Mixfortune
Mar 25, 2004, 04:36 PM
The European Union commissioners have announced that
agreement has been reached to adopt English as the
preferred language for European communications, rather
than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government
conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a five-year phased
plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for
short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.
Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will
this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less
letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year,
when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This
will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter!
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal
of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from
vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey
vunted in ze forst place....
agreement has been reached to adopt English as the
preferred language for European communications, rather
than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government
conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a five-year phased
plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for
short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.
Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will
this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less
letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year,
when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This
will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter!
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal
of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from
vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey
vunted in ze forst place....