A list of things I want to get across

[anwserman]

OK, I was thinking about this (and this wasn't brought on by a tragic event in my life thankfully), but honestly, some straight people need to GET OVER YOURSELF. IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD IF ANOTHER GUY/GIRL COMPLIMENTS YOU OR SAYS YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE. There is no need to get all homophobic on us, just say "I'm not interested." Surprisingly, most gay people will understand and comprehend what that means and will give up on you.

Secondly, DO NOT ASSUME THAT EVERY GAY GUY YOU KNOW THINKS OF GETTING A PIECE OF YOUR ASS. Could you be any more self-absorbed? (thank you 50 Cent for giving me this example.) Nope, just like some people who are in it just for sex (gigolos and hoes), the majority of us want nice, deep relationships, not to fuck any piece of meat that we might come across. So, you can stop holding your buttcheeks tight and relax... if I want to talk with you or hang out, and I know you're straight, its because I want to be friends and not sex buddies.

Third, WE'RE NOT CHILD PEDOPHILES. You can thank middle-aged white males who are married with children for that, statistally they're the most common child pedophile.

Four, IT ISN'T OUR CHOICE. I don't know how I grew up to like men, but hey it happened that way. Don't know why, but I'm that way and it shouldn't be held against me. I don't know how I'm pushing my beliefs on you (I'm not talking about gay marriage now, so DON'T BRING THAT UP IN THIS THREAD), but all I want is to find someone who loves me back as much as I love them.



Gah, just needed to get that off of my chest.
EDIT: Changed topic title.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: anwserman on 2004-04-25 19:09 ]</font>

[Outrider]

Yeah, I learned that the hard way back in the day when one of my friends came out to me... and it turned out he had a crush on me as well.

I'm not gonna lie... it was a little weird for my middle school self. But I got over it and we were friends again. Then again, I don't think he had a crush on me for very long.

I just think it's a case of drastically going outside of people's comfort zones and they just have no idea how to react. Honestly, some people up at my college haven't even met a gay person before. They were surprised I knew any.

[anwserman]

On 2004-04-25 19:29, Outrider wrote:
Then again, I don't think he had a crush on me for very long.


Well, judging from the pictures in the OT thread, you would probably be [puppy dog voice]so cute[/puppy dog voice].

Well, the two guys that I've told, that are my age, I did end up "liking" I guess per say. I think its more of an infactuation I guess, but I dunno. Am I over them? First person yes, second person I'm still working on getting over. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif

[Solstis]

On 2004-04-25 19:37, anwserman wrote:


On 2004-04-25 19:29, Outrider wrote:
Then again, I don't think he had a crush on me for very long.


Well, judging from the pictures in the OT thread, you would probably be [puppy dog voice]so cute[/puppy dog voice].

Well, the two guys that I've told, that are my age, I did end up "liking" I guess per say. I think its more of an infactuation I guess, but I dunno. Am I over them? First person yes, second person I'm still working on getting over. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif



The letter "m" suddenly comes to mind.

Yeah, a lot of people have that misconception that they're constantly being hit on by other guys/gals why? I dunno.

I've noticed that a lot of the more homophobic ones are a tad bit ugly (not to generalize... generalize is a funny word, lol)

That and puppy dogs don't talk.

But yeah, peeps need to get a hang on their egos! Ya ain't that hot to begin with!

*shakes his fist*

http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[_Ted_]

On 2004-04-25 23:42, Balthor_The_Defiled wrote:
Edited out.



One warning wasn't enough for you?



I don't think I know anyone who is gay in real life.....so I can't really relate much to this thread......





<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: _Ted_ on 2004-04-26 15:23 ]</font>

[Balthor]

You left out the in my smiley.

Meanie.


One warning wasn't enough for you?


Heh. I have many more than 1 comrade. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Balthor_The_Defiled on 2004-04-25 23:51 ]</font>

[_Ted_]

On 2004-04-25 23:48, Balthor_The_Defiled wrote:
You left out the in my smiley.

Meanie.


One warning wasn't enough for you?


Heh. I have many more than 1 comrade. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif




Oddly enought the quote button just didn't copy the /. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_confused.gif

I meant in the past few days (about the warning)....

[Deathscythealpha]

Its quite sad that in the real world alot of men do think alot of the above is true. I hate it when people seem to go off like that (one of the guys in my flat was shown interest from a gay guy and it was almost the end of the world, way to overreact!).

