anwserman
Dec 3, 2004, 05:41 PM
This has been a shitty week for me; oddly enough, it wasn't even problems in my life that made it so miserable (perhaps exausting is the better word for it)... it was Mitch.
Now, before you guys ALL ream me for posting about him, please realize that it isn't about my friendship with him, but his relationship with his now former-girlfriend and how I came to this actual topic.
Basically, Mitch and I have been good friends for the last year and a half or so. Throughout our tenture of our friendship, he's had a girlfriend that I'll name "Becky". Ya know, a girlfriend. They just celebrated their 3rd year anniversary about a month or so ago. At the same time, I've witnessed their relationship with each other and things have rattled me to the core, so much to the point where I talked to Mitch and basically said, "Work to improve the relationship and make things better" or "Ditch the relationship." He has always chose the former, and never the latter. I talked to him this last Tuesday about his relationship with Becky again, and... he chose the ladder. It is over between Mitch and Becky.
I spoke the truth, to the point to where he said, "You're in the know. You know our relationship." But, the fact of the matter is (and what pisses me off) is how a person can be manipulated, or better yet how somebody could manipulate someone and not feel guilty. No, this wasn't a 'guy-abuse-girl' scenario, the vice-versa. Verbally. Manipulatively.
See, Mitch and I have a close relationship with each other, friendwise. Part of that is due to the fact that I am gay, and that I see him as more then "just a friend"... (no, we're not groin buddies and we do not fuck, we're just close friends... so if you believe otherwise, go to hell.) Basically, I watch out for him more so then I probably should but I've saved his ass more then once on occasion. Anyone else would have overlooked everything I saw, but since I am concerned about his happiness - I witnessed, remembered, evaluated and saw exactly the tricks that were being pulled.
JUST BE WITH ME, DAMMIT! No, Becky, Mitch is his own human being. You guys are 3.5 hours apart, and he does have a life outside of talking on the phone every five minutes in a baby voice saying that he misses you.
Wait, that is fine to do that once in a while. But, why call every thirty minutes and request that he spends time doing nothing but talk to you, constantly, repeadly? Or better yet, yelling at him because he is doing other things?
Case in point: A friend Mitch hasn't seen in a good six months came by and called to see him, since they haven't seen each other in duh, six months. So, obviously they're friends so Mitch wants to see him. Becky calls, wonder what he is doing, and he says that he is going to see Tony.
She bitches at him.
He tries to explain, and she accuses of him of going over to see girls.
He says they're just going to hang and talk, she says that he doesn't want to talk to her, he says he does but she says she needs to go to bed and hangs up on him... she'll call him tomorrow.
Fine. Around 8:30, him and Tony are done and he calls me to see if I can help him on homework. OK, no problem, I'm not busy. So. I'm over there, Becky calls AGAIN, to find out that I'm over helping him do homework. She bitches at him again, causing an argument on the phone.
End of conversation.
She calls again about 15 minutes later.
Argument.
End of conversation.
Rinse, lather and repeat.
Wouldn't a decent boyfriend/girlfriend be happy that you're seeing a friend that you haven't seen in months, or that you're doing your homework? Whatever happened to having trust, too?
THE RULES DON'T APPLY TO ME!
"Mitch, I don't want to talk to you for a while. Don't talk or message me for a long time!" This is what Becky said when they broke up Wednesday night.
Yet, she felt compelled to call him on his cell-phone at least 8 times last night, Thursday. And when he didn't answer the cellphone, she called the house. Until he talked to her.
...
This has happened before during their relationship (thankfully it is now over for the time-being). And what happens, she argues with him. What ever happened to, "I don't want to talk to you." I forgot, only when you don't want to talk to him, its OK. It is completely OK for you, Becky, to not talk to him when you don't want to but not for him to not want to talk to you.
Better yet. I don't want you to go out with your friends Mitch. So, I'll just bitch at you instead even though you invite me over. Yet, I don't give a damn about what you think when I go out with my friends.
