I can't believe this happened...

[Evil_Althena8]

I am reminded again why I should never keep blogs. So, something happened last night that will change things forever. All the shit with Charles...yeah. On Myspace I have 3 blogs that are locked so that nobody but me can read them. Well...2 nights ago I was at my friend John's house. I was logged onto my Myspace account. I had to leave for a little while, but apparently I never closed out the window. When I left Charles read my locked blogs...because he always wondered what they were about...

and this is the shocking IMs I got last night

him: dude i read ur blogs the other day
him: nobody else read them but m,e
SephynMasamoon: what?
him: dude about u love me
him: how do u think i lead u on for that? SephynMasamoon: i don't know
him: r u gay?
SephynMasamoon: no
him: do u love me as a friend or more then that?
SephynMasamoon: as a friend
him: well it was weird as fuck
SephynMasamoon: yeah i know
him: dud i thought u were in love with me as sexual type or do u ?
SephynMasamoon: not really
him: not really?
him: ?
SephynMasamoon: what?
him: what does not really mean?
SephynMasamoon: no
him: no?
him: dude talk to me about this cause this isnt just going to go under the carpet
SephynMasamoon: what do you want to know
him: well wtf ur in love with me
him: more then just a friend u and think i lead u on how
SephynMasamoon: i don't know
him: well u do know man u wrote it
SephynMasamoon: yeah but you read it
him: ya wlel it seems ur in love with me more then just friends like u want a sexual bf to bf gay relationship
SephynMasamoon: it's not like that
him: do u love austin?
SephynMasamoon: no
him: o
SephynMasamoon: i'm not gay
him: ok
SephynMasamoon: how did you read my blogs?
him: um u left them up and when austin and john went outside i rad then
him is idle at 1:22:26 AM.
him is no longer idle at 1:37:21 AM.
him: hey cna i crash at ur house im really fucked up SephynMasamoon: sure
---------------------------

First of all...I was so shocked I almost passed out when he first IMed me. I could hardly breath. It's like one of those experiences you can't believe is happening, like it's a dream. Those blogs are me ranting to myself about him...I basically say everything in them.

I lied to him in that convo...because I didn't know what to say. I felt like I was being attacked so I put up defense mode...and just tried to lie. All of my responses were ones I made after just sitting there not knowing what to put...when I said "i'm not gay"...i was telling only half the truth. I'm not straight either. And when he asked if I liked him more than just a friend...i said "just friends"...

I freaked...I should have told the truth, but I was afraid that it would ruin our friendship I lied. Maybe I will have another chance to talk to him soon. Oh yeah...at the last part when he asked to come over, he never did. I then asked him why he asked to come over after an hour after he said that, and he said "i didn't feel like walking". Something tells me he never had the intention of coming over, like he said that just to see my reaction. I don't know what he meant by "fucked up"...as in drunk? or as in confused?....because he sure didn't sound very drunk

So..I don't know what I'm going to do or what's going to happen between us. This will change our relationship forever. I don't know...maybe we will become friends again after this is resolved. Maybe we won't. I always prepare myself for the worst so either way I can take it.

[Shiva91]

well, i'd say if you have feelings for him you should tell him at least, i mean, as you said your not gay, but your not straight. so no biggie, not like its wrong. at least tell him the truth, it may be difficult and might not work out how you want it to or plan it to, he didnt seem so, hmm Shocked? or what not, like he just wanted to know. but hey, you never know it might work out they way you want it http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif but if it doesnt, life moves on and time heals, there are always others http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime1.gif its always good to tell the truth. its good for you and good for others(more importantly you)

[Sef]

On 2005-07-28 11:57, Evil_Althena8 wrote:
First of all...I was so shocked I almost passed out when he first IMed me. I could hardly breath. It's like one of those experiences you can't believe is happening, like it's a dream. Those blogs are me ranting to myself about him...I basically say everything in them.

I know exactly how that feels. I had a girl read something of mine that was about her and about how I felt towards her... I didn't find out till around midnight though that she had read it... I didn't get any sleep and I avoided(see ran and hid from) her the whole next day(as much as I could, I had a class with her)...

I wouldn't tell him flat out, but maybe you could talk to him a couple more times and somehow get the conversation around the subject. Maybe later ask how he would have reacted if you had said yes when he asked if you loved him as more than a friend.

[navci]

I dunno dude. From all I have read about this Charles guy, he might be not bad looking, but he definitely seem like a jerk.

No need to all freak out. Not like you are going to force him into doing anything. Lock all your blog entries up. .. I don't know, I really don't like the idea that you have to defened yourself that you are, or are not gay. If it is a good friend, that should not be an issue at all.

*hugglez*
I don't know what to say except to well, ditch the jerk. :>

[zero12410]

it's a difficult stiuation when you have strong feelings for a friend, all we can really do is give you adivce and wish you luck, but in the end you'll just have to make your own fate. In my experience it's best to tell people how you feel rather than keep it all bottled up inside, it does however sound like he's a bit confused as well

[Evil_Althena8]

On 2005-07-28 18:32, navinator wrote:
I dunno dude. From all I have read about this Charles guy, he might be not bad looking, but he definitely seem like a jerk.

No need to all freak out. Not like you are going to force him into doing anything. Lock all your blog entries up. .. I don't know, I really don't like the idea that you have to defened yourself that you are, or are not gay. If it is a good friend, that should not be an issue at all.

*hugglez*
I don't know what to say except to well, ditch the jerk. :>



Well...last night I sent a message to him basically explaining the situation. I told him that I just want to be friends now and that I never wanted anything like this to happen. It's all in his hands now. It think he will understand and we will continue being friends...hopefully.

If he's still negative about it and doesn't want to talk to me, then I will have no choice but to ditch him I guess. I don't think he will want to just throw away over 2 years of friendship over something like this though. We've been through a lot together as friends to just end it now.

[opaopajr]

yup, mercury really is in retrograde. just need to see a few more examples to be 100% sure.

http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif no deep conversations for 2 weeks dear, astrologists orders. if someone asks why, just shake your head, smile cloyingly, and raise your index finger to your lips as if in a shush.

and just checking: will coming out, in whatever GLBTT combination it is, endanger your life by parents making you homeless? endanger you by rural community bigotry? assault, murder, etc? if the answer is relative safety and security, might as well be honest and find out who really stands by you and who's a fair-weather friend.

ps: he might be going through the same sexual struggles as you, because in the end you never really know until someone comes out with it. so, y'know, remember the rule about "assuming." 'k?