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navci
Dec 9, 2004, 02:01 AM
Apparently mom called.
Whine whine whine.
About how stupid I am for not going back, job is like so fucking easy in HK. Blah blah blah. Am I dating some dude here, is that why I don't wanna go back? How about this, because you both are such manipulative fucking whining bastard that wants nothing but me being a dancing puppet in your hand that makes me swear to never go back if I have a breath left.

Instead of making bro get a job to help out, they are whining about how I am not making enough.
Fuck. This boy is your responsibility, not mine. I can't move out, or planning to go away because I am fucking responsible for some child I didn't bear for sex I didn't have. How about you shut the fuck up and go fuck yourself in the ass. I am not even ASKING YOU FOR MONEY.

Fuck you. Stop trying to control me. I am not your puppet doll.

Of course. Bank account balance = -50.22

RicoRoyal
Dec 9, 2004, 02:16 AM
Lovely rant.
I gib it an 11 out of 10.

You ever try telling your mom any of this? (in a much calmer tone of course) I'm sure you already tried your miserable brother, so I won't even suggest you try talking to him like civilized human beings. Or actually, maybe you should try blowing up over the phone with your mom. Sorry to hear shit sucks for you right now, and just know that I respect you x infinity for having the courage to stay where you're at regardless of how bad the situation gets. You may not be able to verbably stand up to your mom, but by not going back you're proving to yourself that no one, not even that woman, can step over you. Stay strong, navi.




<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: RicoRoyal on 2004-12-08 23:16 ]</font>

HAYABUSA-FMW-
Dec 9, 2004, 02:18 AM
Damn. My condolences.

I have forgotten that hearing others' troubles often shows how yours are not as bad, not worthy of being so depressed about.

Yeah. We all crave acceptance. We all crave the freedoms that come with it.

I'm not going to say anything bad about the person on the other end of that phone call, its not my place or right to do so with limited knowledge of the situation.

However,
Your mother should respect your wishes, your goals, your current life, how you dress/what you like to do on your free time, whatever.
It can't be easy on someone who wishes the best for you, but never says it to your face, living many miles away with suddenly no sense of control over the situation: Your Life.

And seriously, take it as that, Your Life!

She is trying to guide you as best she can right? that is her intention. Offering suggestions of going back home for an easy job? But look, you don't want THAT job!
She should accept it. It won't happen overnight. Take it in stride. She IS trying to HELP, but it comes across as nagging/complaining, because you've heard it before, there may be some truth in it, and you may need to hear some nagging to get things in perspective sometimes no?

Sorta off topic:
Does your lil bro get many phone calls as well?
Maybe he should get some more too, eh? or hand the phone over to him if he's within reach when you have had enough of the current topics being said over the phone.
He will get an earful and you can wander off with him at the phone now!
Sweet, simple, revenge!(or something like it)
-_-!

navci
Dec 9, 2004, 02:28 AM
See. The thing is. I have actually spoken aggressively with my parents before. I did it when Mix was here, when I first got my job. I yelled into the phone (because all my previous calm attempts doesn't work). Nothing got me anywhere.

They don't respect me as a person. That is why I always have low self-esteem, depressed and a fucking pushover. I like my job now. It isn't the best job ever, it pays shitty. But at work I am treated like a person, not a stupid piece of shit. People actually compliment me, they like me, and think I am great. I am a fucking ASSET. This is why it is even more aggrevating now to hear their crap.

And Hayabusa. Handing the phone over doesn't work. They don't yell at him. He is TOO YOUNG. I am the one that should be responsible for all the shit in the world.

Yepp.
I did it all.
FUCK YOU.

HAYABUSA-FMW-
Dec 9, 2004, 02:51 AM
On 2004-12-08 23:28, navinator wrote:

They don't respect me as a person. That is why I always have low self-esteem, depressed and a fucking pushover. I like my job now. It isn't the best job ever, it pays shitty. But at work I am treated like a person, not a stupid piece of shit. People actually compliment me, they like me, and think I am great. I am a fucking ASSET. This is why it is even more aggrevating now to hear their crap.

And Hayabusa. Handing the phone over doesn't work. They don't yell at him. He is TOO YOUNG. I am the one that should be responsible for all the shit in the world.