Its also sad that alot of kids in school seem to think this way and that all gay people are bad. Pff, im not gay and i dont care if theres a gay person about, there just people, i wont automatically pick up a disease or anything from being in the same airspace as them. Ive had to point this out to my cousin at one point (he was 12 at the time) and he began to take on the same attitude as me thankfully.

[Ness]

Balthor, if you don't want to get banned I'd invest some time in editing that post.

As for you, Anwserman, that was a great rant, but I have one more thing to add to the list:

Just because you stick up for gays or gay rights doesn't mean you are gay.

[KodiaX987]

On 2004-04-26 03:55, Ness wrote:
Balthor, if you don't want to get banned I'd invest some time in editing that post.



Bah, this time it's obvious he was pullin' off a joke.

[navci]

Point. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

Guys just think if anyone talk to them even they are so interested in them and eventually would like to have sex. They do this to girls, which makes their ego feel good, and they do this to homosexual man, which scares them and hence the overreaction.

Yes.
And Ness also has a point.

[Outrider]

On 2004-04-26 11:52, navi wrote:
Guys just think if anyone talk to them even they are so interested in them and eventually would like to have sex.



Navi knows us very well.

[HUnewearl_Meira]

On 2004-04-26 02:51, Deathscythealpha wrote:
Its quite sad that in the real world alot of men do think alot of the above is true. I hate it when people seem to go off like that.


Now see, the reason why we have such popular misconceptions about gay people is twofold--

It begins with the fact that the vast majority of the population is not gay, and those that are gay tend to gather together for obvious reasons (large cities are likely to have larger numbers of gay residents-- the Los Angeles area and San Fransisco in particular, have VERY large communities of homosexuals). In fact, last I knew, only 2% of the United States' population is homosexual.

This results in two things that when combined, cause a lot of negative stereotyping--

1. Most people in the United States do not personally know any homosexuals.

2. Generally when a homosexual appears in the news or otherwise attracts wide-spread attention, the individual in question is usually one of the strange variety that just can't seem to live an otherwise normal life, and must therefore go out and do strange things like dance naked in the streets, wearing only a rainbow-colored bandana on his shaven head, or possibly beat and rape a guy, as seen in Pulp Fiction.

So, in short, it just comes down to the fact that most people just aren't aware that normal homosexuals generally differ from heterosexuals only in the fact that they're romantically attracted to people of the same sex.

And Answerman, it may've not been your concious decision to be homosexual, but if you're not happy with being homosexual, then you can make it your concious decision to be heterosexual. I'm not going to tell you that you SHOULD be heterosexual, and I'm not going to tell you that you're morally obligated to be heterosexual, but everyone would do well to recognize that it's extremely rare for someone to be hardwired to prefer one sex over the other. Those that ARE hardwired to prefer the same sex tend to grow extra bodily features where there shouldn't be-- like boobs and facial hair. It's furthermore not a genetic thing, because that's the sort of genetic feature that would terminate itself rather quickly.

[Kizaragu]

When I first started my current job, apparently a guy who worked there thought I was cute and asked one of my female freinds (She worked there too) if I would be interested in him at all.
My friend told him I was straight but failed to tell me about said event for ages (well until he left) as she thought I'd go all weird about it!?
I was annoyed about her thinking that about me. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif

Just because I'm straight, it doesn't mean I'd be put off my another guy fancying me. I was kind of chuffed actually.
At least I'm attractive to one gender of sex at least! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif

I don't think it's really on topic, but pffffft.

[Scejntjynahl]

A compliment is a compliment and genderless. Harrassing on the other hand shouldnt be practiced by anyone, no matter what.

[Balthor]

On 2004-04-26 05:08, KodiaX987 wrote:


On 2004-04-26 03:55, Ness wrote:
Balthor, if you don't want to get banned I'd invest some time in editing that post.



Bah, this time it's obvious he was pullin' off a joke.



Yeah but is there such thing as a joke around here anymore?

[Arislan]

Sure, that's what FKL is for. And acerbic comments are perfectly welcome, just don't flame someone, and don't use certain words. Not too hard, just means you have to cut your vocabulary down by a couple dozen words.

[Liquid_Bacon]

Jeff, thanks for posting this. Every day when I see the way some people treat homosexuals I want to tell them off. Of course, when this happens, they accuse me of being homosexual too. I'm not, but I just don't understand why the word has such a negative association these days.

[Solstis]

On 2004-04-26 13:13, HUnewearl_Meira wrote:


On 2004-04-26 02:51, Deathscythealpha wrote:
Its quite sad that in the real world alot of men do think alot of the above is true. I hate it when people seem to go off like that.


