KodiaX987
Apr 28, 2005, 04:18 PM
I told about this on IRC, so... here we go. Welcome to my grandma's place:
PART I: NO PLUGS!
<Shurikane> Grandma's place gets worse every time I go there.
<Shurikane> First, she didn't have any three-prong plugs, so I was fucked when it came to plugging my laptop.
<Shurikane> Then, she didn't have any VCR with RCA cables because her last one fried in a power surge and she never bothered to get another one.
<Shurikane> And then her computer, good GOD.
<Shurikane> It was dirty in places that I didn't even think existed!!!
<space_but> at least it existed
<Shurikane> There were dust BALLS everywhere. Not dust. DUST FUCKING BALLS! Even in the door-handle thingies to take off the case cover!!!
<Shurikane> When I can-aired the thing out, mom started choking.
PART II: THE FILTERQUEEN STORY
<Shurikane> Then we had a visit from some dude promoting the FilterQueen vacuum cleaners.
<Shurikane> Just out of a short pass on grandma's floor he managed to gather a humongous ball of dust and dirt.
<Shurikane> Then grandma asked me to go upstairs and clean the flies out of the back room.
<Shurikane> You live in a shit hole when there are flies everywhere in your house. You really, and I mean really live in a shit fucking hole when there are DEAD FLIES everywhere!
<Shurikane> There were even spider webs on the Kleenex boxes.
<Shurikane> So I take out her vacuum, which happens to be a FilterQueen too, and proceed to attack the stuff and clean the absolutely disgusting room.
<Shurikane> Then I wonder "Knowing that grandma is the definition of dust, I'd better empty her vacuum cleaner."
<Shurikane> This is where I learn the true power of the FilterQueen.
PART III: THE FILTERQUEEN TWO - LA REINE DU FILTRE
<Shurikane> I open the case and take out the cover. The engine is in perfect condition. Not a speck of dust on it, zip, zero, nada, the filter is yellow simply because it's 30 years old.
<Shurikane> Then I take out the filter. Ouch.
<Shurikane> There was TWO INCHES OF COMPACTED DUST AND SOOT inside the thing!!!
<Shurikane> I had to use a garden shovel to dislodge everything out from there!
<Shurikane> It was fucking horrible!
<Usada> spring cleaning?
<Shurikane> Heh.
<Scrythe> haha, I'm sorry Shuri, but that is some really funny shit you're talking about there. XD
<Shurikane> I bet she never emptied her vacuum in her whole life.
<Usada> Surprised she even has one.
<Shurikane> And it's a good thing she had a quality one, 'cause it still kept going strong even with so much dust clogging everything up.
<Usada> I was picturing broom all the way.
<Shurikane> So when the vacuum guy went to his car to deposit a few things, mom swiped his demo filter, we installed it, threw away the old one (because old-age yellow is piss ugly) and put the block of dust-soot in a trash bag.
<Shurikane> I had to clean my hands three times.
PART IV: FRIDGE FINALE
<Shurikane> Then when grandma went to take a bath, mom pulled me into a corner and told me to look behind the fridge.
<Shurikane> Normally, behind the fridge is a grill of sorts, all black and shiny you know.
<Shurikane> Hers was fuzzy.
<Shurikane> Her fucking fridge had a furry back!
<Shurikane> I had never seen something this dirty in my whole life.
<Shurikane> So I took whatever canned air I had left and proceeded to blow the shit out of everything I could find. Answering machine, keyboard, telephone, stereo, everything.
<Shurikane> Maybe I didn't really clean out dust, but at least it won't appear as obvious now!
<Scrythe> ...I'm hoping you are being handsomely payed in golden dubloons for this?
<Shurikane> I got paid with spaghetti in a wet meat sauce.
<Shurikane> My mom bought a ribsteak for dinner. We both felt we had earned it.
<Shurikane> And when grandma dies, I'm taking her fuckin' FilterQueen!!!
PART I: NO PLUGS!
<Shurikane> Grandma's place gets worse every time I go there.
<Shurikane> First, she didn't have any three-prong plugs, so I was fucked when it came to plugging my laptop.
<Shurikane> Then, she didn't have any VCR with RCA cables because her last one fried in a power surge and she never bothered to get another one.
<Shurikane> And then her computer, good GOD.
<Shurikane> It was dirty in places that I didn't even think existed!!!
<space_but> at least it existed
<Shurikane> There were dust BALLS everywhere. Not dust. DUST FUCKING BALLS! Even in the door-handle thingies to take off the case cover!!!
<Shurikane> When I can-aired the thing out, mom started choking.
PART II: THE FILTERQUEEN STORY
<Shurikane> Then we had a visit from some dude promoting the FilterQueen vacuum cleaners.
<Shurikane> Just out of a short pass on grandma's floor he managed to gather a humongous ball of dust and dirt.
<Shurikane> Then grandma asked me to go upstairs and clean the flies out of the back room.
<Shurikane> You live in a shit hole when there are flies everywhere in your house. You really, and I mean really live in a shit fucking hole when there are DEAD FLIES everywhere!
<Shurikane> There were even spider webs on the Kleenex boxes.
<Shurikane> So I take out her vacuum, which happens to be a FilterQueen too, and proceed to attack the stuff and clean the absolutely disgusting room.
<Shurikane> Then I wonder "Knowing that grandma is the definition of dust, I'd better empty her vacuum cleaner."
<Shurikane> This is where I learn the true power of the FilterQueen.
PART III: THE FILTERQUEEN TWO - LA REINE DU FILTRE
<Shurikane> I open the case and take out the cover. The engine is in perfect condition. Not a speck of dust on it, zip, zero, nada, the filter is yellow simply because it's 30 years old.
<Shurikane> Then I take out the filter. Ouch.
<Shurikane> There was TWO INCHES OF COMPACTED DUST AND SOOT inside the thing!!!
<Shurikane> I had to use a garden shovel to dislodge everything out from there!
<Shurikane> It was fucking horrible!
<Usada> spring cleaning?
<Shurikane> Heh.
<Scrythe> haha, I'm sorry Shuri, but that is some really funny shit you're talking about there. XD
<Shurikane> I bet she never emptied her vacuum in her whole life.
<Usada> Surprised she even has one.
<Shurikane> And it's a good thing she had a quality one, 'cause it still kept going strong even with so much dust clogging everything up.
<Usada> I was picturing broom all the way.
<Shurikane> So when the vacuum guy went to his car to deposit a few things, mom swiped his demo filter, we installed it, threw away the old one (because old-age yellow is piss ugly) and put the block of dust-soot in a trash bag.
<Shurikane> I had to clean my hands three times.
PART IV: FRIDGE FINALE
<Shurikane> Then when grandma went to take a bath, mom pulled me into a corner and told me to look behind the fridge.
<Shurikane> Normally, behind the fridge is a grill of sorts, all black and shiny you know.
<Shurikane> Hers was fuzzy.
<Shurikane> Her fucking fridge had a furry back!
<Shurikane> I had never seen something this dirty in my whole life.
<Shurikane> So I took whatever canned air I had left and proceeded to blow the shit out of everything I could find. Answering machine, keyboard, telephone, stereo, everything.
<Shurikane> Maybe I didn't really clean out dust, but at least it won't appear as obvious now!
<Scrythe> ...I'm hoping you are being handsomely payed in golden dubloons for this?
<Shurikane> I got paid with spaghetti in a wet meat sauce.
<Shurikane> My mom bought a ribsteak for dinner. We both felt we had earned it.
<Shurikane> And when grandma dies, I'm taking her fuckin' FilterQueen!!!