PDA

View Full Version : Apollo's story Part One: A new home


Elshlog
03-16-2005, 04:37 PM
someones probly already done this, but o well and my real name is apollo, but it was taken

Apollo looked out on to the dying plain of earth. the ships he was guarding seemed sucure. Cara-60042 looked over and said "Man I wish I could go on that ship instead of staying here and dying". Cara was a robot like Apollo, but he talked too much. "Just guard the ship Cara" Apollo said slightly annoyed.
"Fine but wh- aarrgg". Apollo spun around to see a large metal rod sticking though Cara's chest.He looked out on to the barren wastland once more to see three or four vehicles. Cara merely nodded to him. He knew what to do. Apollo ran in Pioneer 1 (the ship) and headed straight for the Master Principal. He had to inform him they where under attack. Poineer 1 was a huge ship and in would be imposiblefrom anyone to hear or see an attack on the cargo bay. As he made his way up the ramps and tunnels he could gun shots from the outside.No one else seemed to notice. The graurds din't even see him run by. Just as he reached the entrance to the principal's study he heard a deafening roar of the engines. They had begun to take of with the enemy inside at least the cargo bay and probably some in the smaller storage ships. He burst though the principal's door and fell to the ground. He had been turn offline. The guards had probaly taken him down because of his black armor.

Somewhere in the depts of the ship-
"did you find anything usefull on the graurds?"

"Sir, Not really Sir. But we should be able to sell some of the andriods as parts Sir.

"Then its time to feast on there souls..."

He went on and offline for a few months. Sometimes the gaurds had to taser him to get him to get him to go back offline.No one would every know the horrible true that lay in wait in the depths of Pioneer 1. No one.

He then awoke a platform standing in front of many people. It was the hard to make out some of there faces, but they all seemed to be wearing very elaborent clothes.
He started to look around, but a man grabbed him by the back of the head. Apollo felt something slide into the drive in the back of his head. The man standing on the other
side of him had an unfamillar weapon. It was a sharp purple blade withan oddly shaped hande. "Alright ladies and gentlemen today we have a lovely little android. 1,16,15,12,12,15 codename Apollo.", said a loud man. Apollo wanted to run this was anyones worst nightmare. He was being auctioned.

If you match the numbers to letters in the alphabet it spells Apollo. More to come.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Elshlog on 2005-03-20 19:25 ]</font>


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Elshlog on 2005-03-21 06:03 ]</font>

Sagasu
03-16-2005, 05:18 PM
Go get a clue. (http://www.pso-world.com/viewtopic.php?topic=71031&forum=12&34)

Solstis
03-16-2005, 06:04 PM
It's a deep and involving plot, for, say, a Goosebumps novel (if you dare to call those things "novels").

Click on Sagasu's link. Absorb. Enjoy.

Elshlog
03-17-2005, 11:01 AM
hey i'm only 13

TheOneHero
03-17-2005, 11:50 AM
On 2005-03-17 09:01, Elshlog wrote:
hey i'm only 13



http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif

Sagasu is only 13 and he is one of the best writers here. ;p

Age is not an excuse for ignorance.

PhotonDrop
03-17-2005, 01:51 PM
oh come now people, this is probably his first time writing... give the man a chance :/


your fic is pretty good but I suggest you elongate it, just make it not so rushy and throw in descriptions to the characters you introduce early as possible.

Solstis
03-17-2005, 02:44 PM
On 2005-03-17 11:51, PhotonDrop wrote:
oh come now people, this is probably his first time writing... give the man a chance :/


your fic is pretty good but I suggest you elongate it, just make it not so rushy and throw in descriptions to the characters you introduce early as possible.



I was going to mention that the plot seemed intriguing, but then I got hungry or something.

And what they said.

Sagasu
03-17-2005, 03:35 PM
On 2005-03-17 11:51, PhotonDrop wrote:
oh come now people, this is probably his first time writing... give the man a chance :/



If giving him a chance means lying to him, then I think I'll stick to being harsh.

Anyways, even if the plot is excellent, the material should at least be able to keep up with it. Otherwise you'll get this, a topic full of posts avoiding the actual content of the 'story'. While they provide some form of motivation, you see just how much people really care when you read comments like,

"Great job, keep it up." <- This neither helps the writer get better nor gives him adequate compensation for the hard work he or she has put into their work. Useless and by all means a waste of all of our time.v.v~

First time writing or not, if your not gonna put in the effort of getting better then theres no point in producing idle pieces of work that really dont suit anyones fancy.

Now that I've said that, to the author. Take a good look at the guide and try to up the quality of your work every chapter, soon you'll see noteable progress. I look forward to watching you learn.

Elshlog
03-19-2005, 09:11 PM
if its going to be such a hasel i'll just stop. K?
Almighty moderater people that i don't know, please lock this.

Elshlog
03-20-2005, 09:22 PM
No wait sratch that. i'm still going to work on it. What else could i do to improve it. i've been planning this wor months and i'm not going to give up.