they can't throw it, but they can push it off the entertainment center and on to your foot. Nearly broke my mom's leg once. I hear their screams on average about 15 times a day now. Wether it's because they want to play a diffrent game on a gamecube or one had a toy the other wants. We have to pry them apart so they don't go at each other.
They're hard to deal with, I don't think they would hesitate to kill, thrown knives at me before. Course, they don't know what death is. Anyways, my life goes on I still have my BM probs and like to think of girls peeing.
I made two new friends last year. Life drags on. I see my old friends maybe twice a month now, sometimes not at all though. I'll sleep over at their house on a weekend. Life keeps draggin on, up till now.
I'm the most intelligent kid in my class, got two friends, each about fifteen minutes away by car, and the three brothers 45 minutes away without traffic. Still got damn BM probs, still like to watch girls pee.
My obbsesive compulsive sister is worse then ever, my little brothers are worse then ever (there twins by the way). I'm on meds myself for anger, depression, and sleep deprivation. My step-dad and mom are constantly fighting, my mom ran away again tonight, she'll be back though. If my mom and step-dad split, they'll have to get rid of the boys and my OC sister. Neither of them could handle any combination of them alone. So they stick together, yet fight.
My life sucks. I've been to about 7 councilers. Another thing about my brothers. I take a medicine called ceriquil (sp), 50 mg and it will knock me out in 15 minutes, that's what I take to go to sleep. It numbs my entire body.
Well, to tone my brothers down, we give them 100mg in the morning, 100mg at lunch, and another 100 at four, before giving them a final 400 to get them to go to sleep. They still fight it, they still rage stronger than ever. The doctor says 800mg of this stuff would knock out a normal full grown man for 2 days. And these are 5 years olds we're talking about.
My life is so screwed. The only reason I have for not sticking myself in a foster home or killing myself: I have 6 friends that mean the world to me, and I don't want to hurt them. I got the three that live far away, the two up where I am, and one person here who has already helped me some here at PSOW, though I won't tell you his name, he knows who he is.
So yeah, theres my god damn rant. All 2273 words of it. I know this information is enough for one of you out there to track me down if you had a supreme desire to do so. Though it wouldn't matter anyways. I don't care about myself right now, if anyone held me for ransom, we don't have any money. So even if someone kidnapped me, i'de be better off dead. The only thing I would ask of them is to make it quick.
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sord on 2004-01-22 20:57 ]</font>
From sinse I was born they constantly fought. Now they don't have contact, but that comes later. I would have a sister, the only one in my family who would turn out normal. By the age of 3 or 4 my parents finally got a divorce, but still fought over the phones.
My father verbally and lightly physically abused me until I was 10 or 11, more on that later. As time passed I fell into constant depression, going to my friends house whenever possible for as long as possible, to get away from my dad, and I only had 3, and they were all brothers.
My dad maried another woman. She was nice, but favored my sister. She eventually got fed up with my dad and left. By now I was 7. That's when the bowl problems started. I constantly got constipated cause I didn't like the pain from BM's. At the age of 10 I had to be put to sleep and a vacuumed rammed up my ass cause I had so much shit in there.
Anyways, as I grew my dad was still doing his abusing with me, still fighting with my mom over phones. Only now I understood what it was all about. I continued to grow under worse conditions. My dad moved me in the basement so that his new wife's 2 young kids could have my room to share with my sister, and an older daughter who would get their room.
This was done after years of him asking to move me in the basement, a place where crickets and cockroaches lingered at night. He put me in a back section of it, then put supports for wall, only he never filled them up. They where like metal bars holding me in a prison, except for an empty spot where I could leave and exit, where a door was supposed to be. My new "room" also happened to have a gigantic freezer that hummed loudly. It was also next to the play room with the tv and toys, meaning I had to clean up the messes down their, mine or not, because it was "my room."
I started spending more time with my friends and trying to get with my mom. I remember one day when my dad came to pick me up from my mom's. They tried to get me to go with my dad, even grab me. They couldn't drag me though, I haden't done anything wrong. I punched one of them, but I was to young and it probably couldn't hurt him anyways. The cops got me outside, to which my dad quickly grabbed me and tried to shove me in the car.