And Answerman, it may've not been your concious decision to be homosexual, but if you're not happy with being homosexual, then you can make it your concious decision to be heterosexual. I'm not going to tell you that you SHOULD be heterosexual, and I'm not going to tell you that you're morally obligated to be heterosexual, but everyone would do well to recognize that it's extremely rare for someone to be hardwired to prefer one sex over the other. Those that ARE hardwired to prefer the same sex tend to grow extra bodily features where there shouldn't be-- like boobs and facial hair. It's furthermore not a genetic thing, because that's the sort of genetic feature that would terminate itself rather quickly.



This is one of those "but" situations. I agree with what you're saying but...

Your statement is somewhat like saying that malta is an acquired taste (I HATE malta). Now, along those lines, after years of intense self-therapy and tribulations, I could force myself into accepting malta as a beverage and not brown poison.

Of course, I would need years of therapy afterwards to soothe my wracked mind.

In other, and probably more sensible words, changing sexual orientation isn't like waking up, snapping your fingers and saying "Hey, I wanna like X now!"

It may not be genetic, but has something to do with the hardwiring in your brain. Possibly, a minority might be able to flip off and on like a switch, but they could be consider "bi."

Ugh... I ate too much crappy pizza....

[DurakkenX]

"We're all gay. The question is, to what extent?"

Personally I am not and do not consider myself homosexual, but I have experienced some very gay moments and I have been chased by two gay men...boyfriends at that. I say whatever happens happens though. If one night I find myself falling for a guy I'm not gonna pull my emotions back simply cuz it's a guy and you don't know whether you like something till you try it. The thing that most men fear is that they WILL like it.

There is however a misconception amongst older people about younger people. We use the word gay, and it is a derogatory term originally against homosexuals. But for most of the younger generation it has nothing to do with homosexuals at all.

The other day I was jokeing and i made a comment in my stupidity of speaking that i think should be the creed of homosexuals...
"I am secure in my homosexuality, because it's gay"

[Sord]

On 2004-04-26 17:05, DurakkenX wrote:
There is however a misconception amongst older people about younger people. We use the word gay, and it is a derogatory term originally against homosexuals. But for most of the younger generation it has nothing to do with homosexuals at all.

yes typically it means one of the following:
jackass
bastard
bitch
mother fucker
idiotic/stupid beyond belief
hated
pathetic

[Arislan]

The problem is though, that the word used in such a context is still linked to the concept of homosexuality, as opposed to the word bitch or jackass, which almost never is associated with it's old term. It could just be a matter of time before the conception of this term comes to mean the same as the above stated, but at the moment, it's not there yet, and is given with the connotation that gay (homosexuality) is bad/weird, so therefore the conecpt being described is the same.

As for the original topic, I've run into being complimented a few times by gay friends... I'm pretty secure in my sexuality (I definitely know I prefer women by far, but like Durakken, if it happens, it happens).

I've got a bit of a self esteem problem, I really don't think I'm that attractive (likely am around average, but think lower of myself emotionally), so I really don't feel offended or come onto when someone compliments me. Generally, when that happens, the person has to confirm it a few times to get it through my thick skull that it was actually a compliment and not said just to say it, but after that, it's just a nice feeling, regardless of sex.

People in general seem to not quite have accepted the fact that the gay lifestyle is here to stay (c'mon people, it's been done and documented since the Greeks, get used to it already), and can't consider that they themselves, may fall into that lifestyle. By this, I don't mean that the complimented person is gay themselves, but they don't see that they may have ties to the lifestyle and just take things as they come. Basic human insecurity type thing.

[Sord]

On 2004-04-26 17:19, Arislan wrote:
People in general seem to not quite have accepted the fact that the gay lifestyle is here to stay (c'mon people, it's been done and documented since the Greeks, get used to it already), and can't consider that they themselves, may fall into that lifestyle.

hear these words and be forever changed, unless you already figured this out

[LollipopLolita]

goodness, why does this always turn into such a big thing. seems like this is a recurring topic. it's either this or religion or bush. or if ep 3 sucks or not.

anyhow, Balthor, you're treading on dangerous waters. don't attempt to test us anymore. we have limited patience. the higher your warning count, the lower our patience level.

[Solstis]

On 2004-04-26 17:39, LollipopLolita wrote:
goodness, why does this always turn into such a big thing. seems like this is a recurring topic. it's either this or religion or bush. or if ep 3 sucks or not.


Because these are the things that daily shape our lives.

That and gas prices. Man, 1.97 for premium...

