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Dabra
Jun 19, 2002, 04:44 PM
Each post one joke. You know, the traditional way: read them, comment them and post a joke.

Me first http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

A guy goes to a bar to get drunk. He gets in and walks to the bartender. On the way he checks out this tiny prick playing a piano.

Guy: Wow, where you get that small guy. He's so tiny!
Bartender: There's a gieney (how do you spell it!! i want to say that guy in an artifact that casts wishes) behind my counter who granted be a wish
Guy: Cool, can i have a wish?
Bartender: Suit yourself, but remember, you have to talk loud or the gieney (sp?) wont hear ya well. You only got one wish.

Guy goes over the back and asks 20 pair of socks because all of his are ripped and/or dirty. He leaves to check home if he has received his 20 pair of socks. He comes back to the bartender the next day.

Guy: Hey what is this, i got 20 pair of ducks instead of socks.
Bartender: Told you to talk loud. What, you think i asked for a 12-inch prick?
(thanks to bobjones for the joke)
Post away!!

Balthor
Jun 19, 2002, 04:50 PM
why are mushrooms so popular...
...
....
.....
because theyre FUN-GI! http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

wokka wokka wokka!

*yes yes throw your tomatoes later http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif*

nosaJ
Jun 19, 2002, 04:54 PM
*Brain freeze*
...
...
...

Daikarin
Jun 19, 2002, 05:03 PM
A priest and a sailor go to play golf together.
It's the sailor's turn to play. He swings and misses the ball.
- Fuck, I missed - he said.
The priest then says:
- My son, do not speak that way or God will punish you.
The sailor tries to hit the ball again and he misses.
- FUCK, I missed! - he repeats.
- My son, you really shouldn't speak that way or God WILL punish you! - the priest says.
The sailor goes for a 3rd swing... misses.
- FUCK, I miss... - he says.
- That's it, now God will most certainly punish you. - The priest says.
In that moment a bolt of lightning comes out from the heavens and hits the priest. And a voice from the sky says:
- FUCK, I MISSED!

Balthor
Jun 19, 2002, 05:06 PM
Man 1: MY CAT HAS NO NOSE!!!

Man 2: Thats awful! How does he smell?!

....

.....

.......

Man 3: AWFUL!!!

YUK YUK YUK!

god I love corn jokes http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

Dangerous55
Jun 19, 2002, 05:40 PM
Dabra I heard that one in many forms.

Jokes- Lol, I cant think of any...but I am on the case.

Last_Saiyan
Jun 19, 2002, 05:59 PM
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no

one wants to go there.


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a Dick.

rbf2000
Jun 19, 2002, 06:23 PM
This rope goes into a bar and asks the bartendor for a drink. The bartender replyed, "We don't serve your kind here."

So the rope goes outside tears his ends and gets all tangled up.

He went back in the bar and asked for a drink. The bartender asked, "Aren't you that rope that was just in here?"

And he replied, "No, I'm a Frayed knot."

nyuk nyuk nyuk.

EDIT: I think I got the joke right the second time...

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: rbf2000 on 2002-06-19 16:24 ]</font>

Balthor
Jun 19, 2002, 06:29 PM
knock knock...

whos there?

madam...

madam who?

....

....


.....

MA-DAM FOOT STUCK IN THE DOOR OPEN UP!

hyuk!

nosaJ
Jun 19, 2002, 06:35 PM
On 2002-06-19 15:03, Ultimate wrote:
A priest and a sailor go to play golf together.
It's the sailor's turn to play. He swings and misses the ball.
- Fuck, I missed - he said.
The priest then says:
- My son, do not speak that way or God will punish you.
The sailor tries to hit the ball again and he misses.
- FUCK, I missed! - he repeats.
- My son, you really shouldn't speak that way or God WILL punish you! - the priest says.
The sailor goes for a 3rd swing... misses.
- FUCK, I miss... - he says.
- That's it, now God will most certainly punish you. - The priest says.
In that moment a bolt of lightning comes out from the heavens and hits the priest. And a voice from the sky says:
- FUCK, I MISSED!



http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_lol.gif

Moo2u
Jun 19, 2002, 07:05 PM
I only know one joke that got me threw life.

A guy walks into a bar...

...ouch.

KodiaX987
Jun 19, 2002, 07:07 PM
Chinese Proverb: If you wake up one morning, that you scratch your ball and find out there are four, watch out; the enemy is near!

Dog law: If you can't eat it, if you can't fuck it, piss on it.



Forgetfulness. How did Captain Hook die?







He scratched his balls...

rbf2000
Jun 19, 2002, 07:23 PM
Confucious say: It is OK to meet girl in park. But it is better to park meat in girl.

TinyGrendel
Jun 19, 2002, 08:13 PM
man who run in front of car get tired

man who run behind car get exausted.

Mazarin
Jun 19, 2002, 08:24 PM
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He
finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to
the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde
joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to
him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you
should know five things...
1 -The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 -The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 -I'm a 6 feet tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 -The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional
weightlifter.
5 -The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his
head, and declares, "Nah... Not if I'm gonna have
to explain it five times."

OMAR
Jun 19, 2002, 09:08 PM
lol man these are great...ok i got one..not to sure if i can say it but oh well....

ok..so a girl goes to her church and enters the confesional box...and she tells the father..."Father i have sinned...i called a man a son of a bitch" the priest says"what, why did you call the man a son of a bitch...so the girl explains...she says "well i met this guy and he was moving really fast on our first date...he started to take off my shirt...
THE FATHER: Like this?
THE GIRL: yes father..like that
THE FATHER: Thats still no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.

Then the girl continues to say that the started to take off her pants...

THE FATHER: Like this?
THE GIRL: Yes father like that.
THE FATHER:Thats still no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.

Then the girl says that they started to have sex!

THE FATHER: Like this?
THE GIRL: *gasping for air* yes father...like that..
THE FATHER:Thats still no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.

The girl then says...after we were done he told me he had AIDS..

THE FATHER: ...THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!!

LOL also father means like priest or pastor...not an actual father..lol..just for the people that may not know...

-----------

Imagine that your driving a car and you cant let go of the gas...the brakes dont work...the doors are sealed shut ..theres a car next to you on both sides and your about to crash into a wall........what do you do?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Stop Imagining!

LOL
-------------
these may be a little racist but they arent to bad and they arent ment to be offensive..

What do you call a mexican with a rubber toe?
-
-
-
-
ROBERTO!..LOL

What do you call two mexicans playing basket ball?
-
-
-
-
Juan on Juan ...LOL ghahahhaha

---------
Theres three guys that work together...theres a black guy, rican guy and a polish guy...and they always have lunch together...the black guy opens up his lunch box and he has fried chicken, watermelon, and a biscuit...the puertorican guy opened his luch box and he had some rice and beans...the polish guy opens his luch box and he has a sandwich...they eat there lunch and the black guy says "If i have this lunch one more time i'm going to kill myself!" so the other two agreed......
The next day the black guy opens his lunch box and sees fried chicken, watermelon , and a biscuit...he eats his meal and kills himself...the rican guy has the same as the day before..he eats it and kills himself....the same with the polish guy...
So at the funeral the black guys wife was crying and screeming" If only i knew...i would have made him something else!!!" the rican guys wife says the same thing...
The polish guys wife says "I dont know why he killed himself..........he makes his own lunch!" ..........LOL hahahuahah

Kent
Jun 19, 2002, 09:27 PM
On 2002-06-19 14:44, Dabra_Shenrox wrote:
gieney (how do you spell it!! i want to say that guy in an artifact that casts wishes)

That's one hell of a typo...

It's Genie.

OwenHimura
Jun 19, 2002, 09:35 PM
hahahahahahahaha these are good!!!

i think i got one but it sound weird typing i try.warning its type nasty

A little girls parents were going to the opra and they hired a male baby sitter.when the girl parents left the man was cleaning the dishes.the little girl said can i see that.so the man gave her the fork and said be careful.she played with it.Then the man took a bath and was cleaninhg himself with the towel.when he got dressed the little girl saw the towel and said can i see that.he gave her the towel and said ok here.that night the guy went to bed then the little girl came and said can i play with your body.the man said ok but be careful.he went to slee.the nest day he woke up he was in the hospital and he saw the little girl.he asked what happened to me?.she said remember when i said i can play with your body.he said yes.then the little girl replied well i saw a big snake and it spit at me so i bit it.

haha

XBOX_JEDI
Jun 19, 2002, 09:50 PM
On 2002-06-19 19:08, OMAR wrote:
lol man these are great...ok i got one..not to sure if i can say it but oh well....

ok..so a girl goes to her church and enters the confesional box...and she tells the father..."Father i have sinned...i called a man a son of a bitch" the priest says"what, why did you call the man a son of a bitch...so the girl explains...she says "well i met this guy and he was moving really fast on our first date...he started to take off my shirt...
THE FATHER: Like this?
THE GIRL: yes father..like that
THE FATHER: Thats still no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.

Then the girl continues to say that the started to take off her pants...

THE FATHER: Like this?
THE GIRL: Yes father like that.
THE FATHER:Thats still no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.

Then the girl says that they started to have sex!

THE FATHER: Like this?
THE GIRL: *gasping for air* yes father...like that..
THE FATHER:Thats still no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.

The girl then says...after we were done he told me he had AIDS..

THE FATHER: ...THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!!

LOL also father means like priest or pastor...not an actual father..lol..just for the people that may not know...

-----------

Imagine that your driving a car and you cant let go of the gas...the brakes dont work...the doors are sealed shut ..theres a car next to you on both sides and your about to crash into a wall........what do you do?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Stop Imagining!

LOL
-------------
these may be a little racist but they arent to bad and they arent ment to be offensive..

What do you call a mexican with a rubber toe?
-
-
-
-
ROBERTO!..LOL

What do you call two mexicans playing basket ball?
-
-
-
-
Juan on Juan ...LOL ghahahhaha



I heard something like that on comicview

Dabra
Jun 20, 2002, 09:20 AM
Here's a good one.

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't wake up, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Damnit !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even wake from her sleep. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

Daikarin
Jun 20, 2002, 09:35 AM
On 2002-06-19 18:24, Mazarin wrote:
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He
finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to
the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde
joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to
him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you
should know five things...
1 -The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 -The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 -I'm a 6 feet tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 -The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional
weightlifter.
5 -The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his
head, and declares, "Nah... Not if I'm gonna have
to explain it five times."



LMAO http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif http://www.pso-world.com/psoworld/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif

Daikarin
Jun 20, 2002, 09:54 AM
There was a man who was dying to use the toilet. He enters a restaurant and asks for the bathroom. After it is pointed to him, he rushes to find a huge line of people waiting for their turns.
- Oh man, I can't hold it anymore - he thought.
Then he tries to find someplace else to do what he needs to.
He walks up the stairs into the first floor and finds a hole in the ground. Very pleased, he goes and shits in the hole.
He comes downstairs all dandy when he find out that everyone on the restaurant is under their tables.
- What happened? - he asked.
- Where were YOU when shit fell on the fan???

--------------------------------------------

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven. He goes to visit God. He tells him:
- My son, due to your good deeds on earth, I will give you a prize.
Then, God gives Bill a golden bracelet.
- Whoa, thank you! - Bill says.
Later, Bill is strolling heaven and he finds a guy next to a huge golden Limousine.
- Is that pure gold? - Bill asks.
- Yes it is, it was given to me by God for my good deeds on earth. - the guy replies.
- Whoa, you must have been a great person to be given such a prize! - Bill adds.
- Indeed, I was the captain of the Titanic. - The guy answers.
This pisses Bill off. He then goes back to God to have some answers.
- What is going on? I created Windows, brought happiness to millions of people in their own home and I only got this bracelet, while that guy over there was the captain of Titanic and got a golden car all to himself? Don't you think creating Windows is better than being a captain of a stupid ship?
- True - God replies - But the Titanic only crashed once.

KodiaX987
Jun 20, 2002, 10:18 AM
A guest at a golf club is busy taking a shower after his game, until he hears female voices, and finds out he mistakenly went to take a shower in the ladies locker.

Now what, he thinks. Should I use my towel to cover my head, or cover my crotch? After some thought, he decides to cover his head, and rushes out of the locker.

A group of three ladies see him running past them. The first one takes a look...

"This isn't my husband."

The second woman looks too.

"This isn't my husband either."

The third woman looks as well.

"He isn't even a club member!"

Last_Saiyan
Jun 20, 2002, 11:19 AM
Pre-Nuptial Agreement
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York.

The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.

"I'll only marry you under three conditions."

"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.

"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."

Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"

The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.

"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Poconos along with a 40 acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."

The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"

The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.

"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10 inch penis."

A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"

Dabra
Jun 20, 2002, 12:59 PM
haha good one saiyan.

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

Kupi
Jun 20, 2002, 02:01 PM
What do you call an elephant in a telephone booth?
Stuck.

What do you call a good-looking, kind, and fluffy monster?
A complete failure.

Those are the only two I can remember right now. X_x

Last_Saiyan
Jun 20, 2002, 02:06 PM
The Monkey Who Eats Everything In Sight! Uhh, ouch!!


A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.


While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that huge cue ball he measures everything first!"

rbf2000
Jun 20, 2002, 05:39 PM
A mom was talking
with her four year old son. He was asking her why all
their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their
noses are plugged up.

"They think we have an accent," she replied.

"But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk
funny?"

"Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To
them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are
d-r-a-w-n out."

His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You
mean they hear funny too?"