13 & Love

[Nazo]

This is going to be a major wussified post. Stay away, Mr. Sensitive.



OK, so I'm 15 going on 16 (or 16 on 17, in Korean, I think? 1989...). I never really had a girlfriend before, because... well, I guess I never thought about it. Until age 12 I was an overweight, disrespectful, inconsiderate punk who had no rights to live. Honestly, I look back now whenever I see my little brother acting incohrently or disrespectfully in any manner.



But 13. Such a powerful number. Its considered unlucky in Korea, fatal in China. Its also the age that we all are forced into realizing the wonders, and concieved and exposed to the absolute horrors of the real world. And to me, it was horror.

[Background story]
I moved out of the fantasy world of Japan, where gaming and food were at my fingertips. I moved out of a lost paradise- almost soooo ironical to that scene in Matrix 1 where Neo wakes up to find himself attached to wires. This wasn't enough- I quickly managed to recouperate and slowly adjust, but one thing couldn't be stopped- love. Love or infatuation, this sensation- this feeling was so differnt! I just couldn't understand how powerful this feeling was until I could actually see it: I lost near 10 kgs in the year of 13, and of course- my first infatuation.[/Background story]


Sure I've liked a girl here and there, and I've asked out one who rejected kindly because she had an interest in someone else. But as I sit here in my chair typing today, there's one that I am ... attracted to. Well, that's not the right word choice, but my point is- she's different. Unlike just physical attractiveness, she seems different...! I can't quite put it in words. We go to church together, and we talk quite often. I want to get closer to her, but I'm not sure what to do... Keeping in mind that this isn't America, the casual "Hey babe, wanna check out the theater with me?" won't work. Actually, she, two of her friends, one of my friends, and I will be going together to see a scary movie (by chance, not choice -_-)... I'm not sure how that'll turn out either. Thing is... its just so hard! I know she doesn't like anyone else, but what can I do?

Enough of that. Give me hope people. I feel so lost, and I don't want it to turn out that first girl I tried asking out...


-Nazo

[DruidMettool]

I'm actually in a net-relationship with a girl who is "different". Different in a good way... she's intelligent, sharest he same views as me, and we have a lot in common.

Anyway, I don't know how flirting works over there in Korea. I suggest that you talk to her and get to know her even better than you do now.

Now, we don't usually say "Hey babe". If you want to ask her out, adress her by her name. Say "Hey [her name], I happen to have plans to go to [place] this weekend. May I ask you to join me?" Yknow, something like that.

But our cultures are so different, so that's all I can suggest without thinking outside the box.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: DruidMettool on 2004-07-08 09:23 ]</font>

[Nazo]

http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif that about the dude was rather a generalization... I was kidding man.. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

Well, she and I are pretty close I guess... we talk together about every other day... but I'm not sure what to do next. Asking her to the movies (with some others, of course- not to look suspicious or too immediate -_-) I guess was a good step, but I'm not sure what else.

[Myopathy]

On 2004-07-08 09:57, Nazo wrote:
http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif that about the dude was rather a generalization... I was kidding man.. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

Well, she and I are pretty close I guess... we talk together about every other day... but I'm not sure what to do next. Asking her to the movies (with some others, of course- not to look suspicious or too immediate -_-) I guess was a good step, but I'm not sure what else.


Ok, most of the time, if a girl likes you, you should know. Girls normally give out hints and things like that. You obviously will never know for SURE, but if you've caught a couple hints, you should get an idea. If that's the case, I'd say the next step is to ask the girl out, just you and her. Ask her if she'd like to go watch a movie with (just)you, or something like that. Worse thing that can happen is she says "no," because the question is still platonic. It just gives you more time to get to know her without other people around.

[InfinityXXX]

Start inviting her to things and let her know more about your life. If you are gonna ask her out don't just say it bluntly and make sure you've known her for some time. Its hard understanding women. I use to like a girl who went out with some guy but she use to hug, and kiss me but she never said she loved me. Love is the weirdest emotion ever. It has to power to cause many other emotions. It hold the power to change the world or cause hate. Its an enigma. I wish you good luck.

[Iyaania]

Well, from my experience, I'll tell you this.

If you become her friend, she may be afraid to have you as her boyfriend as your friendship has a good chance of being ruined if you two break up.

Not saying all girls are like this, but this is purely from my experience.

[Myopathy]

On 2004-07-08 19:29, Iyaania wrote:
Well, from my experience, I'll tell you this.

If you become her friend, she may be afraid to have you as her boyfriend as your friendship has a good chance of being ruined if you two break up.

Not saying all girls are like this, but this is purely from my experience.


Or a girl could become your friend in order to get closer to you.

It really depends on you. Every girl is different, so every situation is different.

[Kadavreski]

On 2004-07-08 19:29, Iyaania wrote:
Well, from my experience, I'll tell you this.

If you become her friend, she may be afraid to have you as her boyfriend as your friendship has a good chance of being ruined if you two break up.

Not saying all girls are like this, but this is purely from my experience.





...if you're not her friend, you'll have a hard job getting her to go out with you.

[Iyaania]

I was her friend, and couldn't go out with her because of that.

[DruidMettool]

The problem with being friend with a single girl is that They think of you as ONLY a friend and nothing more. And if she happens to get hit on by someone she's interested in, you'll be the first to know that she's dating him. Nothing can bring down a man's dignity like that. ....So while you continue to be her friend, ol' "Butch" will get to do whatever he wants to her, and it can be a long wait before she's single again. This man will be dating your dream girl, and there's nothing you can do about it that won't get your ass kicked.

This next part may sound a bit offensive... Many women are like sheep: They'll flock to the first guy that can manage to sway her the right way. Be careful. Again, i'm not saying all women are like this, but there are many whom are.

If you still plan to be her friend before trying a relationship, you have to think fast. Don't stay as "just friends" with her for too long, or she'll trust you too much as a friend, and it's likely that another man will come and destroy all the progress you've made.

Love is tough... and Unfair. You have to plan ahead of time.

[Nazo]

Well, I guess I'm slightly more confident. I still want to see if we can get a bit closer, and if I feel like I'll be brave enough (which... I hope), then I might consider asking her out. But then again, ..


http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif ....such pressure!

[Kadavreski]

if youre not her friend, just an aquantance, youll have a hard job getting her out with you...

i got a girl out with me who is my friend, so, there.

[tai_EX]

well im past all of that stuff, the figuring out if she loves you or not and the always looking over the shoulder to see if shes going out with some1 else. Also it is best to be-friend the girl first and slowly bring your feelings to the surface, this way you rnt going too fast but then again your not being so slow that yu miss your chance. Make the girl feel good about herself. Everybody wants to be loved, and if you show that girl that yu are there for her, that in a sense (even if you wont admit it) you love her. and she will love you forever for being so courageous. My GF and I didnt even know eachother but in 3 months we instantly fell in love, call it love at first sight or whatevr. But i am the happiest man alive for finally building up the courage to go and talk with her.

[Daikarin]

On 2004-07-08 09:07, Nazo wrote:

Keeping in mind that this isn't America, the casual "Hey babe, wanna check out the theater with me?" won't work. Actually, she, two of her friends, one of my friends, and I will be going together to see a scary movie (by chance, not choice -_-)... I'm not sure how that'll turn out either. Thing is... its just so hard! I know she doesn't like anyone else, but what can I do?

-Nazo



What about talking to your closest friends? Asking them for help seems appropriate. They could try and approach you two indirectly.

I dunno, play a game like "truth or dare", start an intimate subject while conversating with her while in the company of others...

I'm sure it'll turn out fine.

[Daikarin]

Ok, most of the time, if a girl likes you, you should know. Girls normally give out hints and things like that. You obviously will never know for SURE, but if you've caught a couple hints, you should get an idea.


Believe me, girls are never that simple.

It's not always if they like you or not. There's a lot of middle terms. Especially when they have problems finding out what their feelings are.

Pah. Women.

Double-post http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

[Daikarin]

On 2004-07-08 19:29, Iyaania wrote:
Well, from my experience, I'll tell you this.

If you become her friend, she may be afraid to have you as her boyfriend as your friendship has a good chance of being ruined if you two break up.

Not saying all girls are like this, but this is purely from my experience.



Well, based on my experience, my best female friend had a crush on me long after we met.

You're right, not all girls are like that.

Triple-post http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

[Daikarin]

On 2004-07-09 21:12, Nazo wrote:
Well, I guess I'm slightly more confident. I still want to see if we can get a bit closer, and if I feel like I'll be brave enough (which... I hope), then I might consider asking her out. But then again, ..


http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif ....such pressure!



You people seen that crazy-movie yet? So, how did it go?

Quadruple-post http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

[Nazo]

http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif Jin, you seem to be an expert on this..(?)

Well, we watched the movie... it was really good- a Japanese horror movie called "There was Contact." 0.o

But anyways, I'm still not sure on what to do. We haven't really seen each other since Sunday, but I'll be seeing her again this Sunday (since we go to church together)...

But this is where I start hating Korea.


When I used to be back in Japan, me and my friend "who happened to be a girl" (don't get me wrong, she was just my next door neighbor whom we'd been friends since 1st grade..) used to hang around all kinds of shops... eccentric ones like milkshake stands, apparel stands, glass shops... and whatnot. Stuff you could do with a guy or a girl who isn't your girlfriend, but fun anyway.

Korea, on the other hand, you don't get to do ANYthing. I'm going to ask her to go find a new cell phone with me (which, honestly, won't take very long...). Hopefully, if she agrees, I guess we could look around for a while... But that's about it. The other things in the area include terrible food shops that never have customers, a movie theater (which... I believe is far too straightforward if I ask her to watch something with me), crapload of phone shops, and a local PC cafe. That obviously doesn't give me any options...

You guys have any ideas on what I could do to pass the time? I guess we're both kinda shy, so I need something that could keep us both busy... http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_confused.gif Ok, so I'm being a bit sneaky there, but hey... http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Nazo on 2004-07-15 09:19 ]</font>

[tai_EX]

ummmm well ive been to Korea before, but what i would tell you is to go shopping with her.. Most girls like to shop (learned tha one from experience) But ask her what SHE would like to do, that is if someone else doesnt gove you ne ideas. If you do decide to shop, make sure you have money on you just incase you want to buy her something nice..


works everytime

[Nazo]

http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif Wow you do know Korea...

But then again, I have to ask her... so it would be kinda weird if it went like this:

*church ends*

Me: "Hey, what do you want to do?"

*insert confused stare and extremely awkward silence that'd make me want to kill myself*

Her: "Uhm, I'm going home...."

Me and Her: "...."

Me: "Okay.." *whimper*

...aaaand you get the idea. I'd take her shopping, but then again, that might be too straightforward. What would I go shopping for anyway? http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_confused.gif

[tai_EX]

heh. when yu ask her if she would want to go with you, dont have nething in mind for a purchase! that makes everything sooo much more exciting! I would also suggest a lunch date with her, but just ask her if she would "like to go to lunch with you" also btw... there is no way to not be straight-forward about asking her to join you, like i said earlier in this "girls like a man with courage" http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif believe me, it took me one lunch date with my GF and we were hooked, because i made her feel comfertable, and i was brave in asking her...

also btw. im not very romantic, but i would suggest getting her somethin for her B-day.

[Scales_of_Air]

On 2004-07-15 11:52, tai_EX wrote:
heh. when yu ask her if she would want to go with you, dont have nething in mind for a purchase! that makes everything sooo much more exciting! I would also suggest a lunch date with her, but just ask her if she would "like to go to lunch with you" also btw... there is no way to not be straight-forward about asking her to join you, like i said earlier in this "girls like a man with courage" http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif believe me, it took me one lunch date with my GF and we were hooked, because i made her feel comfertable, and i was brave in asking her...

also btw. im not very romantic, but i would suggest getting her somethin for her B-day.



Yep, agreed with tai_EX. There's really no way you can't be straight-forward while asking her to a date. I understand being shy, I was (and still am) in that category somewhat, but you need to (stating again one of the main themes in this thread) have the courage to bring your feelings to the light. If you do this in a good, honest way, hopefully she'll see that and respond in a positive way.

The shopping idea mentioned by tai_EX is good, and again bring money so you can buy her something nice!

I read somewhere that if you can't think of anything to do as a date, do something that you personally will enjoy to the fullest, and hopefully that will result in the best parts of your personality showing. Consider that, and good luck!

[tai_EX]

I read somewhere that if you can't think of anything to do as a date, do something that you personally will enjoy to the fullest, and hopefully that will result in the best parts of your personality showing. Consider that, and good luck!

::nods head in agreement:: you do have a point there.. Personality is key to a happy relationship, luckly my GF and I have already discovered each other, thats another thing to kno! What makes her tick. or what can set her off! both are VERY important things to know!

[LollipopLolita]

On 2004-07-14 14:17, Even_Jin wrote:
Believe me, girls are never that simple.

It's not always if they like you or not. There's a lot of middle terms. Especially when they have problems finding out what their feelings are.

Pah. Women.


i shall believe you since you're a girl and you should know, oh wait, you're not a girl! hmmm

dear Nazo

you're 15

just chill and be yourself. relax and breathe man. the more you think about it, the more anxious you're gonna be. enjoy life, no? push the culture shock aside and go have some kim chee and galbi.

[Nazo]

On 2004-07-16 01:04, LollipopLolita wrote:

i shall believe you since you're a girl and you should know, oh wait, you're not a girl! hmmm

dear Nazo

you're 15

just chill and be yourself. relax and breathe man. the more you think about it, the more anxious you're gonna be. enjoy life, no? push the culture shock aside and go have some kim chee and galbi.



http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif Jin got pwned..!!!

Thanks lollita... I guess I just got a bit overwhelmed with recent events. I guess I'm a bit desperate... http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif


And someone's gotta break that kimchee/kalbi stereotype.. we don't sit around eating just that you know... There's a whole new world of food out there here in korea folks. Kimbap, kukbap, bibimbap (that's all rice), Kalbi, LA Kalbi, bulgogi, roast- "guyi", "sam" (don't ask..), and papingsuuuu... and..


This might turn into a food thread if I don't be careful.. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[LollipopLolita]

And someone's gotta break that kimchee/kalbi stereotype.. we don't sit around eating just that you know...

well damn of course i know, but kim chee and kalbi is what i really want right now, with rice. really really badly. and i can use bimbimbap too. omg i hate you...

hey nazo, believe this piece of news

if someone says:

girls are.... or
if a girl says this...
all girls...
from my experience...

you can safely bet that for every one girl the person stereotypes, there is another girl who will do the exact opposite?

why? because girls, just like boy, are varied and individuals. OMG heavens no!!!! boys are like girls? no way!!

and there's no way someone here can give you 100% foolproof guaranteed advice since we don't know the situation 100%. there is no "apply to all" solution.

just chill yo, you're 15...

btw are you sure that at age 15, korean girls are into relationships in such ways? the u.s. is more advanced.

[Nazo]

On 2004-07-16 01:18, LollipopLolita wrote:

and there's no way someone here can give you 100% foolproof guaranteed advice since we don't know the situation 100%. there is no "apply to all" solution.


Of course. Even I know that. I guess I'll just try to take it slow and easy...





btw are you sure that at age 15, korean girls are into relationships in such ways? the u.s. is more advanced.


Oh lord ... I hate to say this, but my 13 year old sister (see other rant) had a boyfriend last year. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif The 'romance' mood is really strong in Korea- you see couples walking everywhere. Korea's really a place of passion... I remember reading a news article about two kids at the age of 14 and 13 (boy and girl, respectively) getting married and 'having a baby'... Not sure what's about, but its legal in Korea. Crazy? Duh. I just thank goodness my parents decided English would be better for me, or else I'd be still stuck in the Korean school and its narrow perspectives... http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_nono.gif

But anyway, our grade class has had quite a few couples... around, 8? Its not that common, but niether is it as uncommon as the US. I understand the dating seriously starts around the age of 16 or 17? Perhaps even into the late 18... But oh well, I need a vacation... a real one- not one filled with tutor and what not...




but kim chee and kalbi is what i really want right now, with rice. really really badly. and i can use bimbimbap too. omg i hate you...



http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif BimBim Bap? Sounds like some Taiwanese Fish. Bibimbap (bibim- process of mixing, bap=rice). Hurry Lollita! Run! Get yourself to the nearest Korean fast food or restaurant! Go Go Go!

[tai_EX]

if someone says:

girls are.... or
if a girl says this...
all girls...
from my experience...

you can safely bet that for every one girl the person stereotypes, there is another girl who will do the exact opposite?

why? because girls, just like boy, are varied and individuals. OMG heavens no!!!! boys are like girls? no way!!

and there's no way someone here can give you 100% foolproof guaranteed advice since we don't know the situation 100%. there is no "apply to all" solution.



http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif I think i just got p'wned! but seriously Lolita is right, there is no foolproof guide to dating, just when the time is right let your heart guide you and you should make the right directions. sry i tried to help http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif

[Nazo]

Naw man... thanks a lot. I think I should be taking it easy... I've been to upbeat lately http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif..

[tai_EX]

follow your heart... itll never steer you wrong http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[Solstis]

On 2004-07-16 03:47, Nazo wrote:

But anyway, our grade class has had quite a few couples... around, 8? Its not that common, but niether is it as uncommon as the US. I understand the dating seriously starts around the age of 16 or 17? Perhaps even into the late 18... But oh well, I need a vacation... a real one- not one filled with tutor and what not...




but kim chee and kalbi is what i really want right now, with rice. really really badly. and i can use bimbimbap too. omg i hate you...



http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif BimBim Bap? Sounds like some Taiwanese Fish. Bibimbap (bibim- process of mixing, bap=rice). Hurry Lollita! Run! Get yourself to the nearest Korean fast food or restaurant! Go Go Go!



Make sure it has egg... I hate it when there's too much rice...

oh. Topic, right.

Uh... try 18+ for dating for lonely me. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_nono.gif

[Daikarin]

On 2004-07-16 01:04, LollipopLolita wrote:

i shall believe you since you're a girl and you should know, oh wait, you're not a girl! hmmm



Now that was a feminist comment. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif

[Daikarin]

On 2004-07-15 09:18, Nazo wrote:

You guys have any ideas on what I could do to pass the time? I guess we're both kinda shy, so I need something that could keep us both busy... http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_confused.gif Ok, so I'm being a bit sneaky there, but hey... http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif



- Go out around the block/city for a jog run/rollerblade run
- Study in your local library/park/somewhere
- ...Set a soccer/basket/sports game with your friends and invite her
- ...I had a lot more in my mind, but strangely can't get them out http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_confused.gif

[Blue-Hawk]

Bah. Love. The useless, cruelest joke playeds on all of creation by the hands of fate. I'm happy that I can't fall in love. I was 25 when I had my first girlfriend, and she left me after 2 months. I found out that she was only using me to get back with her old boyfriend. Nice start to dating life, huh? Since then, I have had 2 other girls that left me after 2 months as well and none of them told me why. No wonder I hate love.

[Nazo]

On 2004-07-18 04:47, Even_Jin wrote:

- Go out around the block/city for a jog run/rollerblade run
- Study in your local library/park/somewhere
- ...Set a soccer/basket/sports game with your friends and invite her
- ...I had a lot more in my mind, but strangely can't get them out http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_confused.gif



Again, Korea fing SUCKS.

-Putting any other wear on your foot besides a sneaker, sandal, or formal shoes (for any special occasion) labels you "idiot" without any misgivings. No chance, no asking- just idiot. Period. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif
-Its so apartment-crowded here in Korea that you can barely run for 5 seconds without having to turn a corner or avoid cigarette holes.
-Library? Nope. Park? Far too polluted. ... and studying makes you seem like you have no life, here anyway. Its an unwritten requirement (that's unfortunately embedded in the minds of many Koreans) that you have to be "going out somewhere" or else you have no life. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_rant.gif
-Any girl who plays a sport besides tennis in Korea is considered a jock. Which sucks, because, she can't play anything http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif.


Yeah, I'm whining. I just can't face this unfairness of Korea!!! ... http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif What a country...

[Nazo]

And looks like I've been quite down without knowing why. Forgot to tell you folks...

After church, I was going to ask her to go see phones with me, but she was with her usual entourage of 3 other close friends. They're very nice, honestly, but I just couldn't bring myself to talk to her in that group. I lost them eventually in the subway, but as it left at my station (while I was getting off), I saw them in the subway...

Honestly, we've stopped talking daily... I think its pretty much over for me...


I've been talking to a pastor- well, not really. I can't remember if I heard this from her, or from ... somewhere. But I think this is a pretty good advice:

"Girls? They're for college."

*shrugs* I see that its blatantly true.

[tai_EX]

-Putting any other wear on your foot besides a sneaker, sandal, or formal shoes (for any special occasion) labels you "idiot" without any misgivings. No chance, no asking- just idiot. Period.

well i musta looked like a complete idiot! hah, oh well. everyone has a weird culture or weird family or even a weird country! I am a rare breed myself, Im known as a HEINZ-59 (which means im a mutt of 59 countries) so i have all kinds of weird cultures to worry about, the same with my GF, shes 1/2 indonseian, 1/4 Japanese, and finally 1/4 chinese! and she has quite a few strange things about her culture too.. no matter how much of an idiot you look like, theres gonna be some1 who will love you no matter what, and thats why i dont care what others think! otherwise you'll never enjoy your life to the fullest! take it from a Mutt like me, dont judge others and they wont judge you!! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif