[Enter senseless monologue here.]

[Daikarin]

Are you really aware of what I'm doing?

Are you really aware of my effort? Are you really aware of who I am or what I do?

No you aren't. You just keep viewing things your way. Your simple, narrow-minded, black & white way. But I don't blame you, that comes from a way back. Heck, I even blame myself for answering back at the same speech.

Funny thing is, you don't give value of what you have. You've got the best wife in the world, and yet you don't see that. Blind fool, what if someone took her away from you? Would you even be allright by yourself!? Of course not. Because you depend on her for the little things. Because you can't be independant. And yet you criticise me!? For being the man you weren't!?

No, YOU listen. I've had it with this crap, now you'll be the one to listen. I don't have any financial complaints, on the contrary. But the reason many have given up before me is because they lacked something you insist on taking away from me.

"I am very disappointed in you"? What, are you goddamn blind!? I am still here, struggling! Do you know how many guys would have stood up this long!? Do you know how many guys worked to enter this place!? Do you know who I am, and what I've accomplished!? Of course not.

So don't blame me when I say you could never do what she does. Because we both know it's right.

Don't blame me if I don't want to see you, or talk to you.

Don't blame me for minor falls.

Don't blame me for my education. You were never part of it, and if you were, I wouldn't be who I am today.

Don't blame me for being good at something you could never be.

Because I don't blame you for the way you insist on denying my value.

Do you even know who I am?

...

Sorry about that guys, just had a long talk on the phone and needed to get that out somewhere. Peace.

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

Better to let it out than let it settle inside you and implode at just the wrong moment.

I know all too well.

None of our business discussing what went on there on the phone, so let us just be able to say its good you got that "off your chest" or "out of your system".

Cliche' sayings but, yeah, it fits nicely in this context.

[Daikarin]

It's about my father. He had the nerve of sending me a "I am very disappointed in you" quote, even if I am making a tremendous effort just to be here, and not giving up like many did.

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

I got that from the story, but didn't want to say it before you did, considering its grey area concerning family business and all.

Yeah, I don't have a great relationship with my dad either. Its been downhill for quite some time.

I wonder if there was anything I could have done differently to get to a different outcome right now, or if the relationship of father and son can be mended before its "too late."

I've learned that even if your father is not perfect, or a great influence and role model in your life, you learn to be a better man(or person in general, not gender specific) because of it.

Just hurts sometimes, yeah?

[Daikarin]

On 2005-07-07 16:33, HAYABUSA-FMW- wrote:
I wonder if there was anything I could have done differently to get to a different outcome right now, or if the relationship of father and son can be mended before its "too late."


Don't ever blame yourself for not becoming aware of this in the past, just be glad that you can make the future today.



I've learned that even if your father is not perfect, or a great influence and role model in your life, you learn to be a better man(or person in general, not gender specific) because of it.


You mean, you learn what "Not to become"? Indeed. I kept growing and evolving, but he kept the same. The same guy who would be quick to kick my ass as a kid for every screw-up I did, leaving my education for my mother, just wanting to know the results, and raising his voice randomly whenever something went wrong against him. Like a spoiled brat.

I'm not saying he's hideous. No, he cares a lot about my future and is a true profissional at his line of work. He also knows the proper investiments to make. But in regards to being a father... I kinda feel responsible, since he didn't have anyone to learn from. Except...

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Even_Jin on 2005-07-07 16:49 ]</font>