Face it. It is over. You fucked up repeadedly you manipulative bitch.
THATS OK, GO AGAINST YOUR WORD AS AN EXCUSE TO GET ANGRY AT HIM!
See above.
She says she'll call the next day.
Instead, Becky calls 30 minutes later, wondering what he is doing. He says he is busy, she bitches at him, causing an argument.
STOP USING YOUR WEIGHT AS AN EXCUSE FOR EVERYTHING DAMMIT!
Yes, Becky is slightly bigger, but not "gonna die from a heart-attack at any moment" bigger. Anyway, true love sees behind a few imperfections.
So, she uses her weight as an excuse for everything... previously controlling his time with friends at and times family.
"You're going out to the bars with your friends, so you can hook up with girls just because I'm fat!"
"You don't want to do anything with me because I'm bigger!"
Ad nauseum.
Yes, you're bigger. If you're unhappy with yourself, CHANGE. Wait a moment... see next point.
WHY CHANGE YOURSELF WHEN YOU GOT HIM UNDER YOUR THUMB?
Mitch is a person that tries to appease everyone. Becky is bigger, and can play the sympathy "pity me and my weight" card to woo him back.
So, it is my belief that Mitch is a gorgeous, attractive, great-looking guy with an energetic, charismatic and an awesome personality.
Becky is a spoiled, whiney little brat. Really, she is. I've seen and witnessed it... with a voice that brings back memories of nails on a chalkboard.
So, why change who and what you are when you've got a perfect guy right in the palm of your hand? He keeps coming back to you, irregardless of how you treat him, so why *exert energy to lose weight!* *why change your demeanor!* *why change yourself so other people like you!*
Right now, Becky is hurting because, unlike this time, Mitch ISN'T coming back to her. She's stuck in a rut; she's unattractive (that isn't the gayness in me speaking either), a personality that sucks and well... ugh. Much better fish in the sea.
Relationships suck.
I could post more, but that will be in replies if people want more in-depth stories.
But please, point being... if you see a friend who is in a miserable relationship PLEASE be a good friend and help him/her. It will be the best thing you could ever do for them.
Now, before you guys ALL ream me for posting about him, please realize that it isn't about my friendship with him, but his relationship with his now former-girlfriend and how I came to this actual topic.
Basically, Mitch and I have been good friends for the last year and a half or so. Throughout our tenture of our friendship, he's had a girlfriend that I'll name "Becky". Ya know, a girlfriend. They just celebrated their 3rd year anniversary about a month or so ago. At the same time, I've witnessed their relationship with each other and things have rattled me to the core, so much to the point where I talked to Mitch and basically said, "Work to improve the relationship and make things better" or "Ditch the relationship." He has always chose the former, and never the latter. I talked to him this last Tuesday about his relationship with Becky again, and... he chose the ladder. It is over between Mitch and Becky.
I spoke the truth, to the point to where he said, "You're in the know. You know our relationship." But, the fact of the matter is (and what pisses me off) is how a person can be manipulated, or better yet how somebody could manipulate someone and not feel guilty. No, this wasn't a 'guy-abuse-girl' scenario, the vice-versa. Verbally. Manipulatively.
See, Mitch and I have a close relationship with each other, friendwise. Part of that is due to the fact that I am gay, and that I see him as more then "just a friend"... (no, we're not groin buddies and we do not fuck, we're just close friends... so if you believe otherwise, go to hell.) Basically, I watch out for him more so then I probably should but I've saved his ass more then once on occasion. Anyone else would have overlooked everything I saw, but since I am concerned about his happiness - I witnessed, remembered, evaluated and saw exactly the tricks that were being pulled.
JUST BE WITH ME, DAMMIT! No, Becky, Mitch is his own human being. You guys are 3.5 hours apart, and he does have a life outside of talking on the phone every five minutes in a baby voice saying that he misses you.
Wait, that is fine to do that once in a while. But, why call every thirty minutes and request that he spends time doing nothing but talk to you, constantly, repeadly? Or better yet, yelling at him because he is doing other things?