Yepp.
I did it all.
FUCK YOU.


Yep. "Easier said than done."
And
"It doesn't work."

I was expecting this, and could have assumed it but you know, assuming is wrong!

I'll give you an assumed answer here then maybe? Cuz assuming is WRONG and I'm gonna assume you want some advice, erm something... :

You have to realize that yeah there are people who treat you like a human being, respect you and your wishes, and give you praise for accomplishments(however small that they may be to some people.)

Prof Frink let me in on this type of advice:
The people who respect you don't have to be your family, parents, siblings, etc.
You aren't magically going to be best friends with utmost respect on both sides just because of blood.

There does not have to be a sacred bond. They're just family. Everyone has stupid, lazy, whiny, jerk, good, bad, nice, generous, greedy, etc. types of family members somewhere. You deal, learn to deal, or attempt to try to deal with these problems. You can work through them, around them, away from them, etc.

Yeah preaching to the choir, though. We all know this. Find your own way. There's always suggestions and support for you though. You can get good ideas anywhere and from anyone.

Aredhel
Dec 9, 2004, 02:52 AM
On 2004-12-08 23:28, navinator wrote:
They don't respect me as a person. That is why I always have low self-esteem, depressed and a fucking pushover.


It may be very disheartening to hear from them, but, ultimately, how consequential are their judgements of you? Will they withold rent money for you if you act in a way they disapporove of? I know it's not something most people want to test, but if they're people worth depending on or talking to, they should understand how much of a human being you are first-off. We can tell you how much your parents *should* care about you, but that won't really change things with them, now will it?

Using them as an excuse for your self-esteem though, is not going to advance things anywhere. You have got to be bold in the face of such people, even if they are your parents - you can't let them get you down. The fact that you know you have issues with this at least shows that you have the potential to rise above it. I'm not saying you should be arrogant - just reserved (to a certain extent) and outspoken for your own benefit.

No matter what anyone here tells you though, it can only change your situation if you take action. We can give you the greatest advice in the world and it will be totally useless if you don't do something about it. Your life is just that - yours. Don't let other people interfere and don't let other people walk all over you - this isn't arrogance or pride - this is the very foundation for individuality.

Mixfortune
Dec 9, 2004, 03:21 AM
On 2004-12-08 23:52, Aredhel wrote:


On 2004-12-08 23:28, navinator wrote:
They don't respect me as a person. That is why I always have low self-esteem, depressed and a fucking pushover.


It may be very disheartening to hear from them, but, ultimately, how consequential are their judgements of you? Will they withold rent money for you if you act in a way they disapporove of? I know it's not something most people want to test, but if they're people worth depending on or talking to, they should understand how much of a human being you are first-off. We can tell you how much your parents *should* care about you, but that won't really change things with them, now will it?

Using them as an excuse for your self-esteem though, is not going to advance things anywhere. You have got to be bold in the face of such people, even if they are your parents - you can't let them get you down. The fact that you know you have issues with this at least shows that you have the potential to rise above it. I'm not saying you should be arrogant - just reserved (to a certain extent) and outspoken for your own benefit.

No matter what anyone here tells you though, it can only change your situation if you take action. We can give you the greatest advice in the world and it will be totally useless if you don't do something about it. Your life is just that - yours. Don't let other people interfere and don't let other people walk all over you - this isn't arrogance or pride - this is the very foundation for individuality.



Speaking with navi on these points various times, I've come across several if not all of these points at one time or another. Given that each person is different in how their experiences and perhaps a good part of their childhood has been, can develop certain personalities and responses to things over time.

Basically, on the point of rising above the insults, it's not as if she weren't trying. It's just that, living a whole childhood and life under the insults can make one form a lower self-esteem, just for growing up in that kind of environment. It is true, however, that she is making improvement as of yet. It seems as if she is taking a lot of the insults and flimsy arguments of her parents and taking them as all out bullshit, which indeed it is.

Just because it may seem like it's an "excuse for having low self-esteem", that does not necessarily mean that she isn't fighting the continued insults, etc., it just gave shape to a part of her personality.