I managed to keep the door open by pushing on it with my feet, using all my strength. The two cops just stood there watching. Doing nothing. My father finally gave in, and I stayed with my mom. I started going back to my dads a week later. I suffered more. A few days after my 10th or 11th birthday, my dad forced me to clean the basement, I was sick of his shit by now.
I refused, he washed my mouth out with soap and tried to cause me mental pain with verbal assaults, I held my ground. In the end it was time for the family dentist appointment. He dragged me up to the car, and I repeated what I did when the cops came to my mom's.
I got in the car eventually, and as it pulled out and drove away at about 5mph, I jumped out of the car, kept my balance and ran. I walked through another neighborhood for an hour, then called my mom from a walgreins. She said she would come and get me. At this time my momed had moved twice, 45 minutes away without traffic from my dad's house, she wouldn't get to me till about an hour and a half.
I went back to the house after about another halfhour. I went in, and found out my step-mom was home from lunch. We engaged in a verbal fight about my dad and my mom. I called her a bitch and told her to go to hell. At this point she tackled me on to the couch, trying to strangle me by the neck. I managed to grab her elbows after a struggle. She stoppeed and told me she had to go to work. For some damn reason I let go. She got up, stole all the phones, and managed to permanently crash the computer by hitting it with pillows. Thus I couldn't call or e-mail the police.
She left with the phones and I went to the bathroom, I quickly looked over my neck. A few scratches, one bleeding. My adrenaline was to high to feel pain. I went outside and got on my bike, riding a block to get to my friends house. When they saw me they all three gasped, asking wth had happened. I told them about the fight and everything through tears and tremors.
They called their mom, and she came home to look at me. She had an even more shocked face then my friends, then when I told her what happened she was even more shocked. She ask me if it hurt, I told her no, my adrenaline was to high to feel anything.
I asked her why I seemed so bad. She took me to the mirror and had me look at it from a diffrent angle. I had three extremely red marks going from the side of my back hair line, all the way to the back of my ear. That's a good few inches. I gasped when I saw it. I told her it was probably just nail polish.
She tried to clean it off, it didn't work. It turned out my veins had been peirced without the skin being peirced. I had bled inside my skin. The marks would be visible for another 2 months.
The cops came over, I filled out some witness form. My mom arrived and talked to me and the cops. My mom told the cops to take pictures, they didn't want to. She got them to anyways. They took a few pictures, then my mom looked me over. Turns out my step-mom had put a few holes in my head. Some pictures of those were taken.
My dad finally got back and after looking inside his own home (i didn't know this at the time). He drove up to my friends. He saw me outside with the cops. He got out of the car and asked me why I took the phones and why I crashed the computer, he didn't give a damn I had marks on my neck, even though he glanced at them.
I told him my step-mom had done it, and she had attacked me. He didn't believe me. Asshole. Eventually the cops left, I went home with my mom, and my sister stayed with my dad. I never set foot in my dad's house again.
The police station that got the pictures, they handed them over to DFS. They won't hand them over to us for court. DFS interviewed me, put a 100 meter something or another on me so my step-mom couldn't get closer than that. Supposedly if she ever touched her own kids, she would be thrown in jail. She did though, not as bad as me, she didn't leave any marks, no one did anything about it.
My mom finally won custody, and got my sister. Technically it's joint-joint, but neither of us see our dad any more, neither of us want to, and no one can make us because of our age. My horrible life still wouldn't end there.
My bowls got backed up, I got vacuumed. I fell in and out of homeschool. I fell in love with a girl online, got taken off by my parents. After that I fell into a depression, and wound up trying to kill myself. By then I was 12.
I went in the phyce ward and yadayada most of you know that already. Anyways I finally got out. Being about 12 I started to sneak looks at porno online for hours during the middle of the night or when my parents where away.