Case in point: A friend Mitch hasn't seen in a good six months came by and called to see him, since they haven't seen each other in duh, six months. So, obviously they're friends so Mitch wants to see him. Becky calls, wonder what he is doing, and he says that he is going to see Tony.
She bitches at him.
He tries to explain, and she accuses of him of going over to see girls.
He says they're just going to hang and talk, she says that he doesn't want to talk to her, he says he does but she says she needs to go to bed and hangs up on him... she'll call him tomorrow.
Fine. Around 8:30, him and Tony are done and he calls me to see if I can help him on homework. OK, no problem, I'm not busy. So. I'm over there, Becky calls AGAIN, to find out that I'm over helping him do homework. She bitches at him again, causing an argument on the phone.
End of conversation.
She calls again about 15 minutes later.
Argument.
End of conversation.
Rinse, lather and repeat.
Wouldn't a decent boyfriend/girlfriend be happy that you're seeing a friend that you haven't seen in months, or that you're doing your homework? Whatever happened to having trust, too?
THE RULES DON'T APPLY TO ME!
"Mitch, I don't want to talk to you for a while. Don't talk or message me for a long time!" This is what Becky said when they broke up Wednesday night.
Yet, she felt compelled to call him on his cell-phone at least 8 times last night, Thursday. And when he didn't answer the cellphone, she called the house. Until he talked to her.
...
This has happened before during their relationship (thankfully it is now over for the time-being). And what happens, she argues with him. What ever happened to, "I don't want to talk to you." I forgot, only when you don't want to talk to him, its OK. It is completely OK for you, Becky, to not talk to him when you don't want to but not for him to not want to talk to you.
Better yet. I don't want you to go out with your friends Mitch. So, I'll just bitch at you instead even though you invite me over. Yet, I don't give a damn about what you think when I go out with my friends.
Face it. It is over. You fucked up repeadedly you manipulative bitch.
THATS OK, GO AGAINST YOUR WORD AS AN EXCUSE TO GET ANGRY AT HIM!
See above.
She says she'll call the next day.
Instead, Becky calls 30 minutes later, wondering what he is doing. He says he is busy, she bitches at him, causing an argument.
STOP USING YOUR WEIGHT AS AN EXCUSE FOR EVERYTHING DAMMIT!
Yes, Becky is slightly bigger, but not "gonna die from a heart-attack at any moment" bigger. Anyway, true love sees behind a few imperfections.
So, she uses her weight as an excuse for everything... previously controlling his time with friends at and times family.
"You're going out to the bars with your friends, so you can hook up with girls just because I'm fat!"
"You don't want to do anything with me because I'm bigger!"
Ad nauseum.
Yes, you're bigger. If you're unhappy with yourself, CHANGE. Wait a moment... see next point.
WHY CHANGE YOURSELF WHEN YOU GOT HIM UNDER YOUR THUMB?
Mitch is a person that tries to appease everyone. Becky is bigger, and can play the sympathy "pity me and my weight" card to woo him back.
So, it is my belief that Mitch is a gorgeous, attractive, great-looking guy with an energetic, charismatic and an awesome personality.
Becky is a spoiled, whiney little brat. Really, she is. I've seen and witnessed it... with a voice that brings back memories of nails on a chalkboard.
So, why change who and what you are when you've got a perfect guy right in the palm of your hand? He keeps coming back to you, irregardless of how you treat him, so why *exert energy to lose weight!* *why change your demeanor!* *why change yourself so other people like you!*
Right now, Becky is hurting because, unlike this time, Mitch ISN'T coming back to her. She's stuck in a rut; she's unattractive (that isn't the gayness in me speaking either), a personality that sucks and well... ugh. Much better fish in the sea.
Relationships suck.
I could post more, but that will be in replies if people want more in-depth stories.
But please, point being... if you see a friend who is in a miserable relationship PLEASE be a good friend and help him/her. It will be the best thing you could ever do for them.