w00tness

[navci]

I had a horrible day so far. Hm.

Just wanna rant a bit.
Hm. My mom called around 8.30 this morning, first yelled about why I am still sleeping (even though I actually do get up at around 9). Then went on yelling about me being a lazy bastard (both because I am sleeping and lacking job at the moment), and repeated that many times. Then, went on about saying what a horrible daughter and sister I am being (my bro and I are still in an awkward situation), that I am a horrible, horrible person with horrible social skills and then how everyone else she knows... ..

er. Actually, writing about this makes me angry again. Maybe I shouldn't think too much about it.

....
I really did try to make up with my bro, really!
I know that maybe a talk isnt a good idea, but we do desperately need to talk, so... er. I sent him an e-mail ... that felt a little weird. But I am not sure how to go about doing this.

... *sigh*

How can I ever have any self-esteem?

[ABDUR101]

On 2004-02-18 15:20, navi wrote:
How can I ever have any self-esteem?


Stand up to your mother, and be brutal if you have to. I honestly don't know why you even stayed on the phone and listened to her tell you you're lazy and a horrible person.

Really, you're not going to get any self esteem if you don't stand up to them. The longer you keep mute about it, the more what they say is going to build up in your head and drag you down, as if you really are what they say. If you stand up to them once, and stay firm, you'll feel better just for standing up for yourself.

You don't HAVE to be totally ignorant and rude when you do, but you can be stern and blunt. Other than that, enjoy the cycle, because it's just going to keep repeating.

[navci]

At first that was what I do. I tell my mom I am not slacking off, first I got into a serious depression with a side dish of agoraphobia, then now I am trying hard but it isn't happening yet and everyone's patience is wearing thin on me. :/

Thing is, after three or four times of yelling back into the phone only to find her well, either ignore it and bring it up again the next time, or start crying on me (that one is horrible). After a while I become apathetic to what she is saying... then ya, but apparently it is creeping back into my consciousness again.

I know the best way for me is prolly to find a job and get away from these horrible people. :/ But then while I am still trying, before this job thing happen.... I am still... having nothing to fight back. I think they have the mindset of whoever is paying the money get the say on everything......

[ABDUR101]

Then you ignore them, and you roll with the punches until you can move out. Don't feed into their BS, it doesn't solve anything. If you've already tried standing up to them, and it had no effect, then just stay mute, and if they call and harass you on the phone, HANG UP. There's no law that says you have to listen to people bitch to you.

[BogusKun]

I couldn't be with my mother too long. She is just too concerned. I moved in my own place after I turned 16. But I understand not all people have the golden oppurtunities I have.

[navci]

On 2004-02-18 16:01, BogusKun wrote:
I couldn't be with my mother too long. She is just too concerned. I moved in my own place after I turned 16. But I understand not all people have the golden oppurtunities I have.



I left my family and come to this country at 18. I was pretty lucky, unfortunately. Being in a different country doesn't mean I was severing ties nor financially independent. My bro left them at 14 (and came to me)... in a way, I think both of us are pretty screwed up due to our circustances. Like, we want our freedom, but we have no idea how to break free and earn it.

Kinda crippled. I feel. :|
Hey! You got 1003 posts now!

[Sord]

stand firm...I honestly think that's the stupidest advice in the book. You stand up to a bully, he's not gonna get scared, he's going to beat the shit out of you (unless your me, that goes the other way around)

I'd say just roll with the punches as Abdur said. I know it's not the best thing to do, but you might want to put the situation on her shoulders, course if your conciously doing that, it might make you feel guilty. One thing I'm not getting though, do you live with your bro, or does your bro live with you.

Another thing, does your bro have a job? You can get one at fourteen, you just have to get permission from the school counciler, find someone to hire you, and have them sign a form you give to your counciler that gives it to some department and they send you your worker's permit. Even if he couldn't get a real job, he could always mow lawns. Tell your mother what he's not doing, and what very little he is doing, then compare that with how much your doing.

[navci]

On 2004-02-18 17:28, Sord wrote:
Another thing, does your bro have a job? You can get one at fourteen, you just have to get permission from the school counciler, find someone to hire you, and have them sign a form you give to your counciler that gives it to some department and they send you your worker's permit. Even if he couldn't get a real job, he could always mow lawns. Tell your mother what he's not doing, and what very little he is doing, then compare that with how much your doing.


We are both leeches of our mom. So. Technically, it doesn't matter. Bro is 19. He should have had a job long ago now given the failure that I am now (er, cuz I didn't take up a job when I was in school, mom deemed working part time while going to school inappropiate)... he isn't doing anything. Not going to school, not working. Mom is fully aware of that, and it is supposingly MY responsibility to make sure he does something. ... I am not sure how. And I am.. much older than he is, so naturally him without a job is okay, I without a job is a big thing. Even tho he isn't looking for one and I am looking my ass off to get one and just havn;t got one yet.

