Daikarin
Apr 18, 2005, 06:14 PM
I don't know how long this thread is going to be, but I will warn that most of you won't get my point. And the point isn't that you get mine, is that I let this out of my puzzled head.
I take too much of my free time to think about things that interest me. And studying doesn't necessarily mean staying with my butt stuck on the chair looking at the laptop monitor, or spending a weekend in the library.
From the moment I wake up, until the moment I lose my counsciousness again on the bed, my thoughts are on the run 100%.
I try to reason all of my collective thinking to a single spot where all is connected and the harmonic motion of the universe is told in routines of a single thought.
This wears me out. My muscles are tense, my nervous system is on the alert, so that it sparks everytime my continous flow of thinking reaches a "Does not make sense" statement.
Thank God for social activities. Thank God for existing the ability of emptying the thoughts out of the brain like dirty water from a bucket.
An airplane flies up in the sky:
- Its speed, in all relative forms of representation;
- The vectors of every natural force that act upon it and enable it to float;
- Its colouring, and design looks cool;
- Study its vibrations, calculate the air pockets around the airplane: Where they are, the volume they occupate, how are they spreaded in the air, and how dense are they;
- The clouds behind the airplane: Vast stratus scattered in the atmosphere, a few cumulus, but mostly several nimbustratus, which indicate almost rain. Where and when? Study the movements of the clouds, how fast are they going, where are they heading. How thick is the rain going to be? Look at the concentration, size and colour of the nimbus clouds. Then determine...
Then someone snaps their fingers in front of my face and I forget everything I was thinking in less than a second.
A mentally handicapped kid would simply look at the airplane and say "Pretty plane, it flies!". Most people would laugh at their primitive thinking. But they would also find my routines of thought kind of stupid.
I wish I was that kid. I wish my mind was simple and clear. I wish I didn't have to worry everyday about finding the answers to the question my mind sets at me everyday, and living without ever reaching the harmony of a solution.
No one ever forced me to know, to calculate, to think. My parents never forced me to study when I was a kid, or when I was a teenager. All they wanted was for me to keep my morals, and to act responsible.
I do this to myself. I am too demanding of myself. I am against any error, any flaw. I can't demand any mistake of my routines, or I go slightly out of place.
What causes a mistake? If a person knows the laws perfectly, and the theories, what can cause an error? One of the laws is following the laws exactly. So, what causes the error? The bad notion of the law? Impossible, I assumed I knew the laws perfectly, therefore that I followed them straight.
It's normal for people to make mistakes, it's human to do so. Why can't I accept a simple insignificant mistake from my brain?
I wish I was retarded. Damn it all, my mind is overflowing with ideas. The mind is connected to the atomic chemicals in the body, which are connected with the nervous system and any cell system, which are connected to the organs, which form the human body.
Is that why my muscles are always tense?
Why I'm giving this so much thought?
Maybe I'm too harsh with myself. Maybe the universe can never be fully understood by the human mind.
My mother one of the few people that accompany my thought to a minimum. Recently, I've reached a state where words are walls as to expressing itself, as if there isn't enough words, enough definitions.
Sometimes I feel scared of who I am, other times I just don't care and deal with it.
But if I keep evolving my thought like this, God knows what could be rushing through my head in 10 years. And who could understand me by then.
Or maybe I'm just rushing it.
Maybe I just need to pay more attention to the relaxing exercises like Tai Chi or Chi Kung to clear up every paint that is printed in my head.
Yeah, that's it. Cool down, think less.
...But why, darn it? Why do I have to press the brake? Why does my car goes by 200 mph, when the maximum allowed is 40!?
Don't think about it. Think less.
It's that Ying and Yang crap coming again.
Erase all that worthless thought.
...Or maybe this is just another Monday.
EDIT: Sometimes a scientist becomes so wrapped up in his ideas, and writes down each formula that comes to his mind into a piece of paper. There eventually comes a point where there's too much paper on the table for him to see where he's going, so he must take out the worthless sheets out of the table, to see the right one with the formula he's currently working at.
In this case, I used Rants section of PSOW to toss out my worthless paper sheets.