That's when I found out I have a fetich, one rarely seen. Turns out I like to watch girls pee, don't know why, just do. Just another of my damn genes, just like the one for my ear. My parents found out several times, and I still looked, couldn't get over my loss of my gf. Can't even find her now, damn chat community we were on went out of business.
Anyways, my life dragged on, I made no friends. I would be bullied, I would fight back, and usually take all the punishment, with the exception of two out of 6 times. I still kept my grades up, i'm smarter then nearly everyone my age, at this point, sense I was with my mom, I was now very far away from my three friends.
So what did I do? I immersed myself in countless books. Reading level is off the charts for my school, say it could be up in college somewhere.
Anyways, lifed dragged on some more, still have BM prroblems. My mom brought three other children into this world. One was an obssesive compulsive daughter, who now whines if her shirt isn't the right one (she's only 7 now) and two twin boys, who I later found out my mom had not had with my step-dad, but some other guy. My parents never really married for love, it was a beneficial relationship for the most part.
The two boys had asthma, so they were put on steroids. Biggest god damn mistake in their lives. Later on we find out they are bi-polar, to nearly the max, steroids make it worse. The medical people say it's a genetic defect, and the sad truth is they'll win if we go to court.
They are five now, ninety-punds each, about the hight of a small midget. Considering their appearance, a good portion of that size is mucsle.
Imagine having to hold them down, because they rage due to the fact they are bi-polar. I have to hear their screams and pleas. They sound like the're being tortured, but they aren't even being hurt.
I've held them down a few times. It's hard but it doesn't hurt them. And if you let them go, they'll throw whatever they can at you. They'll punch, kick, bite, whatever. They're strong enough to pick up a 24 inch tv, not a flat one, the bigger bulky ones.
They've done it, they can't throw it, but they can push it off the entertainment center and on to your foot. Nearly broke my mom's leg once. I hear their screams on average about 15 times a day now. Wether it's because they want to play a diffrent game on a gamecube or one had a toy the other wants. We have to pry them apart so they don't go at each other.
They're hard to deal with, I don't think they would hesitate to kill, thrown knives at me before. Course, they don't know what death is. Anyways, my life goes on I still have my BM probs and like to think of girls peeing.
I made two new friends last year. Life drags on. I see my old friends maybe twice a month now, sometimes not at all though. I'll sleep over at their house on a weekend. Life keeps draggin on, up till now.
I'm the most intelligent kid in my class, got two friends, each about fifteen minutes away by car, and the three brothers 45 minutes away without traffic. Still got damn BM probs, still like to watch girls pee.
My obbsesive compulsive sister is worse then ever, my little brothers are worse then ever (there twins by the way). I'm on meds myself for anger, depression, and sleep deprivation. My step-dad and mom are constantly fighting, my mom ran away again tonight, she'll be back though. If my mom and step-dad split, they'll have to get rid of the boys and my OC sister. Neither of them could handle any combination of them alone. So they stick together, yet fight.
My life sucks. I've been to about 7 councilers. Another thing about my brothers. I take a medicine called ceriquil (sp), 50 mg and it will knock me out in 15 minutes, that's what I take to go to sleep. It numbs my entire body.
Well, to tone my brothers down, we give them 100mg in the morning, 100mg at lunch, and another 100 at four, before giving them a final 400 to get them to go to sleep. They still fight it, they still rage stronger than ever. The doctor says 800mg of this stuff would knock out a normal full grown man for 2 days. And these are 5 years olds we're talking about.
My life is so screwed. The only reason I have for not sticking myself in a foster home or killing myself: I have 6 friends that mean the world to me, and I don't want to hurt them. I got the three that live far away, the two up where I am, and one person here who has already helped me some here at PSOW, though I won't tell you his name, he knows who he is.
So yeah, theres my god damn rant. All 2273 words of it. I know this information is enough for one of you out there to track me down if you had a supreme desire to do so. Though it wouldn't matter anyways. I don't care about myself right now, if anyone held me for ransom, we don't have any money. So even if someone kidnapped me, i'de be better off dead. The only thing I would ask of them is to make it quick.
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sord on 2004-01-22 20:57 ]</font>