Bush, religion, and sexuality are in our faces 24/7, not so sure about Episode 3.

But yeah, we're starting to sound like broken records.

[Arislan]

And yet, strangely enough, it's still something interesting to discuss, despite having had the discussion several times before...

1.97 for Premium? that's our Regular prices. Oh wait, that's off topic.

[Ness]

Okay, everybody, shut the fuck up and don't let your personal agendas get in the way of staying on-topic.

I have one more thing to add to the list:

Some people are not sure of their sexaulity so they act overly homophobic to make reassure themselves of their straightness.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Ness on 2004-04-27 03:44 ]</font>

[Arislan]

On topic, you mean, Ness. ^_^

Strangely enough, I've seen the opposite too. Kind of like how people go out of their way to try and act nice to black people (no offense meant, but I'm not politically correct), I've seen people overact and try to be as nice as possible to gay people when they find out, like the gay person is going to feel hurt or something if that other person doesn't react with a stupendous amount of acceptance.

[Solstis]

On 2004-04-26 18:33, Arislan wrote:
On topic, you mean, Ness. ^_^

Strangely enough, I've seen the opposite too. Kind of like how people go out of their way to try and act nice to black people (no offense meant, but I'm not politically correct), I've seen people overact and try to be as nice as possible to gay people when they find out, like the gay person is going to feel hurt or something if that other person doesn't react with a stupendous amount of acceptance.



*Ignores Ness*

Yeah, I've seen that too Arlisan. It kinda all ties in with the "touchy" subject.

Sometimes, too much acceptance gets sorta overbearing.

Like saying "Oh, you're so nice for a/an X person"

[Hrith]

On 2004-04-26 18:33, Arislan wrote:
On topic, you mean, Ness. ^_^

Strangely enough, I've seen the opposite too. Kind of like how people go out of their way to try and act nice to black people (no offense meant, but I'm not politically correct), I've seen people overact and try to be as nice as possible to gay people when they find out, like the gay person is going to feel hurt or something if that other person doesn't react with a stupendous amount of acceptance.


it's better, but it comes from the same issue, gay people just want to be treated like anybody else, because one way or another, it shows that you make a difference between you and the gay person, while that difference remains to be proven.

Just to let anwserman know, I created a topic at my site about that issue "would you consider a compliment from a person of the same sex the same as a compliment from a person of the opposite sex?"
as I assume you don't read French, I'll let you know the answers.

I created this topic because it was so obvious to me that, like Furankunichan said, compliments have no gender, maybe it comes from my background, or my friends... =

[anwserman]

On 2004-04-26 15:35, Liquid_Bacon wrote:
Jeff, thanks for posting this. Every day when I see the way some people treat homosexuals I want to tell them off. Of course, when this happens, they accuse me of being homosexual too. I'm not, but I just don't understand why the word has such a negative association these days.



Thats the reason why you're my favorite Canadian. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

Oh, HUnewearl_Meira, I'm quite accepting of myself.... but the thing is, people might think I have issues with my "sexuality" because I bring it up so often isn't because I have a lot of problems - its because I'm dreadfully honest and that I like to talk about whatever is on my mind. Honestly, if I have something to say for a long time and I don't have the opportunity to say it (not regular general conversation, but like, um, trying to tell something to someone for a long time) I get pissed. Really, really pissed. Hell yeah.

But, its not even about that anymore. It fucking sucks seeing a gay-pride parade and see fat, hairy old men in bondage parading around humping each other? Am I for that? Not really. Hell, my friend Kelli has shown a hell of a lot more interst in going to a gay-pride parade then me. So much more then me that I even had to bold-face it. Honestly, I really don't have much of a desire to go to one. And my friends? This sounds horrible and that I should make friends due to personality and not sexual orientation, but I'd rather have a majority of straight friends then gay ones... because, I don't ever want to become a campy gay guy. Or a fat hairy one with leather. (Thankfully i'm working on the fat and the leather part... hehehe).

But honestly, it boils down to the fact that if you're so insecure about yourself to where you assume that anyone, regardless of who they are (black, white, gay, etc.) has alterior-motives, then you sincerely have issues.

