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View Full Version : My fanfic, chapter 1 (please read)


Cheech
04-17-2001, 09:21 PM
I dunno if its really long or not, oh well, I don't even think its written well.. Anywho, here it is..


"The ore should be right here," said a figure crowded down in the grass. The short, skinny human hunter got up; he looked down at his hip and snapped up the latch. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small octagonal machine. The machine had a grid made of many little squares which showed triangles (of people) and circles (of near by ores).
"Yep, the ore is here somewhere," he said to himself again. He then pocketed his tracker.
It was a beautiful day in the outskirts of the forest, and the man really didn't want to be looking for ores. He started to walk back to the transporter back to Pioneer 2 when he heard an ill-shattered scream. He jolted his head around towards the barrier that separated him between crazed monsters, and the nice, aired outskirts of the forest. It didn't take him a moment of hesitation to realize he had to do this.
[I] Yes! I can finally be the hero! I get to save someone and hopefully she's a beautiful girl and we can hook up and make babies! Ohhh?[I]
After he finally got out of his little dream trance, he started to run towards the barrier. As he ran he caught a glimpse of his Flowen's Sword (which was near the entrance of the barrier) that was protruding out of the ground. He thought it would be a handy spot to keep it as he looked for ores, but he didn't think of how tough it would be to get it out. As he was running, he bent over, grabbed the handle of the sword with out-stretched hands and in one sweeping motion, pulled with all his might. As he was doing that, he couldn't keep control of the mighty sword as it swung him around until he finally was in control of the glowing green to blue sword.
Then after he got control again he started to go through the different areas. The areas were all clear of monsters and thought that the shrill was just a scared young hunter as himself.
Just before he reached the last area of forest, he heard a faint "BEEP" noise. He wasn't too sure of what it is until he realized it was his tracker. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small device. He saw an orange circle glowing in the next area of forest.
"Huh? That's so weird. An ore in this last area? No way." He stated as he put away the tracker. As he turned the bend and entered the last area, he saw it like a sore thumb. A huge, shinny ore was just sitting in the grass.
[I]I can extract a TON of power from this![I]
As he started to walk towards the ore, he heard a howl, and quickly turned his head around to look behind him, and then he saw it, 4 big, savage wolves surrounded him. He quickly turned around and saw two huge wolves circling around him, not taking their eyes off his.
"Bye-bye doggies," he said as he made a fist and pulled it towards his heart.
[I] FREEZE! [I]
A brilliant blue blaze surrounded the man as he felt an ice chill. The surrounding animals all felt the chill, a little too well; two of the four mammals were frozen where they stood. He turned to the animals that were not frozen and quickly pulled his sword around striking both of them, then with a slight turn of his wrist, he pulled the sword back the way it came, then he jumped up, and swung the sword down, right through the two enemies, hitting them dead.
As he quickly turned around, the other two wolves were just thawed out. This time, he let go of the sword with one hand, and was holding it with one hand. It was heaving for the man, but he held it high and with his might. The man then used his body weight and swung it straight across the two animals. Then raising the sword over his left shoulder, and he stroke it down. He then pulled his arm and flipped his wrist, striking them across again. The mammals were dead.
He threw the sword down towards the ground; it stuck in pretty well. The man then bent over and picked up the ore, tossing it up in one hand.
"Uhhh?" said a faint voice in the same area.
The man froze, "Who's there?!"
"Please help me, I'm over here" the voice said again.