As for changing the situation by taking action, she is taking action. She's gotten a job to support herself and her brother who does nothing but sit at home all day and sometimes go to school. It's hard, to be sure, but she's still giving it her best. It's not like she's doing nothing to fight it. It seems rather you took one of the general ideas and elaborated on it, but there's much more to it than that alone.

pixelate
Dec 9, 2004, 03:22 AM
On 2004-12-08 23:52, Aredhel wrote:
It may be very disheartening to hear from them, but, ultimately, how consequential are their judgements of you? Will they withold rent money for you if you act in a way they disapporove of? I know it's not something most people want to test, but if they're people worth depending on or talking to, they should understand how much of a human being you are first-off. We can tell you how much your parents *should* care about you, but that won't really change things with them, now will it?

Using them as an excuse for your self-esteem though, is not going to advance things anywhere. You have got to be bold in the face of such people, even if they are your parents - you can't let them get you down. The fact that you know you have issues with this at least shows that you have the potential to rise above it. I'm not saying you should be arrogant - just reserved (to a certain extent) and outspoken for your own benefit.

No matter what anyone here tells you though, it can only change your situation if you take action. We can give you the greatest advice in the world and it will be totally useless if you don't do something about it. Your life is just that - yours. Don't let other people interfere and don't let other people walk all over you - this isn't arrogance or pride - this is the very foundation for individuality.



What self-help text book are you pulling all this shit from? Or do you have 'em on tape and listen to 'em while you sleep? Come on. Have some original thought. Everything you mention is also on day-time television aimed towards women who sit at home all day. Put on some hair rollers and slippers and go watch The View.

navci
Dec 9, 2004, 03:29 AM
There should be a "The Aredhel show".
And then he can publish a magazine and earn millions of bucks.

That'd totally rulez.

And at the end, I leave you a quote:


<Miximum> "ARGH! My internal soulless spiritual essense is eviserately flowing forth from my sight receptacle!"


Word.

HAYABUSA-FMW-
Dec 9, 2004, 03:35 AM
On 2004-12-09 00:22, pixelate wrote:


On 2004-12-08 23:52, Aredhel wrote:
It may be very disheartening to hear from them, but, ultimately, how consequential are their judgements of you? Will they withold rent money for you if you act in a way they disapporove of? I know it's not something most people want to test, but if they're people worth depending on or talking to, they should understand how much of a human being you are first-off. We can tell you how much your parents *should* care about you, but that won't really change things with them, now will it?

Using them as an excuse for your self-esteem though, is not going to advance things anywhere. You have got to be bold in the face of such people, even if they are your parents - you can't let them get you down. The fact that you know you have issues with this at least shows that you have the potential to rise above it. I'm not saying you should be arrogant - just reserved (to a certain extent) and outspoken for your own benefit.

No matter what anyone here tells you though, it can only change your situation if you take action. We can give you the greatest advice in the world and it will be totally useless if you don't do something about it. Your life is just that - yours. Don't let other people interfere and don't let other people walk all over you - this isn't arrogance or pride - this is the very foundation for individuality.


What self-help text book are you pulling all this shit from? Or do you have 'em on tape and listen to 'em while you sleep? Come on. Have some original thought. Everything you mention is also on day-time television aimed towards women who sit at home all day. Put on some hair rollers and slippers and go watch The View.

Hey there. Don't be so negative.
We all saw this type of response coming as well and have seen it before, but that doesn't mean it should not have been said. It may be mostly common sense but it contributed in one way or another to the discussion right? can we agree on that?

Its one side of the arguement/discussion. Only mere opinionated facts perhaps?
It was noteworthy enough for the poster to say, therefore it has contributed to the discussion.

We can't be soo considerate from a practical real-life form or use of course, it is more of the 'afterthought/best way/after the fact' type of action.

-Back on topic:
Yes an upbringing around negativity can cripple you in a sense of short term production such as self respect, but if you muster up enough of the courage and strength under pressure, you will come out a stronger person than you ever imagined you would be.

Or ... you know... something. (Insert teenager steroetypical "Whatever" emotion face here)

Deathscythealpha
Dec 9, 2004, 05:12 AM
I really cant work out what your parents are trying to gain from your phone calls from them, but it doesnt seem to be doing much more then making you hate them and you becoming depressed. If i was getting the phone calls from my parents constantly like that I think i would have taken two actions by now:

1)Blown up and yelled at them (you seem to have done this and got no where)

2)Hung up.

I have fallen out with my parents before over stupid stuff, and i found that if i just hung the phone up they would either phone up slightly calmer to stop me doing it, or i would just hang up till they gave up. Rude? Yes, but it does help you feel slightly better.

I would also throw something at your brother and get him to actually do something. A shoe is a great thing to chuck at someone, but you can substitue that with soemthing heavier if you feel thats more appropriate.

KodiaX987
Dec 9, 2004, 07:45 AM
I'll propose a completely different idea here.

Get caller ID. If it says "Out of Area", don't answer.

Aredhel
Dec 9, 2004, 10:38 AM
On 2004-12-09 00:29, navinator wrote:
There should be a "The Aredhel show".
And then he can publish a magazine and earn millions of bucks.

That'd totally rulez.

And at the end, I leave you a quote:


<Miximum> "ARGH! My internal soulless spiritual essense is eviserately flowing forth from my sight receptacle!"


Word.



And so you would just totally discredit what I said? It may have been re-stating the obvious, but nothing shall change the fact that you are still having problems with your parents -the same problems, it would seem- and you almost refuse to do anything drastic to help yourself. Or maybe you are making significant strides, you just chose to come here and remake the same rant as though you've managed to make no progress.

There's no way for anyone to effectively follow the paper trail that is your drama.

[/dons flame suit yet again]

navci
Dec 9, 2004, 01:18 PM
On 2004-12-09 07:38, Aredhel wrote:

And so you would just totally discredit what I said? It may have been re-stating the obvious, but nothing shall change the fact that you are still having problems with your parents -the same problems, it would seem- and you almost refuse to do anything drastic to help yourself.



How about this, you drop the judgement for a while and look at what everyone is saying here. Which is kinda what quite a few of you has missed. I am really not looking for advice. I was merely angry and feel like I want to yell at something. Yes, I COULD go yell at my parents, but it doesn't do anything but make things worse. So I hammer my keyboard.

The truth is, at this very moment, I don't give a flying fuck about what they are saying. I am merely annoyed like I am with a mosquito that is constantly flying around your face.




Or maybe you are making significant strides, you just chose to come here and remake the same rant as though you've managed to make no progress.



You know. You been making the same kinda post over and over again to every single person who choose to post in this forum. Why don't you try to realize this is the rants forum, and people come to rant. If you disagree with it, don't post. Don't give me this judgement shit.

You casually walk into every single thread where people need to vent their anger and pass a judgement on how they need to look into their soul or how they are not doing anything constructive or whatever stuff you like to pull out from your... wherever as if you know anything and everything about the world.

Ya. This is my problem with you.
You don't have a right to pass a judgement, so why don't you stop it.



There's no way for anyone to effectively follow the paper trail that is your drama.

[/dons flame suit yet again]



Oh, fancy words.
I know you are prolly gonna come up with some post and say I am taking you personally and shit. But hey, this thread is about me, everything is personal. Why don't you just do me a favour and stay out. If you think I am such a drama queen and shit anyway, just stay the fuck away. Less annoyance for us both.

Outrider
Dec 9, 2004, 01:27 PM
Holy crap. Sorry to hear about all this, navster. I kind figured that once you started taking care of yourself your parents would have no other choice but to leave you alone, but I guess not. Maybe things will look better soon? I... dunno.

Damn, I wish there was some way I could help. I guess just don't let it become more than a mosquito buzzing around.

Mixfortune
Dec 9, 2004, 01:29 PM
On 2004-12-09 07:38, Aredhel wrote:

And so you would just totally discredit what I said? It may have been re-stating the obvious, but nothing shall change the fact that you are still having problems with your parents -the same problems, it would seem- and you almost refuse to do anything drastic to help yourself. Or maybe you are making significant strides, you just chose to come here and remake the same rant as though you've managed to make no progress.

There's no way for anyone to effectively follow the paper trail that is your drama.

[/dons flame suit yet again]



The point is, she HAS been making great improvements and has worked and is working hard at what she is doing, both against her parents and for herself in general.


and you almost refuse to do anything drastic to help yourself.

If that was the case, she wouldn't be here. She'd be in HK.

Aredhel, this rant isn't the same as the ones from the past few months. She's not saying that they are annoying in that they influence her negatively, she's saying they're annoying now because they're just annoying. As she said, like a mosquito bugging the shit out of you. The point that she doesn't really give a shit anymore about what her parents say IS the progress and the result you are talking about, it just seems like you fail to realize that her progress is already made.

Think of it as a rant about how telemarketers are annoying as hell. Both keep calling you up all week trying to get you to buy shit.

Aredhel
Dec 9, 2004, 01:30 PM
Oh, ok.

Feel better?

edit: oops, that was directed at Navi's post.

It's good that she's making progress. Best of luck in ridding yourself of your parents.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Aredhel on 2004-12-09 11:06 ]</font>

BWS-1
Dec 9, 2004, 02:17 PM
B sayz:
Incapacitate the brother (because killing is baaad)

...

B also sayz:
You can always hire me to do the job, I got interesting plans. One of my most popular right now is the ''O dear, he fell on the corner of the kitchen table and became quadriplegic'' plan.

I call it the ODHFOTCOTKT... well fuck that. <_<



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: BWS-1 on 2004-12-09 11:18 ]</font>

Hrith
Dec 9, 2004, 02:20 PM
Friend here had same problem, now when phone rings, if it reads "mom" "dad" whatever, he's not answering.

Kodia already suggested this, and that is what I would do.

Best of luck, navi, listen some good music.

Evil_Althena8
Dec 9, 2004, 06:29 PM
that blows. My bank account became -$180 before it closed. My parents were like "Why didn't you ask us for money when it was not as bad?". I wanted to smack them. Now my credit sucks and I'm in debt

EJ
Dec 10, 2004, 12:43 AM
On 2004-12-09 11:20, Kef wrote:

Best of luck, navi, listen some good music.

Scrub
Dec 10, 2004, 05:21 PM
I know what you mean, navi, trust me.

Believe it or not, Grey wasn't always such a dick. No, people just told him what a worthless peice of trash he was and that he was a cocksucker and an asshole and all of that stuff for just too long, so he thought if everybody thought of him that way, he mine as well act it eh?

-_- At least you're still able to be nice to people. I admire that. Don't let what assholic people say get you down though, only listen to what you and your friends think.

Alielle
Dec 11, 2004, 07:40 AM
Navi, I can relate. I call it Asian Mom Syndrome, but it's probably universal. It got ten times worse when I moved out. I had to constantly stand my ground or just totally detach in order to maintain sanity. It's not wrong to do that; she needs to calm down and realize my life is my own. Hang in there. She may not change (hell, my mom hasn't and probably won't), but it'll be easier to not let it get to you as time goes on.

In any case, I hate it immensely when either one pulls the controlling parent routine under the pretense of "looking out for what's best for you." >_<

HAYABUSA-FMW-
Dec 11, 2004, 04:47 PM
On 2004-12-11 04:40, Alielle wrote:

In any case, I hate it immensely when either one pulls the controlling parent routine under the pretense of "looking out for what's best for you." >_<


My apologies for that. It's one probably, wrong, side to a story.

I figured that out after being yelled at the other day and logic was not working. Anything said on my part is "an excuse, a problem, an annoyance, a whine, nothing worth listening to."

So being a hypocrite and not abiding to your own rules makes you all the more better than me? "Everyone has problems." "You have million problems!"
So shit? I'm not people, I can't have problems?

I chalked it up to the crap that always happens amongst these family talks, that must end in yelling, and underlying resentment being built up and screamed out.

lain2k3
Dec 13, 2004, 11:11 PM
Have her whacked.















Y'know, like you would a mosquito.

joluh
Dec 14, 2004, 12:16 AM
Navi, you still have problems with your parents... oh god, just tell them what you feel but acting all sad and depressed, that will make them feel REAL BAD, tell them how bad they make you feel and stuff, crying if you can would be awesome.

It would work :3

Or don't listen on the phone, just say yes yes yes, while you play PSO ^o^