LollipopLolita
Apr 29, 2004, 05:34 PM
If you ever want to know what it is like to literally dry-heave out of your ass on a thursday morning, here is what you do:
Step 1: Start wednesday off in the morning right with a giant bowl of raisin bran to build up all the fiber you can possibly squeeze into your system.
Step 2: Break down said fiber with 2 slices of last night's re-heated pepperoni, sausage, and extra grease pizza for lunch.
Step 3: Begin drinking Bud Lights at 7pm from the kegerator you happily installed in your kitchen for nights like these.
Step 4: Move on to $1 cups of Pabst Blue Ribbon at the bar, used to wash down a ham and cheese melt accompanied by a barley soup with 6 strange meatballs topped with a pound of salt.
Step 5: Drink PBR until you cannot feel anything, smoke a thousand cigarettes in the cold while talking to some chubb about how much you loved living wherever she was from, and how great Boston is, blah blah. Try not to stare directly at her chest until she catches on to your little drunk routine and politely refuses to talk to you anymore.
Step 6: Stumble into some random apartment after the bar closes to find some dude who needs a ride home and then give some girl a hug that looks like a girl from high school...but WAIT, it IS a girl from high school...WTF is going on here?
Step 7: While in the car with the girl's current boyfriend's best friend, talk about how you played with her boobs in 9th grade, and she would never forget how good you were at it.
Step 8: Get home wasted and, by some act of God, remember to set your alarm.
Step 9: Wake up to what sounds like a fire alarm and take a cold shower, not because you need a cold shower, but because your roommates have a certain affinity for the shower and find the need to sing at least 3 songs before getting out, despite the number of times they rub your bar of soap over their grundular area.
Step 10: Go to work and immediately immerse yourself in two cups of Starbucks' patented Hazlenut sugar and cream liquid Drano.
Step 11: Feel great for approximately 10 seconds, until you can't sit still because of the Civil War that is happening throughout your body.
Step 12: Engage in a dead sprint to the nearest public bathroom and sit on the toilet, hoping that the stain on the top right corner of the seat is not something that will cause strange problems in the future.
Step 13: Proceed to puke from your ass, swearing to everything holy that this will not happen again next week, while always knowing that you have been here before, and probably will be here again in this same spot next thursday, like the true Mid-Week warrior that you are.
See you next week, same time, same position atop the throne.
Step 1: Start wednesday off in the morning right with a giant bowl of raisin bran to build up all the fiber you can possibly squeeze into your system.
Step 2: Break down said fiber with 2 slices of last night's re-heated pepperoni, sausage, and extra grease pizza for lunch.
Step 3: Begin drinking Bud Lights at 7pm from the kegerator you happily installed in your kitchen for nights like these.
Step 4: Move on to $1 cups of Pabst Blue Ribbon at the bar, used to wash down a ham and cheese melt accompanied by a barley soup with 6 strange meatballs topped with a pound of salt.
Step 5: Drink PBR until you cannot feel anything, smoke a thousand cigarettes in the cold while talking to some chubb about how much you loved living wherever she was from, and how great Boston is, blah blah. Try not to stare directly at her chest until she catches on to your little drunk routine and politely refuses to talk to you anymore.
Step 6: Stumble into some random apartment after the bar closes to find some dude who needs a ride home and then give some girl a hug that looks like a girl from high school...but WAIT, it IS a girl from high school...WTF is going on here?
Step 7: While in the car with the girl's current boyfriend's best friend, talk about how you played with her boobs in 9th grade, and she would never forget how good you were at it.
Step 8: Get home wasted and, by some act of God, remember to set your alarm.
Step 9: Wake up to what sounds like a fire alarm and take a cold shower, not because you need a cold shower, but because your roommates have a certain affinity for the shower and find the need to sing at least 3 songs before getting out, despite the number of times they rub your bar of soap over their grundular area.
Step 10: Go to work and immediately immerse yourself in two cups of Starbucks' patented Hazlenut sugar and cream liquid Drano.
Step 11: Feel great for approximately 10 seconds, until you can't sit still because of the Civil War that is happening throughout your body.
Step 12: Engage in a dead sprint to the nearest public bathroom and sit on the toilet, hoping that the stain on the top right corner of the seat is not something that will cause strange problems in the future.
Step 13: Proceed to puke from your ass, swearing to everything holy that this will not happen again next week, while always knowing that you have been here before, and probably will be here again in this same spot next thursday, like the true Mid-Week warrior that you are.
See you next week, same time, same position atop the throne.