[LollipopLolita]

what kind of weird gay parade do you have? sounds more like a daddies bondage parade. our parades are more fun.

and hey just because you're gay or bisexual does not mean you have to sit and talk about it all day long. some people are comfortable with it and feel no need to overexert themselves.


because, I don't ever want to become a campy gay guy. Or a fat hairy one with leather.

i know lots of campy straight guys too. and campy straight woman. camp has no direct correlation with being gay.

it's odd but you sound like you're stereotyping gays. i know a lot of gay guys who don't fall into those category and are perfectly attractive, normal functioning people depsite having gay or straight friends. but being gay and having gay friends do provide with a support network, comaraderie and understanding. plus you get great tips like tips on how to come out successfully, the great bars, the meeting spots, the culture, etc.

honestly, sometimes it sounds like you're overthinking your relationships and sexuality? sometimes it sounds like self induced stigma. i mean no offense by this. but i prefer to be honest instead of babying people.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: LollipopLolita on 2004-04-26 23:43 ]</font>

[anwserman]

Hehe, I hate you to pieces lollipop.
I do admit that I have a stigma against myself... I basically don't want to become the things that I always see on the media and TV - the campy gay guy or the "gay uncle" in our family, due to the connotations both have (at least to me.)

Though, I never thought that sexual orientation does not affect your campyness, but the thing about it is... the campy gay guy is the stereotype mostly portrayed in the media (and thus I never see any, um, uncampy ones) in real life... hell, I don't even know a gay guy myself.

Eh, blame me for not wanting to become the stereotype. I wanna think outside the box. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[LollipopLolita]

yeah but you're talking about the media. please, come on, you're going to trust the media that shows the swan and bachelor shows? come on, you know better than that. i have many gay friends in the gay LGBT community and none of them are like the stereotypes. know why? because what the media potrays ain't fucking real! you're stereotyping your own kind for god's sake. and if you're believing in those damn stereotypes, then you're not thinking outside the box are you?

some of your problems are self induced. it's gonna remain a problem if you let it be a problem. now if you stop overthinking and picking everything to pieces, you'll have a lot more peace. lots of gay people realize this and don't struggle with issues. sorry for putting it like this but hey the truth is the truth yea?

[Aular]

some of your problems are self induced. it's gonna remain a problem if you let it be a problem. now if you stop overthinking and picking everything to pieces, you'll have a lot more peace. lots of gay people realize this and don't struggle with issues. sorry for putting it like this but hey the truth is the truth yea?


All of everyone's problems are ultimately self-induced. You choose whether or not something bugs you. Some people can control their reactions better than others. Some people struggle with that control more than others.

And you're right, Lollipop -- being queer (gay/bi/trans/les etc) doesn't mean you have to fit into anyone's categories. If you really think about it, there aren't real categories. "I'm gay, but I still think women are pretty." Okay. Does that make you bi? "But I'd never be in a relationship with a woman." Okay. Does that make you gay? "I'm preppy/gym going, but I was doing that years before I came out." Does that make you a gym-bunny type?

We like labels so that we understand things. But, the interesting and funny thing is -- no one ever completely fits the bill. "I'm X, but not the A, B or C qualities of X..." It fits lots of stereotyping "I'm a woman, but I don't want kids or to be a stay-at-home wife..." Tells us a bit about what our underlying definitions of words and roles are.

But, I suppose this is a bit of a digression. The best advice I can give you, Answer, is to focus on being who you are because you like whatever you like, and not worry so much about what stereotypes you are or are not filling. If you like opera -- go for it. If you enjoy campy movies -- watch them. If you look good in a leather jacket -- wear it. People aren't as one or two dimensional as most stereotypes believe. The Leather daddy make like monster-truck rallies. People are far more complex than the boxes and labels we create.

Aular

[Armok]

I personally find the straight/gay line becomes more blurred as you get older. Alot of ppl have experimented with both sides. Just because you don't fancy someone doesnt mean that you can't mess about with them.

Most blokes couldnt give a shit what the girl they pull in a club looks like as long as she'll have sex with them. they don't give a fuck about even fancying her (she could be built like a bus with facial hair for all they care). Now if you where to suggest to the same guy, that they have sex with a guy (they dont fancy but is really johny depp type good looking) which would be an organism they'd get just like having sex with the woman, they would jump 3 feet.

Its all shit really I pity these homophodic losers.

[Hrith]

okay this topic has evolved since then, but if you are interested, at CG on over 20 different people that replied, only 1 proved reluctant to compliments from a person of the same sex, and with his post, also proved hi homophobia.

All others said they did not mind, the 6 females of the lot immediately agreed with me.

Most of them all are over 20 years-old, but some are 15-18.

There, I really have nothing to add, I never was aware of that problem until I read your rant, and it seems to be due to my friends and family, etc. who share the same views on such issues.

Like Armok says : "I pity the homophobic losers" who cannot take a compliment for what it is, especially since most of them surely don't get compliments everyday >_>