Fanfic: LA la LA Without say Goodbye...

[ADUCKI-Sempai]

Chapter 1

Under the shadows of the strange glowing tower, Rico stood covered in darkness. Looking at the strange figure before her, a pale slender man in a black cloak laced with glowing blue buttons. The man lifted up a weapon, it appeared to be a distorted sword that was mutating into a staff. The ancient column in the center of the spaceship shinned a light blue through the gloomy dome and Rico was exposed by it.

The man turned towards her and she glared at him and saw a familiar face. "Flowe..." She whispered but she interrupted her self, "LA la LA la laa... la la la la la...". The man looked at her menacingly smirking and then his face changed mutated into beast and continued to stare at Rico as voices circled her mind. "You came all this way to see me and yet I am not who you came to see. I am just a stain of his blood, he truly thought of you as his daughter, loved you as his own. He is telling me now, "No, not her". But soon he will see his goddess you and me where meant to be one." Rico fell to her knees and sobbed, "You're not Flowen... he is dying, your killing him." The voice appeared to her again, "Join me and see Flowen one last time you will live together in me." Rico slumped down even farther the tears still dripping off her face, "Flowen would want me to live...".

Flowen's full image appeared to her, "I want to see you. I want to see how your training went I want to see how my favorite pupil is doing. I want to be with you forever." Rico removed her glasses and finally wiped away her tears, "I want to see you but I will leave part of me here... take me then take all of me but my vow, I promise to protect all the survivors... I will not let this creature reach its maximum." Rico's body fell onto the cold floor and her body and the room around her began to change.

Rico saw herself changing and sang her final song, "Please tell me... how much we will have to bleed after lonely bitter days... I can still see the light, you're saved and I think of you tonight... soon dawn will come again. But what have I got? What was it cost me... why? Can I still see that light and find a new realm that can hold us... night, it will sure come again, but what have we got? What shall it cost us? Within me, outer space... LA la LA la laa... Wish for peace, wish for dreams, wish for love... you are gone without say goodbye?"

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ADUCKI-Sempai on 2004-03-27 10:55 ]</font>

[Garanz2]

http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif

I suggest reading KaFkA's handy dandy fic tutorial. Top of the page, stickied. You can't miss it.

[ADUCKI-Sempai]

Sorry I used to be able to write really well. My english class this year ruined it for me and Im tring to get back into shape.

The next chapter I feel is much worse. Most of what happens will be in Dark Falz. There is another story that will start in it probably in chapter 3 or 4. And yes I know my chapters horribly short and in bad detail.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ADUCKI-Sempai on 2004-03-25 08:28 ]</font>

[ADUCKI-Sempai]

Chapter 2
"I wouldn... I, no, not her... Rico..." Flowen stood in an endless void. His soul trapped in the power of the dark god as it feasted on his strength. "Ri... Rico..." Flowen fall to his knees to notice there was no floor below him just the never ending hole of Falz. "I cannot... help... I am powerless." Flowen said as he felt the touch of a soft hand on his shoulder.

"Flowen..." A loving face looked down on him. He got up and walked into the empty darkness way from the girl he thought of as his daughter. Rico run behind him but still could but keep up even though Flowen appeared to be moving slowly. "Flowen..." she stopped chasing as he slowly faded into nothingness. She watched him disappear and then turned away she looked at the world around her and tears fell from her eyes. She quickly removed her glasses and wiped away the crystal like drops.

Slowly Rico walked into the void in another direction and help her ring close to her body. "I lost... everything... IT has us... now Coral has no home. It is over there is no hope for this world. Coral and Ragol are slowly changing and it will soon become... impossible..." Rico felt a hand touch her shoulder and Flowen stood behind her, "I... cannot... awww... we both acted foolish..."

Flowen couldn't speak clearly, so Rico placed her hand over Flowen's mouth. "I know, I know." Flowen looked at her supprised and moved her hands away, "You learn quickly but you can never see quickly enough. We failed... is there even hope yet? I fear our friend Kyjen won't be enough. He is the same soul we share and will one day be absorbed by this..." Rico grasped Flowen in her arms and began to cry, "Its all over isn't it Flowen. The people will all die now... and Kyjen I will never see him." Flowen looked down at her tears and just smiled at her, "Can You See the Light?" Rico let go of him and stepped back then disappeared into the infinite darkness. Flowen watched her then he fell to the ground and disappeared into nothing again.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ADUCKI-Sempai on 2004-03-25 20:28 ]</font>

[KaFKa]

read my fanficcy guide, you'll thank yourself for doing it.

here, i'll even supply a link (http://www.pso-world.com/viewtopic.php?topic=71031&forum=12&24)

http://www.pso-world.com/viewtopic.php?topic=71031&forum=12&24

[ADUCKI-Sempai]

I did and it didn't help me at all.