The man then turned around looking in the near by bushes. Then he saw it, a hand in the bushes. He rushed over to help out the limp body. He reached farther into the bushes until he felt a body. He pulled it up and to his surprise, he wasn't heavy at all. As he pulled him out of the bushes, he could tell he was a male newman force.
"You okay?" the man asked.
"Not really, I need to rest." He replied.
"Okay, one sec," he said back. He held his hand to his heart again and thought.
[I] HEAL! [I]
Green lights surrounded the man and the male force. Too the mans surprise, the force got up extremely fast.
"Ohhhh? Thank you! I owe you so much! Do you need anything? How can I help you? I have lots of money. What's your name? I'm ----"
"Calm down, I just helped you out a little bit. You talk too fast for me. My name's Cheech. What's yours?" Cheech said.
"I'm Zappyness! You can call me Zappy! I'm a Newman force hunter. I'm just down here to get some experience to be stronger, but these stupid wolves almost killed me! Mmmm!" He said as he stuck his tongue out at the bloody pile of left over wolves.
Zappyness was a short Fonewm in a gray costume with dark gray hair and face paint.
Zappyness looked at Cheech. He was wearing an orange and gray costume with orangish red spiky hair and semi-large blue eyes.
"Yes well, it's nice to meet you." Cheech said as he tossed the Ore. "Okay, well I gotta go, see you."
"Do you know how to use that? If you don't, I really want it, I actually need lots more power, I'm WAY too weak." Zappy said embarrassed.
"I've heard of people using them, but I'm not sure how to extract the power. All I know is that blue ores give you strength, the red ones give you spells and stronger mind power, and the yellow ones are some sort of guardian." Cheech said sternly and positive.
"Yep! That is correct! All you have to do is hold the bottom of the ore with one hand, put the other hand on top of your head, and hop on one foot in a circle." Zappy said calmly.
Cheech thought this was extremely weird, but he did what he was told. Trying to keep his balance, he hopped around in a circle.
Zappy immanently started to laugh.
"What's so funny?" Cheech asked puzzled.
"Haha, You're actually -- haha! Doing it!" Zappy said.
Cheech stopped.
"Yeah, uh huh, real funny. Can you tell I'm just cracking up?" Cheech said angrily.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, take a chill pill, it was just a joke." Zappy replied still grinning.
Cheech glared at Zappy.
"Eep! Sowwy."
"Okay, so really, how do you use this thing?" Cheech asked prodding it into Zappy's face.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Zappy said, look at the ore.
"Why? Whacha gonna do?
"Fine, your loss." Zappy then put his head on the ore, and put it near his head. A brilliant blue-green light exited the ore, and circled from head to toe around Zappy, disappearing over his head.
Cheech stared, blinking.
"Ho-- How'd you do that?!" Cheech asked wildly.
"Just hold it near your forehead." Zappy responded.
"Uh huh?" Cheech trailed off as he opened a portal to the city.
"Well, thanks for the tip?"
"Umm.. I'm not that great at battling, could I join you?" Zappy asked.
"Yeah, sure, whatever. Just don't ask about me, the past is the past, and I want to keep it that way." Cheech said with his back towards Zappy, walking into the portal.

Rubius-sama
04-17-2001, 10:30 PM
heh...lookin' good...i havent finish reading yet though...^^;...

http://tomeeboy.com/pso/images/phpbb/subject/icon32.gifhttp://tomeeboy.com/pso/images/phpbb/subject/icon32.gifhttp://tomeeboy.com/pso/images/phpbb/subject/icon32.gif

Danger_Girl
04-18-2001, 07:09 AM
Nice Cheech. I'll bump it for ya. Needs a few more readershttp://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/icon_smile.gif.

Omege12
04-18-2001, 08:06 AM
Good fic Cheech. http://www.pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/icon_wink.gif

IceBlink
04-18-2001, 08:23 AM
Very good. I like it. ^_^ A lot of it is set in italics for some odd reason, but apart from that, very nice. ^_^

Lmnopia
04-18-2001, 09:56 AM
nice... i liked it! keep up the good work!

Core
04-18-2001, 10:11 AM
hey Good Job!

Cheech
04-20-2001, 11:56 AM
Hehe, I finally found it again.. well thanks everyone, I'm just doing a secret bump...

The italics got messed up, nevermind them ._.;

merlin
04-20-2001, 12:39 PM
I liked it ...especially the name Zappy!!!