Eanae
09-10-2005, 11:22 PM
Obviously the title makes no sense, so let me explain a bit. I loaded myself on black expresso tonight, so I'm hyper, but my entire body is sore, so im not so happy now that I drank it because i just want to sleep, so it's screwing with my head a bit. But here's the rantish part.
I've been single for 3 years now (oh gawd a love rant). I've just been living with it, because you know, such things are just life. Have to keep on truckin along. I've recently come across a girl I really like, and many people seem to think she has feelings for me as well. (score!) Well the main cause of my depression is that my school's homecomming dance is comming up next month, and tonight I worked up the courage to ask her to it. I was so hyper on coffee, I didn't even hesitate. I felt so confident, like nothing could touch me. Things got even better when she said she would go if her mom allowed! But then diaster strikes! She already has plans that night with her friends to go see a concert. All I'm left with is a "I hope you can find someone else to go with". I don't want to go with anyone else. I want to go with her. My untouchableness failed me.
This is the part that really urks me. One of my best friends is in a longdistance relationship. Her boyfriend lives up and Maine, and she's always complaining about how much she's depressed and misses him. This gets me the most because when I was in a long distance reltionship with her cousion from Maine, she was one of the ones who told me to deal with it. And she expects pity from me? I sure hope that's not what she hopes from it. People take their signifigant others for advantage. Atleast she isn't like me who hasn't felt teenage romance in three years. Who hasn't had a single date, in 3 years. Who hasn't even gotten a real hug in 3 years. I know some people have their love lives worse than me, because I know I've had some good times with girlfriends in the past. But I'm tired of being the odd one out. The one always alone in my group of friends who always has someone there for them. I'm getting tired of just shrugging it off, because if I keep shrugging it off, one of these days I'm just going to explode. It makes me feel pathetic that I have to post about this kind of stuff on a gaming board (no offense) to get it off my chest. I have no one to really listen to me seriously. They'll all tell me to just get over it and leave it to that, and just help build my anger. Is it so hard to ask for someone to once have feelings for me that aren't a lie? Someone who can seriously say it? *sigh*
I've been single for 3 years now (oh gawd a love rant). I've just been living with it, because you know, such things are just life. Have to keep on truckin along. I've recently come across a girl I really like, and many people seem to think she has feelings for me as well. (score!) Well the main cause of my depression is that my school's homecomming dance is comming up next month, and tonight I worked up the courage to ask her to it. I was so hyper on coffee, I didn't even hesitate. I felt so confident, like nothing could touch me. Things got even better when she said she would go if her mom allowed! But then diaster strikes! She already has plans that night with her friends to go see a concert. All I'm left with is a "I hope you can find someone else to go with". I don't want to go with anyone else. I want to go with her. My untouchableness failed me.
This is the part that really urks me. One of my best friends is in a longdistance relationship. Her boyfriend lives up and Maine, and she's always complaining about how much she's depressed and misses him. This gets me the most because when I was in a long distance reltionship with her cousion from Maine, she was one of the ones who told me to deal with it. And she expects pity from me? I sure hope that's not what she hopes from it. People take their signifigant others for advantage. Atleast she isn't like me who hasn't felt teenage romance in three years. Who hasn't had a single date, in 3 years. Who hasn't even gotten a real hug in 3 years. I know some people have their love lives worse than me, because I know I've had some good times with girlfriends in the past. But I'm tired of being the odd one out. The one always alone in my group of friends who always has someone there for them. I'm getting tired of just shrugging it off, because if I keep shrugging it off, one of these days I'm just going to explode. It makes me feel pathetic that I have to post about this kind of stuff on a gaming board (no offense) to get it off my chest. I have no one to really listen to me seriously. They'll all tell me to just get over it and leave it to that, and just help build my anger. Is it so hard to ask for someone to once have feelings for me that aren't a lie? Someone who can seriously say it? *sigh*