No. I wanna get away from these people. They affect me too much. I hate it that why is it my family that is giving me the most horrible things I have in life? It is with my family I feel most of the negative things, shouldn't they be loving and caring and supportive? I understand I am not the worst of the bunch and I shouldn't be complaining... but, to me this is very painful to bear also. ... I am on the verge of being in tears all day, I can't concentrate, I feel sick. I don't see how yelling at me with horrible things is going to make me able to find a job better. No one is going to hire a person if they look like a crashed pile of jello who can't bear to stand up to look you eye to eye because he/she doesn't feel he/she is worthy of anything to start with.

Yes. I realize none of this is helping. Er. I don't know how to deal with this yet. So. I am merely ranting here.

[ABDUR101]

So you're just not capable of taking the responsibility of your brother's actions(or lack thereof). Don't let that get you down, because I would'nt either.

To be honest, you need to move out of where you are currently living. Your brother doesn't work right? Who pays for the apartment? I suggest you see if a close friend will let you move in with them until you get on your feet.

Seriously, fuck your brother. He's nothing. If he's not attempting to get a job, and not giving anything to help the situation, don't even bother with him, and don't bother with what your parents say about it(if they can bitch and moan about how you aren't taking lead of the situation, then tell them to you refuse to take the responsibility and don't care because they aren't helping the situation by putting the blame on you. Thats just them copping out, with you as the scape goat.)

Aside from that, there is nothing else. Either you feed into the BS and drag yourself down with what everyone says(even though what they are saying, and their lack of action to better the situation is entirely for shit), or you ignore it, mush on and worry about yourself, first and foremost.

Seriously, there's nothing else. It's a stupid cycle that you WILL be stuck in if YOU don't take the initiative to get out of it. You're trying to get a job and all that, good, but your location SUCKS. Ask a friend for assistance.

[Sord]

On 2004-02-18 17:53, ABDUR101 wrote:
Aside from that, there is nothing else. Either you feed into the BS and drag yourself down with what everyone says(even though what they are saying, and their lack of action to better the situation is entirely for shit), or you ignore it, mush on and worry about yourself, first and foremost.

I'm not sure that would work, at least not until Navi gets a job. She said herself she's financially dependant on her parents, which means they could cut her money off, and even the greatest friend probably won't have enough money to support him/her plus Navi. Course if they can, then i guess Navi could do that.

[ABDUR101]

Navi feeding into the BS and letting it effect her or not has no bearing on whether her parents stop giving them money. Is that where the money for the apartment comes from then? If so, then crap, don't feed into the BS and enjoy the ride until you can get a job and move out. Really, the only issue then is feeding into the crap from family.

Crap is crap, you can feed into it and let it fuel depression and anger, or obviously, take it for what it is, crap.

[shinto_kuji]

Eh, maybe your mother doesn't realize just how hard it is to get a job nowadays in this country.

Like Abdur said, if she starts being a bitch, then hang up that phone. I know how you feel. Having someone from your own family tell you how bad of a person you are is just about one of the worst feelings in this world.

But at the same time, she's the source of the cash flow. If you have to, tune her out when she calls you up.

P.S. - tell your brother he's a bum.

[Myopathy]

She did say that she and her brother leeches off their mom. So it may not be a good idea to cut ties with her, especially since neither of them have a job.

The thing I'm wondering is, you said in another thread that you were Chinese, so I'm assuming you moved here from China. Is this correct? And if so, how in the world did you all get to emigrate from China when you were 18 and your brother when he was 14?

[navci]

On 2004-02-18 22:16, Ezellaur wrote:
The thing I'm wondering is, you said in another thread that you were Chinese, so I'm assuming you moved here from China. Is this correct? And if so, how in the world did you all get to emigrate from China when you were 18 and your brother when he was 14?


Actually, not from mainland China.
My bro came a bit later than me. And originally I came here as a student at 18. Er... your point? What does the age has to do with anything?

[Firocket1690]

On 2004-02-18 23:29, navi wrote:


On 2004-02-18 22:16, Ezellaur wrote:
The thing I'm wondering is, you said in another thread that you were Chinese, so I'm assuming you moved here from China. Is this correct? And if so, how in the world did you all get to emigrate from China when you were 18 and your brother when he was 14?


Actually, not from mainland China.
My bro came a bit later than me. And originally I came here as a student at 18. Er... your point? What does the age has to do with anything?


OOohhhh HK ?!!
* is in HK right now *
I think what Ezel meant was that most people don't move away from their parents at such an early age.
Espicially at 14 and 18 ....



