Friggin' hicks.

[Uncle_bob]

http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif

As some of you don't not know and don't know, Uncle lives in Louisiana, which is a pretty hick infested state.

Well, onto the point. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif Uncle and family have a camp out in a middle of nowhere swamp place that we go to sometimes for the weekend. And seeing as how it's in the location it is, there's hicks a plenty! HYUK HYUK!

Now, for those of you that have had to deal with these folk, you'll understand this problem a bit more and how these people behave.

So, Uncle and his brother went down to the aforementioned camp earlier this week to do some work down there. And good lord, things have changed. The hicks (mind you, there is a fine line between hicks and cajuns) have moved into the abandoned camp next door, joy...

Here's a map of how things look.

H H H
RRRRR
BXBBB
H U

The H's are the hicks' living areas, the R is the road, and the U is Uncle and family's camp. The italic H is the camp the hicks recently moved into.
Also, the B's are the bayou and the X is a dirt bridge (which belongs to Uncle and family). Hopefully that makes sense, heh.

So! The dirt bridge of ours has a gate at the end that connects to the road, it has a lock on it to keep idiots out.

Well, "nature finds a way" eh? Uncle's dad just called a few minutes ago and informed Uncle that the hicks have busted through the gate now, yay.

These folk are drunk throughout most of the day and tend to be armed shotguns, broken beer bottles and bad B.O. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif Due to the drunkeness, they tend to be pretty violent and prone to physical attack.

So, in the event that Uncle is attacked by one of them, what should he do to protect himself and subdue aforementioned hick without breaking a law and getting himself castrated and thrown in jail for years? http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Uncle_bob on 2004-04-16 19:32 ]</font>

[ERS]

On 2004-04-16 19:30, Uncle_bob wrote:

These folk are drunk throughout most of the day and tend to be armed shotguns, broken beer bottles and bad B.O. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif Due to the drunkeness, they tend to be pretty violent and prone to physical attack.

So, in the event that Uncle is attacked by one of them, what should he do to protect himself and subdue aforementioned hick without breaking a law and getting himself castrated and thrown in jail for years? http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif


Break out the magnum and bust a good old fashoned cap in their asses.


Say it was in self defense.



Molotov cocktails might be another option. They supply the bottle, sounds like they might have a large supply of beer bottles. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

Of course, you will be charged of arson, but... Oh well, say they were drunk and had a gas leak.


Or maybe they will just strike oil and move to Beverly.
___________


http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif

Just hope they move, I guess.



http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif






<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ERS on 2004-04-16 19:40 ]</font>

[Uncle_bob]

On 2004-04-16 19:37, ERS wrote:
Or maybe they will just strike oil and move to Beverly.


Nah, the land we're on is just rented, some other rich folk own the land. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif

[Riu_000]

Make sure to destroy the evidence...

[Eihwaz]

If they try to hurt you, or even if they're just being damn loud and annoying, call the police.

In the meantime, hide their firearms/booze/porn and lock them in the outhouse with their own smelly exrement. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

[Uncle_bob]

Kinda hard to call the cops when you're trying to hide from rifle rounds and buckshot. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

[ERS]

Tell them you're ordering a pizza.

[Eihwaz]

Do you guys have any powertools with you?

If so, use them with extreme predjudice. Then, when the cops show up, say they were zombies that tried to eat your brain.

And blame violent movies.

[TheRedNeck]

Heck I dont believe we are so bad man but there are some of us that deserve to be shot so imma tell u an ancient redneck secret if they begin yelling at you just calmly say back to them "It is permisable to have an unexpressed thought" may not seem like much now but it will stump the he11 out of them and get 'em to shut up....hope this helps...and also don be scared they will lose all respect for u that they had before....yeah have fun-Virgo

[Pancake]

Cover Uncle's Ass! California has more hicks, and it's your property call the cops! Yeeee'HAW!

[_Ted_]

On 2004-04-16 20:50, Pancake wrote:
Cover Uncle's Ass! California has more hicks, and it's your property call the cops! Yeeee'HAW!



I highly doubt that there are more hicks in California than in Louisiana.

Uncle could call the cops, but they are more than likely also hicks..and would probably just join in. I would suggest something more subtle than a fire bomb or gun. Perhaps poisoning their moonshine or inviting them over for dinner and poisioning all of the food and drinks.

[Pancake]

With all these wal marts and illegal imagrents filling wal mart...Yes California is hicksvile

[_Ted_]

Neither of those things make people hicks!

Uncle! Get in here and describe a hick for Pancake!

[Pancake]

They are hicks though

[ABDUR101]

Call the police. Heh, cops also hicks and would most likely join in? Depends entirely on the area and all that, but I doubt most officers would start boozing it up and commiting crimes with the crowd.

In any case, the area really seems like crap with the people there, so obviously it's prolly smart to not go there anymore if you can't call the police and have them handle the situation.

[_Sinue_]

Lay tripwire claymores, dig Vietnameese tiger pits, and string piano wire up between the trees. Booby trap the hell out of the place. Then put up two signs.. one reading "Tresspass at your own Risk", and the other (much larger) one that has Calvin pissing on the word "Nascar" right beside it.

Whatever happens.. happens. Hey.. you have the no-tresspassing sign up. You gave them warning.. it's not your fault if they're illeterate.

[opaopajr]

hmm, just to way in i'd probably say either CA is tied with LA or has more hicks... because CA has a population of around 30~35 million people. and outside the urban coastline people are (swear to god) hicks. been to LA and many parts of the South and many parts of CA and i can adequately confirm that.

Remember! The Dust Bowl displaced 100s of 1000s of people in the hick central states to relocate to CA, especially the entirity of Bakersfield and most of the central valley.

but this really shouldn't be a pissing contest. either way whoever has more isn't a thing to be proud of.

my best advice is... *gulp*... befriend them. you'll be surprised, they aren't all that evil/bad. they're just people, just rather... um... uncultured people? heck, if you can get on their good side they might spot you some chaw, crack open a bud, and let you shoot some 'critters with a loaner shotgun. even though i, being from SF Bay Area, stick out like a sore thumb among them, i still find room to be polite and friendly. and surprisingly i've gotten along quite well.

and after a while when you explain that it IS your land (in a friendly, matter of fact manner) you'll find that they'll probably just say oops and won't do it again. though they may seem like overbearing chauvanists they really respect *private* property. once you are in good terms they would feel very bad making such a faux pas. just be cool about it and give them a chance to let them make amends and you'd be surprise how often they'd actually do so. most people in the world don't like being jerks, but get easily defensive, so a little charisma goes a long way.

and yes, my smile is my shield and weapon, i've fought and won more battles that way than any gun could have. sounds corny, but really, from experience, give it a shot.

ps: this'd be one of the times i wouldn't bust out the glitter... they have shotguns!!!

[_Ted_]

I think we may be mixing the words hicks and rednecks now.

[TheRedNeck]

Although im not proud to say it i come from a family of cops....and yes certain suspicions are correct. my granddaddy was chief of police in AR once and he let the officers do anything they wanted so yeah dont call the cops unless u want the hicks numbers redoubled im serious

[Murdercall]

yea but that must've been along time ago..

[Uncle_bob]

Well, Uncle and family (on his father's side of the family that is) are friends with the cops down there anyway. Hell, Uncle's great Uncle used to be the sherriff. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

Anyhow. Uncle and family will be going down to hicksville today. Granted that Uncle makes it back alive, he'll keep you updated on this situation. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

[Sef]

If and only if you don't come back, Can I have your possessions?

But seriously, Just don't tick 'em off anymore than they already are. Watch your step...and overall have a fun time. Bye Uncle!

[Allos]

Pay for the plane tickets and the rest of the DTPA will act as your body guards!

But anyway, first I'd call the cops. If that doesn't work get your dad to buy .45 or desert eagle. That'll keep the hicks away!

[TheRedNeck]

Man y'all dont know nothin' about protecting urselves what y'all need to do is sit up a anti aircraft turret in ur front yard and calibrate it so's it points head level on a hick then wut u got's ta do is set the motion sensing on so u don have ta set ther forever then switch it off by remote. then ya got dead hicks and dead animals to eat. ya see?

[Sef]

And where will Uncle get money for this idea?

[Blitzkommando]

I don't know... We had plenty of hick type persons in north Florida. Remember, that is also called west Louisiana and southern Alabama. Anywho, after moving to Ohio I just have to worry about the Amish people now. They make mighty fine furnature though. Very nice furnature. Clubs work nice, so does free beer laced with mineral oil or some other laxative. They won't bother you for a while after that.

[opaopajr]

****warning****
mineral oil is very dangerous, just to inform everyone out there. it *can* kill someone from injestion. it can also suffocate someone to death if even a mild bit is inhaled.

seems benign and smells like baby powder, but mineral oil is serious stuff. you can play with Ex-Lax (i can't believe what i'm saying...) but beware of playing with mineral oil.