This sucks. I can't come to terms with this.

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

I don't mean to spill my personal feelings here if anyone does not want to read them, but since there are others who maybe can relate to this experience I will post this. Everyone who doesn't want to read this please move along.

"I don't think we will be celebrating Christmas this year. Grandpa is gone. It is not the same."

I brought up the subject of Christmas recently to my mother. Just randomly and not asking any specifics. This was the response.
It hurts to know that he will not be there this year. He passed in the summer. I never even thought of this possibility when he passed. It must have slipped my mind, and should have been the last thing on my mind anyway in a time of mourning.

An annual event of my family's will not be the same again, EVER.
This one day out of the year has meant so much to me. Knowing it can't be the same from now on is very hard to take. Knowing he will not be around, knowing everyone misses him, knowing we can't be around him on this day is very painful. This will be a different type of emotional day this year. A complete opposite of what it always HAS BEEN and what has been engraved in my mind as what SHOULD BE.

I can't fathom what will happen, don't want to think about what the day will be like now. I have to put it out of my mind and live in the moment right? Don't be upset at things that cannot be changed, things that have happened and cannot be undone.

Don't live with a huge burden of unneccesary regret.

-Hehe. Anything I asked for in a list, he purchased and put "santa's" name on the tag every year, regardless of how old I was and knew whom Santa "really was".

He made sure all the price tags were wiped out, even purchased things that I had crossed out on the lists in error. Last year I got to ask him what he wanted, spend the time he always did for me. Got to spend money on something he wanted. Went overboard too and ended up giving him 11 DVD's instead of the 3 or so he wanted. Hehe, oops. The previous few times I had taken less time to purchase gifts for him. I felt better knowing I had spent more time than usual last year.-

Damn.
There is a void, an empty space in my life now.
How does it get filled? Or will it? Can it be filled? Should it be if it can?
Too many questions. Not enough answers. Not enough time...I'm thinking way too far into this.

[ABDUR101]

I think you know as well as I do that your Grandfather would want all of you to continue on, as if he were there. He would'nt want to be the reason that every holiday and good time to be had is ruined or not celebrated because it's "not the same".

I was really close to my great grandmother when I was younger, she lived with us for many, many years before she got really down medically and had to be bedridden, and was barely alive on machines. It was an akward adjustment, not having her there every day in her rocking chair, not at every meal, nor to see us wake up on holidays with smiles on our faces as we came down the steps. But she would'nt have wanted us to stop enjoying the things we all shared with her just because she wasn't there for them.

You should'nt try and fill the void that your Grandfather "left behind". You fill that void with all of those good times and memories you've had with him, and thats all you should try and fill it with. Don't try and "replace" any of that with anything else. It would be a great dishonor.

All you have to do, is remember him and the good times you had while you're still having good times. Holding him in memory is the best you could ever do for him.

[Allos]

You just have to move on and remember him for what he was. Just keep living or you'll end up dwelling on the subject until your depression consumes you entirely.

[Sagasu]

Life moves on.

Time heals all wounds.

etc.

[Deathscythealpha]

My Nan died in september last year. It was a very hard time for me (im 8 hours away from home with Univeristy at the minute) and we were all upset.

However when it came to christmas we knew my Nan wasnt there, she wouldnt be messing around, getting us all to where the paperhats and serving us the great food she would normally prepere for us. But it was nice to remember those special things she used to do, and enjoy the day knwoing the fact that she would have wanted us to carry on enjoying ourselves. Im gunna miss her like hell this christmas again (i miss her like hell right now), but im still going to enjoy the day like she would have wanted me to.

Enjoy the day, your grand father would have wanted you to do that.