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Firocket1690 on 2004-02-18 23:46 ]</font>

[Myopathy]

I was just wondering how you all were allowed to emigrate out of HK/Taiwan (don't know which one). I was only going off my knowledge of custom's policies in mainland China, which are generally very strict. I had never heard of anyone emigrating out of China at such a young age and in the case of your brother, a minor without a parent. Did you come as a graduate student?

[Amiadon]

Meh. If passive agression, like telling her to stop being a bitch etc. does not work, then go full out agression. Call her yourself, tell her your sick of her shit. Tell her one more of these bitching, degrading phone calls and you'll get another phone number. And tell her that your brother is now an adult, and he is sitting there leeching off you (perhaps your mother as well) and that you can't get a job to support both of you, especially when she keeps ringing up to inject spiteful comments into the mix. Tell her how you feel; Tell her everything.

I'm sure Navi, if you really try, you can get a job. You have ecxelent skills, and you've been to a university, one of the most prestigious in China i'v heard. I know for one I would rather live with a small cashflow and no annoying, spiteful and bitchy phone conversations than large cashflow with all of that.


Oh, and can't you ditch your brother? As I read, I can't remember him paying anything, rent, food etc.
Tell your mother dear that you won't continue your attitude with your brother if he continues, and that you'll ditch him.


Go Navi, and best of luck.

[navci]

On 2004-02-18 23:45, Ezellaur wrote:
I was just wondering how you all were allowed to emigrate out of HK/Taiwan (don't know which one). I was only going off my knowledge of custom's policies in mainland China, which are generally very strict. I had never heard of anyone emigrating out of China at such a young age and in the case of your brother, a minor without a parent. Did you come as a graduate student?



You are thinking of Mainland China and Taiwan. HK's immigration policy isn't all that strict, you can come and go. (er, that was when I left, so.. I dunno if anything has changed since then)

Yesh.

[Firocket1690]

On 2004-02-18 23:49, navi wrote:
You are thinking of Mainland China and Taiwan. HK's immigration policy isn't all that strict, you can come and go. (er, that was when I left, so.. I dunno if anything has changed since then)

Yesh.


Apparantly not.
Except for the temperature check (fever, SARS, etc)
There's one small form to fill out, and they just scan your HK ID card. (coding thingy)

Hell, with all the new technology, there's going to be HK SmartID thingy comming out soon.
Keeps a small electornical file into your physical ID card.
(no identity theft)
Oh, and this post is updated. I just came into HK two days ago. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[navci]

Hey thanks Firocket, I doubt I wanna go back in a while. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif (but I heard my grandmother is dying, I hope I don't have to go home for that... er, may sound cold-hearted, but navi doesn't like this grandmother very much)

... Anyway.
Thanks everyone for support and such, I guess?
I am trying my best to deal with what is dealt into my hands. Truthfully, I am trying very hard on job search, but it is one of those times you (me) that has worst of luck and .... I do need to build my backbone up a bit before I can give a good first impression on employers I suppose. I am trying here, it's just hard for me to fight this battle because .... well I don't hate my family ya know? I hate them, but I don't. ... er. So it is hard for me to truely stand up to them in a way. :/ Not sure that makes sense.

But. Today is almost over, and I am gonna try again tomorrow! (and hope mom doesn't call again in the morning, that'd be another good start for the day...)

[Firocket1690]

On 2004-02-18 23:59, navi wrote:
Hey thanks Firocket, I doubt I wanna go back in a while. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif (but I heard my grandmother is dying, I hope I don't have to go home for that... er, may sound cold-hearted, but navi doesn't like this grandmother very much)

Both grandfathers were dead before my birth.
One of my grandmothers have died last year, and mow, my grandma has a bitchy doctor who just screwed up her eye due to careless surgery .... http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_nono.gif



But. Today is almost over, and I am gonna try again tomorrow! (and hope mom doesn't call again in the morning, that'd be another good start for the day...)

Good luck !

...

You should get an answering machine to deceide weather or not to pick up. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

[Ness]

On 2004-02-18 15:20, navi wrote:
How can I ever have any self-esteem?



Like Abdur was saying, you have to stand up for yourself. So what if your mom starts crying? Tell her that she shouldn't have been attacking you over the phone in the first place. You are a grown woman and you don't need your parents still trying to control you.

Another way to prove that you are worth something is to succeed. Go out and get a job. Make it one that pays more than your brother's that will put more pressure on him and less pressure on you. Move out and get your own apaartment. Show them that you are better than they think you are.

Most important of all, don't let it get to you when they insult you. Their insults don't have to affect you self-esteem. I mean look at me. I probably have one of the highest self-esteems here, but I get made fun of as well. I just don't let it get to me.

[BogusKun]

On 2004-02-18 23:54, Firocket1690 wrote:


On 2004-02-18 23:49, navi wrote:
You are thinking of Mainland China and Taiwan. HK's immigration policy isn't all that strict, you can come and go. (er, that was when I left, so.. I dunno if anything has changed since then)

Yesh.


