HELP! Please. I'm running on 2 hours sleep. (girl problems)

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

Okay. So I rarely ask for help. Unless its truly needed. No one pays attention to me regardless so I have to damn near scream out loud for help when I need it. I hate to do stupid stuff or overreact to get some attention when I need help.

After a hour long talk last night by phone I was told, there's someone else. I know him. She is into him. We are all co-workers. For a few weeks now it was me and her, now its him and her.

This all apparently happened after a "field trip" among co-workers. I was the outcast, the loner. the one not fitting in. I just wanted to hang out with these people from work. Hang out with her. We didn't talk at all during the trip. I was used to talking over the phone for hours, this hurt.
I was being myself. Played this Initial D game at the Sony place in the city. Wanted to eat when others didn't, we had already sat down, I had stomach pains, we decided to eat.

In Chinatown he threw poppers at her. I stepped in front of him, "no", you don't do that to her. but she "liked it". "Like being little kids and teasing eachother to tell them you like them." Blah blasphamy. She needs a whole hell of a lot of attention. I didn't give it so, hey I'm on the outside looking in now. "Too little too late."

on a pier I was damned depressed again. I was afraid of the water. I can't swim. I told her this but she probably forgot. I walked ahead of the pack. Smashed cans as forcefully as I could because one person asked me to do this for him.

She initiated, talked first, gave phone number. I kept my peace at work, didn't let it affect me but it did. Broke down and cried at work. Let her know all about my problems because she wanted to know. She has probably long since forgotten everything I have said. She wanted to help me. Was atrracted to me. It became mutual then it all fell through after setting up a date(I did) that didn't happen. Fighting. "You're mad at me?" "I thought we were both mad at eachother."

No one is on her side at work, want her fired. I didn't say anything either way but when management gave a talk she assumed it was me saying bad things when I hadn't said bad nor good since management told me specifically not to.

Today I have to go to work, keep a cool head. He will be there.
I told her I'd be her "friend" still.
She's chasing something blindly.
He is a young father. Has a child with someone. Regardless of breaking up with the mother for now, I dunno don't ask him, it isn't right.

Gawd why do people cheat so much.
I said don't do it.
It's not right, not worth it.
Blah didn't get through.
Blind.
I'm right here.
I don't wanna see her hurt. I don't wanna have trouble at work. I don't want to get into any conversations. I'm very anti-social. People don't remember this even when I tell them. But if its time to work its time to work. I work damned hard. Got promoted. No respect. "He's too young, too immature."

Tried to sleep about 2 hours after phone call and couldn't fall alseep. Stayed awake since. Pulled weeds. Picked up dog droppings, played basketball(my fave past-time ever) and went on PC now. Also listened to CDs non stop.

Should head out to work. After a shower. Lay low. Keep my mouth shut as always. Fight my own battles (I can hold my own anywhere, don't worry, am disciplined too to not get into confrontations).

I just need some help with this all. Some kind words. From anyone please?
Second time not getting sleep over her, but this time I kept busy and hopefully it won't show at work.

But hehe. Alot more girls look at me now that I'm 40lbs lighter, don't have a long ponytail. There's a lot out there. I'm just inexperienced. Less life experience. Take eveything too personally. Take everything too seriously. Words hurt.


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: HAYABUSA-FMW- on 2004-05-27 11:52 ]</font>

[Arislan]

Yeah they do. I went through something pretty similar, that lasted up until about a year ago, on and off. I think my problem in the relationship is that it was near my first, and really, my frist serious relationship where I let my true feelings come to the fore. She ended up cheating on me with another guy, who I kinda knew, and broke off with me extremely messily. Hurt a hell of a lot. All worth it though, I learned a lot from the whole thing, and wouldn't give it up for anything.

Forcing the situation won't help. You've already given up a relationship with her by saying you'll be her friend, and backing off in the case of the other guy, and honestly, given how this girl seems to be handling your change in relationship status, let him have her. You really don't need someone as fickle as her, not worth the trouble.

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and are very capable of analyzing your own situation and motivations. Realize that while yes, you may have failings, you also shouldn't think too overmuch on the whole situation. It is simply a failed relationship, and something to learn from. Don't regret the things that occured in the whole thing, but do use the things you did "wrong" in regards to communication and relations to improve yourself and grow as a person.

Go out, sit in the corner of a club, chat someone up. Or go with a friend, that way you don't feel so akward being there. Even if nothingcomes of it, it does help in increasing your personal confidence. You already have some, obviously, you got a promotion, but business and personal confidence are two different areas.

All in all, it'll get better, trust me. If it's anything like what I went through, you'll have a hard time eating if you think about the situation, and will likely turn inwards a lot thinking over everything. Just grin and bear it, it'll work out in time. My overall advice is to leave this one where it lies though, it seems as if you have some awfully strong feelings for her, and as long as she and you continue talking through the night, you're likely tohave an extremely hard time keeping the "friend" level where it is on your end.

[lain2k3]

I know how hard it is to be ditched by someone you really care for, I can only imagine how bad it must be to watch them go screw around with someone that cant possibly be good for anything. That must be terrible.

only advice i have, get it out. talking to people about will help. evern here, on the internet, it helps a lot.

and listen to the most depressing goddammned music you can find. It helps, i have no idea why, it just does.

[Alielle]

In the end, you always have yourself. Be your own best friend. Take care of yourself first before anyone else. That may sound cold but it really isn't. Relationships are hard, and people aren't always as you expect them to be. You can't rely on them for your own happiness.

Obviously the girl you like is pretty unstable, and would that really be good for you in the long-term? It's not worth it to waste your energy on someone like that.

I'm not saying you should never have a relationship with someone, but if things aren't going well, you owe it to yourself and the other person to let it go. You will find someone who'll truly appreciate and love you the way you want to be loved.

Meanwhile, it's good that you're doing things to keep busy. In time, it'll hurt less. Of course, the best thing to do is avoid contact with her as much as possible.

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

I'm headed off to work now.
I will keep a straight face as best I can.
Avoid anything bad. Don't change anything in terms of work habits.

Thanks for your advice guys, Arislan, lain2k3 and Alielle.(spelling hopefully okay by way of names.can change later when I get more time) and to anyone else who replies as well with some kind words. Thanks again everybody.

I'll keep posting in this topic.
Lets all hope for the best eh? http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_yes.gif

[Esoteric]

I know I could give the whole move on, she isn't worth it deal, but I guess I don't know enough. One thing I'm kind of confused on is where the reality of things as they are and the perspective of how you see things stands. A few questions:

How serious did you get with her, specifically?

Did you tell her exactly how you feel about her?

Does she know that you wanted more and that this "friends" thing is not what you want?

My suggestion to you before I can give any advice, not knowing exactly the situation you have, is to not make any quick decisions. Know for sure where things are. What she feels, what you feel, and what you both want. The worst regrets I have of past and failed relationships are of the things I never said, the questions I was never able to ask, the feelings I hid, or the things I only assumed which were not always exactly as they seemed. I don't know though, you may know it all with where things stand, exactly what is going on, but I don't. If you are willing, I want you to go a bit more in detail to the relationship and the phases it went through. Maybe then I could offer some better advice, or encouraging words on what I would see as the best steps in helping to move on, or deal with this. But no matter what, I wish you the best of luck.

[Arislan]

Regardless of what he feels he wants out of the relationship, she obviously has eyes for another man, and is expressing that. Even if he were to spill everything to her, and she requited, he would still have to live with the knowledge that she went off for a time with someone else. I don't know about you, but for most people, that will cause a feeling of massive insecurity, and make you feel as if you need to walk on eggshells to avoid losing her again. It's putting yourself into a definite position of inferiority to someone who is supposed to be your partner, which isn't good emotionally for either participant in the relationship.

[Esoteric]

On 2004-05-27 16:19, Arislan wrote:
Regardless of what he feels he wants out of the relationship, she obviously has eyes for another man, and is expressing that. Even if he were to spill everything to her, and she requited, he would still have to live with the knowledge that she went off for a time with someone else. I don't know about you, but for most people, that will cause a feeling of massive insecurity, and make you feel as if you need to walk on eggshells to avoid losing her again. It's putting yourself into a definite position of inferiority to someone who is supposed to be your partner, which isn't good emotionally for either participant in the relationship.



You think he wants out of the relationship? Seems to me like the entire purpose of the thread was the massive frustration of the potential ending of the relationship. And even if you are right about how things would turn out, who knows, maybe that is what he wants. I don't want to assume. I never said to hold ground even if that is out of the question. I'm only trying to understand the situation better. It is better to be able to end it in your mind also, you know. You can't immediately say, ok forget about her completely. First embrace the situation, evaluate, and then take action. I would just like to be able to evaluate better, at least before I would be able to put my two cents in to how I would go about it if I were in the same situation, that is all.

[Arislan]

Agreed, and agree as well that he may not want out of the situation. I think we're arguing at cross purposes here. I was more stating that she doesn't seem to have interest in him anymroe, and she hasn't seemed to wantto work things out. Yeah it may be worth a shot if this whole other guy thing is a new thing, but if she's been seeing him behind Hayabusa's back for a while, it's extremely likely that it will fail and just cause Hayabusa more pain. By all means, more information would be helpful, but from the information given, and my own past experiences, I gave the best opinion of the situation I can.

Heck, even if he does talk to her, and they do end up together, he should still hop out to a club and chat with people he doesn't know. Obviously given the popper situation, she wants fun in a guy, so... Not that he should be picking up on girls in that case, but socializing helps.

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

Ooh. I must elaborate. Don't let this thread run on he said/she said or something.

Like Arislan's this was one relationship in which I truly opened up to the girl, I did so solely because she asked and was interested about it. She didn't drop it when I brought up one problem. She said she wouldn't be a big mouth about it and give me the best advice she could (in reality none was actually given so it was a waste I guess). I even said that there would just be akward silence at the end of everything I needed to get out. Some 30 minutes of typing.

I'm not too experienced with women and am a few years behind the "norm" I believe. So I have a very hard time even talking with people of the opposite sex.

Everyone at work will talk about sex sex sex. I stray away from each and every conversation since I have no experience and nothing really truthful to add. I also got bad looks when they mentioned some attractive feature of some girl who walked in and I said "where?" heh caught "red handed" when I'm not even open about this type of stuff. So from then on I didn't try to fit in anymore. Just not talk about it. No one directed anything at me anyway. Just assume a buncha crap. I told my managers about this, saying I didn't like it. Almost brought up like third party sexual harassment from one incident that affected me.

I'm only 18 years old so clubbing is not really an option. Not much to do at under 21 clubs if I was actually brave enough to go to one around here.

I don't really understand any girl who talks to me. I assume the wrong things. Sometimes don't even hear some words being said, low volume of voice at times, but that's kinda irrelevant.

With this girl in question I only talked over the phone with her after she gave me her number. She was angry that I never did so enough at work. The first thing she ever said to me at work made me very mad and I left the room immediately. She probably wanted to make up for it or something. I made my way to work on a day off and gave her flowers, same as I did with another girl at work. She wanted to know why I liked her(the other girl I gave flowers to) and I was truthful about it and about damn near everything she asked me about.

The date I wanted to set up, I told her a date and place. The very next day some classmate of hers and a co-worker blurts it out as she had been told at school. Asks if I was going on a date with her on Friday night. I was angry that some few hours, one day later it gets blurted out at work. When I hardly talk at work so everyone listened in and wanted to know more. I again left the room. She ended up taking up that evening to fill in for another worker and forget all about what I wanted. She worked that night. She tried to set it up with me as well but then said "bad news I gotta work." But "its not like you'll never get your chance, just wait 2 weeks when I'm not so busy."

I texted her all the time from my phone with text messages when I was not talking by phone call. I said I would "wait the two weeks, if you don't feel the same then let me know" and "I love how you listen to my problems and help me out with them, get me to vent and let it out it helps more than you know".

She told me later that she didn't know how to respond to those messages. Didn't know what to say.

I'm just a confused inexperienced young man.
I'm mature at work but don't have any type of social skills. Didn't learn any in high school as a fat loner nerdy kid whom no one really talked to.

She is flirtatious with every guy who walks in our workplace. She has a lot of friends. I'm more insecure and don't flirt or talk to any girls on a daily basis. Just talk to some co-worker girls at work, that's it. She doesn't care whether or not what I think about her. I guess I never did actually say too much on a consistent basis. And she never asked. But she did put her charms on me and I admitted it worked later on, last night in fact, kind of the "too little too late" thing. We tell eachother what we hated about ourselves and she told me not to bad mouth or put down myself and only she could about herself. I said that's not right. She shouldn't put herself down either. It has to go both ways.

I hated when she would call me then ignore what I was saying and scream into the phone what she was saying to everyone around her. Didn't really find the time for me. I sent texts saying how angry I was about certain things and that it won't work out. That she deserved better. That she didn't need me. But she asked me why I said it. If it wasn't going to work out then it wasn't going to work out. She wanted to "change" me for the better. I tried somewhat.
But people at work know for a fact that "I do not talk at work because I believe there is too much to be done." I almost say this to the new people whom I am scheduled to work with whom I have to pick up the slack for or train to work there(of which I am not a good teacher at anything and studder my speech a lot when nervous or insecure). I just learn very well and try to lead by example.
Everyone at work believes it to be a fun workplace.
She broke down and cried at work when she found out her hours were being cut for bad behavior and people saying bad things about her working habits. She assumed it was me and I decided to get it cleared up through my bosses to try to get an apology out of it.
She took it the wrong way and thought I was overreacting. I don't say anything good or bad about her working habits because I was asked not to. If anything I'm on her side because I hadn't said anything good nor bad.

That's a few more details eh?
I'm still going to let it pass by. Keep my distance. The guy at work she is into acted very damn strange today. What the heck can she see in him? blah. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

[opaopajr]

.... someone needs a smiley!!!! ***** http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif *****

a ray of sunshine, a beam of hope, a scathing laser of mirth, yes that is what you need.

even if you are what you are, deeply introverted, it never hurts to smile. surprisingly enough it'll eventually relax your mood and warm other people to you. in the wise words of Marth Stewart, "It's a Good Thing!"

[opaopajr]

PS: you're too intense/serious. you need to have your heart broke, schedule disrupted, work destroyed/dismissed, and placed in several new social situations that so unnerve you that you wanna piss yourself in fear. those things'll help break your shell and you'll realize you are made of tougher stuff than your 'shields' defend you from.

too often people assume being morose and tense is maturity - naw, it's just introversion and fear. don't be afraid to dance in the light of day (and since i'm probably going to be misinterpreted by someone might as well translate the metaphor... don't be afraid to let loose with abandon who you are before others and frolic with the time you have). you'll figure it out in time, but hopefully a few words here will get through and save you a year or two.

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

On 2004-05-28 01:48, opaopajr wrote:
.... someone needs a smiley!!!! ***** http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif *****

a ray of sunshine, a beam of hope, a scathing laser of mirth, yes that is what you need.

even if you are what you are, deeply introverted, it never hurts to smile. surprisingly enough it'll eventually relax your mood and warm other people to you. in the wise words of Marth Stewart, "It's a Good Thing!"


I have vampire fanged teeth with excessive crowding. Also have a scruffy beard at the moment.

I don't have a great smile.
But smilies online?
pwned
^_^;;
'_'!!
http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_yes.gif

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

On 2004-05-28 02:06, opaopajr wrote:
PS: you're too intense/serious. you need to have your heart broke, schedule disrupted, work destroyed/dismissed, and placed in several new social situations that so unnerve you that you wanna piss yourself in fear. those things'll help break your shell and you'll realize you are made of tougher stuff than your 'shields' defend you from.

too often people assume being morose and tense is maturity - naw, it's just introversion and fear. don't be afraid to dance in the light of day (and since i'm probably going to be misinterpreted by someone might as well translate the metaphor... don't be afraid to let loose with abandon who you are before others and frolic with the time you have). you'll figure it out in time, but hopefully a few words here will get through and save you a year or two.


Yeah right on.
"Good words" to help me out here and there.
When I try to joke, laugh, or dance around and sing at work like everyone else it seems kinda forced since no one sees me that way all the time.

I am too serious and sour faced. When something's bothering me you can tell by looking at my face. Hard to try to fake a smile I don't feel. But I will try. Smiling is cool.

But hey "Live and learn," "and then get Luvs", wahahaha. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif Because you said I may "piss myself" from fear.

[Siris]

I say you should get some poppers and throw them at her too...really hard. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif Hang in there, you'll ride this out and find someone much more worthy of any of your time.

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

On 2004-05-28 07:36, Siris wrote:
I say you should get some poppers and throw them at her too...really hard. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif Hang in there, you'll ride this out and find someone much more worthy of any of your time.


Yeah but blah, that would make me a bastard. I look like a mean person so that would be scary for other people to see. She already knows all about me so that it would come off as forced and unnecessary. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif hehe good idea though.
Throw them really hard! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif Oops. Read it wrong the first time.

Right on people, just hang in there.
Today is Friday, a new day. Plenty to do, plenty of people to see on Fridays. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[Siris]

Yeah but, you could throw the poppers at her and then just duck and roll away...she'll never know. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif And it sounds like this chick deserves it anyway.