If I can find and read my old Broken Sky fanfic I might gain a bit of my writing skills back.

EDIT: I just reread my old fanfic and Im feel inspired again. Maybe reading the whole rest of the real Broken Sky series will help me too.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ADUCKI-Sempai on 2004-03-25 12:39 ]</font>

[Solstis]

I think that they're trying to point out that whole 1 paragraph thing.

I find it frustrating to read something so... constricting? If you fix some simple things such as spacing issues, I'm sure the flow will be much better and easier to read. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[ADUCKI-Sempai]

Oh thats actually because of diffuculties do to it being saved on my schools computer. Stupid kind of file.

[Sagasu]

Right, which means, it should be fixed, instead of blaming it on a computer, you can always edit your post http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif

Not meaning to be harsh, but if you want to make it in the fan-fic world, bieng able to read something without getting lost and confused in the structure and body in your posts, comes first.

I've done the same thing as well, and was lucky enough to have people that would read my 'blob' of text. No offense meant http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

But it had to be said, hell I even seperate my posts from idea to idea so people can understand them better. I hope yours skills grow stronger, as you continue to listen to the vetrans (believe it or not http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif )

[ADUCKI-Sempai]

Chapter 3

Rico glided through the world of nothingness with no feeling in her. All that was around her was stark, chilled and dismal. Her body would floated there almost soulless, her body had no movement. Her head finally started to rage around, her mouth yelled out but no voice came out of it. Flowen was in the distances but could not get to Rico. The empty universe makes Flowen powerless at times it sometimes blocks his way. Flowen just watched her voided shout with no emotion in him just staring at the horrible sight. Rico suddenly stopped her silenced yelping, and went back into her completely soulless state. Flowen stamped foot behind him and turned his body away, his body once again faded into the inky nonexistence.

Rico's body however stayed drifting in the vacant space, she had given up on trying to be with Flowen in the desolation setting. She knew that being here with Flowen was not near the same as their old encounters. She remembered all she had learned in her battle training in the forests with Flowen and Kyjen. "Kyjen..." Rico murmured to herself with a ghostly echo. The name meant so much to her, it meant much more then Flowen did to her. Rico could not forget Kyjen, without him she herself has just an empty void like the area she was in now. Rico's soul became a gloomy vent when she thinks that Kyjen could be waiting for her as she knows that she would never be able to meet him in this emptiness. Rico mind started to blur as she remembered him...

Rico rushed through the forest with her Kaladbolg saber. She eyed around the trees and all of the her other surroundings very cautiously. Suddenly a green flash bolted above her from one tree to another tree, Rico noticed and quickly jumped forward landing on her back and swung her Kaladbolg behind her as the green light bounced towards it. Instantly after Rico began to swing the flickering light disappeared, and a staff weapon touched Rico's shoulder. "Your learning much more quickly then I did Rico." The owner of the weapon laughed and sat next to Rico. Rico smiled at him, "Mr. Heathcliff started training you when you were six winters old my dear Kyjen." Kyjen chuckled out for a few more moments and then stopped, "Yeah... my father always wanted his first born to be a great warrior. That is why he gave me to Master Flowen, you know. I always saw myself as a scientist though. I study everyday but with my training and all..." Rico grabbed Kyjen's hand, "You can do it. According to the governments papers, you are supposed to be a scientist right now." Kyjen gently slid his hand away from her, "Only because master Flowen can only officially have one understudy. Which according to the government is you."

Rico slowly stopped allowing her body to float in the immortal void. She curled herself into up to keep warm in the cold empty world. "Kyjen... I miss you." Rico began to peer around vacant dimension, looking for any sign of her master Flowen. After just staring into nothingness for a few short moments Rico made herself nothing again and became part of the world again.





<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ADUCKI-Sempai on 2004-03-26 00:12 ]</font>

[Sagasu]

Wow.. This is really cool! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

I haven't really thought what it would be like to be in falz's entity, and through your amazing descriptive work I can come close to imagining, ffeling the world that you are portraying. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif

There are still, the occasional blunders that even the most masterfull of us all make


The empty universe makes people powerless at times it blocks them.

This sentence seems odd, mainly because you tend to not seperate two aaction, or thoughts. This may cause some confusion to the new readers.

Also,if you copy paste your work from Microsoft works or word, all your ' and " become ?
So yeah, be carefull of that.

Overall this is really a compelling story. I look forward to the next chapter with much enthusiasm.