Apparantly not.
Except for the temperature check (fever, SARS, etc)
There's one small form to fill out, and they just scan your HK ID card. (coding thingy)

Hell, with all the new technology, there's going to be HK SmartID thingy comming out soon.
Keeps a small electornical file into your physical ID card.
(no identity theft)
Oh, and this post is updated. I just came into HK two days ago. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif




I have a SmartID. The old ID givin to children who were born in Japan (as well as most parts of Asia). In 11th grade I got it updated. Then after graduation I was given the title "American". Because my mother was born in US. And I wasn't.

(Curses mili-edit-tary families!!!, jk)

[navci]

This is a funny tadbit.

Bro told me mom said she will call everyday at 8.30 to make sure we wake up. I being myself naturally didn't have a good night of sleep and got up at 8. She never called!

I buy into this everytime.
But, well I don't doubt she has every intention to do this... I come to the conclusion: mom == control freak.

On today's list: are a couple of job hunting related activities... and, slowly formulating a plan to run away completely. w00t!

[Sord]

On 2004-02-19 09:39, navi wrote:
slowly formulating a plan to run away completely. w00t!

there's something to w00t about! Though last time i ran away and got back home...it wasn't pretty. But i doubt you have a pycho-bitch step-mom. Just get that job...what jobs are you trying to get? I mean, if you can't find real jobs, just mow a few lawns, shovel some snow (if there is any) or any other job given to young teenagers. A buck a yard ain't that bad. Course if your not in the suburbs, your bummin on that aspect.

[shinto_kuji]

Meh... I would really advise against running away. You need to be able to face your problems and, not trying to sound mean, but this isn't a very large one.

You need to get your brother to help out. When your mother sends you the money, then you get it and take charge. I guarantee your brother will want to go get a job when he doesn't have money for anything but food.

And, the advice some people are giving about just bitching back, will do nothing other than make the whole situation worse. You need to call your mom, and ask her to have a serious conversation with absolutely no yelling or screaming. Sounds corny, I know, but it can work.

Trust me, it is not a fun experience being alone, and that is all running away would get you. Not everyone is blessed enough to have a family so, in that respect you should be glad, no matter how screwed up they can be at times.

It's hard to not let someone else get you down, but that is all this boils down to. Don't let anybody bring you to the floor, even if it is your own mother.

And good luck on getting a job.

PS - Tell your brother he's a bum... again.

[navci]

Hm. Thanks! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

But this is the thing, as I have stated again and again. I have had serious talks with my mom, both on phone, in person and in letters. I asked her what I need is not bashing, is support. But the idea is completely alien to her. I mean, she said, I am supporting you (financially) what else are you asking for?

Alone sucks. But at this point I am pretty much alone really. And at least when I am really away from then I be alone and not have to stand bashing of my dignity as a person daily. ... YOu see, the reason I want to run away is that they are destroying my ability to think of myself as a worthy person. This happened all my life and this is the particular high times for that. I think what I need is to be able to stay away from them for a while, rebuild myself, and then come back when I am able to face them in a healthier way again.

I am not running away as of yet, this gotta take planning. ... And just so you know, most people my age would already be out of their mom's spiderweb (in the mental way) anyway, and I am just trying to do the same. .. er. I mean, I am not a teenager, running away actually isn't that big a deal.

[Skuda]

hey Navi, has your mother seen any of your art? I mean, come on! that stuff is gold! If your jobless, try getting in somewhere where you can put your talent to good use! that's what I'm doing! *chanting about video games*

[navci]

On 2004-02-20 11:06, Scott_Kuda wrote:
hey Navi, has your mother seen any of your art? I mean, come on! that stuff is gold! If your jobless, try getting in somewhere where you can put your talent to good use! that's what I'm doing! *chanting about video games*


This is the woman who denied me of art classes and trying to get into art schools. What do you think? :/

(oddly, she let my brother pursue art school and praise his work... cuz she thinks my bro is too stupid to go to uni so she let him be. Arts can't earn money, is her very words, so no arts http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif)

[Skuda]

*pulls out big mallet out from mallet space* yes, usually only girls have mallet space, but I'm not an ordinary guy! I'm somewhat sensative! Whack-a-Mom anyone?

But yah, Mothers can be quite hypocritical. I called my mother manipulative because she altered a deal we had, and she didn't talk to me for a month. good thing she's out of town and the house is mine!!!

[Scejntjynahl]

Heh, I hope you find a good job Navi, and get the hell out of that place and leave that dumb bro behind. I wish you the best of luck. Oh, and remember, mothers will always try to control their kids, no matter the age or profession. They believe it is their right since they birthed us, meh, to hell with that attitude. I say respect is "earned" not given because of title.