TheOneHero
Jan 20, 2005, 04:35 PM
Well, for the past few months; I've been going through a lot.
Before I moved from Fort Wayne, several of my "friends" became real big asses and decided to give my life as much hell as possible. Then we moved on here to Michigan, which wasn't easy. The movers were complete jerks, and several of our things were damaged. As most of you know, moves can be generally very stressful. Out of the 10 times I've moved in my life, this one was the hardest.
Especially because I was moving away a very special girl. I have known her for about 3 years, and we were a coule for almost 2 and 1/2. We had had our problems, and like any couple spent time apart/ had "small" breakups. But we always worked through everything and ended up together again. After I moved, we got into a little arguement and that's where I became single again. I got into an internet relationship which ended within a few weeks, then I got call from my old g/f; we talked for awhile and got over ourselves. For a little we continued with the relationship, but in the end, (just about a three weeks ago) I got another call. And we officially broke up.
I admired her for being with me as long as she did, as some of you who know me personally; my life isn't ordinary. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif So, I was happy she didn't have to suffer as much; though very depressed at being alone.
Also within the past few months, I've been taking on many projects; and helping others. Once I pick up I porject, I have to give it everything, (I'm a perfectionist). So, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately, and barely any time for me to be...me.
With a great deal of stress, and much lack of sleep I started doing Driver's Ed here in Michigan. In Indiana, I was 99.9 percent away from having a perminant (sp?) license. However, thanks to Michigan's laws. It was taken away, and it was either: Do these classes. Or not drive. I was pretty pissed at loosing that privelage, which I had worked so hard for in Indiana. Sucking it up, I went to Driver's Ed.
Which is where I broke down the way I did, and am now in this funk that holds me tight.
I whip through all the things needed to be done there. Having already gone and did these same classes before. But then, it's time to drive with the instrcutor. 1st time, fucking sucked. I was bitched at for using my fucking MIRRORS! I thought those were put on for a REASON. Hmm.
2nd time, we went on the highway. Weather wasn't so great, considering it was snowing and the roads were wet. Mix that with Michigans shit roads and we got a problem. Literally, the roads here are very bad; a good deal of the pot holes are about 3-5 inches deep. T_T
I was coming up to a curve, and there was no sign telling me I needed to slow down. But I did anyway due to conditions at the time. The ass of an instructor, grabs my arm, and yells at me for slowing down. I told him I was slowly down for the conditions. He screams his head off at me, telling me to do what he says to do. Now, I'm used to being bitched at, and can usually handle it pretty well. But when I'm grabbed, and yelled at for trying to be safe; mixed with everything I've been going through; it gets hard.
I decide to do what he tells me, he says put the turn signal on. I do so, but not the way he wanted me to. I did it too "fast". So, he reaches over, grabs my hands; WHILE I'm in heavy traffic and moves my hands around to show me how he wants me to do it. The car jerks from him leaning over and fucking with everything, and we nearly get into an accident. I'm cussed at, hit, then told it was my fault. Yay, I have an abusive Driver's Ed teacher.
I'm not going to go in with everything that happened on those lessons, mainly because it's not worth it, and it would be too long. However, I will say that once I got back into my van to drive home with my mom, I sobbed. All the emotion from everything finally breaking free. I couldn't focus really, because everytime I found something to focus on. Something sad from it found its way to me. I tried to think of something stupid that wouldn't have sad emotion, like PSO. -_- Then the thought that Rico was reitring came up. -_-
Anyway, at least now you know why I've shattered. And am not as strong as you think.
Here I am, so many warm tears sliding down my face; making me barely able to type. Finally having collasped from the overwhelming trials and tasks given to me. Alone, and becoming more and more hopeless. I'm tired of trying to live up as the figure friends and family look up to. My mind is gone, and I can barely focus on one little thing before it is whisked away. I, just can't take..anything anymore. The pain and the sorrow, enveloping me to make me hopeless. I've given up, and can no longer stand against everything.
So here I am. Stab at me if you wish, just take away the emotion. I'm not as strong as you think.
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2005-01-23 14:32 ]</font>
Before I moved from Fort Wayne, several of my "friends" became real big asses and decided to give my life as much hell as possible. Then we moved on here to Michigan, which wasn't easy. The movers were complete jerks, and several of our things were damaged. As most of you know, moves can be generally very stressful. Out of the 10 times I've moved in my life, this one was the hardest.
Especially because I was moving away a very special girl. I have known her for about 3 years, and we were a coule for almost 2 and 1/2. We had had our problems, and like any couple spent time apart/ had "small" breakups. But we always worked through everything and ended up together again. After I moved, we got into a little arguement and that's where I became single again. I got into an internet relationship which ended within a few weeks, then I got call from my old g/f; we talked for awhile and got over ourselves. For a little we continued with the relationship, but in the end, (just about a three weeks ago) I got another call. And we officially broke up.
I admired her for being with me as long as she did, as some of you who know me personally; my life isn't ordinary. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wink.gif So, I was happy she didn't have to suffer as much; though very depressed at being alone.
Also within the past few months, I've been taking on many projects; and helping others. Once I pick up I porject, I have to give it everything, (I'm a perfectionist). So, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately, and barely any time for me to be...me.
With a great deal of stress, and much lack of sleep I started doing Driver's Ed here in Michigan. In Indiana, I was 99.9 percent away from having a perminant (sp?) license. However, thanks to Michigan's laws. It was taken away, and it was either: Do these classes. Or not drive. I was pretty pissed at loosing that privelage, which I had worked so hard for in Indiana. Sucking it up, I went to Driver's Ed.
Which is where I broke down the way I did, and am now in this funk that holds me tight.
I whip through all the things needed to be done there. Having already gone and did these same classes before. But then, it's time to drive with the instrcutor. 1st time, fucking sucked. I was bitched at for using my fucking MIRRORS! I thought those were put on for a REASON. Hmm.
2nd time, we went on the highway. Weather wasn't so great, considering it was snowing and the roads were wet. Mix that with Michigans shit roads and we got a problem. Literally, the roads here are very bad; a good deal of the pot holes are about 3-5 inches deep. T_T
I was coming up to a curve, and there was no sign telling me I needed to slow down. But I did anyway due to conditions at the time. The ass of an instructor, grabs my arm, and yells at me for slowing down. I told him I was slowly down for the conditions. He screams his head off at me, telling me to do what he says to do. Now, I'm used to being bitched at, and can usually handle it pretty well. But when I'm grabbed, and yelled at for trying to be safe; mixed with everything I've been going through; it gets hard.
I decide to do what he tells me, he says put the turn signal on. I do so, but not the way he wanted me to. I did it too "fast". So, he reaches over, grabs my hands; WHILE I'm in heavy traffic and moves my hands around to show me how he wants me to do it. The car jerks from him leaning over and fucking with everything, and we nearly get into an accident. I'm cussed at, hit, then told it was my fault. Yay, I have an abusive Driver's Ed teacher.
I'm not going to go in with everything that happened on those lessons, mainly because it's not worth it, and it would be too long. However, I will say that once I got back into my van to drive home with my mom, I sobbed. All the emotion from everything finally breaking free. I couldn't focus really, because everytime I found something to focus on. Something sad from it found its way to me. I tried to think of something stupid that wouldn't have sad emotion, like PSO. -_- Then the thought that Rico was reitring came up. -_-
Anyway, at least now you know why I've shattered. And am not as strong as you think.
Here I am, so many warm tears sliding down my face; making me barely able to type. Finally having collasped from the overwhelming trials and tasks given to me. Alone, and becoming more and more hopeless. I'm tired of trying to live up as the figure friends and family look up to. My mind is gone, and I can barely focus on one little thing before it is whisked away. I, just can't take..anything anymore. The pain and the sorrow, enveloping me to make me hopeless. I've given up, and can no longer stand against everything.
So here I am. Stab at me if you wish, just take away the emotion. I'm not as strong as you think.
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2005-01-23 14:32 ]</font>