[ADUCKI-Sempai]

Yeah I noticed that. I tired to bring it to another board and copy it from there but it still ended up with the ?s I guess. (PS. I hate this Star Office program)

NEways, I will try to get more chapters up soon. Thanks for the complements btw.

[Sagasu]

You should problably edit your first post and mark the titile as a fan-fic..

To draw the seething crowds, ya know http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[ADUCKI-Sempai]

Okay.
Hurray the week end is coming so I will be able to get more done. Hizzah!



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ADUCKI-Sempai on 2004-03-26 17:09 ]</font>

[ADUCKI-Sempai]

*EDITED OUT*


Sorry about the triple post.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ADUCKI-Sempai on 2004-03-29 17:18 ]</font>

[ADUCKI-Sempai]

Chapter 4

"Grants! Use it!" Flowen shouted as loud as he could at his partner. Flowen was desperately tiring to defeat the large dying creature. The creature had a triple nailed claw on one hand and the other was a strange shield with a red symbol on it. The creature head had no face but still they could tell it twisting itself between life and death as if it death meant nothing to it. "But I cannot use..." Flowen's young partner fell to the floor. Flowen lifted his sword and swung the beast away from them, "Get up Kyjen! Use grants now". Kyjen, Flowen's partner, got up and put his hands out he focused all of his mind power into the cane half of his weapon. Then after he had finally stored all the power he needed he released all the power to the blade part of his weapons and the stream of light shot from it. Suddenly heavenly spears began to rip the strange creature open and the monster let out a screeching roar from it body. But the monster kept moving forward at Flowen. Flowen lifted his sword again and slammed it into the chest of the creature. The creature stopped and then swiftly sliced Flowen with its three claws and blood gushed out of the wound. "Flowen!" Kyjen yelled out at his master. "Kyjen... listen, pick up Rico? and get out of here now." Flowen said in a voice that showed a great amount of pain. "But you and the others..." Kyjen replied with sadness in his eyes. Flowen struck the creature again with his sword and a large amount of blood poured out of Flowen's shirt. Flowen looked at Kyjen, "They are dead already and I will be joining them soon. Kyjen, I thought for you like a son? please try and get along with Rico. You both and learn a great deal from each other." Kyjen lifted Rico and ran for the door they came in from, his eyes peered back at Flowen one last time and Flowen smiled one at him more time.

Flowen fell from nowhere onto nothing, for there was alone emptiness in the endless abyss. Flowen looked at his hand, "cliff... Flow...". He shook his head and remembered the fear and sadness he saw in Kyjen's eyes that day. Flowen wished that it he could of told Rico as well because she had doubts about it and that is why she had to join him. "I just wish I could of told them I lived through that, I wish Osto would have let me tell them I was alive. My only regret was making them wonder if I was dead or alive." Flowen looked at the blackness around him, the empty void of which he lived in and yet didn't live in. The whole world didn't make sense to him, how could he be in a place where there was nothing and he could be there and not be there but always actually be in the void. It didn't make any sense, nothing did, this world was an unexplainable place.

Suddenly Flowen was covered by a purple glow, and Flowen started to yell but the shout was an empty one with no sound. "They killed you, they messed with. I thought they were Olga's friends. But they betrayed Olga and you." Flowen grabbed his head as the voices spoke to him. "Dr. Osto must have had a good reason?" Flowen replied to the voice. "A good reason, stop lying to yourself. You know you have doubts. He made uncontrollable creatures and let them escape! Then he wanted to do the same to you! But this time he wanted to make it smarter! Why would he do that? He wanted to see the power! He didn't care about people, he wouldn't care if you destroyed the central dome as long as he got to see our power! He mixed you, me, and the D cells together and brought us here and you trust him." Flowen shook himself around violently and swaggered backwards, "... Olga... Flow...".

[Sagasu]

Pretty good http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_yes.gif

Theres still a few thing that need some work though. Basically repitition, like in the first two sentences, you said the word creature twice, making the normally meaningfull noun sound redundant -_-;;

Theres a few cases in other such places as well, but I'll leave those to you to look for http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

Overall quite nice, I enjoy reading this, and I would take further pleasure in reading more ^_^

[Skett]

The last chapter's paragraphs might be a little so big but otherwise this is a very nice story. Keep it up.

[ADUCKI-Sempai]

Well its hard to describe the place in hard detail when there is nothing there.

[Sagasu]

On 2004-03-30 07:14, ADUCKI-Sempai wrote:
Well its hard to describe the place in hard detail when there is nothing there.



Not quite true, you just have to think about it for a moment. I could go on for a while about nothingness, just because they're is so much to say about it http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif