Dammit! I'm not perfect!

[Solstis]

Let's start this off my mentioning that my life is not perfect, and in fact, is far from it. Now, I'm not saying that my life, so far, is a pile of festering garbage, as it tends to hang at around average. There are people, however, who think otherwise.

Let's see if I can prove my average-and-not-perfect life:

9th Grade, Second Semester: Whilst laying down in bed one night, this thought came into my head "Fuck, I'm gay, aren't I?" (either that or Shit, not too sure). This is where my practice of studying straight guys in order to fit in began. >_>

10th Grade: This is what I would like to my "mental delusion" stage. Not only do I think that people are spying on me, I devised a complicated "magic/k" system in which to combat them. Uh-Huh. Let's just say that this was a weird stage of my life. It's not as if I was too terribly unhappy, as I had loving parents (who found out at some point during this year), but I made great grades in school.

But wait... in my head began the nagging thoughts. In other words, "WTF am I going to do with my life?" I also realized that within the span of one week, my parents refused to talk about my sexuality at all, and even had, apparently, tricked themselves into thinking it was only a "stage," or something. Whee!

11th Grade: Not quite as insane, but now a bit more depressed. Some of those wonderful questions, such as: "Are my parents going to love me still? Can I have kids? Can I get married?" start flooding my head. And the farce that is my social life continues.

12th Grade: I enter with a "fuck it" sort of attitude. Not like I suddenly started acting camp, I just really didn?t care about acting straight. No one but my closest friends notice, who then just think "Oh it's just Tony." During the summer on a trip with a few friends and ex-friends, I came out to one of my older buds, who is also gay. He gave me some advice and such, but I have yet to see him to this day. It might be my fault, but I guess I'm too shy to find him.

>.>

My life isn't shit (going to a good college soon and such), but it sure ain't perfect.

P.S.: If anyone has a problem with how I act in #psow or the forums, which isn't how I really act, but would if I wasn?t afraid... fuck off! I'm not saying that anyone does, but just in case, fuck off.

[edit #1]: Changed title so people put their angst shields on before reading.


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Solstis on 2004-08-08 08:22 ]</font>

[Armok]

Gee this rant was different to what I expected. I like to think people treat people with the same amount of respect on this board no matter what so act however you want Sol. Also the lines are alot more blurred than most people would care to admit espically for those super homophobic people. They all like that guy of American Beautty inside.

Still good luck with it and fuck what other people think personal happiness is better than living a lie for someone else. Go out and enjoy collage.

[Solstis]

On 2004-08-08 08:06, Armok wrote:
Gee this rant was different to what I expected. I like to think people treat people with the same amount of respect on this board no matter what so act however you want Sol. Also the lines are alot more blurred than most people would care to admit espically for those super homophobic people. They all like that guy of American Beautty inside.

Still good luck with it and fuck what other people think personal happiness is better than living a lie for someone else. Go out and enjoy collage.



Hehe, thanks Armok.

Maybe I should label this something else? http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_eek.gif

[anwserman]

Ya know what Solstis, we should meet up somewhere, run off and be gay lovers. Heh.

Anyway, I'm with the whole "fuck it" thing too, but in a different sort of way. I dislike the campy 'queer' image that is portrayed on TV and the media. So, for instance, I bought a pink shirt that I do indeed like (it is an Element skateboard shirt)... if people think its gay or I'm gay, that is their problem so fuck them. I also got my ear pierced. Since I am gay, most people would assume I should have gotten my right ear pierced. No, once again fuck that image so I got my left ear done and not the right.

Just as long as you're proud of yourself, it is no big deal. And if someone hates you because of your sexuality? That is their loss, not yours - since why would you want to hang out with someone who dislikes you for something you cannot change, someone no closed-minded and obviously stereotypes?

Basically, if acting "straight" or playing the "campy gay guy" makes you happy, go for it. All that matters is that you feel good about yourself in the end.

[Solstis]

http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif

You sure know how to cheer a fella up, anws.. awn... snw... whatever.

Yeah, instead of picking an "image" I'll try to be "me." Whoever that is. (and I despise the color pink... bleh)

[anwserman]

Oh Solstis, download "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson. It is quite a good song to listen to and get inner-stregnth. Tacky-sounding yes (this thought), but listen to the lyrics.

[navci]

Well. I can't say I have gone through anything like that, myself.

But in any case, you are always the Sollypoo I like like a little brother. So. I hope you can figure it out and have peace of mind. http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif If you ever need an ear! I am ALL ears, like, all 453988453 of them.

*hugglez*

[Tycho]

Don't mind anyone who has problems with you. They're just being narrowminded. and stupid.

Why should you give a fuck about what they think? People here like you already, exactly for who you are. So don't change just for random people irl.

[tai_EX]

On 2004-08-08 13:12, Tycho wrote:
Don't mind anyone who has problems with you. They're just being narrowminded. and stupid.

Why should you give a fuck about what they think? People here like you already, exactly for who you are. So don't change just for random people irl.



everyones right ya kno! dont worry about the thoughts of others, you'll become paranoid. but then again do ont expose your weaknesses (hence me wearing sunglasses everywhere) but yet if those weanesses rise to the surface then just shrug it off and keep going. People who judge others are just insecure about themselves and like Tycho sed narrowminded and stupid. true friends will except you no matter what you look or act like, assholes with problems with their own whatevers will care. and those are the people who will get their karma in the end!

keep pullin strong! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

[Ness]

Wow, Soltis, I didn't even know you were gay. You seemed like the kind of guy that has a girlfriend and is going to marry her soon. Oh well, whether you're gay or not doesn't matter to me; as long as you aren't a jerk you will still be cool.

[agenevil]

On 2004-08-08 09:40, anwserman wrote:

Anyway, I'm with the whole "fuck it" thing too, but in a different sort of way. I dislike the campy 'queer' image that is portrayed on TV and the media. So, for instance, I bought a pink shirt that I do indeed like (it is an Element skateboard shirt)... if people think its gay or I'm gay, that is their problem so fuck them. I also got my ear pierced. Since I am gay, most people would assume I should have gotten my right ear pierced. No, once again fuck that image so I got my left ear done and not the right.



Seriously, what the hell is up with that. yeah, so I like shiny things... does it matter where I put them on me.... I don't even wanna know where that orignated.

But Im probly never gonna let my mom find out, because I ALREADY have to let her know that I dont believe in God.....

Sigh.....

[Solstis]

On 2004-08-08 13:23, tai_EX wrote:


On 2004-08-08 13:12, Tycho wrote:
Don't mind anyone who has problems with you. They're just being narrowminded. and stupid.

Why should you give a fuck about what they think? People here like you already, exactly for who you are. So don't change just for random people irl.



everyones right ya kno! dont worry about the thoughts of others, you'll become paranoid. but then again do ont expose your weaknesses (hence me wearing sunglasses everywhere) but yet if those weanesses rise to the surface then just shrug it off and keep going. People who judge others are just insecure about themselves and like Tycho sed narrowminded and stupid. true friends will except you no matter what you look or act like, assholes with problems with their own whatevers will care. and those are the people who will get their karma in the end!

keep pullin strong! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif



And people call you a n00b? Work on that sentence structure, and you may become the next abdur! (all we have to do is to take him out now... >_>)

Paranoid? Been there, done that.