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Even_Jin on 2005-04-18 16:27 ]</font>
I take too much of my free time to think about things that interest me. And studying doesn't necessarily mean staying with my butt stuck on the chair looking at the laptop monitor, or spending a weekend in the library.
From the moment I wake up, until the moment I lose my counsciousness again on the bed, my thoughts are on the run 100%.
I try to reason all of my collective thinking to a single spot where all is connected and the harmonic motion of the universe is told in routines of a single thought.
This wears me out. My muscles are tense, my nervous system is on the alert, so that it sparks everytime my continous flow of thinking reaches a "Does not make sense" statement.
Thank God for social activities. Thank God for existing the ability of emptying the thoughts out of the brain like dirty water from a bucket.
An airplane flies up in the sky:
- Its speed, in all relative forms of representation;
- The vectors of every natural force that act upon it and enable it to float;
- Its colouring, and design looks cool;
- Study its vibrations, calculate the air pockets around the airplane: Where they are, the volume they occupate, how are they spreaded in the air, and how dense are they;
- The clouds behind the airplane: Vast stratus scattered in the atmosphere, a few cumulus, but mostly several nimbustratus, which indicate almost rain. Where and when? Study the movements of the clouds, how fast are they going, where are they heading. How thick is the rain going to be? Look at the concentration, size and colour of the nimbus clouds. Then determine...
Then someone snaps their fingers in front of my face and I forget everything I was thinking in less than a second.
A mentally handicapped kid would simply look at the airplane and say "Pretty plane, it flies!". Most people would laugh at their primitive thinking. But they would also find my routines of thought kind of stupid.
I wish I was that kid. I wish my mind was simple and clear. I wish I didn't have to worry everyday about finding the answers to the question my mind sets at me everyday, and living without ever reaching the harmony of a solution.
No one ever forced me to know, to calculate, to think. My parents never forced me to study when I was a kid, or when I was a teenager. All they wanted was for me to keep my morals, and to act responsible.
I do this to myself. I am too demanding of myself. I am against any error, any flaw. I can't demand any mistake of my routines, or I go slightly out of place.
What causes a mistake? If a person knows the laws perfectly, and the theories, what can cause an error? One of the laws is following the laws exactly. So, what causes the error? The bad notion of the law? Impossible, I assumed I knew the laws perfectly, therefore that I followed them straight.
It's normal for people to make mistakes, it's human to do so. Why can't I accept a simple insignificant mistake from my brain?
I wish I was retarded. Damn it all, my mind is overflowing with ideas. The mind is connected to the atomic chemicals in the body, which are connected with the nervous system and any cell system, which are connected to the organs, which form the human body.
Is that why my muscles are always tense?
Why I'm giving this so much thought?
Maybe I'm too harsh with myself. Maybe the universe can never be fully understood by the human mind.
My mother one of the few people that accompany my thought to a minimum. Recently, I've reached a state where words are walls as to expressing itself, as if there isn't enough words, enough definitions.
Sometimes I feel scared of who I am, other times I just don't care and deal with it.
But if I keep evolving my thought like this, God knows what could be rushing through my head in 10 years. And who could understand me by then.
Or maybe I'm just rushing it.
Maybe I just need to pay more attention to the relaxing exercises like Tai Chi or Chi Kung to clear up every paint that is printed in my head.
Yeah, that's it. Cool down, think less.
...But why, darn it? Why do I have to press the brake? Why does my car goes by 200 mph, when the maximum allowed is 40!?
Don't think about it. Think less.
It's that Ying and Yang crap coming again.
Erase all that worthless thought.
...Or maybe this is just another Monday.
EDIT: Sometimes a scientist becomes so wrapped up in his ideas, and writes down each formula that comes to his mind into a piece of paper. There eventually comes a point where there's too much paper on the table for him to see where he's going, so he must take out the worthless sheets out of the table, to see the right one with the formula he's currently working at.
In this case, I used Rants section of PSOW to toss out my worthless paper sheets.
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Even_Jin on 2005-04-18 16:27 ]</font>